Noah's train of thoughts were wrecked when he heard the doorbell. He opened it thinking it was Juno but it was Caitlynn. He sighed, let her in closed the door.
"She's okay."
"Thanks." Noah walked to the fridge he wished he had beer or something to stop his mind from thinking about the past.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, everything is going to be okay. I'm sure you both will figure a way out, Juno is a very smart girl, you know.." Caitlynn said making Noah crack a smile.
"I don't think I can do this, I'm not cut out to play family guy." Noah said coming a sitting next to her on the couch, he handed her apple juice and she took it. They both drank their drinks in silence. They both were thinking of their disturbing past yet they found solace in each other's company.
"You know when all this happened with me, I thought what was my fault? I thought why wasn't I good enough for him? But now I realise, that our love wasn't enough for him. He didn't think about me or my kids before going ahead and cheating on me. I was going to sign the papers anyway, cause I don't want to be with someone who has to live with me. What happened, happened and no matter how much I want things to have played out differently, it won't change the fact of what actually happened. And I'd like to believe those things are the reason I'm here today, living this life."
"What doesn't kill you.. Only makes you stronger." Noah said taking the empty juice boxes and throwing them away.
"True, I never thought I could do this all alone. I packed up my bag and came here without knowing anyone in this town. I was freaking out from the inside but calm and composed on the outside. I'm still swinging it Noah. You think you're not cut out to play family man but actually you have been family man since I have seen you." Caitlynn smiled.
"It's all an act Clark"
"How so?"
"It's different with Juno, she hates me." Noah said, Caitlynn waited for him to continue but he didn't want to elaborate, maybe he was scared to show the sensitive side he had.
"How could she possibly hate you when she doesn't even know you?"
"Exactly my point, it's so difficult to talk to her, she keeps rubbing it on my face that I wasn't around when Beatrice was unwell, she also assumes that I'm going to abandon her someday." Noah said looking away. Caitlynn could see that it was something he was beating himself about.
"Again, she doesn't know you. She's hurt Noah, she's lost her mother and she's living with a person who doesn't open up about anything about his past, she doesn't know what's going to happen in the future, will you be around to see her grow into the woman she's going to become some day? So many changes happening to her body and soul, she's just confused what to trust and what not to.. You can't completely blame her for being so sceptical." Caitlynn said.
"that's something I myself am trying to figure out, but she's not helping with the situation." Noah said.
"Give her a break, God know we all need it sometimes." Caitlynn said getting up from the couch and heading to the kitchen.
"I guess she's just like me, my sister had said me that we were similar in many ways and now I see it." Noah said following her in to the kitchen.
"I wish you would give both of you a chance to get to know each other, you both were pushed into a relationship either of you had anticipated and now are bonded whether you like it or not. She's also a child Noah. A child trying to figure out to adjust with her bodily changes, her hormonal imbalances, her surroundings and on top of that you, Noah, just like you think she hates you, she thinks you hate her."
"But I don't! she's a part of my sister, and my sister was the only family that showed me love and affection, how could I possible hate her?" Noah said defensively.
"She doesn't know that. Talk to her Noah, go somewhere together, get to know one another."
"As ironic as it sounds, I was saying Juno the same thing, I told her all of us should go for a trip. That's when she flipped and played the blame game and stormed off." Noah said eating the cucumber she was cutting for salads.
"I don't know about us but you both should go." Caitlynn said leaving the chopping board and facing him.
"Nope Clark, you and me we are in this thing together, you could really use this break and so does your kids."
"I need to think about it Noah."
"No you don't! Juno needs you and so do I." Noah said simply but its words like these that Caitlynn try not to give much thought into.
"Noah, I don't have good memories with my last trip, I don't know how it's going to impact Mattie. I have to think about him."
"Don't worry about him, I'll be there if anything happens and besides I have been reading about Matt's condition and I think we can figure a way out for him." Noah said Caitlynn liked that he thought about Matt in the way he did. She walked back to the couch and sat.
"Noah.." Caitlynn said but was cut short when he came forward, held both her hands and squeezed her fingers. He stood on his knees and they were at eye level.
"What are you ... ?"
"It's just a trip Caitlynn Clark.. Say yes.." Noah said softly. Noah searched her face for a confirmation but she was blank. He couldn't help look at those lips he wanted to touch them, he wanted to know what it would feel like against his lips. He could see she was fighting a battle with in herself, he wanted to erase all those doubts away, he wanted her to lose control, he wanted to lose control with her. Their eyes were locked, neither of them moved or breathed. Her lips parted to say something when they heard
"I'm so sorry, I should have knocked." Juno said clearing her throat. Caitlynn got lose from Noah's grip and got up, Noah got up too.
"I was just leaving Juno, Noah wanted my help. I'm done here." Caitlynn said walking towards the door.
"Don't leave on my account, I'll be in my room if either of you need me." Juno joked.
"Juno, stay. I was leaving any ways, besides I was going to come get you, Noah wanted to talk to you about something." Caitlynn said opening the door, Noah looked like he was saying 'Don't you dare leave me alone woman!'
"You guys carry on, I'll take your leave." Caitlynn said rushing towards the door. She was about to close the door after her when Noah held the door and let himself outside with her, before she could say anything he pulled her to hug. At first she was shocked but now she welcomes the warmth that he brings into those hugs. She wasn't sure who needed it more but at this point she tried not give too much thought into this harmless act of affection.
"Even though you pulled that little trick back there, you still make things bearable, Clark. Thanks." Noah said with a smile.
"I didn't do anything." Caitlynn said, Noah let go of the hug but still held her arm.
"Maybe that's enough for me." Noah said with a smile. Caitlynn walked back to her house and when she got in she saw him standing and watching her, she waved and closed the door.
"Where did you find her Noah?"
"I have no fucking idea." Noah said watching her closed door.
"Really?" Juno asked from behind, Noah thought it was his mind that spoke to him, he flushed.
"What?"
"You said you have no effing idea how you found her!" Juno teased.
"What do I look like, a freaking teenager? Go to your room Juno!"
"I know what I heard." Juno said seeing right through his bullshit, that girl was too smart for his own good. But had he actually said that? He was glad that he could share all this with Caitlynn but was he really thankful for her mere existence, staying here and facing all the demons of his past didn't seems so out of place when Caitlynn was around, was he falling for the woman? He brushed off the though just as it came. He wasn't going to complicate things for both of them, all this was new to her and to him, they both were pushed into situations where they had to start everything from scratch. There were being there for one another when one falls short the other scoops in to rescue, he like the idea of that, he was sure of it, but what he wasn't sure was of his feelings when she was around, he felt and acts differently when she's around. He was surely attracted to her and her personality but he wasn't sure if it was too soon to act on those feelings.
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Breakfast and dinner were something Caitlynn, Noah and the kids did together, things were going pretty smoothly between both families, they ate together, joked together, Juno was almost like the fourth child of Caitlynn. The week flew by with ease and when weekend rolled out it was time for the trip that they had been planning throughout the week, it was four hour drive, a lake house Noah had booked for them, everything was loaded into his car but he could see Caitlynn was fidgeting with her seat belt and then her fingers, she was looking out of window and then back at the kids, they had not even started the trip but she was clearly uncomfortable with the way things were happening at the moment.
"Have you checked everything is switched off, we are coming back after two days?" Noah asked.
"Now that you've asked I'm doubtful, I'll check and be back soon." Caitlynn unbuckled and fled out of the car and disappeared into her house, Noah removed his seat belt and looked at the kids.
"Juno, take care of the kids, I'll be back in a jiffy." he said.
"Yes sir!" Juno winked. Noah opened the door and found Caitlynn screaming into the cushion. She didn't even hear Noah come in, Noah pulled her and the cushion into a hug. Caitlynn was flushed, "Noah, this is not easy for me."
"I didn't say it would be, but this break is much needed for a lot of people. You out of all the people need it the most, you will see once we reach there, it's beautiful, you'll see once we reach there. We will never know if we never give it a chance." Noah said.
"I don't want to create a scene in the middle of the trip, I don't think this is a good idea Noah. If I have a panic attack in the middle of the trip, the kids.. You won't be able to calm me down." Caitlynn said in a barely audible tone. Her eyes were still closed but she was relaxing the way Noah's moving his hand on her back, they still had the cushion in between them but yet she could hear his calming heartbeat.
"I have a few tricks up my sleeves to calm you down. I will show them one by one when the time comes." Noah' s voice was doing wonders to her fragile heart.
"Are you flirting with me?" she asked with a smirk.
"I don't know, is it working on you?" Noah pulled her back and saw she was smiling. She pulled his hands and they went to get in the car.
"Whose ready for the road trip?"
"We are!" they all said together, Noah looked at Matt and held his fist for Matt, he smiled and fist bumped Noah, he turned back to see Caitlynn smiling at him, he just winked and wore his seat belt.
Thank you for reading.