"I've placed the sales agreement on your desk for you to sign," Mrs. Rogers says as soon as I come back from the meeting room.
I nod, walking into my office. I sit at my desk, leaning back against my chair as I think about Nevaeh. Even though we text and sometimes call each other during office hours, I just can't help but imagine the smile on her face every time she tells me something exciting about her college life.
There's one important thing I've been itching to ask her -- her six months program in Seattle is going to end soon, and I still don't know whether she's going to extend it or not.
I have no right to beg her to stay, but I don't want her to go just like that. Now that she's been a part of my life, it's hard to imagine it without her by my side.
I'm not saying that long distance would be enough to tear us apart, but maybe it is. It was horrible for me in the past despite the commitment I'd promised.
The three words Nevaeh said to me cross my mind again, and I shut my eyes. The denial inside me makes me want to brush that sentence off every time I think about it.
Why did she say that? Why?
It feels like a part of me knows the answer, but the other doesn't.
I've heard those words countless times from the woman I loved, and now I don't even know the meaning.
The big question that has been bothering me for years resurfaces again, and I know that I have to face it. I have to face my past to get rid of this darkness that Nevaeh has slowly healed me from. I'm no longer in it, but it's not completely gone. Chills run through my body as I think about the possibility of being consumed by the same darkness again.
My phone rings, and I look at the caller. It's mom.
Her voice echoes in my ear as soon as I answer her call. "How are you doing today? Are you busy?"
"Not anymore. Sorry, mom, I was in a meeting." A soft smile touches my lips.
She sighs. "I know that we just met you, sweetheart, but we already miss you and Nevaeh."
My heart feels warm after hearing that. The idea of Nevaeh being surrounded by my family makes me fantasize that she's going to be in my life forever. It sounds really good.
"You know, since the big day is approaching," mom starts again, "when will you come home to New York? We hope that you and Nevaeh can come here next weekend."
My brows furrow in confusion. "The big day?"
Mom huffs. "Please don't tell me that you forgot about it. I'm talking about your birthday."
I freeze.
Fuck.
I did forget about it. Is my birthday coming up?
"You forgot it last year," mom says, and the memory flashes back in my mind.
I remember mom, dad, and Luna making a surprise visit, as well as my employees secretly decorating my office, gathered up here.
"This time, I think it will be wonderful if we all can gather here in New York to celebrate your birthday," Mom says dreamily. "I want to welcome Nevaeh to our home."
I sigh. I don't think that it will happen. It's not that I don't want to, but it's impossible to celebrate my birthday in New York without inviting Max. He's a part of our family too. I don't think that Nevaeh is ready to expose our relationship to him and the rest of her family.
"I don't know, mom," I say softly, not wanting to disappoint her. "I want to come home. I really do. But I have to check our schedules first, especially Nevaeh's."
"Oh, okay. That's right," mom says like she just remembered something. "I almost forgot that the exams are coming up. Nevaeh might be busy with college."
She doesn't say anything again for a while, as if she's deep in thought. But then she blurts out, "Oh, God. Did I freak her out?" Her voice turns panicked.
A small laugh escapes from my mouth. "No, mom. Nevaeh would love to see you again. It's just..." I falter, "I have to check if she can go."
"Okay." Mom sighs, and I can hear slight relief in her voice. It seems that the thought of Nevaeh and I being apart would kill her. "I'll leave it up to you. If you want to celebrate your birthday with Nevaeh there, that will be okay. We can meet again some other time, maybe during the holiday as we've talked about."
"Of course, mom," I say.
"Right. Have you prepared some quality time with her during your birthday?" She suddenly sounds excited again. "You should tell Mrs. Rogers and Ashton to clear your schedule--"
"Mom." I chuckle, cutting her off. "I know."
"Alright, alright," she gives in. "Oh, Gosh, what am I doing? I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure. OK. I'll stop." She sounds troubled, unable to hide her anticipation.
Nevaeh doesn't only bring happiness to me but also to my family, and that's something I want to keep for a long time.
"I'm just happy that you're doing well now. I missed you." Her voice breaks at the end of the sentence.
She takes a deep breath, as though she's about to cry. It pains me to know how much she'd been worrying about me.
"We'll talk again," she says. "I love you."
"I love you, mom." With that said, we end the call.
I heave a long sigh, throwing my head back as I spin my chair to face my office window. The city view greets me while I'm thinking about my future with Nevaeh.
Even though I'm still bothered by this fear inside me, I can see our future. I don't want us to end.
A burst of laughter escapes from my mouth while we're watching a movie on Aiden's bed. Tonight, it's a Disney movie that I insisted to watch. Aiden should have told me sooner that he's a fan.
He puts his head on my shoulder, and when I shift my gaze to him, he closes his eyes. It seems that he's not really paying attention to the movie. How many times has he watched it?
He breathes on my neck and sighs. It's more like a desperate sigh, causing me to wonder if something is bothering his mind.
The sound of Disney characters talking animatedly echoes in the room as we sit here against the headboard of his bed in comfortable silence.
"What's your favorite season?" I ask out of the blue although I can guess the answer.
"Winter," Aiden says. He has opened his eyes and is now watching the movie. His head is still on my shoulder. "What's yours?"
"The current season," I say. "Autumn. I love autumn."
Aiden looks up at me, and I give him a soft smile. I've always liked autumn, but I never liked it this much. Many memorable and unforgettable things happened this autumn. Besides, it's the season in which Aiden was born.
Yes, I'm aware that Aiden's birthday is coming up. I wanted to ask him what he wants for a birthday present, but I decided to surprise him instead. I've got some ideas in mind, though.
My eyes dart to the TV again, and I feel Aiden lacing his fingers through mine.
"Nevaeh," he calls, causing me to look at him again.
This time, he has a serious look on his face. His gaze is so intense, and there's sadness in his amber eyes. But the look he gives me is also hopeful that I wonder what he's thinking about.
"Will you promise me something?" he asks.
I stare at him, waiting for him to say more.
"Will you never leave me?" the question leaves his lips.
My breath catches in my throat.
I can see Aiden's fear. It's not only me who's afraid that we'll be apart.
He doesn't have to worry about me leaving him. I should be the one who's worried that he may do so.
Because I'll never leave him.
Never.
Never.
Never.
Tears form in my eyes as I imagine the worst thing that may happen. He doesn't know as much as I do. This guilt and the possibility of his ex-lover coming back to tear us apart are killing me.
I've ruined her plan to have a second chance with Aiden. What if she wants it back?
"I'll never leave before you do," I say, holding back my pain.
Fear of losing him is evident in my voice, and I don't care if he notices it.
Aiden frowns. Maybe he doesn't fully understand what I mean.
"I will never leave you," I whisper brokenly, looking into his eyes. "But what am I going to do if you leave me first?"
It may sound like I'm begging him. It even sounds like I'm threatening him to not leave me either. I never thought that I would say something like this.
Please don't leave me, Aiden. Please don't hate me no matter how painful it is for you. I don't know what I should do if you leave me and don't want anything to do with me anymore. The day you despise me is the day when I'll be gone.
Aiden's frown grows deeper. I hope that he'll never consider leaving me.
He pulls me into him, hugging me so tightly that I feel like I can't breathe. I wrap my arms around him too, wishing to be in his embrace forever.