It had been five days and yet in Maya's mind, that scene was still vivid.
On Monday when she arrived at class, several students had come up to her to show their support.
The bruise on her cheek was much more visible. The bone in Lane's hand had slapped against her protruding cheekbone and she was content to say that it looked uglier than it actually was painful.
Much of the school had witnessed the scene, and others had filmed it and shown it to those not present. Therefore, her father's reaction was no secret.
Even Arizona had come to Maya and told her that she felt bad for her, that she would never in a million years wish her worst enemy, which the blonde seemed to be, the reaction Lane had had that day. She was obviously touched by what had happened, being queer herself.
All her teachers had been made aware of the incident and had been instructed to go easy on her, at least for a while.
Five days. Five days and Maya could hardly look at her girlfriend. At best, she held her hand and kissed her chastely on the lips before going to bed or when she woke up; but the more the days passed, the more the life seemed to be sucked out of the blonde's body. As if a parasite was feeding on her soul and her usually overflowing energy.
She was so muscular and had very little fat but she had become even thinner, she hardly ate, or a banana from time to time and especially she spent hours and hours at the fire station.
All of the firefighters at Pruitt were her family at heart and they let her use the gym, just like a few years before.
They knew the blonde and would just drop off a piece of fruit and a full bottle of water from time to time.
After the incident, Maya had spent almost all of Saturday and Sunday running, and more than three hours at the end of each day of class since.
She wasn't unconscious, in the sense that she was doing it on the treadmill at Station 19, rather than on the street where her father could have easily found her. Here, she was as if untouchable. Uncle Charly and Uncle Snuffy had made all the teams promise not to let Lane near her, should he show up at the firehouse.
Pruitt kept a watchful eye on her. He had temporarily set up an office upstairs, next to the gym, and kept an eye out for any noise she might make.
So it had been five days already.
As since Friday night, Andy, Maya and Carina were in the same bed, the blonde in the middle. Of course, Andy could have slept on the couch or in the sofa bed in her father's office, but right now Maya needed to be surrounded by loving and caring people.
Every evening at the same time, Mason and Katherine came to see Maya at the barracks. They seemed to be doing well, as well as could be expected in such a situation.
The three of them were in bed together, the Italian and the Puerto Rican were talking, trying to get Maya to talk. However, the latter was content to answer with hum hum, she probably didn't even follow fifty percent of what they could say. She did hear the name of a teacher and Andy laugh, a love story obviously, and Carina's sublimely melodious voice, whose breath came to caress her neck, said that love was needed, even for strange teachers.
But Maya, lying on her back, between her girlfriend and her best friend had other things on her mind than the hectic life of their teachers.
They had finally settled down to sleep. Andy had turned with her back to the girls to lie on her stomach with her head facing away from them. Maya had remained on her back, her thoughts as only company. And Carina was on her side, facing the blonde, her hand on her lover's stomach.
After about fifteen minutes, when Andy had started to snore slightly, Carina had opened her eyes and could see, thanks to the non-existent shutters in the States, that Maya was still inert, her eyes open and staring at the ceiling.
The Italian had then put her hand on Maya's cheek and turned her face to look at her.
She had lifted her upper body slightly and had come to kiss the blonde on the mouth, with the tip of her lips. A soft kiss, she did not want to rush Maya, with whom she had not shared a moment of intimacy, or like this one, to kiss, really, since before the incident on Friday.
The sprinter returned her kiss, but the brunette could feel that it was not the consuming passion that they had known. They had kissed for a few minutes, and then Carina could feel a tear from Maya touching the tip of her nose; and that vision, that thought of her girlfriend suffering, broke her heart.
She had broken the kiss and had come to stick her forehead to Maya's temple, her hand still on her cheek, to keep her close.
-"I love you, I love you for ever bambina" had whispered the Italian against her ear.
Maya's condition was getting worse and worse. She locked herself in the shower, hardly spoke, didn't eat and the only thing she did with any energy was think and play sports.
She was exhausted and it showed on her face and in the dark circles of her eyes, her cheeks were hollowed out and if the situation was not so heartbreaking, Carina could have appreciated her girlfriend's abs which were even more visible, at least to the touch, with the passing days; to the touch because she was not really allowed to see her body anymore.
On Thursday evening, the Italian had again tried to kiss Maya. She had let go of her cheek and had come to slip her hand under the t-shirt of the blonde, to caress her body; feeling this one so muscular and her companion not pushing her away, she had almost lost the pedals and had come to kiss her a little more intensely, forgetting the reason of this body seeming to be in shape, under her fingers or even the snoring of Andy near them.
Feeling Carina becoming more and more enterprising, Maya had stopped her by putting her hand on her cheek, she had whispered against her lips that she loved her, before turning on her side too, so that they placed themselves in spoon.
Carina's hand was still on her belly and she had pulled it up to slide it over her heart, the blonde was for sure tense. She wasn't eating and was drinking water, coffee and energy drinks. Her heart was beating wildly but the Italian did not know the reason of this tachycardia.
She couldn't help it, the tip of her nose was pressed against Maya's side neck, then against the back of her neck, before being replaced by her lips. She knew her girlfriend needed space and time but she needed Maya and even though they were only a week away from the end of January, their time until July was short.
So she had started kissing the blonde on the neck, very sensually and despite her current state of mind, Maya's body had acted on its own and she had pulled back so that her body perfectly matched the shape of Carina's body.
-"I miss you so much bambina" had come to whisper the Italian against her ear before resuming her kisses.
One of Maya's hands had passed over Carina's arm and she had come to intertwine their fingers together, with the hand that was over her heart.
She had closed her eyes and tilted her head slightly to give the Italian more space. The brunette had then kissed more sensually her lover and she could feel this one swallowing under her lips.
Her hand had left his heart and she had gone down, always holding the hand of Maya who was against the back of hers towards her pants of pyjamas. She had released the embrace of her fingers, keeping only those of the blonde folded on her hand and had begun to slide her phalanges in the bottom of the sprinter; notwithstanding this one had stopped her and had gone up the hand of the Sicilian on her heart.
She had turned slightly her head to whisper something to Carina.
- "it beats for you, you know..." This was not a question, it was just a fact she had stated, before turning her face back again.
The Italian had tightened her grip on her body even more and it didn't matter if Maya didn't want them to make love, especially since it was true that they were in Andy's bed, with Andy; then they wouldn't make love, but this, turning it off, kissing her neck, seemed to be okay for Maya; okay was better than nothing.
The sprinter could feel Carina's heart pounding in her back. She felt the desire and passion in each of her kisses in the neck, the desire of her girlfriend when she had tried to slip her hand in her pajama pants and even more the one that emanated from her crotch; she could feel against her buttocks, the heat that was expelled from the body of the brunette against her body.
And of course she wanted Carina, the question did not even arise. But she had so many things in head at the second, that she was afraid to crack; to melt in tear; to take it verbally to Carina; to break her as she was at the same time herself; not to appreciate the moment when still that her brain starts to associate her desire for Carina with the pain felt by her heart because of her father and of what it had happened there to soon two weeks.
-"Ti amo Maya, ti amerò per il resto della mia vita, non posso immaginare il dolore che stai provando in questo momento perché non credo che il mio sia il dieci per cento del tuo, so come funziona il tuo bellissimo cervello e ho paura, ho tanta paura di perderti. Tu sei tutto per me. Non potrei mai essere innamorata come lo sono di te. L'unica persona che potrebbe rubarmi un pezzo di cuore sarebbe una persona perfetta come te... Una piccola creatura dai capelli biondi e dagli occhi azzurri. Voglio una vita con te bambina" [I love you Maya, I will love you for the rest of my life, I can't imagine the pain you may be feeling right now, because I don't think mine is even ten percent of yours, I know how your beautiful brain works and I'm afraid, I'm so afraid of losing you. You are everything to me. I could never be in love like I am in love with you. The only person who could steal a piece of my heart would be someone as perfect as you... A little blonde-haired, blue-eyed creature. I want a life with you bambina]
-"per sempre?" Maya had asked as if she had understood all of Carina's words.
- "per sempre"
---
It had been two weeks since Maya and Carina had moved in with Pruitt and Andy.
Her best friend, her girlfriend were sleeping. Maya was in the kitchen early with Pruitt. They were talking.
- "but are you sure?"
-"Yes, we can't stay here forever."
- "I have no problem with that. And if I have to, I'll take my stuff out of the office and make a room for you and little Carina."
- "thanks Pruitt, you're probably a better surrogate father to me than my real one is"
- "you know it, I've always told you. From the moment Andy's mother passed away when you were nine years old and I saw you take care of my daughter like she was your favorite person in the world, you became like a daughter to me and like a sister to her. Mi casa es su casa. You will always be welcome and our door will always be open to you. And then between us, your girlfriend must be the easiest person in the world to live with. She's a sweetheart."
- "I think I have to do it. Even for me, to, to move on, I realize that I'm not there even since it happened, and, and that's not fair, not to my friends, not to you, not to... Not to Carina, and I don't think it's fair to me either. I, I, I don't understand, not really, the, the problem. I'm always Maya, I always run, I always finish first, I sometimes beat my own record... I, I, I'm just the same but in love."
- "I think your dad is a jerk who doesn't see how lucky he is to have you as his child. If Andy told me tomorrow that she was leaving Ryan for a girl, I would have one question, 'Are you happy?' That's all I care about. I think being a firefighter has a tendency to be more aware of the difficulties in life.
Among young adults or lesbian, gay or bi teens suicide attempts are two to five times higher and ten times higher for a trans person. Fifty percent of gay youth who have ever thought about suicide made a first attempt before age twenty. Seventy-four percent of lesbians under the age of twenty have thought about ending their lives, including 43 percent between the ages of fourteen and sixteen. And among the transexual persons it is not better, between sixteen and twenty-six years, sixty-nine percent have already thought of suicide, against sixty-three among the adults before a transition. And these figures are only an example. So if tomorrow my daughter says daddy, I like a girl or if she says daddy, I'm not comfortable in my body, I'm a boy so I would love my child the same way, because it's my blood. I would have made her that way. You don't become a lesbian, Maya, you were born that way and your heart fell in love with the prettiest girl and she loves you back, don't waste your life on someone who doesn't know how lucky they are to have you for a daughter."
- "Thank you Pruitt" Maya did as she walked around the block and came to hug him.
- "so are you sure? Tonight?"
- "if he comes"
Friday's class day had been long, too long. It was already the twenty-ninth of January and Maya had two memories in mind for the first month of two-thousand and ten, that of having spent probably the best New Year's Eve of her life, and the second, her father discovering her love story.
She had given him an appointment at the barracks. She was exceptionally in the office above the hangars and she was waiting.
-"Are you sure you don't want one of us to stay?"
- "don't stay.... Not far, but, I, I have to do this, for me"
At six thirty, the time of the appointment, he was not there. She had decided to wait a while. She stared at the clock and wondered if it was from her or if it was the slowest clock in the world.
At six thirty-seven, she had heard firefighters talking and saying 'I'll walk you to the office where she is'.
Her heart was pounding.
He had come in and as Snuffy was about to close the door, she had just had a gleam of fear in her eyes and had nodded her head slightly in the negative to leave the door open.
Lane had sat across from her without a word. His face was closed, impassive.
She had searched the features of his face for her daddy, the one who was proud of her when she won, but she couldn't find him, only the cold being who had yelled at her, was there in front of her.
She didn't know if she should start, but after all, she was the one who had asked her father to come.
- "thank you for co-"
- "since when?!" He asked in a frank and frigid way.
- "if you're talking about, about Carina, since, September."
He had exhaled a rather short sharp breath, his nostrils flaring as if to swear at himself. Pesting that he hadn't realized it sooner.
- "Is this your first?"
- "do you really want us to -"
- "I asked you a question!"
- "y-yes she is, she's my first girlfriend. But she's not the only girl, I've, I've been with"
- "and boys?!"
- "n-no, I like, I only like girls" she was unsettled, she didn't think she had to go into that level of detail.
- "so you're a dyke?"
- "lesbian, or queer is less... Pejorative. But otherwise, I'm Maya Bishop, four hundred meter dash, one thousand five hundred meter middle distance and ten thousand meter long distance champion. Daughter of Lane and Katherine Bishop, older sister of Mason Bishop. I, I am the same as I have always been." She was gaining confidence in her speech as she did so.
"Yes, I love a girl and even though I'm young, I feel like, I know I'll never love anyone like I love Carina."
- "you are only sixteen!"
- "and yet. I feel like everything makes sense now that she's here. You probably don't want to hear this, but I love her, and I know I've grown in power since she came along, it's only because I want to impress her, I want her to be proud of me."
- "you're running for you, not for her!!!"
- "yes for me, not for you..."
- "and you think I'm going to allow this... corruptress, to come back under my roof maybe?!"
- "corruptress, do you hear yourself speaking? She's a seventeen year old girl that I corrupted. Believe me, Carina tried to fight the feelings she has for me."
- "she didn't fight enough, where there's a will there's a way!"
- "no, you can fight a lot of things, but not love. Don't you want me to be... Happy? Isn't that what every good parent wants for their child?!"
- "I taught you values, discipline, thanks to me you were a champion, you had a bright future and you ruin everything for beautiful eyes and a beautiful face?"
-"I'm not ruining anything. You make it sound like I'm pregnant, I'm going to get married and never run again. That's not the case and I could train as much as I want, Carina won't get me pregnant and ruin my sports career, she supports me, she loves me, she pulls me up... And most importantly, that's not how it works." She made in a tone as if she was trying to convince him before adding more firmly: "I want Carina and that is non-negotiable".
-"You're only sixteen, I'm your father, where do you get off giving me an ultimatum?" Lane asked, raising her voice.
-"You want an ultimatum? You really want an ultimatum?!"
The blonde was wound up, all the accumulated anger, all her hours of thoughts running on the carpet or in her mind, all her long minutes staring into the void, were taking the form of words expelled from her mouth, forming words, an incessant and uncontrollable stream. His tone was sharp.
-"You'll have a very simple choice to make. The first option, you keep your arrogant side, you remain camped on your positions and I ask for my emancipation, which I would easily obtain thanks to your show of two weeks ago. You give me back six months of the money you received for Carina's accommodation, because you are under contract for her. And you're not my father or my coach anymore. You will never see me win an Olympic medal. Or better yet, I'll stop running and you won't be able to live vicariously through me. Believe me dad, you can make me do a lot of things, but you can't make me race once I'm on the track. And in the process you'll probably lose your wife and your son, who is an exceptional boy by the way. Or the second option, you stop being homophobic, Carina and I come home, we stay a couple, we stay in the same room, and you stay my coach and father. I'll still be your personal trophy, but you will never, ever lay a hand on my girlfriend or me again. I have a whole fire department backing me up, Ryan's dad knows what happened and I have over two hundred witnesses. The ball is in your court, let me know when you make your decision, Dad!"
She had stood up and even without giving him a chance to speak she had walked out of the room.
She didn't know if she should have waited for him to speak, or if she had been there hard enough or on the contrary not hard enough, or maybe even too much, but she needed a theatrical exit.
She was a little further down the hallway and wondered if she should back up and ask him what he thought.
Obviously that was one of the scenarios she had imagined, but she hadn't told herself that was the one she would use.
She honestly thought she would be more low key, that he would be more aggressive, rather than his short-spoken, almost indifferent side.
The money question would surely make him think, the champion's move too.
She had closed her eyes and reviewed everything that had just happened in her head. She had started to run and had arrived just in time to vomit in the barracks' bathroom.
'You're a dyke?!'
She had thrown up again. If Lane could see her right now, her speech would surely lose its value. But there was no way she was going to let that happen. She was sixteen, a responsible girl, who hardly ever broke the rules. She was careful about what she ate, what went into her system. She didn't take drugs, got up early, ran every day... She only asked for one thing. One thing, Carina. She sat on the floor of the barracks bathroom with her back against the wall and began to cry.
Her father must have seen the state she was in. Andy had tried to hide the dark circles under her eyes, but they were so ingrained that even with the best of intentions and the best of makeup, they were still visible; Lane could see that his daughter's health had deteriorated. For a fraction of a second he wanted to tell her that she couldn't let herself deteriorate, she had to eat, she had to regain her strength to win... Always with the intention to win, never to survive.
So he was sure of some points, Carina was non-negotiable; his daughter was a lesbian; the ball was in his camp; he risked losing his champion and what he had worked so hard for; and finally Maya, played the tough guy, but in view of the state of her physical health, it had only been a facade and she was actually going to smoke.
He had to think about how much he wanted to win this Olympic medal through her; what sacrifices he was willing to make to get there; and above all, what kind of vision he would be able to bear, the image that would result from this, in front of his parents, their friends and what this meant for him as a father, as the head of the family.
He had to think about it. He was trying to figure out how long Maya's body could wither to a point that would be difficult to counteract, she seemed to have lost weight, looked exhausted, her immune defenses were surely weakened.
But accepting the situation would mean accepting Carina and their unusual love and all that would entail. He had to think about it, seriously.
-----
Ciao!
So... This confrontation?
xx
-¥-