My mind is trying to deny what I just heard. There's no way that Nevaeh was involved in what happened to the three of us two years ago.
My Heaven wasn't supposed to be a part of the painful past I've been trying hard to get rid of.
She's the new air I need to breathe, a different chapter of life, a cure, an antidote to my fucked up life. Just the thought of Nevaeh having something to do with Olivia and Roman -- and I didn't even know about it -- is enough to make me lose my mind.
I don't think that I want Olivia to continue her story, but she does, unaware of the turmoil in my heart.
"She heard what Roman and I had done," Olivia whispers brokenly. "She knew that I cheated on you, and even though I wanted to fix everything then, I couldn't help but think that it wasn't possible anymore. What if she told everyone... what if she told you before I even had the chance to explain myself?"
Tears are streaming down Olivia's face again.
This is it. This is the confession Olivia had been holding back for these past two years. This is the moment she finally allows herself to completely break in front of me, admitting why she left me on our wedding day.
"Being honest with you about my mistake and admitting it because I just got caught are two very different things," Olivia says. "I felt like our future crumbled in an instant, and there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't know how to face you. I couldn't bear to see you."
She lets out a soft cry. "But then, I knew that I couldn't blame the girl. In fact, she looked just as panicked as I was."
I swallow.
I never expected that Olivia, of all people, would tell me something about Nevaeh that I wasn't aware of.
A part of me doesn't want to hear it, afraid that it will change us, taint us, ruin us. Something is telling me that it will, and I beg to deny it.
I always thought that I knew Nevaeh, but now, I'm not sure anymore.
How could she hide something so important to me? The missing piece of my past. She had plenty of time to tell me the truth.
"She told me to forget about her eavesdropping and that she would pretend nothing ever happened." Olivia smiles sadly while her words sting me.
My heart clenches with sudden pain.
"That time, I couldn't believe her," Olivia says. "But now that you're here, having no idea about her witnessing, it means that she kept her words to me. I was running away in fear of something that didn't even happen in the first place." Her voice is filled with regret.
The lump in my throat almost chokes me. I know that Nevaeh and I barely knew each other two years ago, so her decision was something that one would take in panic, not to mention that my wedding was one of the biggest events of the year.
What happened to the three of us wasn't her business.
But still, why does my heart ache so much?
Did Nevaeh prefer Olivia coming to the altar, to me, like nothing ever happened?
Of course. What the fuck am I thinking? I would have wanted it. Hell, I'd waited for Olivia in the same spot for two consecutive nights, feeling like dying.
But I just can't imagine the same Nevaeh, the woman I love now, is the same person who kept her words to Olivia. I know that our past shouldn't ruin what we have now, but it still hurts.
She didn't love me back then. Of course, she didn't. We didn't even know each other well. Her decision was the most logical one, for a stranger.
What matters is now, I remind myself. Nevaeh loves me, and we have each other. It's the only thing that matters now.
She does love me.
Right?
Darkness begins to envelop me, causing me to drown in insecurity. I thought that I was slowly healing, but suddenly, everything I believe feels so far away.
No. I shouldn't listen to these voices inside my head. Why would Nevaeh stay with me if she didn't love me?
"I still remember the guilt on her expression when she told me to forget that she was there witnessing everything," Olivia says, and that one word strikes me.
Guilt.
The reality comes crashing down on me like a trainwreck.
"But I wasn't thinking clearly because of my fear." Olivia starts to cry again. "I left you. Oh God, Aiden, I left you alone at that altar and since then I never forgave myself for a second..."
I can't hear what Olivia is saying because my mind is in somewhere else. My heart torn.
Memories flash back, and I feel so stupid for not realizing what Nevaeh truly feels sooner. All that I have believed in don't even exist. There have been signs warning me that having Nevaeh for myself is too good to be true, but I chose to ignore it because of my fucking stupid feelings.
"I think I really have to go." My voice sounds weak when I try to stand up from my seat.
I need to get out of here right now because the things Olivia said about Nevaeh are ripping me of sanity. I feel like I'm losing my mind. No, I'm losing everything.
Olivia catches my arm, shaking. She stands up too. Her eyes are wide and filled with disbelief, as if she didn't expect that I would leave in the middle of our conversation.
"Y-you're leaving now?" she stutters. Confusion skates all over her face.
Silence falls.
I swallow my own pain and stare into her eyes. Those eyes used to make me weak, but now, I feel nothing but sympathy for the broken woman in front of me.
"I understand if you want to go." Olivia's lips tremble. "I won't hold you back, and I know that your being here listening to me is more than what I could have asked for. I can't be more grateful. I'm glad that you came here to get the explanation you deserved. I just..."
I wait for her to say more.
"Don't you want to say something back?" she cries softly. "Tell me what you have in mind. Even yell at me, if you want to. Show me the rage that has been building up inside you all these years. Tell me something, Aiden. I've fallen into depression because I can't stop thinking about you, about what happened to you. Please, just say something back." Still hearing nothing from me, she chokes on her sob. "Anything."
My eyes fall to her shaking hand that is still wrapping around my arm. I see the rest of her arm too, covered in bruises.
I look up at her again and say in a calm voice, "I came here only to get answers. I have nothing to say," the truth leaves my lips.
Olivia steps back, finally releasing my arm. She looks down and nods in understanding.
"But if there's something I would say to you, Olivia," I continue, causing her to look up at me again. "You shouldn't let him abuse you."
She takes a deep breath.
"I know." Her voice cracks. "It's hard to believe. Roman's temper has been out of hand sometimes, but he never hurt me before. It was after we moved here that he became violent to me." Her chest heaves up and down as anguish takes over her body.
I wanted to tell her this earlier but I didn't want her to misunderstand my concern.
Olivia is an adult, a grown-up woman, and her problem with Roman is something that I shouldn't interfere with. She can call the cops, leave him, or even file a divorce.
"It scares me that he has turned into someone I barely know, and I've been living in fear these days because I never know when he will snap and raise his hand to hurt me." Olivia wraps her arms around her body, shivering as the memory flashes back in her mind.
Then she jerks up, looking at me. "W-what should I do? I know that he'll be even angrier now that I let you inside our house." She looks over my shoulder and snaps her head toward a door on her left.
It seems like she's planning to lock herself in a room once I'm out of here, but Roman can break the door if he wants to.
I shut my eyes. Imagining her, or any woman, harmed, physically abused by the man living with her under the same roof is such a disturbing thought I feel disgusted. No woman -- nobody, actually -- should experience it. Even when the physical abuse doesn't happen yet at the moment, living with such fear is emotional abuse itself.
"Do you have any other place to go?" I ask. "One that is safe for you. Your family?"
Olivia abruptly shakes her head. "I didn't really keep in touch with my friends after we moved to Switzerland. I didn't want to be reminded of it over and over again. I knew that I'd done a terrible thing, and it was killing me slowly. As for my family..." She bites her lip, gripping her chest. "They barely talk to me. What do I expect? I humiliated them in front of the whole world. I've come to realize that nobody would understand me."
Watching her like this, I realize that Olivia is indeed alone. She might have Roman, but they're losing each other.
"I don't have any money left to help myself." She looks down in shame. "I don't work. I didn't in Switzerland. I helped Roman with the business, anyway. He gave me his card, but then he'll be able to know where I am if I use it."
Olivia's brows crease as she gets lost in her thoughts. She looks so tired, so helpless. When she looks up at me again, I sigh.
"I'll help you."