A/n: Not Edited.
Chapter 23 - Impossible (Faith Ashlynn POV)Pt. 1
"Samson and the rest of the Conrad's they're all so much different than me, they aren't struggling as I am, and they have each other-" I had said all this at my session, and I hadn't stopped speaking, clearing the disarray.
Nova had astonished me considerably. Because when I had finally had all of what was bothering me out she just shook her head. "You haven't been out long enough, nor have you interacted with the Conrads long enough. That said, let me tell you about teens your age Faith," she shook her head sadly. "All the insecurities you have, they have them as well - some are better than hiding it than others, but they all have something. One thing that bothers them, whatever it is, it can be that the extracurricular activity they are in - they feel like they aren't good enough."
"It can be academics."
"It can be home problems, they can be angry with a parent, lost a parent or don't have parents at all."
"Your situation is exceedingly different, but everyone, even adults have fears, have trust issues, has moments where they doubt themselves so much that it's paralyzing." I guess I just had to take her word for it, not knowing enough to disagree but as of yet Nova hadn't lied to me.
I came home, and now I was holding a letter from Samson. Not sure what to expect, but knowing that this was probably a bit different because we had written notes for our project in class but it was usually just a few text messages on his part.
Dear Fatima,
I was very angry and frustrated that you've just started to ignore me especially when I'm not sure what I've done to make you stay away. I thought we were getting along great, but now I guess that isn't true after all. I keep replaying our outing and picking apart if maybe I had done something to upset you? Or maybe it was because of where I took you?
I'm not sure, but I thought I would tell you why I chose to take you to the Hot Springs, and the reasons is because it's a very special place to me. I haven't gone there in over two years; the last time was with my brother Silas.
You know... 'Twin Samson.'
I know everyone thinks that Miller or Taylor is my best friend, but the truth is, my best friend was my brother Silas. He was the exact opposite of me and everyone wanted to be around him. We were twins - as you know - and with him around it was much easier for me. I didn't need to make friends, because I had Silas, and I never realized how much of a large part of my life he was even though it really was quite obvious. When you weren't having fun at the places I brought you, for a moment, I just thought of Silas and the places he would enjoy and even though it was painful and emotionally hard to take you somewhere, I hadn't been able even so much as stop before.
I swallowed thickly forcing the knot in my throat down.
You've told me about your life before you arrived here and even though you o longer want to speak to me, I want you to know that I'm keeping your words to me private. I felt honored that you were speaking to me, it made me feel wanted which I know sounds crazy to you but it was a very nice feeling. Being wanted by someone for no other reason that wanting my company and I surely wanted yours.
With everyone else, I felt a deep emptiness because I had lost Silas; I continued seeking you out for many reasons. I don't make friends very easily, and no one knows how to be around the twinless twin, but you didn't see me that way, at least I do not believe that.
Because it takes me so long to open up to people most others give up and try not to get to know the real me, but around you I could be the real me, and I liked that, and I thought you liked being around me too. Was I wrong?
I know that the person who had you locked away, left you and I did some thinking and after some time, I realized I guess I feel more at ease with you because you lost someone too. Someone that made up a good part of who you were, that held a large part of your heart like Silas had mine. It was hard - is hard for me because I think I've always felt that Silas wouldn't have left me, and I knew that he died but its difficult. Everyday is.
I keep everyone away because I have... many... I guess, insecurities and I don't want people to find them out, but one of them is fear and two weeks ago Fatima, you helped me conquer my fear and for that I'm thankful. I know that you're probably very afraid and not sure if you can trust me, but I would very much like the chance at least to show you that you can.
I miss you greatly,
Samson.
My vision blurred, and my hands were shaking I put the letter down, wiping at my eyes. Once I gathered myself, I picked the letter up rereading it over and over again until I had it memorized. My hunger was overtaking all over emotions; I finally moved onto my soup to find that it was cold. Lifting the bowl, I carried it down to the kitchen, but when I made it just to the top of the stairs leading to the kitchen, I looked down the hall to see all the doors closed. I knew that they were having the children party at the guesthouse tonight, but the kids would be having theirs on Saturday - tomorrow.
Entering the kitchen, I stood with my back to the rest of the empty room, and the house was probably empty for myself self as well. Only it wasn't for long. With only four minutes on the clock and going down, Devin dressed as a witch, a pointy hat and with weird face makeup and one of the girls I had seen here nearly two weeks ago.
"So Samson is finally taking an interest in Taylor?" I focused my eyes on my food, the bowl spinning round and round slowly. "He's always had an eye for her, but since a certain someone arrived, he was feeling sorry for her, since well she saved Talia and all," Devin replied conversationally. My back straight, unbending, my hands down at my sides I knew that she regarded me.
"It's only out of pity," Devin said the two of them going up the stairs their voice fading, "Hey Faith," Kalenah said coming from the living room, sitting in the far corner of the room. Looking over my shoulder I try to give her the best smile I can, but I'm sure it's more of a grimace than anything else. I could see Kalenah pull her eyes up in concern, but then, "is it even safe with the fire-starter here? I mean who knows if she didn't do this to get closer to Samson?"
The girls voices are louder echoing as they were coming down the stairs. "Well now that Samson is with Taylor, I hope Faith keeps her distance from him -" Devin replied and my eyes still on Kalenah.
The Conrads did not want me around, or at least not Samson.
Anxious that I was in trouble. I turned around fully, my hair whipping around my face, my heart racing and it was as though everything was happening in slow motion.
My knees went weak; my hands gripped the counter and knobs on the cupboards but what I saw was the sudden rage on Kalenah's face before I felt myself shutting down.
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Kalenah Conrad POV
Bend, Oregon was a safe place to raise our children, our den - for a lack of better word - was surrounded, others living nearly an hour away. Those with kids that could attend the excellent school, they knew that their children would be protected from outsiders and welcomed in our home during the breaks.
Those at the boarding school over weekends were able to spend time with our family over the weekend, our house a safe place where they felt like they had a family away from their family. Coming from a wealthier family than Ansel, we were able to build my dream home, filled with babies like I had always wanted along side with my career. When it was time to let that go; I decided to follow my passion for flowers and holistic medicines. Opening my flower shop and immediately filling a need I was able to open one in Eugene, Sisters, as well as Portland, having others, our kind working for me, providing for their families as well on their income.
As a parent, it was hard. You raise your children, but when you send them out into the world, away from your eyes, you are in a constant battle with yourself. Were they the children you raised? Or behind your back were they completely different? Were they kind and treated others the way they wanted to be treated? Or were they the cruel children that teased and mocked others?
Did they have empathy and compassion towards others even those that were different from them? Were they respectful of everyone and lead by example of following into the crowd?
I wasn't expecting them to be perfect, I knew they weren't outside of making mistakes, but did they learn from their mistakes? If they saw something they knew was clearly wrong, and felt even worse inside about it? Were they the children that stood up and made a difference or did they slink into the background? All these things would wrap around my mind; I knew that it was hard being their age, especially being shifters and having to keep a laid back profile to keep safe.
We didn't know exactly what Faith was, but we knew that Cynthia was a full-blooded Fae, however when we smelt Faith, she didn't smell fully human nor did she smell like a shifter or Fae, but oddly, she scented more human to my trained nose.
Welcoming her to our home was easy however we did notice that Faith wasn't aware that she was a supernatural being - Ansel and I were waiting - seeking the right time to tell her. However with all these setbacks we didn't want to give her another one. Again we were probably making the wrong decision, but it was made with her best interest in mind.
But I digress.
Not wanting to send my children around Bend, trick-or-treating, we held two parties, which used to be one but now with the younger children and the older ones Friday's we held one for the friends of Samantha, Simon, and Amy. It was only about forty children, the classmates and parents and siblings all welcome to the party. We held games, decorated the house, gave away candy as well as little toys and prizes.
This year, not wanting to leave Faith alone for long periods of time, I was going back and forth between the guesthouse and the main house. I knew that Samson was in the house, but I also knew that he and Faith had stopped hanging out, and while he was putting up a front, I could see that he was sad again. But - again maybe it was just my eyes, my mothering eyes - I was under the impression from the way I had observed Faith that she felt the same way. But I wasn't going to get in between whatever was going on, either way, not wanting to rush in and make declarations for either child when I doubt Faith knew what to call how she was feeling.
Knowing that she came down to the kitchen, I went to the corner, not stifling but not invisible either. Hunched over, her heart racing, she looked over her shoulder at me. Her eyes troubled and before I could ask what was wrong with her if she was feeling well. "Well now that Samson is with Taylor, I hope Faith keeps her distance from him-" hearing the snootiness in Devin's voice, the sneer without even seeing her face or her seeing mine from my corner spot, I stood, rage boiling that she was speaking just loud enough for Faith to hear.
What had they said to her on their way up the stairs? I thought angrily, disapprovingly and it was shown on my face because Devin cut off the minute I stood, but my eyes are darting over to Faith, I saw her eyes going completely blank as she whirled around to face me fear in her eyes so expressive. It chilled me how quickly those same tired eyes went blank and unresponsive, dreadfully empty, "At the table now! Don't move-" I ordered - snapping at - Devin and Brooklyn.
I observed Faith, not sure what had happened until her mouth seemed to go slack, and her body swayed - coming down, falling to the ground - just as on the stairs Samson came to the kitchen as well. "Faith?" I called over to her calmly, softly, not wanting to add to her fear, wondering what had happened, what had Devin or Brooklyn said to Faith? Just being in the same room with the two girls sent her to pieces.
"Mom what happened? What's wrong? Fatima?" Samson went over to her immediately, "I thought - you said he wasn't talking to her anymore?" Brooklyn whispered although, with my hearing, I could hear. "Hopefully, Taylor doesn't come in and see this, after that ultimatum she gave him," Brooklyn continued to gossip. I watched Samson's reaction to the human's words but shaking his head he moved over to Faith, not touching her but still close enough.
"Mom what happened?" Samson demanded when Faith seemed to be gone, her eyes wide but not speaking, not blinking. I sighed, going over and sinking to my knees before her, "Faith, you aren't in any trouble, but can Samson help you back to your room?" I asked her but with my experience; I knew that she wouldn't be able to answer me. Was she was acutely aware of what was going on around her? - maybe? - I couldn't be sure, but I wouldn't move her or have Samson do so without at least warning the poor girl.
Lifting Faith against him, her body probably like dead weight to him, I followed him to the stair letting him climb a few before I turned back to Devin and Brooklyn. "You two stay here until I get back," I warned before following Samson. Rushing ahead, I pulled at Faith's meticulously made bed, so Samson could lay her down, before stepping back. Watching her with such longing, hiding it when he remembered I was in the room, Samson walked over to the stereo, playing around with her records he put one on, leaving it low before walking back to Faith, going down to her eye level.
"I've missed you," he whispered lowly, not touching her before standing and leaving her room. Lost in his transparent display, I stand to observe Faith maybe for a minute too long. "I'm going to strangle her Brennan!" I hear a shout that makes me run - closing Faith's door haphazardly in a rush - I try to stop whatever fight between brothers is brewing.
"I know she did something to Fatima!" Samson shouted just as I was on the bottom stair, with Devin standing behind him, Brennan was ready to attack his brother. "Hey - hey what is going on?" I shout.
"Devin I thought I told you to stay at the table? What are you doing here Brennan?"
I asked in the same breath. "Devin called me," Brennan replied confused. "She said that Samso-"
"Mom she did something to Fatima," Samson didn't even let Brennan finish before he pointed at Devin with a sneer. "I know that, but I was going to handle it."
"What did you say?" Brennan turned to face Devin, his back to Samson and I.
"He pushed Taylor away Brennan; he won't even give her a chance, it's humiliating we're always together, how is Taylor going to be around everyone now -" Devin turned to Samson, side stepping Brennan.
"She's not Silas; you can't replace Silas with Faith," I watched as the blood drained from Brennan's face after five impossibly long five seconds mirrored hours and hours. My eyes darted between my two sons as Brooklyn, looked on as a spectator as well. Caught with unknowing eyes, but still gathering information for gossip later, Brooklyn studied everything.
While Brennan looked ashen, Samson, he looked like he had been betrayed, crushed and eyes hardening. "You told her?" his voice strained, barely more than a horse, shocked whisper. When Brennan doesn't answer Samson swallows, shaking his head, turning abruptly he darts up the stairs.
Unsure of what was said between brothers, I do know that whatever Brennan revealed to Devin, Samson hadn't meant for it to go any further than his older brother.
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1. Is Samson right to be angry?
2. What do you all think of Samson's letter?