Chapter Eighteen: Construction
I sat with Stella and Cody at the kitchen table, alongside her parents. Denny made the best pie known to man. Today it was strawberry rhubarb, from his own garden, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Even Cody had two slices. No diet could withstand Denny's baking skills.
Rosalie passed out cups of coffee to tame the sweetness and we sat there, savoring the last few bites when the front door opened and Sammy walked into the kitchen, freezing when he saw me.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
His step mom flicked him hard on the forehead, as she passed, bringing her plate to the sink. "Sorry, Jimmy. He has the manners of a starving badger."
I smiled and kept eating, taking sips of coffee. He looked like such an idiot standing there.
"I invited Jimmy to Easter dinner, dumbass." Stella announced. "You'd think you'd know when your best friend is home for the holidays and ask him yourself, but noooooooo..... you had to go to some stupid film festival instead of eating a home cooked meal with your family. Sucks for you if there's only a little pie left." She took a huge bite and smirked at him.
He sat woodenly down at the table. "Sorry," to me. "I didn't know you were home. Kenny said you were probably going to spend the break with Mike. Meet his family, take the next step, kind of thing."
Is that what he thought?
"No. Nope." I decided to leave it at that. Everything with Mike and Jeremy was still too fresh to just talk about casually with so many people around.
Sammy nodded, eyebrows raised. I'd known him since we were almost eight years old. I knew he wanted to ask what I meant, but he didn't. He knew I would have explained if I wanted to, so he respected me enough not to pry. He was like that.
"You can share my slice," I said, passing the plate to him. "I'm done."
"Thanks," he said, taking my fork and eating the last few bites. I slid my cup of coffee towards him and he took a sip. "Good."
It was directed to me but his dad grinned, pleased as punch with the compliment from his sometimes surly son.
"You went to a film festival?" I asked, as Stella and Cody giggled for some bizarre reason and left us at the table alone.
"We're off!" Denny exclaimed. And Rosalie nodded, rinsing of the last of the dishes, and leaving them to soak in the sink. "I know you must be crushed, but we're out for a nice after dinner drive. It was good seeing you again, Jimmy."
And with a strange flourish, they too left the kitchen.
We talked for a while. He seemed strangely uncomfortable, but I pushed through. We'd only spoken to each other when Kenny was around, so maybe when confronted with the new me, he didn't know what to say.
Later we rode our bikes around his neighborhood, and then over to my house. It was a good distance away, but it was a warm night for this time of year, and still light out. The sun didn't set until around seven so it was plenty light.
Sammy was an expert rider. He could do all kinds of tricks, like bunny hops, nose bonks, spins, jumps. It was really fun to watch. He always seemed so reserved that it was refreshing to see him show off. I stopped for awhile, and he put on a show for me. I clapped and cheered him on, before he shrugged and we kept riding towards my house.
"You're so awesome," I said sincerely in front of my house. "Marine biologist by day, bmx trick rider by night."
He shrugged. "What can I say? Excellence in everything, that's my goal." And laughed.
I bit my lip, eyes wide. His laugh was ... so great. He almost never laughed, so when he did, it caught me off guard. In a good way.
A great way.
"So.... do you... ummm... wanna come up and ... play some video games or something?" I tried my best to come off as unthreatening as possible, knowing that it could be misconstrued or whatever. The gay kid asking his friend up to his room.
I wasn't sure why it made me nervous.
He squeezed the handlebars and thought for a second. "Naaa, I should get going.'
"Oh. Okay." Trying to hide my disappointment. "That's cool. Okay. Nice seeing you."
"Yeah. See you back at school, I guess." He smiled awkwardly and pulled up his hoodie, riding off as the sun started to set.
I watched him go. Wishing he'd hung a little more. But whatever.
==
Yuri: Hey, come have breakfast with us. Kenny and Sammy and I are meeting at the cafeteria near the math buildings.
Jimmy: Sure, see you guys in ten.
I left the dorm room carefully, but managed to bump into Mike on the stairs of course. We exchanged hellos, and chatted for a tiny bit about our time at home, but that was it. It was horrible in a pleasant well mannered kind of way.
Kenny noticed my mood the minute I sat down.
"What bug crawled up your ass?"
"Nothing."
"It's clearly not nothing." Yuri agreed. Pointing to my breakfast. Toast and coffee. "You didn't get any bacon. Bacon, Jimmy. Sweet, salty, fatty bacon. I think it might be a first for you."
"Are you okay?" Sammy asked quietly, putting a piece of his bacon on my plate. Which I immediately ate, saying thanks under my breath.
"Yeah, I just saw Mike."
"And..."
Oh, I forgot I hadn't told them.
"Yeah, we broke up. It's weird, don't you think, how quickly it went from him sticking his dick in my ass to talking about the weather and ignoring each other." I didn't censor my comment because it just flew out of my mouth spontaneously. But when I looked up from the table, I realized maybe I should have thought before I spoke.
Kenny was coughing, his face bright red. Sammy was pale as a ghost. Only Yuri looked sympathetic.
"'Awwwww. You guys broke up? I'm so sorry!" She put a piece of her bacon on my plate. Which was a very thoughtful act since she inhaled food at a disproportionate rate to her tiny size.
"You broke up with him?" Sammy repeated.
"Yeah. I did. It didn't seem right to stay with him. He was nice, but ... I just didn't feel anything." I took a bite of the toast on my plate, trying to sound more casual about it than I really felt.
"Not like how you felt about Jeremy?" Yuri said, again, her brown eyes filled with compassion.
"Oh my god, babe! No!" Kenny clamped his hand over his girlfriend's mouth. She shoved him away, hard, and slapped him upside the head.
"Don't you do that again, dumbass." She bellowed, then followed it up with a kiss to his cheek. "But really, is it some big dark secret? You'll feel better if you talk about it. We're your friends Jimmy."
I swallowed and decided to go for it. "Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't like how I felt about Jeremy. But I saw him over break too, and..."
Sammy was the one choking now, and I stopped what I was saying to pound him (sorry) on the back. "Do I need to call 911?" I asked somewhat seriously.
"No, no. I'm fine." He pushed me away. "I was just... surprised. You saw him... before or after Easter at my house?"
"Before, why?"
"No reason. What did you guys... how did it... are you guys like...together...again?" He sounded like he was still dying. I guess the coffee really did a number on him.
"No," I said evenly. "We talked it out. It's cool, I guess. We were able to ... kind of ... put... everything... behind us."
Kenny looked at me sadly, Sammy avoided me, but Yuri slapped her hand down on the table. "Good! Good! I know he was your friend but..."
Kenny cleared his throat meaningfully, and she rolled her eyes at him. "I just think you can do better." She finished her thought. "You've had your toxic boyfriend, you've had your rebound boyfriend, and now you're ready to find true love! Let me help you! I bet we can find a great guy..."
Sammy stood up and without a word, left the table and walked away.
"I think I'm going to just focus on school for now." I said to her. She gave me a dramatically sad face. "I think I need a break from all that drama."
Kenny nodded in complete agreement. "You need to just worry about yourself, Jimmy. Finals are coming up. Let all that shit go fuck itself for awhile. You'll meet someone when you're ready. Who knows? Maybe love is just waiting for you around the corner, ready to suck your dick when you least expect it."
"You're disgusting," Yuri said, indeed, looking disgusted.
He grinned and took a bite of his bacon.
"I know!"
===
Jimmy: Can you meet me in the quad near the admin building? I need your help with something.
Sammy: Sure. When?
Jimmy: Ten minutes?
Sammy: I'm out the door.
===
We stood in front of the Student / Teacher Gay Alliance room. I shuffled my feet, looking at the rainbow heart in the window. Feeling my anxiety start to take hold.
Sammy took my hand, squeezed it, then gently let go.
"Are you sure you want to do this? There's really no reason you have to. It's not like they take attendance and you'll be marked tardy on the gay roll call sheet," he said quietly.
I was so glad he was with me. I could never do this alone. He was a great friend.
I breathed in deeply through my nose and out through my mouth. "I just want to..." I looked at him, hoping he'd understand.
"Okay." Sammy said. "Whatever you want, Jimmy."
I pushed open the door, and walked to the counter. A very nice looking guy, definitely older than us, looked up and smiled.
"What can I do for you?" He seemed pretty cheery and polite, which was good because all of a sudden I couldn't speak. I started to flush. And then completely embarrassed myself by starting to cry.
Sammy put his arm around my waist and he and the man brought me into a back room, where they had mood lighting and pillows and candles glowing.
"This is our chill room, Jimmy. Lots of people need a safe spot to regroup, " the man said, handing me a tissue. I was startled when I heard my name.
"Sorry, you are kind of a campus celebrity," he blushed. "I hope you don't mind my saying. but I'm so glad you chose to share your coming out video. When you did, we had a lot of students come to us, with questions and asking for help. You really made a difference in a lot of people's lives."
Which made me cry harder.
God Sammy must think I'm such a wreck. But he was so cool, just held my hand. And let me cry.
=
After talking a little bit to Ron, the guy from the front desk, I felt glad I'd come. There were tons of things I could choose to participate in, if I wanted. Advocacy, clubs, gaming, volunteer work. I had no idea if and when I might do any of those things, but now at least I knew I could. That they were available. But best of all they had free counseling, which I signed up for.
"Hey, Jimmy. If you want to be officially gay, you have to wear a rainbow bracelet," Ron teased, holding out a basket of handmade friendship bracelets. I laughed somewhat tiredly, and took one.
"Will you help me, Sammy?"
Without a word, he tied the bracelet around my wrist. I was so lucky he was my friend.
But I was beyond surprised l when he started to reach in the basket again.
"Oh, hey. Just so you know, we have another basket for ally bracelets," Ron said with a little smirk.
I was confused as fuck when Sammy paused, then took a rainbow bracelet.
"Help me, Jimmy?"
He held out his wrist to me, and with shaking fingers I took it. Ron smiled again, and turned back to his computer, tacitly giving us some privacy.
"Really, Sammy? Are you..."
"Just put the fucking thing on me, okay?" He growled. Blushing.
We slowly left the building, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells.
"How long have you known?" I asked him.
"Since...since forever Jimmy." He smiled at me. "I've always known. I'm late for class. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
And without a backwards glance, he ran off, disappearing into a crowd of students.
I stood in the same place. Looked down at my own bracelet. Then walked slowly towards my next class.
===
Author's Note: Yay. This is more my cup of tea. Get ready for the last two chapters filled with ooey gooey fluffy mcfuff n stuff.