AN:
Hi everyone. I miss you so much. I'm really sorry for making you wait so long. So much has been happening in real life, and there's a reason why I've found it harder to write. Initially, I only told a few people here about this, but I'm actually pregnant with my second child. It's been 32 weeks, and I've been struggling to write. I still have a full-time job, and I get tired easily. I can't write at night anymore because it's my time to rest. Fatigue is a problem most of us (mother-to-be) experience during pregnancy.
I'm sorry that I've made you worried. I read your concerns on my message board and I really appreciate that you reached out to me. The good news is that I'm doing good, great even, because of this little light who brings joy to not only me but also my hubby and our little boy.
I know that it may be too late, but I wish you Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I hope that you are happy and healthy and have a wonderful celebration.
Love,
Anya
***
I sigh, hearing Olivia's cries echo from the bathroom. The door isn't fully closed, so I can see her shoulders shaking. She's sobbing. She faces the mirror, treating the wound on her forehead.
I look down at the dining table where I sit at.
I didn't want to step into this house, but I couldn't just leave like that. Olivia could barely walk due to her emotional breakdown, and the least I could do was walk her back into the house.
Nevertheless, even though I know that I shouldn't be here right now, a part of me wants to stay here because I still have so many questions inside my head.
Olivia steps out of the bathroom and takes a seat beside me. She takes the glass of water I prepared for her. "Thanks," she says in such a weak voice, wiping a tear under her eye.
Silence falls between us for a while. Neither of us knows how to start the conversation.
It has been two years, and the thing I witnessed today makes everything more complicated. I don't want to talk about it when she's on the verge of breaking down again.
"It wasn't always like that," she finally starts, causing me to look up at her.
Her lips tremble, and the moment she dares to meet my eyes, she swallows. "Roman isn't always like that. Things were rough back then in Switzerland too, but he somehow managed to compose himself. His plan to expand the business in the global market didn't go well. You might have seen that on the news."
Right. His family business wasn't ready to acquire a new market because they had invested a lot for domestic. Roman was only trying to do what he could while they were staying in Switzerland. What made it worse for him was that my father had always been in charge of our property business in the European market -- a competitor -- so there was no way that he would let Roman succeed.
"It was getting harder when we finally decided to come here." Olivia sniffles while I listen intently. "Roman, he--" she chokes, unable to finish her sentence.
I wait as she closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath.
"He got furious. He didn't want to be here, but we had no other choice. The business he managed from Switzerland was going downhill, so it was better to work with his father to take care of ongoing projects."
Olivia is trying her best to not cry, but it seems like some scenes flash back in her mind.
"Since we started living here, it has been hard for him to control his anger." Her hand is shaking as it grazes the bruise on her arm. "He would become angry for every little thing. He's scared, so very much scared. His fear is consuming him, and sometimes he gets out of control. I'd never imagined that he would try to--" Olivia cries, "hurt me."
"He fears you, Aiden." Olivia's voice is barely above a whisper. "He doesn't want me anywhere near you. The thing you just did, coming here, was the thing he feared the most. That's why he lost control. He... he wasn't always like that--"
A tear drops from her eye as she shuts her eyes. Olivia covers her mouth in her hand. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm telling you this. I'm not supposed to talk about us, especially to you. Oh, God, what am I doing?"
I also have no idea why I'm listening to their problem.
All this time, every time I imagined this kind of reunion between us, I always thought that I would be the one losing control. I should have been the one who yelled at them, accused them, and spat at them for betraying me in such a cruel way. I should have been the one breaking down.
But now, the reality is far from that. I'm not the same broken man anymore. It seems unbelievable that I'm the one who has to comfort Olivia in the midst of this chaos. This is ridiculous.
Olivia stares at me with a look so broken, and I can see the longing she's been trying to hide.
"All this time, I've always thought about how you've been doing." Her voice holds so much pain. "I can't stop thinking about what I've done to you. This guilt inside me is killing me. I know that I don't even deserve one look from you, but--" Her sobs cut her words. "Oh, God, if only I could do it differently and make things right..."
She leans closer to touch my face, and that's when I snap it off.
"Olivia." I shake my head. "We will never be together again." My voice is firm, unwavering.
She lets out a shaky breath and nods while slowly pulling her hand away from me.
"I know," she rasps. "Oh, God, I know about that. I'm sorry. I wasn't planning to make you think like that. How could I ask you such a thing? It was never my intention."
I stand up from the chair, preparing to leave. It's inappropriate to be here any second longer. It's just the two of us inside this house, which belongs to Roman and her. Olivia is emotionally unstable, and I don't want to be the cause of another disaster.
"Wait," Olivia stutters, abruptly standing up and pulling my arm so that I can return to my seat. "P-please, you've come all the way here. T-there are so many things I still want to tell you, to explain to you." She's begging me like it's her only wish, like she would die if I left her now. Tears are rolling down her cheeks. "Please stay here a bit longer. I promise that I won't hold you back after I tell you the whole story. There's something I really need you to know."
I frown, wondering what she means.
But then, deep down inside my heart, I know that I want this. This is why I came here in the first place, to have the answer to the burning question in my heart.
A sigh leaves my lips when I sit back on the chair. Olivia sighs too, looking relieved. We face each other again, and my heart is pounding against my ribcage due to the anxiety building up inside me.
Is she going to tell me the reason why she betrayed me?
Will the truth be enough for me to have proper closure?
"That night, on our wedding day, I gave you my word," Olivia says. Her chest rises and falls, a sign that she's about to burst into tears again. "I really meant what I said to you. I promised you that we would meet each other again at the altar. It was what I wanted."
My jaw tightens.
But she didn't show up.
I still remember how that night crushed my soul and shattered my heart until it didn't exist anymore.
"I ended things with Roman." A tear slides down her cheek. She looks away, ashamed about what she did to me, what she did to both men. "I know that it was still no excuse for the horrible thing I did to you, but I'd made a decision. I wanted to make it up to you, to have a second chance to redeem myself even though I knew that I might not deserve it."
Her sobs break as she shuts her eyes.
She covers her mouth with her trembling hand. "God, the thought of hurting you, leaving you... I knew that I would never forgive myself for it. I meant what I said when I promised to meet you at the altar. I didn't mean to leave our wedding."
My mind is a mess. I stare at her crying while a lot of things are going on inside my head.
I don't understand. Fuck. I'll never understand the shit she just threw at me.
Why did she cheat on me in the first place?
She said that she wanted to be a better person for me. Would she have told me the ugly truth had we been married? Would I have forgiven her?
What if she didn't? What if she chose to bury her mistakes and leave me clueless for the rest of our lives? Would it be any better?
I can't place myself in the past. My feelings have changed. I don't have any fucking clue if our marriage would have lasted had I given her the second chance she wanted two years ago.
What's ironic is that I still have no idea whether she truly loved me or not.
Was it love that led her to want to take our vows? Or was it guilt? Pity?
Which one of us did she truly love? Me or Roman?
I thought I knew the answer when she did leave me nonetheless on that disastrous night.
Olivia opens her mouth again, continuing her story. "You must be wondering why I left you at the altar despite what I told you just now. Believe me, I didn't know why I just--" She chokes, holding back her sobs. "I was scared. I was afraid. Fear consumed me. I felt like I was falling into a black hole where there was no hope for your forgiveness."
I frown.
She wipes her eyes and sniffles. "That night of our wedding when I ended things with Roman, someone walked in. Someone saw us. She heard everything, and I was having a panic attack. I felt like dying. That girl was your family, and I--"
"My family?" I immediately cut her off. My voice is shaking. There's no fucking way that my family knew about that and hid it from me.
"No, not exactly your family." Olivia shakes her head. "She came as a part of Max's family."
I'm at a loss for words, but then I echo, "A girl? You mean, his sister?"
Olivia shakes her head again, signaling that I'm wrong. Her glassy eyes stare at me. "I was sure that she wasn't. I met Max's sister before."
Right. Olivia had met Sienna because I once brought her to a family dinner my mother arranged with the Coopers.
"But she was about the same age," Olivia adds, and I don't know why, I suddenly feel chills run through my skin.
Something horrible stirs inside me, making me feel nauseous.
"Around the same age, you said?" My voice is low.
Olivia nods, closing her eyes. Pain crosses her expression, as though being reminded of the scene tortures her.
I involuntary ball my fist, and it's shaking on the table. "Do you still remember what she looked like?"
Olivia opens her eyes and sighs. "It was dark, but I can hardly forget the sight. There was light from the patio where she was standing, so I could make out her appearance. She has light hair..." Olivia falters, "blonde, if I wasn't mistaken."
My body freezes in an instant.
Max's family. Around the same age as his sister. And blonde-haired.
I know for a fact that Sienna is Max's only sibling, and that Max only has one cousin.
I feel like there's an invisible hand wrapping around my throat.
Nevaeh?