Chaewon's POV:
I took a break from the wake and was now walking with Chaen Jagiya and Kku Eomma. They both volunteered to go with me as Yuri wanted to take a nap. They quietly walked with me, each one flanking me on both sides. Kku Eomma was first to speak.
"Chaewonnie, is there anything we could get you? Candies or something?" Kku Eomma asked me.
"Andwae. Gomawo, Eomma. It's enough with all the help you and the team has given for me. The memorial plan and the cremation. Everything." I replied to her.
"Jagi, we aren't the ones who paid for those, it was Kwangbae and Minjoo who paid those, we have yet to determine how much to contribute to that, Minjoo just bought that." It was Chaeyeon who answered me.
"Aigoo, Minjoo. She really is a sweetheart and a bad liar." I replied chuckling.
"Just don't feel any more burdened, alright? You can always make it up to us and to Minguri and Hyewon. What matters now is, are you alright? We are worried about your health, why didn't you take a nap?" Kku Eomma replied her brows furrowed together.
Eomma was a cutie, I saw her video content whenever Minjoo and Jagi Chaen watched her and to be honest, ever since she came, My Jagi Chaen have been very bright and happy. So when they kissed at the Ashikaga Flower Park, we knew, she was in it with us for the long haul. Chaen was the hardest person to love and care for it takes so much to love her and to be with her. It took us five years on loop to get her to a better place and all that changed since Eomma came into our lives. Ever since that day, there was a certain spring to her steps, she danced more passionate and the survival show we did though it was predetermined who gets to the final cut capitalized on their friendship. Chaen was last to be announced and we almost cried hard had she not won.
We took ten years to get to where we are, to finally debut was something I held dear. She became a reliable leader, always helping us Team A to get to where we should be. I've had thoughts of backing out for the past year, because I've been training with them for a total of ten years. Ten excruciating years, but I can't just give up on my dreams. So when Chaen announced that we will be pitted against the rest of WM in a survival show, I almost didn't want to go if not for Appa. Appa told me to try the survival show one last time and if I couldn't then, I should probably focus on studying and working part time jobs. I giggled at Eomma and pulled her knitted brows apart.
"Eomma, Gomawo for your concern, I am alright, my senses are on hyperdrive, because I lost my Father, but it doesn't mean I lost him, I will be throwing away my life too. I just need to reflect and take walks from the wake. It's very heavy in there, you understand me right?" I replied to her.
"Arasseo. Please rest when you get back to the wake alright? Let us handle everything." She replied to me.
She hugged me tight and Chaen looked upon us with a smile on her face.
"I'll go get some more snacks for everyone, Wony has classes so I am dropping her back to the dorm and make her lunchbox, will you be okay with Kku-chan and the rest?" She asked me.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks, Jagi. Will you also drop her off to school?" I asked her.
"Yeah, dropping her off to night school and then picking her up again after her night school. Otherwise my daughter will kill me finally." She replied giggling.
"Yah! Jagi! Minguri couldn't even hurt a fly even if it bugs her." I replied giggling at her.
"Yeah, I know. Soft hearted Princess Minguring won't kill me but probably won't speak to me for about a few years and I don't want that anymore." She replied.
"I'll go leave now, do you want anything? Food, Coffee or something else?" Chaen asked me.
More like a gentle prodding which was totally new to me, I could never get used to her being all sweet and gentle.
"Ugh! Since you insist, Doughnuts and Coffee sounds good, Jagi." I replied to her.
"From that place you like? Sure. What else? Noodles? Jjangmyeon? Ramyun?" She asked me.
"Jjangmyeon sounds fine too but, I'll stick with Doughnuts." I replied.
"Yeobo, be careful when driving Wony okay and get back here in one piece, no broken bones." Eomma replied to her.
How sweet of Eomma to actually tell Jagi Chaen that, when Jagi Chaen was really careful when driving Wony to and from school, it wouldn't hurt if she is reminded to be careful. Two years it took her before really paying attention to Wony and caring for the kid's needs. First, nothing could ever bother her with caring for the kid. Minjoo actually scolded her and then didn't talk to her anymore for two years, whenever she would instigate fights, Minguri would just walk out before she could even get a word out. Minguri did a great job ignoring her when she speaks to the team rather harshly. Her silence didn't mean that she was mad at Jagi Chaen, it means she was fed up with her and her obnoxious personality, until she made these changes did she speak with her and it was also very recent when they started to talk again.
I call her Jagiya because I was one of those people who isn't afraid of her and her influence with CEO Won Min, I just suddenly called her Jagiya and would always tease her about Minjoo, who had the biggest crush on her. It wasn't until First Generation AKB48 came out did Minjoo stopped liking her for once. She likes Eomma's cute visuals although she was older than her, she still thought that Eomma was a cutie. Eomma was still flustered whenever we throw her compliments with her singing, dancing, acting skills and other skills she acquired having been a ten year old idol. She has given up her life in Japan in exchange of debuting in Korea, because of the unfortunate thing Matsui Jurina and Murashige Anna did, she reinvented herself and emerged to the public, bearing a new name, Lee Sakura.
Her Korean name name according to our profiles released by the Company is Lee Sakura, WM's claim was she was born and raised in Seoul and so are the other two Japanese kids she brought with her. Kwon Nako and Choi Hitomi, Eunbi Unnie's name was exchanged with Nako's Yabuki surname and Yena's name was exchanged with Tomi's Honda. The profile claimed both Eunbi and Yena Unnie were half Korean and half Japanese, their Fathers being Japanese. It was for the best, everyone of us had something to forget from the past. Like how Eunbi Unnie initially debuted as Kazoo and how Nako and Hitomi were the next generation aces of the 48 Groups and because of Matsui-san and Murashige-san's harassment, they were forced to leave the group. Everyone of us had a dark past that we wanted to bury. We were fated to find each other in this lifetime we all lived through. Chaen smiled at Kku Eomma and kissed her on the forehead.
"Yes, I will drive carefully Yeobo and I will return safe and unharmed." She replied and smiled at Kku Eomma.
Wony's classes starts at eight and ends at 1 AM, Wony wanted to do night school because she couldn't focus with rowdy classmates during the day. So she enrolled in a special class at SOPA in the evenings. Her schedule dwindled to five hours these days because she already debuted, SOPA or Seoul School of Performing Arts offers night classes for debuted celebrities. I went to Hanlim and studied at Hanlim as a Scholar, I worked as a Teacher's Assistant. Hanlim was a private school, there was no way my parents could afford to send me there, so I studied hard back in grade school to be able to qualify for a scholarship. My Eomma loved singing and acting, she was well on her way to becoming a Theater Artist, but life had some twists, she fell in love with Appa and had my eldest sister at age 21, a semester away from graduating and becoming a Theater Actress. Kku Eomma closes her eyes whenever she gets kisses on the forehead, so she was really cute and she had a scientific reason about it too as she explained to us.
This scene before me was worthy of a K-Movie or a K-Drama, the wind blew by and they kiss on the forehead. I giggled at my thoughts and both have gotten back to reality that I was their audience. Kku Eomma's ears grew red and pulled away from the scene and shooed Chaen back to the wake to pick Wony up.
"Go on and go. You don't want to make Chaewon wait for her doughnuts and coffee." She shooed her away.
Eomma was shortly left with me alone under the stars that are starting to peek out, a rarity in Seoul. I looked up the sky, hoping that Appa wherever he is was doing fine now. Especially after my sister's crying hysterically at the wake. Kku Eomma looks up the sky too and she smiled at the stars.
"My Oehaelmoni used to tell me when I was younger, that the Moon and the Stars are the Sky's gifts to me for not being visible at night." She told me and paused.
"It was easier to see them at Hakata and Akihabara. So whenever I wasn't feeling well or nothing is ever going right for me, I look up the sky even when it is in the evening. Although, I learned in school, that the sky disappears at night because Earth revolves around the sun, the sky is always there, the stars too, but because the sun is the brightest star and because Earth revolves around the sun in an orbit and axis, that was why we get nights and days, I still believed Oehaelmoni Emiko." She follows up to me.
"Oehaelmoni Emiko is a sweet grandmother, She probably told you that to comfort you, being far away from home at an early age." I replied to her.
I replied smiling at her.
"Whatever are her reasons for telling me that, it came from her heart, she hopes my dreams will be fulfilled and the skies was her way of telling me, that she will always be under the same sky, rooting for me." She replied smiling at the stars.
Eomma was like a Quotes Machine, she always spews out random sayings to comfort us and to tell us we are loved. Her wisdom and knowledge are beyond her years, she grew up alone with her Grandmother, the only time her parents were home was during winter break and during those years, her Father taught her Math for ten hours of the day. Her Father was exceptionally good at the subject, Kku Eomma was Top 1 in her class, specializing with Languages and Sciences. She loved Biology and anything related to Health Sciences.
She even applies everything she knows about health and wellness. She took care of our oral health, because both her parents are dentists and now as I sit with her under the stars, she also took interest in the outer space and the bodies surrounding it. Appa often called us his lucky stars, his pride and joy. I was Appa's Mini me, I got his voice and his cute dimpled cheek. My eyes and height from Eomma. I was the perfect mix of both parents and my Unnie more like Eomma. It was a shame that she eloped with her husband.
"Yeah, we are always one under the same sky, the same stars." I replied to her.
"Yeah, we are. You want to talk about your Father?" She asked me.
"He died in my arms, I'm glad I got to spend the day with him yesterday." I replied dodging the subject.
"Your Father is very proud of you, Chae. He is looking down on you, so let's do our best to shine and give everything our 1,000 percent. Always make him proud, we are here to help you." Kku Eomma replied and put an arm around me.
Engulfing me in a quick side hug. I looked back to Kku Eomma and held my tears back, grateful for her presence and words of support. She patted me by the cheek and she smiled softly at me.
"Do you need your sister evicted out of the wake? I can go full Samurai on her just say so." She replied giggling as she does a hand gesture of pulling out her Katana.
I giggled at Kku Eomma's antics, the way her brows furrowed and knitted as if she was focused on protecting me. I shook my head towards her and replied.
"Just let her. She's still family to us. No matter if she chose to be with her husband and never visited Appa and Eomma. She is still Unnie." I replied to her.
She wasn't my Unnie, because if she was, she would take care of Appa and his funeral. I had to scrape together what little I had saved for the wake, the team was the one who took care of the rest, food, the rest of the days for the five day wake, cremation, urn and everything I could possibly need, including frequent huggies and kisses on the forehead. They are like my extended family. My realest sisters, my ride or die girls, my homies. The least I can do is tolerate Unnie's antics, her incessant crying, because as much as I wanted to hold a grudge on her, I can't possibly be mad at her and kick her out of the wake. So I took breaks like this and walked frequently with my extended family. Now as I sat here with Kku Eomma, I was now hit with the reality that Appa is now gone. I wondered what my life would be like moving forward. Kku Eomma held me in a hug as she sang me a song from her old group.
Negaigoto No Mochigusare. The song Minjoo liked from AKB48 Discography. Her voice soft as she started the singing the rather upbeat song, but its lyrics were using your wish for someone's happiness. The wish to make things better for someone else besides your own.
Negaigoto No Mochigusare...
Ichidokiri no mahou nante.
Are mo kore mo yoku ga dete.
Ima sugu ni kimerarenai yo.
Mayotteru uchi ni tasogare.
Aru hi sasai na koto kara.
Arasotteru futari ga ita.
Boku wa omowazu negatta.
Nakayoku shite to.
She sang with all her heart, bearing her scars and flaws to me it seemed. Her painful past was something we couldn't change for her, so we vowed to protect Eomma from everyone. I listened to her soft voice and wondered constantly why the Korean system tried to minimize her voice and her lines. She was and still is a great singer. She wrote and composed several Japanese tracks for our upcoming albums. I specifically remembered her co-centering this song with Matsui-san. So singing it to me must be hard, I leaned into her hug and captured her with a hug of my own. How could you honestly sing a song from your past and still sound hopeful for people listening to you sing these words to be at a better place than you are currently in, this was the reality of us as an artist, we sing to bring light and love to fans' lives, if only our songs could bring them a temporary refuge then we shall sing to them as if we really meant every word, every beat. I smiled at her currently and looked into Eomma's lovely eyes, ones that are always filled with so much tenderness despite the system failing her, I hope we could do more to protect her from naysayers. What she has done in the past was part of a system we have no control of, exploits like this really happens and I was just lucky to be under Chaen's Protective side, she has done more for the team to enjoy ourselves and trully be happy with the choices we make. Our goals were to entertain our audience, no more no less. We aren't going to be someone who does things for the pleasure of others including our producers, Eomma could be an easy target for exploitation like in her past. Where she posed for several magazine covers wearing only a skimpy bikini or a boudoir shot of her doing something innocent but titillating to the fantasies of men. As the song rounded to a final line, she smiles at me and after delivering her final line, she hums the instrumentals of the song. Until her singing halted to a stop, seemingly gone with the wind.
"I hope you know, we are always by your side Chae and no matter what happens, please try to live through everything and make your Father the proudest angel above the skies." She told me eventually.
I looked up the sky with stars peeking through the darkness. A breeze blew by and I know, I know that Appa is now pain free, his pains ended yesterday. I needed to be grateful for him leaving me with my sisters and best friends. Grateful for allowing me to follow my dreams of debuting, all the love he gave me.
"I know, Eomma. Gomawo." I replied to her as I still looked up the starlit skies, relishing the comforting breeze that blew past us.
"You don't necessarily need to pay us back, we won't hold this over you, we did this to help you deal better and not ruin your life. We are able bodied members, lean on us. Don't hide away just cause you think everything is excessive, I understand it is hard, all you have is your pride, but we are family, we can't just let you be. Families never leave a member behind." She whispered softly and paused.
She pulls away from the hug and stood up.
"I'll leave you be for now, I need to get back to the wake and help the others serve your guests. Come when you're ready, we'll be waiting." Eomma continued to tell me.
I could only nod at her, I stayed rooted at the garden, inhaling and exhaling. I whispered to the wind, hoping Appa hears my words.
Appa, Saranghaeyo. Please watch over us and don't worry too much about Eomma. Your daughters will take care of her, all twelve of us will.
I felt the warm breeze blow by again and when I exhaled for the last time, came Minjoo. She approached me and sat quietly with me. Capturing me in a hug.
"Chae Unnie. Are you alright?" She asked me cautiously.
"Yes, Minguring. I am alright. Gomawo for buying the cremation service and another Memorial Plan for Eomma." I replied to her and leaned to her hug.
"No problem Unnie. I know you aren't prepared for anything and it is tedious to get those ready, so when we found out, we knew we should help you. Ohana means family and family means noone gets left behind." She replied to me.
"Aigoo, our sweet Minguri. You don't know how much it means to me to have you and the rest. So, I made a promise not to cry anymore." I replied to her.
But my eyes betrayed me and a tear fell down again. She chuckles softly as she wiped my tears away.
"We know. But you don't have to, it's okay to be emotional, it's Appa Namjoon you lost, he is your whole life's biggest pillar of strength. Chae Unnie, you can lean into your dongsaengs' shoulders, we will never hesitate to help. Especially me and Kwangbae." She whispered to me.
"I know and again, thank you. I will likewise take bullets for my dongsaengs who cared for me and never let me drown in grief. Aja to infinity and beyond." I replied to her.
"Shuuuuushuuuunnng!" She replied smiling.
It was a line from one of our songs, Spaceship that Capt. Kwon Bunny composed. The Unnie who acts full of cringey aegyo also loved to sing and dance to bright bubble gummy songs such as Spaceship or Airplane the first ever song she released for IZ*ONME on the second Mini Album we released back in January of this year. Two years ago have come and go, Airplane was a Side B track but it was catchy so our WHIZ*ONEs loved the peppy track. It has become our signature to release upbeat and hopeful songs. Minguri also wrote some Korean tracks and even helped Kku Eomma translate her lyrics to Korean. We stayed huddled together in a hug. Minjoo was the softest next to Wonyoung who was her child. The last ten years of our bid to stardom, she was the strongest and stood for everyone against Monster Chaen, she always answers her back despite Chaen being older. She was an angel to me and my family, because of her and Kwangbae, we created many memories that we won't forget, whether it was going to a Michelin Starred Restaurant or the Hotel Stays, Appa had the best life later on in his life, although I wasn't able to personally give him the best things, my team came in and filled us with opportunities to have fun and create more fond memories. Regardless if my eldest sister was always absent and didn't helped our family, Appa, Eomma and I had the best time bonding. It was those last ten years of his life that I remember the most, from him being able to stay at Lee Medical Center, the country's best Medical Hospital, to him getting free medicines and hospital care courtesy of Chaeyeon, to us going out for birthdays or staying in Kwangbae's Hotel Room. The experience was enough to put a smile on his face. To as little as giving toys to my Nephew and Niece courtesy of Eunbi Unnie, our family was indeed blessed, I was blessed that I get to live my life under their care, to have them on my side is what I will forever hold dear. So much so, that I am with them for the ride through promotions, we got everything lined up already and I know, Appa would shine his light upon me, whenever I perform, so I decided to do my best every performance there is, I will sing and dance the hardest, to show everyone that I am worthy of their love. That somewhere up the skies, a Star named Kim Namjoon was watching me fulfill my plans and smiling down at me whenever I am having a bad day to guide me. We are one under the same stars, a Constant, despite distance and the years that flew by. Despite him physically absent, he will always show me stars.
A/N:
Thanks for reading this chapter. Happy weekend! Spread light and love always! See you!
- Sky