"I'm practically famous now." Autumn announced when she walked into the apartment later that day.
Belle chuckled. "I'm glad. Can you hand me the mail off the table?"
Autumn handed the papers to her and hopped up on the counter. "Anything interesting in the mail?"
"Not that I can see." Belle shrugged.
"Can I have the newspaper then? So I can not get paint everywhere?"
"Go for it."
Autumn snatched up the newspaper and dashed off. Belle chuckled and began making dinner.
"I found something in the paper." Autumn handed a torn out sheet to her mother. "There's a seventy-five year old lady who is on a mission to find her older sister she never met."
Belle took the paper from her. "I'm sorry to have to be the one to say it, but I think her older sister is probably dead."
"Mom!"
"I'm sorry to look on the dark side, but it's probably true." Belle skimmed over the paper. "Elizabeth, huh? Lost her parents when she was a baby, raised by family, now wants to find her older sister?"
Autumn snatched the paper back from her. "Elizabeth Dixon, seventy-five, has made it her last goal to find her older sister, whom she never had the chance to meet. Her family never spoke her name, and there is little information left, but Elizabeth isn't giving up hope." Autumn stopped reading. "Did you ever have a sister, ma?"
"No." Belle shook her head. "I was an only child growing up. My parents never had another kid. At least not to my knowledge. I stopped talking to them when I went to college. They didn't want me to go. I went anyway." She forced a smile.
"That's rude of them." Autumn scoffed.
"I'm learning from their mistakes." Belle shrugged. "If you go to college, I won't stop talking to you."
Autumn grinned. "Good. Can I ask you something, though?"
"Go ahead." Belle hummed.
"Do you know how your parents died, ma?"
Belle tensed up and tightened her grip on the spatula she was holding. "Why are you asking?"
"I don't know. I'm just wondering."
Belle exhaled. "My parents were murdered. I remember reading the news article. It's one of my first memories after your father and I escaped."
"By who?" Autumn pressed.
"Drop it."
"Ma-"
"That's enough."
"But-"
"I said that's enough." Belle snapped. "My parents were murdered, that's all there is to it. I don't know who or why, but someone murdered my parents. Not that I care, because they only cared about themselves and wanted to live their lives through me and make me be the perfect child. But I didn't, and they disowned me and I had to live on my own."
Autumn went quiet for a few minutes. "You did it, didn't you?"
"Autumn."
"Ma, please, I'm trying to figure something out." Autumn pleaded. "Just answer the question and I'll stop talking about it. I just need to know."
Belle stared at her and let out a defeated sigh. "My parents were murdered on March eleventh of nineteen forty-seven. Two years after I was caught in that goddamn building." She let out a quiet laugh. "It took two years for everything they did to actually pay off. Then they sent me off on my first solo mission."
"Where they made you...."
"They made me get rid of what family I had left." Belle confirmed. "I went back, worked with your father, shit happened, we escaped, you found us, we relaxed, and then some giant space alien ruined everything, now we're in this apartment. That's the story, I'm an awful person."
Autumn stared at her. "You're not an awful person."
"Yeah, tell that to the government." Belle shrugged. "While we're on the topic, what else do you want to know?"
"What would you tell me?" Autumn asked softly.
"Whatever you want to hear." Belle folded her arms across her chest. "So, what do you want to hear?"
Autumn was quiet for a few minutes. When she spoke, her voice was soft and uncertain. "When we were in....where was it? Never mind, it was the day dad lost his arm. That day."
"Okay."
"The crazy doctor behind the glass. He said something. I don't remember what exactly he said, but he said something about how I was an accident. How I was never wanted."
"There's a reason that doctor was crazy. He's not even a doctor. That man is a liar." Belle said softly.
"He said how I'm a constant reminder of what he did to you. What does that mean, ma?"
Belle shook her head slowly. "Are you sure you want to talk about this? Because there's no going back."
"I need to know. It's been bugging me and I can't get rid of it until I know." Autumn begged. "What happened, ma?"
Belle exhaled. "I need to sit down." She walked into the living room and sat down on the floor. She'd never admitted this to anyone other than Bucky, and now the first person she was telling was her thirteen year old daughter?
"There were a few times that your father and I, uh, slept together, to say the least." She began. "You're smart, you know what that entails."
"Ew." Autumn grimaced. "Yeah, and I take it one of those times led to me being here?"
"Well, I mean, yeah." Belle frowned. "I don't remember most of it, though."
"Because it's not coming back to you yet?" Autumn asked.
Belle shook her head and sighed. "No. No, that's not why."
"Then why don't you remember it?"
She smiled sadly. "I wasn't awake for it."
Confusion covered Autumn's face. "What do you...." Her face suddenly changed. "Oh. Oh. He....he...." The words died in Autumn's mouth.
"I didn't plan to settle down or start a family. My parents wanted me to, but I just refused." Belle shrugged. "I didn't want to end up like my mother, stuck inside, raising kids and being a picture perfect housewife."
"You're far from being a picture perfect housewife." Autumn muttered.
Belle snorted. "Yeah, look at where we are now." She let out a sigh. "Your father kept asking and asking me to dance with him. One night I said yes, just for the hell of it. I didn't want to get married or have kids. But here I am."
"Would you have changed it if you had the chance?" Autumn asked hesitantly.
"No." Belle said softly. "Because they gave me you. I like to think that the situation was different because I know how much the guilt hurt your father. When he found out, I thought he was going to lose it. But I don't blame him. Not him."
"But the doctor said-"
"Ignore what the doctor said." Belle cut her off. "He's not even a real doctor. He's more crazy than I am. His only goal is to hurt as many people as possible. For what it's worth, I'm glad you're here. Even though the circumstances weren't ideal, I'm glad I had you. I don't know what would happen to me if I didn't have you here with me during this whole mess." Her voice softened. "Don't let anyone tell you differently, okay?"
"Okay." Autumn murmured.
She walked over and sat down on the floor next to her mother. Belle put an arm around her and pulled her closer. "You're a little smart-mouthed pain in the ass, but I wouldn't change you for anything."
Autumn rested her head on Belle's shoulder. "Are we just going to stay here? Just the two of us?"
"Probably." Belle exhaled. "What other choice do we have? You can stay here and go to school. I can find something useful to do. I'll eventually get bored of having nothing to do."
"You could come to school with me."
"What makes you think I want to go through school again?"
Autumn shrugged.
"Nice try." Belle kissed the top of her head. "I'm going to town tomorrow, do you need anything?"
"You should get fruit. I want a fruit salad."
"We can do that. Anything else?"
Autumn shook her head. "I don't think so."
"Alright. Fruit salad it is."
"She's such a sweetheart. She's missed you."
Belle scratched under the white cat's chin, who nuzzled her face into Belle's hand. "I've missed her too. She's so calm."
"I think if you tried to leave without her today, she'd follow you out the door."
Belle chuckled. "Well, I don't plan on leaving without her today. Does she have a name?"
"Not yet."
She picked up the white furball and looked at her for a few seconds. The cat's blue eyes stared at her, unblinking. She let out a soft meow.
"I think I'll call her Alpine."
Alpine quickly took over the apartment. She was often found sleeping on one of the kitchen chairs, on Autumn's desk chair, or in one of the two beds in the house. She made it a habit to swat at whoever's feet were underneath the blankets, or anything else that moved quickly. Her favorite spots to curl up were in a laundry basket or on top of the heater vents.
Summer came and went in what felt like an instant. Autumn started her first full year of school, after being caught up with help from her summer classes.
"Move, you fat furball." Autumn poked Alpine with her eraser on her pencil. "I need my homework. Come on, shoo!"
Alpine let out an irritated mrrow and moved.
"Well, if you wouldn't leave your homework on the chair, of all places, she wouldn't sit on it. If anything, you're in her spot." Belle hummed.
Autumn grumbled under her breath and shoved her homework in her backpack. "Bye mom!"
"Bye, kid!"
"Try not to let the door-"
The door slammed shut. Belle winced. "Never mind."
Some days were easier than others.
Most nights it was easy to fall asleep.
But there were nights when it was four in the morning and Belle was still sitting on her bedroom floor in her clothes, not being bothered to change into her pajamas. The grief was suffocating, and everything was a constant reminder of her late husband.
Right now, the clock on her desk read 3:48am. And Belle hadn't slept at all. Autumn would be getting up for school in roughly two and a half hours, so it didn't pay to go to bed.
Belle silently slipped from her room and into the kitchen, trying not to wake her sleeping daughter. She flicked on the kitchen light and began making the simplest thing she could think of: pancakes.
There was a set of footsteps down the hall that weren't Alpine's.
Autumn stood in the doorway of the kitchen, a blanket draped over her shoulders, dry tears on her cheeks.
"I didn't wake you up, did I?" Belle asked softly.
Autumn shook her head. "I've been up for a while."
"Can't sleep?"
Autumn shook her head again.
"Me either." Belle sighed. "Wanna talk about it?"
"Not really." Autumn sat at the counter. "What are you making?"
"Pancakes. Want some?"
"Sure."
Silence filled the kitchen as Belle cooked the pancakes on the griddle. She made two plates, one for her daughter, and one for herself. She handed a plate and fork to Autumn, who started taking a few small bites.
Belle sat down next to her, and together, they ate in silence.
A lighter pair of footsteps trotted over. Alpine jumped up onto Belle's lap and sat there, her large blue eyes staring up at the counter.
"Don't even think about it." Belle muttered.
Alpine licked her paw and wiped her face and let out a dissatisfied sound. Autumn let out a snort, a pitiful attempt to cover up the amusement on her lips.
When Autumn pushed her plate away, she looked over at Belle. Her voice was unusually quiet. "Do you miss dad?"
"More than I can explain." Belle sighed. "Some nights are okay. Others are like this. I can't sleep. Sometimes when I do sleep, I see him, but I wake up and he's gone. Which makes it worse."
"Oh."
"It's just something we're going to have to learn to live with. It's not like we can bring them back. We tried and it didn't work." She shrugged. "It was worth a shot, though."
Autumn nodded. "Can I stay home?"
"Of course. I'll call the school."
There were only a handful of days where Autumn had to miss school. Autumn was a smart kid, plus her grades were fine, so missing a few days was no big deal.
While everyone else was celebrating the holidays with their family, Belle and Autumn were celebrating alone. There was a small Christmas tree in the living room, that Alpine seemed to be scared of.
Two stockings hung on the wall, both currently empty. They'd stay that way until later tonight.
Belle, on the small budget she had, was able to get Autumn some gifts for Christmas.
Working at the diner gave her enough money to pay the bills, plus a little extra that she could either spend or put away. The tips that came in were a bonus, but they weren't always consistent or reliable.
Alpine sat on one of the barstools at the counter. Autumn sat at the other, and Belle was in the kitchen making dinner for Christmas. A small ham was in the oven, a pot of potatoes was boiling on the stove, rolls were about to go into the oven, and then a bowl of corn and another of gravy sat in the microwave.
"Can I have an apple?"
"Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes." Belle reminded. "But if you must."
Autumn grinned and grabbed an apple from the bowl of fruit on the counter. "I'll eat my dinner."
"I know you will."
The two of them ate in silence. Alpine sat at their feet, upset she'd been kicked off the stool.
"Can I give you one of my presents tonight, ma?"
"It can't wait till morning?" Belle asked.
"I mean, it could. But I don't want to wait anymore. I've had it for a while."
Belle glanced over at her daughter. "What's the catch?"
"I get to open one of mine tonight." Autumn grinned.
"Then I get to pick which one you open. Deal?"
Autumn pondered the decision for a minute. "Alright. Deal." She hopped up from her seat and dashed off to her room. She returned a few minutes later, holding a small box wrapped in hand-decorated paper with a ribbon tied around it. She handed it to Belle.
"You want me to open it now?"
Autumn nodded. "Yeah."
By the looks of the paper, Belle knew Autumn decorated it herself. Various winter themed drawings covered the paper. Snowmen, snowflakes, colored lights, and even little hats with sets of mittens. To finish it off, the small box was wrapped in gold ribbon, with a messy bow tied on top.
"It's adorable. I love it."
"You haven't even opened it yet." Autumn grumbled.
Belle reached over and ruffled her daughter's hair. "I know."
She untied the bow and carefully pulled off the wrapping paper. She set it aside and looked at the gift that made her go quiet.
It was a drawing in a simple gold frame. But it wasn't the frame that made her go quiet. It was the drawing inside. It was a color pencil drawing of Autumn, Belle, and Bucky.
"I worked on it when I couldn't sleep." Autumn admitted. "We don't really have any family pictures. I figured we could use one."
Belle set the drawing down and held her arms out. Autumn walked over and Belle hugged her tightly, trying her best not to cry.
"It's beautiful." Belle murmured, her voice tightening. "Thank you."
A/N: The two weeks of classes after Thanksgiving break and before Christmas are miserable. I want to go home. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is dim, but it is there. Also, 22 hour quiet hours during finals? Yikes. (aka it's quiet hours rn)
But there's a campus wide scream at midnight tonight (one hour from now). So that'll be fun.
College is fun. I want to go home. I think I said that already.
I had a check in with my RA and his supervisor because I am mentally unwell. Burnout and self-doubt are real. Everyone is going through it but not to this extent. But....it helped? Like, they can relate. I'm not going crazy. It actually helped. Wow.