Lily
It's two o'clock in the morning and I'm wide awake. It isn't that I'm not tired...I'm fucking exhausted. It's the noises and images in my head that are refusing to let me sleep. I have seen countless therapists over the years that have all given me the same song and dance that it will take time to forget. Well, it's been eighteen fucking years, and I still haven't fucking forgotten. So – there's that.
Sure, I've tried several things to drown them out and help me forget – drinking, sex, partying – but nothing works for long. The thing that helps the most – my guitar – isn't an option tonight. It's the middle of the night and I don't want to piss off my neighbors. Hell, for the past six months, there hasn't been much of my guitar anyway. Not because of the neighbors, but because it isn't allowed. Steven doesn't allow a lot of things.
Steven, my boss, is the CEO of a large company located in the heart of Atlanta and I am his assistant. I am also sexually involved with him...and he's a fucking asshole. For those that aren't aware of my past, they blame my insomnia and anxiety, on him. Hell, he's an easy target to blame, especially since some have witnessed the way he treats me. If they only knew what they saw was only half of it, they would find me more pathetic than they already do. I know, because I find myself extremely pathetic.
Fuck, I do not want to think of Steven. Especially with the memories of eighteen years ago already fucking with my mind tonight. My situation with Steven, only makes it worse. He makes everything worse.
Thankfully, tonight, I am alone. He is not around to correct me, to humiliate me, or to punish me. I am free – except for the fucking memories, which I am currently working on drowning. I empty my second glass of red wine and pour another one before standing from my white leather couch to head towards my balcony.
Opening the sliding glass door, I step outside and feel the cold air against my skin, my bare nipples instantly hardening against my tank top. I place my wine glass on the small table to my right and sit down on the lounge chair straightening my legs out in front of me. I look up towards the city lights and take a deep breath.
I fucking hate the city. The lights. The noise. Some people like all this, but not me. I would rather live somewhere where it's quiet and I can actually see the stars at night. Hell, somewhere I can breathe fresh air. But I have no fucking choice. Steven bought this apartment for me, and I can't refuse him. It isn't allowed. Don't get me wrong, the apartment is nice. Beautiful even. It just isn't me, not that I've found any place that I've been comfortable enough to say 'it's me' and that I belong there.
Shrugging my shoulders at my thoughts, I pull a joint out of the pocket of my sweatpants and light it, taking a long drag from it. I exhale, staring up at the night sky above me wishing I could see the stars that I know are there, but it's of no fucking use. I take a few more hits, until I notice a flash of light coming from somewhere across from me.
Dropping my gaze from the sky to the apartment building, I scan it, wondering if my imagination is fucking with me. I put the joint out and set it on the table when I see it again - a quick, bright white flash - out of the corner of my eye. They're coming from the apartment directly across from me.
I don't hear anything, but it looks like flashes from a gun being fired. I stare at the windows across from me wondering if it will happen again, hoping that it isn't what I fear it to be. Then I hear a gut-wrenching scream, followed by another quick flash of light. It's definitely coming from that apartment, and it's most definitely, gunfire. I know very well what gunfire looks like. I've been around guns my entire life.
Jumping up, I run into the living room grabbing my cell phone from the coffee table and I instantly dial 911.
"911, is this an emergency?" a woman's southern voice asks on the other end.
"I'm not sure. There are flashes of light coming from the apartment across from me and I heard someone scream." I blurt out not wanting to tell her I believe it to be gunfire. That's for the cops to figure out.
"Ma'am it is a Friday night, could be a party." She replies with her southern voice sounding very annoyed at me.
"Yes, but I don't believe that's it. Can you please send someone out to do a courtesy check?" I ask as I walk back out to the balcony and look at the apartment across from me.
"Ma'am we don't have enough officers in the city to send one to check out strobe lights at a party." I can hear the sarcastic laugh in her voice and it's beginning to piss me off.
"I told you. I don't think that's it. And the scream I heard was not one of pleasure." I insist to the woman getting just as annoyed as she is. This is an emergency line; you would think they'd take this shit a little more seriously.
Placing my hands on the railing of the balcony, I look down at the street in front of the apartment and notice a man wearing all black exit the front door of the building. He walks out slowly and then stands completely still, before he slowly raises his head...and looks at me.
"There's a man, in all black staring up at me. He just exited the building." I whisper not removing my gaze from him as he continues to stare up at me. My heart stops in my chest as he turns and begins walking down the street.
"He's leaving. He just stood there staring at me. Please send someone." I say franticly as I dash back into the apartment. There was something so fucking eerie about that man. How could he have even known I was there.
"Fine ma'am, we'll send someone out." She replies annoyingly and collects my information before hanging up.
In my frantic state, I quickly clean up all traces of cannabis, change my clothes and Febreze the apartment. When I'm finished, I return to the balcony and sit in the lounge chair watching the apartment across the street. There are no more flashes of light and no more screams. The entire building seems quiet, and eerily dark.
I watch as a police car turns onto the street with its blue lights flashing. Fucking finally, it's only been almost an hour. Standing, I walk to the railing and watch the car come to a stop in front of my building and a short bald man steps out of it. I watch him close his door and disappear below me. Turning around, I walk back inside towards my front door expecting the intercom buzzer to ring from the security guard downstairs, which it does, as soon as I reach it.
"Yes" I say pressing the small white button on the intercom pad.
"There's an officer here to see you, Miss. Anderson." Juan's voice comes through the speaker. He's been the security guard here since I moved in a few months ago and he still insists on calling me by my last name even though I've insisted on him calling me Lily.
"Send him up." I reply and stand by the door waiting to hear the ding of the elevator. When I hear it, I open the door to find the short, bald police officer from the street staring at me. He looks just as pleased to be here as the emergency operator did to send him.
"Ma'am, I'm Officer McDonald. Dispatch says you saw flashes of light coming from the apartment across from you." Yep, he definitely sounds annoyed.
"Yes" I reply. This is definitely going to be fun, a cop that doesn't really want to help. Standing back from the open door, I motion for him to come inside closing the door behind him.
"I was sitting right out here" I immediately go into why he's here not wanting to waste any time and lead him to the balcony with him following closely behind me.
"What did you see exactly?" he steps up to the railing and looks at the building in front of us.
"There were four flashes of light, and a scream, that came from the apartment across from me." I point to the window of the apartment directly across from us.
"Describe the flashes." He glances from the building back to me before looking at the building once more.
"They were bright white and quick like gunfire but there was no sound." I advise him as he glances back at me again, this time holding my gaze.
"But you heard a scream?" He questions me, his voice sounding uncertain of what I've said.
"Yes." I assure him, I know what I fucking heard.
"Have you seen the flashes since?" His fat belly lifts as he speaks. If the man had a long beard, he'd make a great Santa Claus, except for the bald head and his grumpy as hell attitude.
"No" I reply simply.
"Anything else?" he cocks his eyebrow studying me.
"Yes, there was a man. He was standing there" I point to the sidewalk in front of the building. "He came out of the doors and stopped almost immediately. He looked up and seemed to be staring directly at me. He did that for a little while before turning and walking down the street."
"What did he look like?" The officer looks down at the street where I've pointed and glances back at me.
"I couldn't see his face. He wore all black and a baseball hat. He looked to be tall, but I couldn't tell you how tall." I shrug, hell everyone is taller than my short five two petite body.
"I'll go over and check it out." He responds and turns to leave. "I'll come back over and let you know what I find."
"Thank you, Officer." I grin at him, and he only gives me a look of annoyance as I close the door behind him.
I make my way back out the balcony and watch as a few minutes later, the officer walks over to the building. Just before he reaches the door, he stops, turns around and looks up at me. Directly at me. I give a slight wave as he holds up two fingers in response acknowledging that he does, in fact, see me. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and a chill runs down my spine. Whoever the man was, he fucking saw me.
The officer turns around and disappears into the building. Several minutes pass by as I watch for a sign of anything happening. I glance back and forth from the window across the street to the front door of the building anxiously waiting for a sign of something...anything.
Finally, the something happens. The lights in the apartment across from me turn on, and my hand instantly covers my mouth. There is blood splashed across the sliding glass door across from me. It looks like red paint, but I know it isn't. I know what blood looks like.
I fumble for the phone in my back pocket and dial dad's number. The feeling of deja vu is fucking taking over. Fuck. Not this. Not again.
"Lily, what's wrong?" his voice is half asleep and panicked by my call.
"Dad, I need you. I've witnessed a murder." My voice is shaky but somehow, I'm able to get the words out. The noises and images from eighteen years ago begin to flood my brain again. The memories that I was beginning to drown tonight, are back. The memories of my mother's murder.
"Where are you?" he asks sternly. I can hear the fear in his voice. I haven't spoken to him in weeks and have barely seen him the last six months. Now, out of the blue, I call him like this. I know, I've brought back the memories for him too.
"The apartment." I respond shaking. All the memories are back, fuck, there's no drowning them now. Fuck.
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes, sweetheart." I can hear the sound of fear and concern in his voice before he hangs up.
I sink down into the couch pulling a red pillow into my lap as I hear the sound of sirens filling the night sky outside. Closing my eyes, I hold onto the pillow, humming to mask the noises in my head. The noises of mom screaming before she was shot.