Chapter 46: Delete!
Ping!...
I had decided…
My eyes were blood red, a mixture effect from staying up late all night and crying as I searched for any good news.
Maybe Ashton had surprisingly gotten up.
Maybe he was fine right now.
But I knew the truth, he'd gone through his last surgery hours ago, if he was awake, something would have popped up by now.
I laid on the cold floor, staring at my phone as it pinged with another notification but I didn't bother to check.
I felt totally exhausted, every limb on my body filled with static fatigue, my lips parched the whole night with the only source of moisture being the tears that ran down my eyes.
I was a mess.
I couldn't be here, I needed a change of environment, everything on campus reminded me of him…
Which was why I'd decided I couldn't be here, I'd hurriedly packed a few things last night. I initially didn't have any idea where to go, it's not like I had so many friends off-campus but I quickly came to a conclusion…
… The only option really…
…I was going home.
I'd hardly been there since I was a kid, my mom had tried her best to get me out of the house seeing as, you know, I had an addict father.
I slowly got up the floor, my body aching from hours of lying on the cold tiles. I took a glance at myself in the mirror, drawing in a deep breath.
…
I staggered out my room to find Jessica and Angie nestled comfortably on the couch, both heads turned to find me in an orange polo, a pair of light washed denim jeans and sunglasses to hide my horrendous red eyes as I currently struggled to drag out two bags with me.
"Um, where are you going?" Jess was first to ask.
"I can't stay here Jess, I don't think I can do this… I don't know how long I'll be gone but I just have to get out of here right now."
Jessica nodded in understanding as she pulled me into a farewell hug. "I'm gonna have a lot of explanation for Mr Pipeson aren't I?" She mumbled.
My eyes fell on Angie who easily looked away. She was still mad about the incident the hospital last night, we hadn't talked.
I walked up to the couch, taking a seat beside her. She started right at the TV, avoiding to meet my gaze.
"Angie, I'm really sorry, I know I may have overreacted, I just felt… lost and in so much pain…" she slowly turned to me. "I'm so sorry, I don't want to lose you guys, you're my only friends, I've lost way too much"
There was a short silence as Jessica took a seat beside me, leaving me on between the two.
Angie rolled her eyes, a sigh of relief escaping her lips as a smile spread across her face. "I can't stay mad at you Maddie, it was quite exhausting really."
I let out a laugh. "Maybe when I get back, when this is all over, we can go back to our bathroom shower song performances."
She laughed. "Sure."
Both girls squeezed me into a long hug as I sat there with my friends, a mixture of tough emotions.
"May I also add, sunglasses indoors? Fashion statement," Angie joked as we pulled apart. They both hadn't seen my teary eyes so couldn't tell.
I just gave a small smile.
…
I packed up my bag out the apartment, struggling down the stairs as our elevator had still not been fixed.
My car ride was already waiting for me, I placed my bags into the trunk, getting into the passengers seat as I and the driver exchanged greetings and I informed him the destination.
"That's like an hour drive," he informed me, stating the obvious in order to start some small talk but I want really in the mood so I just nodded instead and turned to look out the window.
I watched as we drove by rows and rows of apartments, my eyes fixed as the images before me soon became a rapid blur.
Everything was going to be alright.
I needed time to heal, my first love had been like nothing other but it didn't pan out. There was a wild saying "you never forget your first love"
But right now, I think it was best if I did, I couldn't see myself healing with that burden of thought, Ashton had died because he loved me.
In some twisted sad way, I needed to forget, I needed to forget him, I needed to forget this semester, this whole year. I needed to forget, to move on.
I pulled out my phone, scrolling through my gallery till I found the folder I'd saved all our images, the very recent one being him sleeping in bed beside me.
My finger hoovered above the delete button, sending a wave of sadness down my spine.
But I was a mess, I needed to fix my life up and this was step one.
I'd always cherish every day, minute, even seconds we spent, they were my best but with that, they had also become the most painful.
Delete!
I turned off my phone, looking up at the blurry sky. It was a new day, a new day indeed.