*• March 2013 •*
- New York City, USA -
~< In Wonderland, We Both Went Mad >~
THERE WAS A PRIDE FLAG. Right there. Hanging outside of someone's apartment, for absolutely no reason, just because it could.
And it gave Addie a rush of affection. She smiled at the sight, taking a quick picture of it before anyone could see.
Harry crashed against her shoulder roughly, almost making her drop her phone. As is, she yelped and the phone slipped from her hands, and fumbled to catch it.
"Jesus, don't scare a girl like that," Addie sighed, pressing a hand to her chest. Harry stared at her, intensely, as if he were trying to pierce her soul. "Haz, love, you okay?"
Harry blinked, gaze finally breaking away from hers. "Yeah. I'm fine."
Addie chuckled, putting her phone back in her pocket. "You did that thing again."
"What thing?"
"The stare you do. That makes you look like a serial killer stalking his victims." When Harry frowned, seemingly bothered by this comparison, Addie rushed to add, "But in a cool way."
Harry's frown disappeared, replaced by an instant laugh. "In a cool way? What's a cool way to stare like a serial killer?" He managed to get the words out in between laughter, as he held on to her shoulders for stability. "What the fuck, Addie?"
Harry kept laughing, and Addie smiled softly, watching as the corners of his eyes scrunched up, and the little wrinkles on his nose as he laughed. She was sure his laugh was a better melody than any song she'd ever written.
Addie wanted to record his laugh on tape, and play it over and over again. She wanted a picture of the moment she fell just a little bit more head-over-heels for him.
Addie felt like there was sunshine in her chest, something warm in her heart, spreading to the tips of her toes and the top of her head.
Harry's smile was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.
When Harry finally managed to calm down, with only small giggles or chuckles here and there, Addie stared at him, opening her mouth, ready to give a witty remark when-
"Hi," A girl breathlessly asked, having just run over from her spot a few feet away on the pavement, "I really don't mean to bother you, but I'm really such a huge fan of your music, and I mean, I've been a fan since debut and I just wondered if I could get a picture with you?"
Harry took a step back, leaving Addie to handle it. "Hi, babe, yeah sure," She said, "Thank you so much for listening to my music it means so much to me, and I'm so glad to meet you. What's your name?"
"I, uh- I'm Lucia."
"Lucia, it's so nice to meet you," Addie said, holding out her hand for her to shake, "My name's Adelaide, you can call me Addie if you'd like."
"O-okay."
While Addie took a picture with the fan, Harry stood awkwardly in the background, waiting for them to finish, and then smiled when Addie struck up a little bit of conversation with the girl.
"Yeah, I'm here with my parents on vacation, and holyshitIjustrealizedyou'reHarryStyles," Lucia said the last sentence all in one breath, quicker than Addie had ever heard someone speak. "Holy sh- I can't believe it took me so long to recognize you, I swear I'm such a big fan of yours, and- Oh god, did I interrupt your date? Fuck."
Addie was astounded by the amount of times she managed to swear in the span of thirty seconds, and it seemed Harry was as well.
"It's not a date," Harry clarified, waving his hand to appease her. "She was in town and we're just two friends catching up, and also, as for not recognizing me, I will never forgive you."
Lucia laughed, clapping her hands over her mouth. "I'm sorry! It's just, you see Adelaide Heathers on the street, and you don't even think oh, well Harry fricking Styles might be there too!"
"Are you saying you love Addie here more than me?" Harry whisper-shouted, gasping dramatically.
"Yes."
Addie laughed, and soon after, they took a photo the three of them before Lucia headed back to her parents, who were waiting up for her.
"She was nice," Addie commented as they started walking again. Harry hummed in agreement. "Did you see- Never mind."
Harry turned to face her. "No, c'mon, talk to me."
Addie shook her head. "'S not important."
"Addie."
"It's just that..." Addie refused to look him in the eye as she said, "Everyone thinks we're dating because of the way we act around one another, right? And I mean, we both know management loves it in when we play into that."
"Adelaide Heathers and little old Harry Styles seem to sell and make it to headlines, don't they?" Harry mused, and then looked back at her. "Sorry, finish your thought."
Addie inhaled deeply. "I don't blame them. I mean, we are friendly around each other, and..." she came to a stop in front of the entrance of a small street, turning to look at Harry. "Have you seen the photos? I'd believe we were a couple too if I didn't know us."
"But we know us."
"Do we?" Addie whispered, her voice barely audible over the sounds of traffic and people bustling around. "Harry, I mean... friends don't look at friends the way we do."
Something changed in Harry's expression, as if her words were the key to unlocking something he'd kept in a cage.
"Or am I reading the signs wrong?" Addie tentatively questioned. Harry's lips parted in surprise, and he opened his mouth to speak, when-
Click.
A camera.
Flash.
A light.
Addie reached out, squeezing Harry's bicep, as her gaze never left the paparazzi standing, half-hidden by a car. "Don't look, but there's a pap across the street."
Harry almost broke his neck whirling around to catch a sight of the paparazzi.
"I said don't look," Addie muttered under her breath half-heartedly. "What do we do?"
Harry pursed his lips, eyes narrowing at the camera. He reached behind him, grasping Addie's wrist, and in a split second decision, began running down the small street.
Addie followed along, barely able to catch up to Harry's quick pace.
(This is why you don't skip the treadmill)
It wasn't long before there were footsteps following them, and a quick glance over her shoulder told her it was a guy with a camera, following at a hasty pace.
"Harry, where are we going?" Addie asked as they took another turn, down a graffiti-lined wall. Zayn would love that wall, she thought, making a mental note to come back later with Zayn and show him it.
"I don't know!" Harry answered, frantically searching the street for an escape, and a glance over his shoulder, and suddenly one guy with a camera had turned into three.
Another turn, this time down cobblestone steps, and skipping steps every here and there, Harry and Addie managed to make it down unscathed.
They kept running, and after a few more wild turns, they seemed to have lost the paparazzi. Slowing to a stop, Addie rested her elbows against her knees, practically wheezing as she tried to catch her breath.
"Never again," Addie groaned, knocking against a wall and sliding down. "Never again."
After a few minutes of catching their breath, once their heartbeats returned to semi-normal pace, Harry grabbed Addie's arm, pulling her up. He swung his arm over her shoulder as she wrapped her arm around his waist.
Harry helped keep her balance as her legs started to feel weak. They turned the corner, ready to head home.
Click. Click. Click.
"Adelaide, are you fucking him?"
Click.
"Whore!"
Click.
"Are you fucking each other?"
Click.
"Smile for the camera!"
Click.
A flashing camera blinded Addie, as she hid her face in Harry's side, while he pushed her behind him. Harry steered her, and they begun to walk away from the paparazzi, but they followed nonetheless.
"Harry, tell us, is Adelaide a good fuck?"
Addie showed no reaction, she wouldn't let them get to her, even despite the prickling of tears behind her eyes. Instead, she pulled out her phone, sending her location to her head of security, Tom.
Be there in two, Tom replied.
Addie and Harry waited on the sidewalk for the black car, and during those two minutes, there were hundreds of pictures taken of them, insults and degrading things shouted at them.
"Don't react," Addie murmured to Harry, as she crossed her arms and stared out into the street. He was getting agitated not by the things they said to him, but the way they spoke about Addie.
But Addie had been in this business for four years now, and she knew all they were looking for was a reaction. Some split-second mistake they could call out.
Agressive, they'd whisper if she told them to go away. She just can't move on, they'd say if she replied to a comment about a supposed ex. Mad, they'd whisper if she didn't like being called 'a bitch'. Emotional, they'd call her if being called a 'whore' and a 'slut' would make her cry.
And here in New York, it was a free for all. They could call her anything they liked without consequences, show her pictures wherever they wanted, unlike in LA.
The sleek black car finally pulled up, and two bodyguards exited, keeping the paparazzi at bay just long enough for the two teenagers to get in.
The moment the door shut behind them, Addie broke down, head falling into her hands as tears fell down her face, sobs racking her body.
Harry grabbed her, holding her tight. His shirt would be soaked in tears and snot, but he didn't care. Harry held her to his chest, rubbing soothing circles into her back and then smoothing down her hair.
Harry held her as if he were an anchor holding a ship at bay, stopping it from straying away.
He held her as if she were lost at sea and he was the rock she clinged to for safe harbor.
He held her as if he would be a lifeline, as if she was a fox finding shelter from the hunters.
He held her as if he would never go away. As if he would stay forever.
***
When Addie was woken up, the sun hadn't even gone up. She was running on probably two or so hours of sleep, and that was after a long night in the studio.
After getting picked up by Tom, Addie and Harry were separated as soon as they got back to the hotel, despite protests from both of them. Nevertheless, Paul, the band's head of security, took Harry away while Addie was pulled into a meeting room.
It was a meeting about how Addie should handle her PR, how unless she was willing to be in a PR relationship with Harry she'd have to keep her distance, and talking about the stains she was leaving on her image.
It lasted way too long and they all said so many things Addie didn't quite understand, and by the end, she was done fighting them and instead just kept quiet and nodded along.
Once she was released, she was led down a long hallway, where she barely managed to glance a peak at Harry, who also seemed stuck in a meeting with management, but his eyes were red-rimmed, as if he were barely holding back tears.
Addie wanted to go and check on him, make sure he was okay, but Tom's steel grip on her arm stopped her. She was put into a car and escorted to the studio, where she spent the rest of the afternoon and didn't leave until late at night.
Addie didn't go to sleep until two a.m., after another long talk about her schedule the next day. She hadn't been allowed her phone since then and no one seemed to let her be in contact with Harry.
"Simon is texting you," was all Noelle said, leaving a phone that wasn't Addie's on her lap.
Addie grabbed it anyway, beginning to read through the texts. It was half an hour later that Addie passed the phone back to Noelle after a long chat with Simon.
It wasn't often that Addie talked to Simon, but when she did, to her surprise, he was always kind and understanding, offering her some sympathy to her situations. He'd gotten her out of tricky spots with management.
Simon seemed like a great person, despite Louis' obvious distaste towards him. Addie liked him, he was kinder than everyone else in her team but he always offered advice and was honest with her. She appreciated honesty.
After her talk with Simon, who called Noelle and told her to give Addie her phone back, she was whisked off to the studio, and at 5am, she began recording.
"Everybody here was someone else before, and you can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls," Addie sang, until the red light turned off.
Static sounded, signaling the microphone being turned on, and her producer, Ryan said, "I love that take it sounds great. Maybe try to drag out the first 'want'?"
"Yep," Addie nodded, adjusting her headphones. "I don't think the line'll make it into the song, but why not try, right?"
Ryan nodded, a sympathetic look on his face. "We'll try to convince management, yeah?"
Addie felt sick to her stomach just thinking about asking Modest to keep that line in. They'd either say no or they'd end up negotiating, and the only way she'd keep that line in is by doing things she doesn't like.
To keep one boundary in check, she had to break the other. And it was a slippery slope to breaking all of her rules.
At precisely 6:30 a.m., the doors to the studio opened, and five disgruntled boys entered. Liam seemed to be the one holding up most of Zayn's weight, who looked five seconds away from collapsing back to sleep.
Harry was the only one with energy, which seemed to be annoying the rest of the boys. It definitely was exhausting to deal with so much energy so early in the morning, especially since Harry only had this type of energy when he woke up. He definitely never had this much energy during the day.
"Hi!" Harry bounded over to Addie, who gratefully hugged him.
"You okay?" Addie muttered lowky, making sure the other boys couldn't hear them.
Harry frowned. "Yeah, why?"
"Your meeting with Modest yesterday?" Addie told him, raising an eyebrow. "I saw you."
Harry's lips parted in understanding, and he seemed taken aback by this information. Addie wasn't sure what to make out of his reaction, but then Louis was pulling Harry away and falling dramatically into Addie's arms.
"Oh!" Addie gasped, barely able to stand Louis' weight. He was pretty light, sure, but Addie wasn't exactly all bulked up or anything. "You okay, Lou, babe?"
"No!" He exclaimed, throwing his head back as Addie did her best to support his body. "Put me to sleep, I beg of you."
"Shut up," Zayn muttered, collapsing face-first into the couch. He didn't move from his very uncomfortable position, with arms tucked stiffly at his side.
Addie inhaled through her nose. "Okay, nice start to the morning. Babe, will you please stand up? I don't work out enough for this."
Louis groaned, and instead fell forwards, into Niall's unprepared arms. He struggled to hold up the older boy, but eventually dragged him into a chair.
Addie shared a look with Ryan, who simply shrugged. Nice to know she had backup.
Addie clapped her hands together three times. "Okay, boys, listen up!"
Zayn groaned, clapping his hands over his ears. "Shh."
"Since you're all clearly falling asleep, stop whining because I can't stand it right now. I've had two hours of sleep and the only reason I'm alive is caffeine and pure spite, 'kay?" Addie explained, her voice carrying through the small room. "Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to show you what I've been working on, you'll have thoughts, we'll work together and in precisely half an hour, cameras will arrive and document this somehow groundbreaking experience, got it?"
It took a bit more of Addie ordering the boys around to get them all to listen to the track she'd been working on, one she'd shown Liam a month ago after the Brits, and it wasn't long before they were finishing the last few pieces of writing.
Addie had already written most of the song, with the first and second verse completed along with the chorus, and it was just a matter of tweaking it a bit so it fit their new album better.
Breakfast arrived almost as soon as they'd finished writing.
"Addie," Mariah said, Addie's assistant, handing her a sandwich wrapped in brown paper. Addie grabbed it with a quick, "Thanks."
Opening the sandwich, she made a quick assesment of the ingredients. Mayonnaise, too much fat. Cheese, too many calories. Bread, too many calories. Eggs, only egg whites were allowed. And the ham, well, it was the only thing Addie could eat, but it would be strange to only eat ham, wouldn't it?
Addie set down her sandwich, ignoring the hunger in her stomach, and the craving for food. It was fine, she'd had enough to eat. She'd had a big meal yesterday during lunch (it was a salad with no dressing) and she'd had dinner (half a sandwich she later threw up).
Addie settled for several bottles of water. Louis frowned, "Aren't you going to eat?"
"I had a snack before," Addie lied. The only thing in her stomach was water. "'M not really hungry."
Louis scanned her face, but after a few moments of deliberation, finally looked away. Addie internally sighed, not wanting the confrontation of being forced to eat.
It wasn't long before the boys took turns to record vocals. Addie put her headphones on, and cracked her knuckles.
Louis would be the first one to record, simply because Addie wanted to punish him for making fun of her song. And Addie was taking executive decisions because she'd been allowed the opportunity to produce the song.
"Whenever you're ready, Tomlinson," Addie instructed. "Don't mess up your lines."
"I won't mess up my lines, stop it!"
"You always forget them."
"I have them written down," Louis protested, and Addie surrendered, backing away and waiting for him to start. "I said hey! It's alright, does it make you feel alive? Don't look back, just live your life for tonight."
"Lou, I liked the first part, but can we try removing the 'just' and instead doing like 'don't look back, live your life even if it's only for tonight'? That okay?"
"Yup," Louis muttered, scribbling down her notes on his sheet of paper. "Don't look back, live your your life even if it's only for tonight."
"Again?"
"Okay."
It took a few more tries, but they eventually got the basic structure of the song done, and Addie was soon escorted out so she could begin rehearsals for that night's show.
She had started her Red tour a week ago, and was barely starting her US leg of the tour. Her stay in New York City would be short, but it had been pretty eventful so far.
Addie fell asleep in the car, and it seemed like she'd barely just closed her eyes when she was abruptly shaken awake.
"We're here," Tom said, helping her out of the car.
Addie rubbed at her eyes, trying to fight the fatigue. She made it through most of the rehearsals, and then the band arrived, and she greeted them, joking about how, "It's been so long since I've seen you!"
She ate lunch with the band, the six of them sitting at a table set up in Addie's dressing room.
Addie bit the inside of her cheek as she saw what catering had prepared. Tomato pasta with chicken.
Pasta, of all things.
Addie swallowed down a few bites, and then pushed her plate away. "I had a snack before," she lied. "I'm not really hungry anyways." And if anyone saw something wrong with that, they didn't mention it.
By the time they were done with choreography, and Addie had about ten new bruises, she was ready to collapse.
It wasn't an exaggeration. She felt incredibly light-headed and ended up chugging a whole bottle of water in one go.
And then, "Addie, let's go again," Noelle said.
Addie frowned. "What?"
"We need you to get the choreography for I Knew You Were Trouble, and you keep messing up the bridge," Noelle explained, voice snappy and impatient. She snapped her fingers. "Now."
"I'm exhausted, can we please just do it tomorrow?" Addie begged, currently using all of her willpower not to burst into tears at that very moment.
She glanced towards Louis, who was frowning deeply, but none of the boys could intervene as Noelle approached Addie and muttered lowly to her, "When I tell you to get on that stage, you get on it, understood?"
"I'm just really tired right now, and I had a long day I just-"
"Your fans are going to be filling this stadium tomorrow. They've traveled from all around the world just to see you, they've spent so much money so you can give them the performance of a lifetime." Noelle's voice softened, more gentle as she said, "They've done so much for you over the years, and all I ask that you give them is a well-rehearsed performance. Do you really want to let your fans down?"
Addie looked down at the floor, guilt stirring inside of her. She muttered lowly, "No."
"Can't you learn this choreography for them after they've done so much for you? I mean, they expect the Adelaide Heathers to get on that stage, and I wouldn't want to disappoint them."
Addie swallowed roughly. "I'll do it."
Noelle smiled. "Attagirl, let's start from the top!"
So Addie put on her best smile as she clutched the microphone and began to sing.
Maybe if she rehearsed her happiness enough, that too would seem real.
a/n: this is your official warning that this book is NOT a slowburn. you have been warned.
anyways, posting this because i really don't want to have to post the last chapter of keep driving :(
hope you enjoyed this chapter, remember to vote and comment because i crave validation. love ya <3