So honestly, guys, this chapter had sounded a lot better in my head when I was originally planning to write it than when I was actually writing it. I obviously have no idea how actually couples therapy sessions work, so it all ended-up being really awkward lol. I originally wanted to make this a whole lot more entertaining, but I don't think it had turned out that way at all, but I'm still publishing it, just so we could get past this point in the story. So, sorry if it sucks lol
Also, because I don't like at all how this chapter turned out, I'm posting the next one right after this one, to kind of make up for it 😅
Marshall's P.O.V.
"Okay, so the first thing I would suggest to you two," Dr. Emilia Tate, the damn coupled therapy counselor I've hired for Melody and I, says to us on our 5th therapy session, "is to stop having sex, until you learn how to communicate with each other and solve your issues without it."
Now, I'm trying to give this whole couples therapy bullshit a go for Mel's sake, I really am.
Knowing how much it fucking means to her apparently, first thing I did once we got back to Detroit from tour, was look up who is supposed to be the best professional at that type of thing here.
As my luck would have it, it had turned out to be a female therapist, which I ain't even gonna lie, made me internally roll my eyes cause I just knew the bitch would automatically side with Melody on every single issue we would discuss with her, and I would become their punching bag in every session we went to.
And I was kind of right. That was exactly how that first session went.
It was all pile on Marshall, talk about how much of an asshole I was.
Which, of course I fucking was one, I'm not denying it.
But having it all brought up in my face like that still made me feel somewhat salty.
And fucking paranoid.
You see, I absolutely fucking hate having a total stranger all up in my personal business like that. Granted, one of the first thing I ensured when I had hired this couples counselor for myself and Melody, was to get Paul to draw up and have her sign all kinds of do not disclose agreements. That had somewhat eased up my worries about this woman ever blabbing to the tabloids about any of mine and Mel's business, but I was still uneasy about it.
Bad enough that the public knows so damn much about my previous relationship with Kim, which frankly, a whole lot of it was my own fault for putting our shit out there like that back then.
Now, I want to at least try and protect Mel from it too, even though at the end of the day, a lot of our shit is already out there too.
And also, it's just plain difficult for me to just sit there and spill my fucking guts to a totally random person. All of my paranoia aside, I just ain't the type to do that.
So, even though today is like our 5th session with Dr. Tate, I mostly remain closed off.
While Melody talks a lot.
She's had a whole lot bothering her by the looks of it, and I just wish she would've brought it to me and not feel the need to bring a whole another person into it with us. Like, I just don't get this shit, I really fucking don't.
My ears perk up slightly when I realize that in today's session we are talking about our current issues.
"So, it sounds to me, Melody, like you don't trust Marshall," Dr. Tate says, and I look closely at Mel, sitting beside me as the therapist is sitting across from us, facing us.
Melody fidgets in her seat, and I grab her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze, even though part of me is kind of upset with her right now.
"It's not that I don't trust him, I mean... I want to trust him, but..." she fumbles with her words.
"And it all stems from his cheating in the past," the therapist clarifies.
See, what I'm saying yo? Here we go again, let's all hold hands and talk about how much of ain't shit individual Marshall is.
"I guess so," Melody mutters, and looks at me.
I don't say anything because it really ain't easy for me to spill my guys out in front of this damn doctor. I honestly wish Mel and I could just have this conversation one-on-one right now.
"And you two are supposed to be getting married next month," Dr. Tate now continues, looking at her notes in her lap. Or what appears to be notes in her lap. I wouldn't be surprised at all if she was just doodling in that pad on hers while continuing to listen to us. "Are you sure you still want to go through with that." She now asks, as she looks up at the both of us.
Say what now?
"Yes, of course," Melody says firmly, and I'm happy that she doesn't have any doubts about that, at least.
"What about you, Marshall?" The therapist now asks me, and I immediately feel myself shut down once again, so I just nod.
"Well then, you two have to find a way to get past this," Dr. Tate then says. "Melody, you only have two choices here, I'm afraid. You can either forgive him and move on, or, if you can't do that, then leave him."
Oh, that's it, this bitch definitely getting fired now...
"Leave him? I don't want to leave him," Melody says, and the doctor quickly writes something in her notepad. I really wanna see that shit she's writing now too. Must be all kinds of judgmental shit about us.
"Melody," Dr. Tate finally speaks again. "You seem to have a victim mentality. That's where part of your problems lie, and why you two seem to keep falling into the same pattern. You let Marshall get away with too much, you let him take, and take, and take from you. Or at least, that was your dynamic with him in the past. Now things seemingly have changed between the two of you, but you still expect him to walk all over you, and you are constantly on guard with him, because you are afraid of that. And you have to get past that. You have to realize that neither one of you are the exact same person you were back when you two have first entered this relationship. And you, Marshall, you have to realize that, at the end of the day, it is not going to be easy for her, because from what I've heard over the few times I've met with you guys, is that you have put your partner through a lot. You seem to have issues with women, and I would suggest you to look into a relationship with your estranged mother, patch things up with her, before you could ever have a healthy relationship with any other woman..."
Now, once she says that to me, I swear, she almost brings the old me back, and it takes everything in me not to cuss this bitch the fuck out right now. Cause how dare she?! Don't bring my fucked-up in the head mother into this, you don't know shit about her!
I clench my jaw and I force myself to sit there for Melody's sake and not go off on this fucking therapist, but I am only seconds away from losing it.
"Marshall, you are possessive, controlling, manipulative, and you have cheated on Melody before. How does she know for sure that you won't do that again?" Dr. now asks me.
"See doc," I finally speak up. "Now you are confusing the fuck out of me. You just told my girl that she should move on from this, but now you are asking me how would she move on from this?"
"I'm not really asking you this for my own pleasure, Mr, Mathers," Dr. Emilia replies, "I am asking you this on behalf of your partner. How would you reassure Melody that you wouldn't have another indiscretion. Especially after the two of your are finally married. And also, how does she know that you wouldn't hit her again, or harm her in any kind of way?"
"You gotta be fucking kidding me," I mumble. "Mel, I wouldn't do that to you," I decide to just ignore the therapist altogether and just talk to Melody. Like I said, I would rather have this conversation with her alone any time. "I mean, I ain't got no proof for you that I wouldn't do that, but I just, fuck man," I begin to stumble over my words now, and I feel so annoyed at myself for doing that. Like, in my fucking head I know perfectly well that I won't ever fuck up with her again, but I have no idea how to express it to her in a way that she would understand. And I'm supposed to be good with words too, now ain't that a motherfucker... "Mel, I love you," I end-up saying. "I ain't got no other guarantee for you other than that, to be honest."
I wish she would say that it's all the guarantee that she needs from me then, but she says nothing for the longest.
"I love you too, Marshall," she finally lets out. "But I just don't know." And it feels so goddamn awful that she's still having doubts.
"Okay, so here's my assignment for you two," Dr. Tate then concludes. "You two have to go home today and have a long talk where you both admit things you have both done wrong in your relationship. Communicate it all to each other, discuss it, and then decide. Either you both forgive each other and move forward, or you can't forget, and you move on. One way or another."
"Okay," Melody says gravely now, and the determination in her voice honestly scares me a little bit. What if she truly can't ever forgive me?
"Oh, and another thing," the therapist adds. "The two of you need to stop having sex. Until you figure out a way to communicate without it. Because it seems to me like you guys are using it to fix whatever problems occur in your relationship, and it just can't work that way."
Some time later, Melody and I are back at my house.
And we are now arguing like crazy.
I don't recall having a big ass argument like this with her in a very long time.
"Fuck you, Marshall, you could've at least tried in therapy!!"
"I fucking am trying, Mel! I go to the shit with ya, don't I?! What more do you want from me?!"
"I want you to actually put in a fucking effort!! Not just sit there like you would rather be anywhere else but there!!"
"That's cause I WOULD rather be anyplace else, yo!"
"Oh, so fixing our relationship is the last place you would rather be, baby boy?!"
"Yo, shut the fuck up, cause you are putting words in my mouth right now! Of course, I wanna fix our relationship, Mel. Even though the shit didn't even need fixing only a few days ago, I thought it's been fixed already. Then you wanna get all insecure and jealous over another chick that frankly doesn't hold a candle to you in my eyes! Tell me, why the fuck are you so insecure, Mel?!"
"Oh, I really do wonder why!! God, you fucking irk me sometimes with how you act all oblivious, Marshall!! Standing there pretending like you have never given me any reason to doubt you!!"
She goes to walk away from me, and I grab her arm roughly, bringing her back.
Only for her to yank her arm away from me once again.
She ends-up up marching towards the couch by the end of it all, where she intends to sleep, and I swear to fuck, I ain't even know where this whole argument fucking came from.
I pace the floor in our bedroom, knowing damn well that I won't be able to sleep at all tonight.
"I'm sorry, Marshall," Melody says, walking back in the room.
"Yo, what the fuck," I sigh. "Why'd you pick a fight with me?"
"I don't know," she shakes her head, and I see the tears running down her face.
Fuck me, she always gets me with this.
I sit down on the bed and pat the space next to me.
"Come here."
She hesitates, then sits down next to me.
I immediately wrap my arms around her and pull her to now lay down next to me.
"Marshall," Melody protests. "Remember what Dr. Tate said, we are not supposed to have sex until we..."
I chuckle and kiss her forehead softly.
"Now look whose mind is in a fucking gutter. I ain't trying to have sex with you right now, baby. I'm just trying to do that crap she told us about and talk about all our past issues."
For the record though, I think it's fucking ridiculous that the bitch told us we ain't supposed to fuck. I mean, we are both grown ass people, and we both enjoy sex, I don't understand what the fucking issue is, you know what I'm saying?
But I know Mel trusts this woman's judgment, so I'm willing to go along with it.
Even though I know damn well that I could easily circumvent it. Cause let's face it, horny motherfucker that I always am, I do have way more self-control when it comes to this than Melody does. She could never resist me, and I could easily make her forget about anything that damn therapist told her not to do, as long as I've touched her in the right places.
But I ain't gonna do that, because I realize how important it is for her to do things the right way.
"Look Mel," I sigh as I do wanna give this whole weird therapy crap a chance, I just want it to be between her and I, I just don't see why we gotta get a third fucking party involved. "You can tell me about everything that worries you, you know. Whatever doubts you still have about me, I can take it."
She shifts and places one of her palms flat across my chest, lifting her head slightly and resting her chin on top of it as she looks up at me.
"It's not that I doubt you, Marshall. It's just that things have been going so good with us lately. Too good. And in the past, whenever shit was good with us, then something would always happen to fuck it up," she admits, and frankly, I can see where she's coming from. "So, I guess, I was just always scared of that, deep down inside, and then that whole thing with Rihanna happened, and it just kind of confirmed it to me. Or so I thought at that time."
"Mel, look at me. I would never do you dirty again."
"And you know what, I actually do know that too. But I guess I'm just too scared to fully believe it. It would take more time for me to let go, I guess."
"And you've got all the time in the world, baby. As long as you just give me a chance and let me continue proving myself to you."
"I love you, Marshall," Melody says and kisses my lips softly.
I return it and cup her jaw in my hand.
"I love you more. So stop fucking fighting me and thinking that I'll do you wrong cause I won't, aight?"
"Okay," she says softly. "And I'm sorry I'm forcing this whole going to therapy thing on you."
"It's cool, baby."
"No, it's not," she shakes her head. "I knew how uncomfortable that would make you, but I still insisted we do it. And Marshall you did try. I was just... I don't even know why I yelled at you earlier about it, to be honest. I'm a hot fucking mess sometimes."
"I told you, Mel, it's cool. I ain't mad at ya," I chuckle, and she rolls her eyes, making it real difficult for me to stick to that whole no sex just talk rule. I don't know why, but it always turns me on when she rolls her eyes at me like that. "Now," I sigh deeply, forcing myself to pull my mind out of the gutter and look at her with resolve. "Let's do what that damn therapist told us to do. Let's talk about all of the bullshit that's ever happened between us that almost broke us up."
"Do we really have to do that, Marshall?"
"Ayo, you the one that wanted to go to therapy in the first place, right? So let's go..."