Chapter Twelve: V Day
"Morning."
I stopped in the hallway, still in my boxers, confused. No one was supposed to be home right now. Jeremy was meeting with more sponsors today, trying to organize some kind of tour to Singapore or Malaysia this summer. He'd been working on a real pitch, with dates and proposed expenses, thoughts about how to incorporate the products into our live content, which basically consisted of answering Instagram questions live and doing more boys love games. He'd discussed it all with Kenny. I told him I'd do whatever but who knows if Sammy was on board or not. He mostly only talked to Kenny these last few days.
Kenny was out with Yuri all day and I didn't expect him home until tomorrow.
Because it was Valentine's Day.
So it had to be Sammy on the couch. I walked a little farther into the living room.
It was. He was wearing his boxers and nothing else, his comforter on his lap. Remote in his hand.
I didn't want to talk to him. I hadn't talked to him very much since that thing happened on stage. It wasn't really any different, I guess, than what Jeremy and I did for videos, the boys love stuff, and what Kenny tried off and on with both of us, since Sammy normally refused. But somehow, it just felt different. It made me angry even thinking about it. Because I'd thought...but...whatever....
Asshole.
"What are you doing home? Aren't you mister we should never skip class?" I knew I sounded snotty, like a big brat but whatever. He deserved it.
He shrugged, his eyes glassy. "I didn't sleep very good. I couldn't get the energy to get dressed."
I went into the kitchen and ate a banana. Bagged up some snack garbage we'd left out, put last night's Chinese food into the fridge. Wiped the counters even. I didn't have class for a couple of hours, but I didn't really feel like hanging out in my room.
Sammy just sat there, head on the back of the couch, flipping through the Netflix feed, not choosing anything. Not saying anything.
I gave in and sat down on the couch, on the other end. He looked at me for a second, then looked back at the screen.
"Are you upset about Ivy?" He finally said, his voice monotone.
"What? No." Still a snotty brat.
"No? You're not upset that she broke up with you? I thought you liked her. You guys seemed good."
I watched the screen for a few minutes.
"Don't want to talk to me, huh?" He laid his head down on the armrest, his feet on the couch, his body curled up like a cat. Facing away from me, pulling the blanket up around him. He sounded sad.
I couldn't take it. That build up of coldness between us. And I wanted to talk to him. He was my friend.
"Naw. It was okay. She cheated on me. So ... whatever."
"She did? Really? I thought she was pretty nice. I wouldn't have thought she would do that to you." Now he sounded vaguely more awake.
"Yeah. She hooked up with Jeremy the week before."
Sammy sat up and faced me, his face twisted.
"Jeremy!? Jeremy fucked YOUR girlfriend? What the hell, Jimmy? You're not pissed at him?"
"No." I guess it was weird. It didn't bother me that he did it. Messed around with Ivy. I felt bad that she'd misunderstood and thought that it meant more to him. Because it didn't. But my empathy for her was limited since she got with him before breaking up with me. Not that, ultimately, I was super bothered.
"I thought you liked her. Did you just not like being tied down? Too worried about your body count?"
Now he was just trying to piss me off on purpose. Even if he still seemed weirdly flat, like talking was too much for him.
"Asshole. No. I don't care about that shit anymore." I hadn't for quite a long time. "You know that."
"You're a very confusing guy these days, Jimmy. I don't know what to think anymore." He curled back down, staring blankly at the TV.
I almost got up and went to my room. But I didn't. He was acting weird.
"I didn't care because I really didn't want a girlfriend. She was okay. Way nicer than any other girl, but, I just didn't ... I don't know."
"Why did you ask her out then?"
Was I really going to talk to him about this? I thought about what that girl Kerry said. About saying things out loud. If said them to anyone, Sammy would be my first choice. He was a good guy. My friend. He would listen. He wouldn't judge me.
"Cause that's what I thought I'm supposed to do. I wanted to be like Cody and Stella. I want to be a good guy like him. All through high school, I thought there couldn't be anything better than fucking a ton of girls. And when it happened, I wasn't happy. I didn't like it." I couldn't believe I was saying all this shit to him. "I didn't want to be that guy anymore. I didn't even know their names. What if some of them felt like Ivy did with Jeremy? Like what if they thought having sex with me was like...the beginning of a relationship and then I just blew them off?" Literally.
"Yeah, you were a total dick," Sammy muttered.
"I know. I know. And I was partying so much. You know. You were the one who got me to ... get my shit together. Making me go to class. I thought having a girlfriend would help me be the guy I wanted to be. A good guy. A nice guy ...normal."
I rubbed my hand on my leg, like I was rubbing away something filthy.
"You are normal Jimmy. And you are a nice guy." He looked over his shoulder at me. Blinking slowly.
"Whatever. What do you want to watch?"
He shrugged and threw me the remote. "I don't care. You choose."
We watched shit on TV for an hour. I kept scanning him out of the corner of my eye, wondering if I had enough guts to ask about Alma, and Mateo. But I didn't. I was afraid of his answer. Afraid of what it might mean for me. What if he asked me the question I didn't want to answer? I kind of almost said it to him, talking about Ivy. But I didn't. I hadn't said it yet. The actual words. I felt so scared.
"I guess I'm gonna get ready and go to class," I finally said. "You want this?" I tried to hand him the remote.
"Nah. Just turn it off. I'm going to try and sleep."
"You're really not going to class?"
"Nope. I don't feel good, Jimmy."
I was an idiot. "You're sick?" I leaned over to touch his forehead. He kind of flopped over onto his back, the blanket falling off the couch, so I saw his bare chest, his legs on either side of me. I was practically on top of him. Which might have made me feel a certain way, except his face was flushed and his eyes were glazed.
"Hi," he said to me, touching my face.
"Jeez, you're freaking hot!"
He smiled. "I bet you say that to all the boys." And sighed, looking away, embarrassed by what he'd said milliseconds after he said it. "Sorry,' he mumbled.
But I really wasn't paying attention. I sat up, frowning. Covid was still a thing, even though lockdown was over three years ago. I knew he had his vaccines and boosters, because all four of us went together. But people still got it.
"Shit," I bit my thumb. "You need medicine."
"I'll be fine, Jimmy. Go to class."
"No." I stood up and checked the cupboards. Nothing. Only box after box of condoms in what we'd dubbed our medicine chest. And bandaids. Neither very helpful in this situation.
"Can you bring me some water?"
So I did, then sat on the floor next to him while he sipped.
"That's good. Thanks."
He handed me the cup. I tucked the blanket back over him when I saw him shivering. He looked at me with his golden eyes, and touched my face again, smoothing out the worry lines on my forehead. "I'm just sick, Jimmy. Don't get so freaked out." He brushed his hand back and forth on my cheek. "I think I miss my mom the most when I'm sick. Do you remember my mom? She used to make me chicken soup with rice and let me watch as much Pokémon as I wanted when I was sick."
I remembered Debra. She was a nice lady. She died ten years ago. Hit by a drunk driver riding her bike. She was a stay at home mom, and used to give us cookies after school. Sammy's dad remarried four years ago. Rosalie was nice. A nice lady. But I did remember Debra.
I took Sammy's hand and kissed it. He blinked at me again, pulled it away gently, and turned over to face the couch. "I'm just going to go to sleep, Jimmy. I'm so tired."
I took a quick shower, dressed and left.
=
"Who's here?" It was Sammy this time asking the question. He sat up, and I could see his blonde hair had gotten all messy. I walked over to the couch, sat on the coffee table, and put my hands in his hair, flattening it as best as I could.
"I got you some medicine." I handed it to him and he took a couple of swallows.
"Need water?"
"No," he sat up a little straighter. "Are you cooking?"
"Hopefully," I grinned.
I'd walked to the dorm store, just a junky little place in the commons that carried chips and soda and instant ramen, that kind of thing. I snagged a small bag of rice, garlic and some medicine.
At home, Sammy still sleeping on the couch, I made chicken and rice soup in the Instapot that Jeremy bought to make bone broth. We had more than enough chicken and vegetables thanks to our diet. I just chopped up some onion and carrots, smashed the garlic and threw it all together with the chicken and dry rice, covered it with water, and crossed my fingers.
I ran to the kitchen and walked much more carefully back holding the steaming bowl of soup in a dishcloth since it was so hot. I put it on the coffee table, blew on it, and looked up at him.
"There's no way it's as good as your mom's, but I hope it's edible."
He sat there, staring at the bowl. Then at me.
"It looks pretty hot," he finally said, his voice thick and uneven. Probably congested.
"Let me grab an ice cube!"
I came back in barely a second, and plopped a few cubes into the broth. They melted instantly.
"Okay, it's probably good now."
He ate quietly for a while, before setting it back down. "You want some? It's good. Get your own bowl though. I'm contaminated."
"Nah, I'm not hungry."
He sat there, knees up, blanket over them. His toes were poking out under the edge of the blanket, and I tapped each one, reciting This little piggy in my head. Not out loud. But he smiled at me, and I knew he knew what I was doing. I reached under the blanket, and put his feet in my lap, rubbing each one gently. He had really small feet.
"That feels nice."
I didn't say anything, just did it, my stomach flip flopping a little.
"Jimmy, why don't you wear the necklace I gave you any more?"
I stopped, and gently put his feet back where they were.
"Jeremy didn't want me to. It bothered him He didn't say it, but I could tell." I said quietly. And moved a little farther away towards the other edge of the couch. Realizing my mistake. Realizing maybe I wasn't a nice guy.
"Why did it bother him? Just a birthday present for my bro." He sounded off again. "But I get it. Gotta keep Jeremy happy. That's the name of the game these days, right?"
I shrugged, and turned on the TV.
=
A little while later the door opened, and Jeremy walked in, clearly frustrated. He threw his laptop bag down on the kitchen table so rough he might even have broken something.
"Don't you guys look cozy," he said, faux cheerful. "You didn't go to class, Jimmy? That's not like you. Sammy keeping you all to himself?"
Sammy stood up, all but ignoring Jeremy. "Hey, I'm going to go lay down. I feel a lot better. I bet I can sleep now. Thanks, Jimmy."
"Happy Valentine's Day," I said, kind of stupidly.
He smiled sleepily at me, then went into this room.
"What's up with him?" Jeremy sat down on the couch next to me, putting one of his legs on mine.
"He's sick." I said, then changed the subject. "How'd it go?"
He groaned and turned around to lay his head in my lap.
"That doesn't sound good," I said, putting my fingers in his short hair, lightly brushing it off his forehead. Repeating it, hoping it was soothing.
"Yeah, I don't think they went for it. I mean, they were really polite and asked some questions. They said they'd get back to me after they discussed it with the rest of their team. At least they didn't laugh in my face. This is why we need a manager. A real adult. Probably hard to take a nineteen year old college freshman seriously. "
He pulled me down next to him on the couch, and put his face against my chest. I held him for a while, wondering what in the hell we were doing. I thought about my conversation with Sammy, about what I said to him about wanting to be a good guy, about wanting something like Stella and Cody. Thought about what Sammy said, that I was normal. Thought about what it meant to lay here with Jeremy in my arms, how nice it felt that he came to me when he was upset.
I could tell he was feeling a little better when he started moving against me, shifting his hips to gain a little friction. I started to breathe heavily.
"I'm not with Ivy anymore." I said abruptly, hoping he knew what I meant without my saying it.
"Mmmmm,' he rubbed a little harder, and one of his hands squeezed my ass, fingers drifting a little to touch the crease between my cheeks. "That is true..... But...Sammy is here, and it doesn't seem like he's leaving any time soon."
I nodded, and swallowed some of my fear to kiss his neck, soft wet kisses. Usually he kissed my body and I tried not to panic. I hadn't kissed him very often. It was terrifying.
Because I liked it so much.
"Damn, damn," he breathed out, and shifted again, laying on top of me, grinding directly on me. We'd never done that before, and it made me want to do ... other things....
"Jeremy.." I whispered his name, wrapping my legs around his waist hard.
"Okay, fuck. Enough for now. Stop Jimmy. Let's...."
We both sat up. I was immediately embarrassed with how needy I sounded. I knew I was shaking. Because he rubbed up and down on my arm, trying to calm me down.
"Jimmy, let's...how about we get out of here tonight? Why don't you go to your last class, and then get a coffee or something. I need to do a few things and then I'll pick you up and we'll go somewhere. Cool?"
"Okay." At this point I would agree to anything he said. Especially when he leaned over and kissed my forehead.
He stood up and wandered over to the kitchen.
"You made him soup?"
I shrugged. Trying not to think of Sammy and everything from this morning.
Jeremy grabbed a spoon and dipped it into the Instapot. Made a face.
"Oh my god, Jimmy don't quit your day job!! This sucks!! Did you completely forget the salt? It's like chicken water!"
I shrugged again. Remembering how happy Sammy was when he ate it.
Then quickly tried to forget it.
===
Author's Note:
Okay...here we go...Let's ride this rollercoaster and see where it takes us.