Warning: This chapter contains scenes of sexual abuse, violence, and murder that may trigger some readers and may not be suitable for very young readers. Read at your own risk.
Note: If you are feeling any signs of depression, take note that help is always available anywhere and that there is always someone who is willing to lend you a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. You are stronger than you think. Don't give up, your rainbow is on its way!
-s a n z s h i n e
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-IYAH-
"Hello po Doc Vlad, sorry po late ak..." Hindi ko naituloy ang sasabihin ko dahil nagulat ako sa aking nakita. Vent was talking with my therapist. Paano niya nalaman na nandito ako? Imposible, medyo malayo itong psych center sa town at walang masyadong dumadaan dito na sasakyan. Nakakapagtaka na nandito siya ngayon.
"Iyah! Iha, it's okay you don't have to explain. You can sit there at your usual spot while I walk Vent to the door" Sabi ni Doc habang hinahatid si Vent palabas, pero malagkit pa rin ang tingin namin sa isa't-isa. Hindi niya rin sigurong inakala na magkikita kami rito.
Umupo ako sa mahabang upuang kulay kayumanggi at inantay si Doc. Nagi-guilty ako ngayon dahil hindi ako nagpapakita kay Vent. Pero kailangan ko siyang iwasan muna. I'm not yet ready to talk to him or even go near him. Masyado kong pinahiya ang sarili ko sa harapan niya. Nag-apologize naman si Chali in writing, stating that she panicked and mistakenly pushed AMOR in front.
AMOR is one of the worst alters. She is greedy, seductive, impulsive, and a blood sucker. Kaya naman naitulak din ito ni Chali dahil handa na rin siyang lumabas. We can't really blame Chali here because it was our instinct too, maybe our body sensed danger that time. Like that time with Vince, and in that kind of situation, AMOR wanted to switch with Chali.
Maraming beses na kaming napahamak ni AMOR, mas lalo kapag hindi niya kami ino-orient kapag siya ang lumalabas. We really didn't know what happened after Chali pushed her, kasi nga hindi niya kami sinasabihan. All we know is we were not ready to face Vent, actually, it was Chali who was not yet ready, until malaman namin kung ano ba talaga ang ginawa ni AMOR kay Vent. Kaya, deretso rin ang therapy namin kay Doc Vlad so he could communicate with AMOR and tell us what she did. At dahil she was so hard to control, hindi pa rin namin siya mapalabas at makausap.
Nagising nalang ako ng gabi sa boarding house without knowing what I did the whole day except of course when Mor and Chali was up front. They wrote down some of the things they did on a tiny notebook we put in our pockets for emergencies or sudden switches.
Naalala ko nanaman when AMOR was the last one who fronted, it was with Vince.
-FLASHBACK-
"Vince! Kanina pa kita hinahanap!" Masigla kong tawag sa matipunong lalaking naglalakad na may hawak na libro. He stopped as I called his name and blushed immediately.
"Uy Iyah! pasensya na gusto ko lang talaga matapos itong binabasa ko" ngumiti naman ito at inakbayan ako sa balikat. I looked at him with longing, wanting to hug him and inhale his husky masculine scent.
Vince was my first love. He treated me like I was the most lovable person in the world. Lagi niya akong pinapangiti at pinapatawa, he even brings me food when I'm in school. Pero sad to say, he only saw me as a little sister. But I promised myself na I will do everything so he could at least look at me as a potential girlfriend.
"Namiss mo nanaman ako noh?" He patted my head and pinched my cheeks in a brotherly kind of love. Secretly hoping he was doing it because he actually liked me as a lady and not just a little sister. Kinilig ako bigla. Normal lang sa kan'ya itong simple gestures, pero sa akin napaka- big deal, kaya umaasa talaga ako na liligawan niya ako someday.
"Palagi nam an kitang miss eh" Mahina kong sumbat ng ikinatawa niya naman. Kailan niya kaya ako seseryosohin? I don't know how many times I've confessed my feelings for him, pero lagi niya itong dine-dedma. Minsan nga ay aakto pa itong hindi niya naririnig.
"Pagabi na ah? Hatid na kita sa inyo" napangiti ako at tumango sa sinabi niya. Spending time with him, even the simple ones, was always worth it.
Naglalakad kami ngayon sa isang eskinita papunta sa bahay namin. Madilim na at walang halos taong dumadaan dito. It was quite scary, kaya nga minsan hindi ako nagpapagabi umuwi dahil natatakot ako dumaan dito.
Kinilabutan ako ng may limang lalaking may hawak na mahahabang kahoy ang nagpalibot sa amin. Malalaki ang kanilang katawan at naka face mask sila ng may skull design.
"P're, ang ganda ng kasama mo ah! Pahiram naman" nandiri ako sa sinabi ng parang gang leader nila, nakalawit pa ang kan'yang dila na parang nilalasahan nito ang aking pagkababae. Nanginginig ako sa takot at hindi na kayang gumalaw ng katawan ko.
"Sorry Pre, she's with me" narinig ko ang boses ni Vince at medyo kumalma ako. Buti nalang andito si Vince, I know he could protect us dahil isa siyang taekwondo champion. Kaso, sa dami nila, nag-aalanganin ako. Can he protect me? Us?
Pumwesto si Vince ng stance na ginagawa nila sa taekwondo at iniharang niya ang kan'yang sarili sa akin para hindi nila ako magalaw. Nasa likod niya ako ngayon ngunit kitang kita ko pa rin ang mga matatalas na tingin nila sa amin.
"Ibibigay mo siya P're? Oh, mamamatay ka ngayon?" Mas kinabahan ako dahil naglabas na ito ng baril na galing sa likod na bulsa ng kan'yang pantalon. Itinutok niya ito kay Vince and a sudden rush of anxiety and fear empowered me, my mind shutdown and chose to push Chali in front to help Vince.
-CHALI-
"Iyah!" Nagising ako sa sigaw ni Vince dahil nakahiga na ako sa lupa. Nahimasmasan naman ako at binulungan ko siya "Vince, it's me Chali" He smirked with confidence. Vince knows about our DID and he also know that when it comes to fighting, he can count on me.
"Let's kick these assholes butts!" Sabat niya sa akin at napangiti na rin ako. Ang hirap lang gumalaw dahil nakapalda ako, pero wala na akong pake. Kailangan kong protektahan si Iyah at si Vince.
Umupo yung gang leader sa gilid at sinenyasan niya ang kan'yang mga kasama na sumugod sa amin. Ang isang lalaking nakasuot ng itim na sando ay sinugod si Vince at agad naman nitong sinipa ang kan'yang panga kaya napatumba. Nagtangka pa itong tumayo kaso hindi na niya kinaya dahil nahilo siya sa lakas ng pagkakasipa ni Vince.
'Yung isang mahabang buhok na mukhang manyak ang sumugod sa akin. He tried to pull my body pero siniko ko siya sa tagiliran. Napahawak siya sa kan'yang tagiliran at agad ko naman in-uppercut ang kan'yang ilong ng mabitawan niya ako. Nakita kong dumaloy ang dugo sa ilong niya. Susugod pa ulit sana siya ng dumaplis ang paa ko sa kan'yang leeg na ikinatumba niya naman.
"Mga weak pala kayong dalawa eh!" Sigaw ng mas malaking lalaking may hawak na malapad na kahoy. Their gang leader was just there, watching us fight as he inhales the 3rd cigar he lit.
Humarap kay Vince yung lalaking malaki ang braso at hahampasin na sana siya ngunit nakaiwas ito. Nasa likod niya na ngayon si Vince at sinuntok niya naman ang batok nito. Napaluhod yung lalaki at nabitawan niya ang kan'yang hawak na armas. Nakita kong pupulutin niya pa ito ngunit na unahan ko na siya. Ipinalo ko yung kahoy sa kan'yang likod ng malakas. Making sure to use a lot of energy para mapatumba siya.
Isa nalang ang nakaharap sa amin ngayon, maliban sa gang leader nila. I looked at Vince and he was smiling at me. I blushed internally. Susugurin na namin siya ng bigla niyang bitawan ang hawak niyang kahoy at tumakbo palayo sa amin.
Tumayo ang gang leader nila at tumalikod sa amin. Akala namin susundan niya na ang kasama niya ngunit nagulat kami ng iputok niya ang hawak niyang baril sa direksyon nito. Nakita naming bumalagta nalang ito at hindi na gumalaw.
Medyo mahirap kalabanin itong leader nila dahil may baril siya. Tinitignan ko rin si Vince at mukhang nag-iisip siya ng plano para makatakas kami ng ligtas doon.
Lumapit siya sa amin at sinipa ang mga kasama niyang nakahilata sa lupa. Tumawa siya ng malakas at pinagbabaril ang mga ito. I was panicking internally. He was insane. Itinutok pa niya yung baril sa kan'yang ulo habang papalapit siya sa amin.
"Chali.." bulong ni Vince sa akin habang iniiwas niya ako sa nakatutok na baril.
"Ano yun?" Mahina kong tanong habang paunti-unti kaming naglalakad palayo sa leader ng gang. Siya nalang ang natitira ngayon, pinatay niya lahat ang kasama niya.
"If I say run, sabay tayong tatakbo. Okay?" Tumango ako at hinintay ang kan'yang signal. Kunting hakbang nalang at maabot na kami ng gang leader.
"Tsk. Sayang ka lover boy, isasali pa sana kita sa gang namin pero ayaw mong ibigay itong babaeng kasama mo, oh and I'm a fan of yours" gusto ko siyang itapon sa Manila Bay sa sinabi niya. Nakakababoy! Nakangiti ito at nasa harap na namin. Itinutok niya ang baril sa ulo ni Vince.
"Say goodbye to your precious little lady dahil magiging akin na siya!" Pagkasabi niyang 'yun ay tinabig ni Vince ang baril na nakatutuk sa ulo niya at sumigaw siya. "Chali run!"
Tumakbo ako ng tumakbo haggang sa makarinig ako ng putok ng baril. Paglinggon ko ay hindi ko nakita si Vince na sumusunod sa akin. Oh no Vince! Namumuo na yung luha sa mga mata ko kasabay ang matinding kalabog ng puso ko habang pabalik sa eskinita.
Hindi ako nagdalawang isip na balikan siya. Nakita ko siyang nakahilata sa lupa at hawak pa ng gang leader ang kanyang buhok habang tumutulo ang dugo sa kan'yang tyan.
Nakita ako nung gang leader at binitawan niya naman si Vince. Handa na sana akong lumaban ng yakapin niya ako, and I just froze. Dinilaan niya ang leeg ko and he placed one of his hands on top of my chest. Bakit gan'to? Hindi ako makagalaw.
"Thank you for coming back little lady" Napapaluha na ako. Hindi ko kaya ang ginagawa niya sa akin. Nanginginig ako at hindi ko kayang lumaban. Umaagos na ang luha ko sa aking mata. Hindi man lang ako makasalita.
Vince saw me and forced himself to stand. Seeing him beaten up and bleeding was hurting me, ako nalang sana, ako nalang ang patayin niyo! Kung hindi lang kami nagpahatid sa kan'ya ay hindi ito mangyayari. Kasalanan ko ang lahat ng 'to!
Binitawan ako nung gang leader at itinulak kay Vince. "Say your last words lover boy!" Sigaw nito ng mas dumami ang umaagos na luha sa mukha ko. Natumba si Vince sa harapan ko.
"Vince! I'm so sorry!" Niyakap ko siya at niyakap naman niya ako. Nakita kong namumutla na siya dahil madaming dugo na ang nawala sa kan'ya. I wanted to help him out pero hindi ko alam paano. The blood was quickly leaving his body. Hindi ko alam paano ko ito ipapaalam kay Iyah, she would be devastated if she knew.
"Shhh.. I'll be fine" hinalikan niya ang noo ko at hinawakan ang pisngi ko. Kitang kita kong gusto niyang lumaban kaso nanghihina na siya. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko!! Napakasakit na makita ang taong mahal namin na ganito.
He hugged me, and gently placed his head on top of my shoulder. I could feel his heart slowly beating. "Chaliyah Sweet Roma, please save us" napabitaw ito sa pagkakahawak sa akin then my mind suddenly shutdown, placing another alter in front.
-AMOR-
The scent of blood and lust awakened me. Kanina ko pa gustong lumabas pero malakas ang willpower nitong si Chali. But I guess she has a weakness too, and it was this guy. Vince, was it?
He was still breathing. A guy pulled me up and faced me, he was the last man standing. I can sense he was strong and full of lust. I saw the bodies around me and inhaled the blood dripping from their bodies.
It made me aroused to smell the blood surrounding us. The tingling sensation of its scent wanted me to taste them. Hinawakan ng lalaki ang panga ko at hinalikan ako bigla sa labi, he placed his hands on my private parts and squeezed them hard.
So this is how you want to play it. Tugon ko sa aking isip. I return his kisses torridly, he responded until such time na gusto niya ng bumitaw dahil nauubusan na siya ng hangin but I didn't let him.
Hinigpitan ko ang pagkakakapit niya sa akin at mas diniin ko pa ang mga labi ko sa labi niya, kitang kita ko ang mga dugong lumalabas dito. Tinutulak niya na ako but I was persistent to catch every last breath he had. Sa tagal kong hindi lumabas ay susulitin ko na. I bit his lips and sucked the blood coming from it.
I was eager for more. Binitawan ko na siya na hingal na hingal, Kinagat ko naman ang kan'yang leeg and blood rushed down his shoulders. I was turned on by the scent of blood. I sucked his neck as he tries to push me away. Chali is strong but I'm stronger. Hindi ko siya hinayaang bumitaw. I sucked and sucked until I was satisfied with my cravings. My mouth was covered with his blood as his lifeless body went to the ground.
"Cha..li" aalis na sana ako ng may tumawag sa pangalan ng isang alter na pinakaayaw ko. Lumingon ako at nakita ko' yung Vince. Bakit ganito. I suddenly have this warm feeling towards him. Lumapit ako at agad ko nakitang tumutulo yung dugo galing sa tyan niya.
I wanted to control myself but I couldn't. His blood was so intoxicating. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at tinikman ang kan'yang dugo. It was so delicious; every drop of his blood was so delicious. Hindi ko na namalayan na may tumutulong luha sa mata ko ngunit patuloy padin ako sa paghigop sa dugo ni Vince.
"Thank you" was his last words before I heard the sirens of police cars coming closer until I blocked out from too much blood consumption.
═ ✪❂✪ ═
-IYAH-
"Malalim ata ang iniisip mo Iyah" Bumalik ako sa realidad ng marinig ko ang boses ni Doc Vlad.
"Was it about Vince again?" tumango ako ng matamlay at agad naman siyang umupo sa umupaang nasa harapan ko.
"It's okay to feel sad and vulnerable, but always remember that everything happens for a reason" Matagal ko ng kilala si Doc Vlad, mga 9 years na akong nagpapa-therapy sa kan'ya, simula pa nung nasa Manila ako. He was the one who vouched for me when the police were suspecting me for the murder of the 6 boys. One of which was Vince. He explained to them about my condition, so I was detained in a psych facility for about 2 years. Nang malaman kong magrerelocate sila dito sa Baguio, nagpaalam ako sa mama ko na sasama ako dahil he was the only therapist I could trust. I was already under therapy for 6 years when the incident happened, buti nalang at hindi ako pinabayaan ni Doc Vlad. Malaki ang utang na loob ko sa kan'ya kaya nagpasya akong sumama.
"It's not just about him Doc, it's also about AMOR and how we can communicate with her" he nodded and paused for a second before answering me.
"I've been searching for an effective way to reach her it's called hypnotism. Hypnosis allows you to be more open to suggestions to making healthful changes in your perceptions, sensations, emotions, memories, thoughts or behaviors. But it could be risky, are you willing to take the risk?" tugon ni Doc Vlad sa akin. I would do anything para malaman kung ano ba talaga si AMOR.
"What are the risks Doc?" I asked waiting for his response. Kung ano man ang risks na tutukuyin ni Doc Vlad ay handa ako.
"You could forget some of your memories, or worst" huminga siya ng malalim bago niya itituloy ang kan'yang sasabihin. "You could remember everything, including the memories of your alters" Kinabahan ako bigla, I don't want to forget some of my memories because it may include forgetting Vince or even Vent. Ayoko rin namang maalala ang lahat ng memorya ng alters ko because some memories of my alters were so painful that it could shut down my whole-body system. Am I really willing to take the risk just so I could communicate with AMOR?
I closed my eyes and relived the happy memories I had. My mom and I spending time together. Me and my alters communicating and finding friendship. Me falling in love for the first time with Vince. Me buying a cute puppy and naming it Banana. And me hanging out with Vent and possibly falling in love for the second time.
Hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Kinakabahan ako dahil baka mali ang maging desisyon ko. Pero kailangan. Kailangan kong gawin ito. My hands were shaking as I made up my desisyon. But before I could open my mouth and respond to Doc Vlad's question, Vent went inside his office with his hand dripping in blood.
Blood, I hate blood. I'm scared of Bloo.. Hindi ko na natuloy ang pag-iisip ko because I was now inside a blank space inside my mind. Curious, who took the switch?
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#VSA8
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A/N: Yey! another edited chapter ^_^ Happy reading shines!