I went back and forth on whether I should leave before Sarah woke up. In the end I decided to surprise her with breakfast in the morning. I know she was disappointed with my behavior last night, but I still stand firm on the fact that I did nothing wrong. I think over what happened last night while I look in the cabinets full of pots and pans and grab what I need. I look in the fridge and see that I only have bacon and eggs to work with. I grab those two things out of the fridge and turn on the stove. While the bacon is frying, I pull out my phone and check my Instagram. I look back on my story at the pictures I posted of me and Sarah last night. We ate them outfits up to be real. I smile and set my phone on the counter. I flip the bacon over and hear footsteps in the kitchen.
I turn and see Rafe sitting on the island behind me. All I wanted was to surprise my best friend with breakfast in bed and instead I get this bullshit. I try to ignore his presence as best I can. Why is he always popping up at random?
"It's sweet of you to make me breakfast, Kie." I glare at him before turning my attention back to the food. I remove the bacon from the skillet before starting on the eggs. I see a hand reaching for the bacon and quickly smack it.
"This food is not for you. You can starve for all I care." I move the plate out of his reach and resume the eggs.
"What crawled up your ass this morning, damn." He leans his hip on the counter next to me and watches me cook.
I plate our food and get orange juice from the fridge. I pour two glasses and finally meet his eyes. "Make yourself useful and go wake up Sarah." He continues looking at me for a couple of minutes before finally disappearing upstairs.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and turned back to the skillet of eggs. I quickly turn off the stove and portion the eggs so Sarah gets most of them. I don't like groveling, but this is an apology breakfast. As much as I don't like what Sarah told me last night, she does have a point. If JJ saw how I was acting last night with Cam he would go crazy, and believe me, no one wants to see him that way. I miss J like crazy, but he said we're on a break right now and it was nice getting the attention he usually shows me from someone else. Fuck. I wish love wasn't so complicated.
"Rafe said you made breakfast?" I turn around to see Sarah walking down the stairs with her hair in a messy bun and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. I think it's safe to assume that she hasn't brushed her teeth yet.
"Yes, this is my apology for giving you a hard time last night. I'm sorry. I know you were just looking out for me like a best friend should." I give her a small smile and set our plates down on the table. "Go on and eat before it gets cold." I gesture towards the food before taking a seat and digging in.
We eat in silence for a few minutes. I was going to say something but she beats me to it. "You're not going to meet up with that guy from last night, are you?"
I briefly meet her eyes while taking a bite of bacon and suddenly find myself staring at my plate. After I've swallowed, I look at her again. She's stopped eating now and has her chin propped on her hand patiently awaiting my response.
"I was thinking about it, but I don't think I will since you clearly don't think it's a good idea." I clear my throat and get up to place my dish in the sink. I turn back towards her with my arms crossed leaning back against the sink. "Look Sarah, I appreciate your concern and being here for me when all the JJ stuff went down but we technically aren't together right now. This is his doing not mine. If it was up to me, we wouldn't even be in this predicament right now. I can have friends... friends that are guys. If I want to hang out with Cam then I will. I don't need you breathing down my neck about it, okay?" I run my hand quickly through my hair and sit down in front of her. "JJ hasn't gotten back to me since everything happened and I'm just feeling really abandoned right now. I don't know what to do or how to fix this. He's so convinced that I'm better off without him, and he won't listen to what I have to say about it."
"Have you tried calling him?" I can hear the sympathy in her voice.
"Before we left the park, he said he was going to call me and he never did. I don't think me calling him would make any difference. He doesn't want to see me right now. We're on a break remember?" I lean back in the chair and cross my arms again.
"Don't get mad at me when I say this, but you shouldn't use Cam as a way to cope with how you're feeling. If you need a distraction just hangout with me. I don't want you getting close with some random guy only to lead him on and break his heart later. All that can easily be avoided."
I lay my head down on the table with my arms acting as a cushion. She's right. Damnit she's right. I hate that she's right. "So, what do you want me to do Sarah? Just wait around for J to get back to me? That could take weeks, even months. I love him but I know that I can't just wait around for him. My world doesn't begin and end with him. I won't base my entire life around one person again. I've done that and look where that's gotten me." I prop my head up on my arm and meet her eyes. "It never ends well."
Sarah abruptly gets out of her chair to sit beside me. I feel her eyes on me before I feel two arms wrap around me in a hug. I feel wetness on my arm and realize that I'm crying. God, love really does suck. Not having your best friend in your life anymore really does suck. I allow myself to shed a few more tears before I hear a voice in my head telling me to get it together. I pull away from Sarah and quickly wipe my eyes.
"God, I hate crying. I feel like I've done enough of that to last a lifetime." I let out a short laugh and hug Sarah one last time before getting up. "I think I'm going to head home. I need to shower and do some self-reflection. I'll be back over soon though."
"That better not be code for 'I'm going to see Cam behind your back'." She's smiling but I know she's serious.
"Really Sarah? Not this again." I lightly shove her and make my way upstairs to her room. I hear her footsteps lightly behind me. Upon entering her room, I grab my bag and begin packing my things. She gives me another hug before we make our way downstairs.
"I'm going to call you tonight Kie. If you don't answer I'm going to assume you're with Cam. So don't disappoint me, K?" She lightly pushes me out the door and I smile once my back is towards her.
"I'll answer I promise. Love you."
"Love you!" I see her wave before she closes the door. I unlock the door to my car and plug my phone in the aux before making the short drive home. I can't help but start thinking of Cam again. I know I shouldn't, but he's cute. I shake my head and turn the music up louder. I don't have time to be thinking about boys right now.
As I'm pulling up to my house, I turn the music down and turn the car off as soon as I'm parked. I grab my phone and lean back in the seat. I click on my contacts and scroll down to J's name. I tap it and hover over the 'call' button. I want to hear his voice so bad. I know that everything will go back to normal if I could just hear his voice and explain to him that he's who I want and we can get through anything together. I bite my lip and click off his name. I can't risk him not answering me. I'm already heartbroken enough.
I snatch my bag out of the seat and open the door of my car. I hurriedly make my way up the steps to the porch while dipping my hand in the side pocket of my bag to retrieve the key. As soon as I'm inside I run upstairs to my room and lock the door behind me. Walking up to my bed, I set my bag down and walk towards my closet to retrieve the robe hanging on the door. I strip and slip the robe on.
After connecting my phone to the speaker and hitting shuffle on my playlist, I walk inside the bathroom to start the shower. I hum the lyrics to the song that's currently playing and wash my body with my favorite loofah. I move in time to the beat while lathering my hair with shampoo. The music suddenly stops playing as I'm rinsing out my hair. It starts up again, so I pay no mind to the interruption. A couple minutes later, the music stops again. I groan and turn off the shower to see what the problem is. I slip my robe back on and grab my phone. I gasp and push my hair away from my face.
I have two missed calls and an unread text from Pope. I haven't seen nor heard from him since that day I told him I never wanted to see him again. I quickly open the text message.
Pope
Hey Kie. I know it's been awhile since we've talked but I'm coming over. I have some things that I need to get off my chest. I know you aren't happy with me, and I understand that. I don't know why you aren't answering but I'll be there in 30 minutes. See you soon.
"Fuck." I throw my phone on my bed and race back to the shower. I finish washing my hair and wash my body a few times before stepping out of the shower. I dry myself off and put on the first pair of underwear I find in my drawer along with a pair of leggings and one of J's t-shirts he left over here. I hear my phone go off and check to see a text from Pope. He's here. Fuck.
I quickly type out okay before I walk downstairs. I smooth my shirt out and open the door. There he is. My best friend. Or ex-best friend should I say. I don't even know what we are anymore. "Can I come in?" The sound of his voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
"Uh, yeah." I step back so he can come inside. "Sorry for not answering when you called. I just got out the shower."
"Yeah. I can see that your hair is still wet." He briefly smiles at me before making his way into the living room to plop down on the couch.
I seat myself on the table in front of him. "So, what did you want to talk about?"
"Oh, so we're cutting straight to the point huh. No pleasantries beforehand?" He drapes his arm over the back of the couch to get comfortable.
"C'mon Pope. What's up?" His smile falters and I know I've hit a nerve. Good. I hope this talk includes an apology.
He diverts his eyes from mine, and I wait patiently allowing him to get his thoughts together. "I miss you Kie. I hate not waking up to a text from you and us not hanging out every day. And I know you're upset with me about what I said about JJ. I don't regret what I said, but I do regret hurting your feelings. I know how strongly you feel for him and I shouldn't have worded things how I did. I just want it to go back to it being just the two of us. I miss you telling me everything, our trips to the beach, and our movie nights. I know you don't feel the same way about me that I do you and I'm slowly learning to accept that. I'd rather have you in my life as a friend then not having anything to do with you at all." He stops for a second to look at me before deciding to continue. "Right now, I know I cannot handle seeing you around JJ all lovey dovey and shit. That would just piss me off all over again. But I am willing to try and repair what I messed up between us. Is there any chance that you could forgive me?"
I just stare at him for a few minutes. I've already forgiven him; I just want to see him sweat a little bit. "Look, I –" I cut him off with a fierce hug. I can feel him give a sigh of relief and hold me tightly. He presses a kiss to my cheek, and I smile while giving him a squeeze. We're both smiling when we've pulled away from each other. I make myself comfortable beside him on the couch and just take in this moment. I thought I'd lost my best friend but turns out he missed me just as I did him.
"I've missed you too Pope, a lot. But if you ever disrespect me or my boyfriend again, I'm done with you. My heart can't take any more heartbreak. You are super important to me. Your opinion means way more to me than you would think, and I don't want our decade plus years of friendship to end over a guy I'm seeing. We're supposed to be better than that. I love you, dummy. I need you in my life. So please be nice, okay?"
"Okay Kie. I promise I'll do better." He flashes me a smile that I can't help but return.
"So, how's life?" I cross my legs and turn my body towards him.
"Oh, ya know, just working at my dad's restaurant and trying to stay busy."
"I see. Did anything ever happen with you and Cleo?" He clicks his tongue and shakes his head. "Wait, why? You've never brought a girl around me before, so I assumed it was serious."
"Yeah, about that... I may have only brought her around to make you jealous?" he laughs a little and I smack his arm.
"What the fuck, Pope. That's so mean. You can't just play with a girls' feelings like that." I glare at him and give his arm another slap.
"Okay, okay." He exclaims while trying to avoid my hand. "I haven't spoken to her since the night of the party so I would assume she's done with me anyway."
"Maybe if you try apologizing, she will hear you out." I raise my eyebrow at him.
"Sure, I'll apologize." He looks around for a minute. "Where's JJ? I assumed he would be somewhere nearby."
I can feel my whole face change and decide to look down. I know he felt the mood shift and I really hope he doesn't ask about it. I look back up at him and see in his eyes that he wants to know what's going on. "Go ahead Pope. I know you want to ask."
"Did he break up with you?" I don't even know how to answer that. This is the last thing I want to be talking about right now, but he said he's trying so I'll humor him.
"Um, yes and no. I'm confused myself on what we are right now. A few days ago we met up at the park and he told me that we need a break. He's so convinced that he's no good for me and won't listen to me when I try to tell him otherwise. He thinks he's not good enough. I cried so much that day Pope. Hell, we even cried in each other's arms that day. I just wish there was something I could do to fix what's going on. I love him." I start picking at my leggings and wait for his response.
"I don't know for sure, but I think that what I said to him at the gas station may have stuck with him." I snap my head up to meet his eyes.
"You ran into J recently?"
"I wouldn't say recently. It was before you guys broke up. I had just left John B's and stopped at the gas station before going home. I saw him and was so pissed that you were spending all your time with him, and I just snapped on him. I don't know if that had anything to do with why he broke up with you."
"Pope, what did you say to him?" I stare into his eyes and eventually he breaks it.
"It doesn't matter. But if I run into him again I'll tell him to get his head out of his ass before he loses you for good. I had someone tell me that before and it's the best piece of advice I could have gotten at that time." He lifts the corner of his lip up and places his hand on mine. I wrap my hand around his and give it a squeeze.
I hear my phone go off and see a text from Cam. I was thinking about texting him earlier, but I got sidetracked. I pick up my phone and open his message.
Cam
Did you forget that I'm in town for the summer? I've been hoping you would text me to meet up. I'm free right now if you want to do something.
God. I was really planning on not meeting up with him, but he texted me. I didn't initiate anything so if things go south, it's not my fault, right? I look up at Pope before typing out a response.
Me
You can come over in a bit. I'm with my best friend right now... I'll text you when we're done.
Cam
I'll be waiting for you.
I roll my eyes and set my phone down. "Who were you texting?" I look at Pope to find him arching a brow.
"A friend. I'm sure you'll meet him at some point. He's staying here with his aunt for the summer so I'm sure you two will cross paths."
"Him? You think JJ will be okay with you entertaining another guy?"
"You know, I'm getting really tired of you and Sarah throwing JJ in my face when I mention hanging out with a guy. He's a FRIEND. That's all. Jeez." I can feel myself getting irritated, so I stand up and go inside the kitchen to grab something to drink. I hear Pope come in just as I'm taking a sip of water.
"I didn't mean to upset you Kie. I'm just pointing out that he would be pissed if he saw you hanging out with another guy. I know he said he wanted some space right now, but it still doesn't mean he wouldn't be upset."
I sigh and spin around to face him. "I don't even know if we're together right now. I'm assuming no because we're on a break, but I can't just sit around waiting for him to come back. There's nothing wrong with me making friends."
"I don't know the guy Kie, but something tells me this guy just doesn't want to be just friends." He puts his hands up in surrender. "I don't want to assume anything, but just be careful."
"Yeah, yeah whatever." I take another sip of my water and set the cup down.
"I'm going to head out now. I have a shift soon but thank you for talking to me Kie. I feel so much better now." I smile and hug him. I walk him out and wave at him when he pulls off.
Cam immediately invades my thoughts. I know I shouldn't tell him to come over but find myself sending the text anyway. I pull my hair up into a neat bun and turn on the tv while I wait for him to pull up.