I was back to that night.
"Cubby~"
I was running, fast. I needed to get away. From the roadside into the woods, over a stream, past hundreds of identical tall trees. To the town. I needed to reach the town and I'd be safe.
"Where's my little cubby gone off to?"
I sobbed in between ragged heavy breathing. My lungs burned but it made the pain in my arm seem less.
I couldn't even bare to look, there was so much blood.
"Oh is my little cubby gonna outrun mama? How silly-"
The voice was coming from everywhere. It echoed through my skull and made my stomach flip.
"Cubby can't even run~"
I yelped as my legs gave out and I hit the ground with a thud.
"Oh poor cubby's all dirty. Let mama help"
The smooth chocolately voice made my blood turn cold. I couldn't hear the drum of paws anymore. She had stopped.
Nonono, this isn't how it happened. I could see the lights of the town just ahead of me. Im supposed to reach there, to find Ben, to safety. I was so close, just a little further.
I pulled myself forward with my arms crawling through the mud. I had to get away.
"Oh look at the little cubby crawling. Are you being naughty little cubby? Why can't you be good for mama?"
She cooed in an even more patronizing tone. She was close, watching me as tried to escape.
I shouted out hoping anyone could hear.
"HEY! PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP"
I heard a mocking laugh
"Aw my Cubby's just so little, can't even talk"
"HEL-"
Suddenly I couldn't speak, I tried and tried again but words refused to form in my mouth. I could only scream. Wail like a baby as my movements grew more and more sluggish.
My head flopped down to the dirt. I couldn't even lift my arms, I was paralyzed.
"Found you cubby"
A shadow moved around my periferal and I screamed even louder. All of the crying made me start to heave.
I caught a glimpse of her for a split second. Just a blur of silver fur matted with blood.
Everything had gone quiet apart my wails.
I felt a heavy paw press into my back.
Hot puffs of breath on my neck and something warm dripped down.
"Cubby~ it's quiet time"
I cried out again in one last attempt and suddenly all of her weight was on my back, crushing my chest and silencing me.
She chuckled again and cooed to my broken form.
"Oh so silly thinking I won't find my cubby. Cubby can't hide for long. Mama's gonna find cubby and make sure cubby can never ever leaves mama again"
I could feel myself bleeding out as she continued.
"No matter what mama will always be with you cubby. And don't worry, Mama will take care of that bad man Andi.. and then you'll just be my little cubby"
She was close to my neck again, she growled. The hot smell of iron suffocating me as more blood dripped down from her mawl.
"My cubby~"
I shot up in bed and stared forward into the darkness if my room, panting. I was covered in sweat and my bite mark burned fiercely.
It was her
I started to shake, blubbering to myself as I wrung my hands tight.
"It was just a dream, just a dream, just a dream-"
I sucked in a harsh breath trying to convince myself, but it felt so real. So horribly real.
I began to hyperventilate, and I felt around the bed frantically trying to find June. I was doing my best to keep quiet, hoping Andi wouldn't come in.
My hand passed over a pair of scruffy ear and I snatched June into my arms. Burying my head, I curled around her. She smelt a bit like Andi, it made tears sting my eyes.
She knows about Andi... She knows where I am.
"Nonono jus a dream- jus a dream"
My nightmares were bad but that was the worst one yet. She's never been so present. Normally she makes appearances, corrupting my normal dreams into nightmares.. but this time. She touched me, I felt that she hurt me, she twisted my memory. I thought I was back there. I thought I was going to die.
And she knows. She's going to find me, she's going to hurt Andi.
I sobbed into June again, in the darkness I could only just about make out her face and it upset me more.
The upset was making me frustrated. I wasn't getting anywhere crying, I needed to stop.
I sucked in a shuddery breath and forced another one out, squeezing June till I thought she might pop. I shoved down the fear, the tears, everything. Just like if done a hundred times before.
But it didn't work this time, i couldn't completely suppress the terror sticking in my throat. I tried my best to pretend with myself that I wasn't still scared, but all id done was delay another breakdown.
I took a slight breath, and with my head only slightly cleared the entire night flooded back to me. The anxiety in my gut further seeding itself as all of that added on to the gravity of my situation.
Everything I feared, everything she said, was gonna come true.
I was going to regress into a weak ragdoll baby version of myself. A puppy, a... cubby. The thought of the word sent shivers down my spine.
I wanted to convince myself the doctor was wrong, but he was all too right. I was already deteriorating, just look at me. The bed wetting, the stupid crying. Like he said, I couldn't even remember the end of the appointment.
I went from listening to the doctor guy, to fuzz, to the nightmare.
How'd I even get into bed, I probably fell asleep in the car. Andi must've carried me.
Oh god Andi,
I can't let her get to Andi. I already got Ben hurt. Not Andi too. And I can't let her find me, if she finds me both of us are done for.
I needed to move. Now, quickly.
If I've made it this far, I can make it further. If I'd survived till now without succumbing like my dream, well then I could continue.
Maybe I was still hopped on adrenaline from the nightmare or maybe my mind was going fuzzy again but I was convinced in my decision.
I was leaving tonight. If I'm gone she won't go after Andi and she'll never find me. I'll never have to regress, I'll be just fine.
I looked to June for some confirmation of my latest plan and her head lulled to the side. I took it as a go ahead, and jumped out of bed, stumbling over the pillow barriers Andi put up.
My pullup was thankfully dry but my pyjamas clung uncomfortably to me, as I was still drenched in sweat. I whined, I didn't have time to change I needed to leave.
I clumsily pulled on my shoes. The panicked rush I was in and the weird feeling of being sockless in the shoes distracted me from tucking in my laces.
I scrambled around the room throwing things into my back pack. I put a star book, June, some pull-ups and I tried to stuff my pillow in too. All the things I would need out on my own, I was pretty sure I had all these things the last time I was out on the streets. I mean how could I live without them?
Satisfied and still shaking in fear, I shuffled forward to the door. Creaking it open, I looked either side of the hallway and began to tiptoe out. The pillow sticking out of my bag threw off my balance a little as I teetered to and fro.
In my very long trek down the landing I contemplated what Andi would think. Sure he cares, he said he'd help. But he doesn't want a baby in his hands. I don't want a baby in his either. This is the best thing for both of us.
I suddenly tripped over nothing, stumbling forward and just about caught myself. But I stepped on my laces and sent myself tumbling to the ground with a cry.
Stupid stupid laces. Why do shoes even have laces, they're annoying and hard to do. I pulled myself up using the banister and brushed myself off.
I moved closer towards the stairs, it suddenly seeming like a lot longer way down. I gripped onto the post and stared down into the darkness. In my head flashed a snapshot of silver fur and I whimpered.
Another flash of eyes everywhere in the darkness and I jumped. I tried again to suppress my childish fears but it was too much to do.
So I was stuck in the horrible limbo of the obvious wolf waiting for me downstairs or going back to bed and turning into a baby.
Then.. a third option opened up as a voice coming from down the hall.
"Jam?"
I snapped my head towards Andis bedroom door, where he stood rubbing sleep from his eyes and grumbling.
I froze, unsure of what to do. We both stayed still for a moment before he asked.
"Bambi what're you-"
He yawned
"-Doin up?"
I opened my mouth to speak but found nothing came out but a sad little squeak. Tears were threatening to pour again and I was struggling to keep everything down, so found myself unable to formulate an answer.
He watched me through bleary eyes and asked simply.
"Bad dream?"
The little control I had over my terror was begginging to slip. I couldn't even answer him again, just letting out another strangled cry and feeling my legs start to shape.
I regripped the banister for support. Andi sighed, looking pitifully to me, but mostly looking tired.
He looked very, very tired. We've been having alot of late nights but I don't think I've ever seen him this exhausted.
I don't even know how much sleep he's lost over me.
He let out another yawn before pushing his hair out of his face. Stating once again very simply
"Ok come 'ere"
I did not move, my self awarenes was disgusted at my actions, screaming at me to move. Get out before she finds you. I needed to do something
Before I could consider my options, Andi chose for me.
He started towards me swiftly putting his arm around my shoulder and guiding me back to his bedroom. He mumbled to me all the while
"Back to bed back to bed"
I looked up to see his eyes half closed, was he somehow already falling asleep? Christ almighty was he sleepwalking or something.
I attempted for a second to avoid him but he effortlessly herded me away from the stairs and past his bedroom door
That was the point I realised my grand plan was not going to be successful.
"Waih- nooo"
I whined and pushed against him to the door, but he stood firm, still mumbling all his words.
"Shshsh jambam. Bedtime now"
I whined even louder at such a term, Andi having the audacity to chuckle.
He tiredly fussed over me, removing my bag and dumping it on the bed. He quickly picked up June and handed her over to me as I watched him. Completely dumbfounded by his half asleep movements.
"Don't worry Bambs- June's right here-"
I took the rabbit. I stared at her in disbelief and she stared right back atme.
"And Andis here too-"
Andi crouched down, bringing me into a hug.
The hug pushed me right to edge of breaking down again, but I held momentarily firm. Till Andi spoke.
"Shshsh there we go. Not so scary Bambi. Andis got ya. Bad dreams can't get ya now. Nothing bads ever gonna happen to ya, not when youve got Andi"
His words were clunky, oddly said and quite corny but they were just what I needed to send me careening over the edge straight back into my terrors.
I sobbed, hard, loud. And rather embarrassingly, I surged forward and burried my head into andis shirt. I fit just perfectly in his lap as I just kept crying even more.
"Bad dog!"
I screeched.
"Bad dog gonna get jam, get Andi. Hurt hurt!"
I confessed my all troubles, granted all through completely unintelligible babbling and even still, I was unsure if the delerious Andi was even retaining any information on this. He was very out of it but he provided the exact right comforts none the less.
"Nah ah ah bambi, no bad dogs. No nothing. It's just me and you. Andi and bambi. And we're gonna be just fine"
I cried still, heaving as I curled up into him.
He ducked his head down on top of my mind, effectively encasing me within himself. It proved expertly calming as he tiredly whispered more words of encouragement, breaking through my loud neverending wails.
"Brave brave Bambi"
"Let it out bambi, let it out"
"Andis got you. Andis always got you"
I sniffled, and blinked my eyes that I'd so tightly screwed shut. I looked around as Andi unwinded from around me, I felt like I could breath again.
With all of my crying out, I felt my head properly clear, not a forced clearly. Proper clarity.
Though clarity did not dispell all the anxiety and fear, as I still whimpered whilst pushing away from Andi.
I highly doubted Andi even understood anything Id just done. As he was still in just as strange a trance.
"Ok time for bed now. Bambi bed"
He yawned again and stood to his full height. I involuntarily whimpered, he was usually crouching or bent down for me. Full height Andi was kinda scary.
He seemed to know just what to do thought, despite his tired and oblivious headspace. As he gracefully hooked under my arms and picked me up for just a momentz to plonk me down on the bed. I yelped in the process and he soothed me with another hug.
He separated away with a little frown on his face.
"Those jammies can't be very comfy jam jam"
They weren't, they stuck to me and made me feel gross.
I sniffled and gave him a little head shake.Andi got to work.
"Right, t shirt for my Bambi"
He walked to dresser to get a t-shirt and I looked to June, desperate for an input on the situation.
Her head lulled in typical fashion, definitely showing that she was all in for the plans drastic shift off course. She was a bit wishy washy but her enthusiasm allowed me to be more open minded.
Andi was soon back at my side handing off an awfully large band t shirt. He covered his eyes and turned around.
"Go on jambam. Andis not looking"
I almost found myself giggling as Andi seemed to be pretty much falling asleep as his eyes were covered.
I quickly took off the gross pyjamas, at first opting to keep the bottoms, but in the end I discarded them as the tshirt was basically a nightdress on me.
"Done"
I said and Andi spun back around.
"Good job bambi, and extra good job wearing your protection bambi. So so so so so good"
I think I would've gotten mad at him there but his tired charm got him away with it.
"Now before beddybyes, do we need another hug. More bad dream cuddles?"
I wasn't gonna turn that down so held out my hands. Andi swooped right in as expected. But unexpectedly, lifted me up again.
I whined and clinged onto his neck from fear of falling. He stumbled back.
"You're so light bambi- now how about some proper cuddles"
He squeezed me wholeheartedly in arms, pulling up my legs so I was at completely mercy to his hugs.
It was strange, very strange. But as Andi began to pace back and forth, bouncing his arm under my bum, I started to feel really sleepy. I leaned into him, both arms still around his neck and I found myself taking extra long blinks.
Andi sighed.
"Such a funny bedtime bunny"
The line made me whine, making Andi chuckle again, lulling me further.
I then felt my head being lowered onto a very plush pillow. I recognised it as Andis and tried to keep my eyes open to see him, assuming he'd be heading for the couch.
I didn't find it such a trouble when my eyes wideded to the sight of Andi climbing right into bed next to me.
My first instinct was to literally push him out but that just caused a series of snooze inducing coos.
I then tried to scooch away, taking the other side of the bed.
But tired and delirious Andi was taking no prisoners. He snaked one arm around me that kept me firmly in place then pulled the covers right up to our necks with the other. He hugged me in tight to himself.
My face was firmly pressed to his chest. June stuck right in-between us. She was threatening to pop again.
I gave a little wiggle, demanding a bit more movement room. Which he allowed.
It was admittedly very comfortable tucked up against Andi. He smelt right, no off brandi here, just pure calm care.
From how silent he went I thought he'd already fallen asleep. But then he hummed, giving a little squeeze before nuzzling my head head and mumbling incoherently to me. He was barely audible.
"Hmmm.. comfy honey bunny, Bambi all tucked up in bed with andi. So cute.... So small.... Andi always gonna be with his little dear. Andis always gonna be here"
But I wasn't completely deaf though, I could still hear his little nicknames and things. So sweet it made me sick. In protest I whined a little and kicked out my legs but Andi hushed me.
He expertly moved me up onto his chest, moving back and forth, rocking me to sleep.
My eyes grew heavier and heavier while his warm comforting grip stayed just as strong.
Andi gave me one last nuzzlez before gently delivering a kiss to my forehead. I froze up in shock, and he pulled me closer. Whispering under his breath he said.
"I love you Jamie..Andis always gonna love you lil baby"
I let out a quick little wheeze, trying to comprehend what I just heard, before my eyes permanently shut.
I had no more nightmares that night.
Author's Note
I feel like this one is a little short, but that's alright. I became actually obsessed with the idea of exhausted Andrew babying a very confused Jamie so it had to be shoehorned in.
So shshshhshshshshhsh this isn't fluffy filler. Delirious Andi is 100 percent relevant to the story.
I also really enjoyed the little nightmare sequence. It was fun to write so I hope it was fun to read :)