A/N: NOT THOROUGHLY EDITEDDDD....
Chapter 7 – Free, Lost, and Found (Faith POV)
From my house in the woods, on the mountains in Switzerland where I thought I had to be, I could look at the sky, but, not from outside, never from outside, though. Standing out here, lost and surrounded by trees, my neck hung back, my eyes scanning the sky while my body calmed and cooled, I start thinking about the differences that I never could understand. The things I never questioned, like sunsets and full moons, even with my intelligence there was something trying to make it's way to the front of my brain but I was distracted.
All the signs were there but I bought everything Dmitri said. Then again, maybe this was the air was all he lied about. The air was certainly not poisonous. I was out in the middle of the woods so that was proof enough. But, what if... what if everything else that was said was, in fact, true. The Conrads could be a bad family. Not everything Dmitri said was a lie.
It could not be. I needed something - anything, even just one thing he said - to be true.
Earlier tightening sensation on my arm fades but I fall to my butt when the pain below my feet starts to make itself known, worse, the medicine I just took kicks in, and my stomach begins to roll and my mouth fills with saliva. The silent nights cool air makes me feel feverish, as I rest back against a large tree.
Blinking, the tears start back up again, and shame showers over me, I can't believe I broke their glass and ran off like that. Not at all imagining the reason I took off in a blind sprint. "Faith?" I heard my name but not from Samson.
"It's Harleigh and Thaddeus..." she called out again, confusing me. Her voice still off in the distance, but the night was still and so bouncing off the tree's, it traveled, echoed. "She can't talk remember, " Thaddeus said softer. Then, "Faith? Samson called us? Can you, I don't know, maybe clap? So we can find you?" did I want to be found? Walsh and Patricia had found me and all that led to changes, I had gone from living alone to indirectly now with a family that fixed up rooms for me, made me soup and sent me nice messages. It didn't make sense, the world that Dmitri detailed back to me, people cold and uncaring, how had I seemingly had two sets of that?
But again.
Did I want to be found?
Was I lost?
Physically, yes.
Still? I was much further lost in my mind.
Just then my foot throbbed and before I could really concentrate, the lightheadedness settling quickly, I clapped, then again, "One more time," they asked and I did. With a soft light flashed at me they quickly turned it to the side, just coming up to me slowly. I place my good hand on the ground, using it to push me up, "Crap, look at her foot," Harleigh said stunned and slowly I brought my leg around, leaning forward to see the bottom left all bloodied. "I'll call uncle Trevor," Harleigh said and without much more talking, Thaddeus came, lifting me up easily, against his body. "You know... you're falling apart at the seams here," he said and I felt Harleigh pop him on his arm.
"Hey Uncle Trev, it's Harleigh, yeah Thaddeus and I are bringing Faith..." she said and with a heavy head, I just rested it against Thaddeus. "We aren't doing a good job of helping you out are we," Thaddeus said just as Harleigh spoke as well.
Helping me out? What did they want in return? Nothing was free... Dmitri said-
"No, she accidently dropped a glass and cut up her foot pretty badly, and well Samson said she ran out of the kitchen like a bat of out hell," I snorted quietly listening to the shuffle of our bodies, the night sounds and then noticed that we hadn't really walked back towards the house. I had run for nearly five minutes, but after ten minutes of walking we were at the lake pond-thing I saw when we were driving up. Stopping at a car, no other adults, Patricia nowhere in sight, Thaddeus gets in the back seat with me, while Harleigh gets behind the steering wheel, and starts to drive. We have not gone too far, a few minutes on the dark road, slightly fogged thoughts make their selves known, is Harleigh actually seeing her way or if she's driving on memory because it's completely dark?
She drives for a minute more, or two, before stopping at a house, not a hospital. I gape not understanding, my body stiffening, was it all coming apart now, the truth? Was this where it would all turn nasty like Dmitri had told me long before? "Don't worry, Uncle Trev has medical supplies, if not we'll drive all the way down to the hospital if he thinks you need to go to the emergency room," Thaddeus said as he felt my body harden.
The medicine from earlier fogging up my thoughts.
No way could I make an escape now.
"We won't leave you here, but you need this to be treated," Thaddeus said none of that humor in his voice like when we first met or that day in class. Up in his arms, Harleigh patted my shoulder, "You've already met uncle Trev, so at least you're used to him," she offers kindly, optimistically. Waiting at his door was Dr. Conrad, whose first name I now learned was Trevor. Or maybe I heard it but was only now committing it to memory. His blue eyes kind under the light, dark hair was the only physical likeness I could find that matched Ansel.
"Put her on the counter beside the sink," he said as we stopped and he gave me a kind smile, the same as the other children, before immediately focusing on my foot. "I think you need to give your left side a break dear," he says I'm placed on top of a white counter, my left foot hanging over his sink, as Harleigh and Thaddeus sit at the counter thankfully not leaving me alone. Already as I glance over I see two syringes, taking one of them, he numbs the bottom of my foot, "So I'm going to clean the wound, make sure there is no dirt or debris in the laceration, I do think you'll need a few stitches for this Faith," he speaks telling me what he's doing as it's being done. A few pricks under my foot and then within moments the lancing pain I was experiencing fades.
Taking tweezers, he begins to pull out pieces of what I realize are glass when they drop against his kitchen sink with a slight clink. "How did you run on this?" he asks and with a short little wave of his wrist, making the writing gesture. Thaddeus jumps from his spot leaving the room, a minute later he returns with paper and pen, passing them to me.
I could not feel it at first. Too scared.
I only realize my mistake, when I've already turned the pad of paper towards Trevor. He takes a look the second my response faces him, before returning to work. "What frightened you?" I blink knowing that he knew all this before, I heard Harleigh explaining, I'm sure Samson probably called unless after running he just called Thaddeus and Harleigh leaving it all up to them. Having did his good deed.
"Don't tell people what you're most afraid of Faith, that's when you become weak when they know what to use against you," Dmitri flares in my mind. "Samson said he was making her soup and then he lit the stove, and she just... ran," I stiffen when Harleigh mentions the lighting of the stove for so many reasons the first what Dmitri said but also, I enjoyed cooking, how was I going to eat now if I couldn't even stomach or stay in the room with a lit stove?
"Was it seeing the fire?" Dr. Conrad asked yet, with no malice in his voice. In the hospital it was safe, he had many witnesses but here in his home... my mind battled with options, over what was going on right now. Whether I should answer his questions? Should I refuse? Would he refuse me care if I didn't answer? I knew the basics of taking care of a wound, keeping it clean, bandaging and apply ointment to prevent infections, but with the amount of blood...
Sighing in acquiescence, I wrote. Yes. Remembered being burn. My arm felt hot. Then I was back in the burning house. So I ran. Was running but I don't know where. Then I stopped when I felt sharp pains. Giving Trevor my weakness.
"That's understandable," he said with a sad smile, "you were up pretty late," he said a glance at the clock before returning to my foot, the tweezers placed on a towel he picked up the tools to start the sutures.
Overslept. Woke up in pain. Went down to the kitchen. I stopped and to my left Thaddeus and Harleigh brought their hands up to the table. Their fingers clasped, intertwined. That - they did not look like brother and sister. Were they... dating? Flushing red with what I realized, they are together, I look away and back to concentrate on what Trevor was doing.
"We aren't related," Harleigh comments; forcing my eyes to her I nod. "You need to keep off your feet, change bandages, you're already on medication for infection so that should cover this, but you need to be very careful so this doesn't get infected and become more of a problem than it already is..." Dr. Conrad warned. Doped up, I just nodded, my whole body feeling loose. Chuckling he pulled the soiled instruments away, "You can take her home now," he murmured and when I turned to hop off the counter, he shook his head sternly his eyes keeping me in place, and Thaddeus came over lifting me into his arms. The pen and pad fall to the ground, but once again we were moving, floating. Sighing heavily, Thaddeus walked to the car with ease and once we were all settled inside, Harleigh drove again, stopping in the front of the house.
This was it, I thought. I broke their glass, I had been outside at night. I had broken the laws.
"Punishment is never swiftly handed out, they like to make examples of rule breakers."
Taking Trevors instructions to keep me off my feet, Thaddeus carried me inside, "Your room or the kitchen?" he asked.
No punishment?
Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe they wanted me lucid.
Putting one finger up, even though I should've requested the kitchen to clean up the broken glass, and get something to eat, I didn't want an audience. Slowly we walked over to the stairs right past his parent's room, up to the third floor where he and Harleigh helped me onto the bed, covering me with a thin blanket and with tight smiles left the room.
Once the door closed, I sighed, wishing I had thought of buying my own small little bedroom fridge like I had at the dorms, that way I wouldn't have to travel all the way downstairs in times like this. Rolling onto my back I cursed the gripping feeling in my stomach. The emptiness familiar, and once again, I'm reminded of the time I spent alone. Curving into myself, half dazed, I couldn't explain it to anyone but I wanted to forget the time I spent with Dmitri. Almost pretend that it didn't happen, but that was impossible, I couldn't control the thoughts, or where my mind went sometimes.
A soft tap at my door startles me and I roll to tap the lamp near my bed on the right, turning back to the door, wondering if the person on the other side is maybe Kalenah, or Patricia. Maybe Harleigh and Thaddeus woke them to let them know of my newest injuries? The doorknob is tested and pushed and a little crinkling sound of dishes shook sounds before in the shadows Samson appears his neck hidden in his tense shoulders.
Not blinking, I stare at him confused, when the aroma of parsley and other spices, a thick hint of potato and mushroom filled my nose, and peppermint hit me and my stomach, loudly announced it's pleasure. Clearing his throat Samson took another step towards the bed; "I'm sorry," the words blurted out he closed his eyes and shook his head inhaling before opening them again.
"Not just about your foot or the stove, I meant – I'm sorry about how I reacted in physics. I was having a bad day – not that it was your fault-" he said hurriedly, but pushed on, "-and I thought you asked to be paired with me and I'm just – I'm sorry," his shoulders slumped and the dishes clinked against each other once again.
"I know you're hungry, so I made the soup – well I warmed it up for you and I put in parsley because I heard Patricia saying you liked it a lot, and tomatoes as well – and I made you peppermint tea – mom said you liked that – they bought a lot of it, you don't have to drink it, but I brought it up for you." Sitting up straighter, hungry I glanced down at the tray, then back up at Samson, noting the hopefulness and eagerness on his face, confusing me further. "I – I didn't do anything to the soup or tea if that what you're thinking," my eyes widened and jaw slackened... I hadn't been thinking he would tamper with my food, make me ill purposely but now that he suggested it....
"If you – I can eat from it first to show you that it's safe?" Dragging my eyes from his apologetic blue I looked around for my white board and mark, both on the table across the room, Samson followed my eyes, turning back to me he continued into the room, placing the tray next to the bed on the shelf built into the wall. Backtracking to get them for me, he placed them on my covered thighs, "here."
You don't have to be nice to me. I didn't ask to sit by you. I wrote and turned the board to face him while my eyes danced over to the ache in my belly the deliciously scented foods were creating.
"I know – but I behaved badly and I wanted to – I just wanted to help you. I'm not – you needed help and I knew you were hungry so I just made it the way I thought – if you don't want it. I can go wake mom and ask her-" I pulled my eyes away from the soup and tray of tea, my look stopping him from speaking immediately.
"I think she's going to know that you're injured again even though we didn't wake her this time... I mean you are supposed to stay off your feet," he pointed out and moved forward again. "And since you don't want to wake her, that means you're eating my soup – well her soup that I made better for you-" I cocked my head to the side as he came closer still, moving the cup and saucer to the side table, and then carrying the tray he lowered it carefully to my lap, moving around and taking a seat on the other side of the bed on the built in shelf.
"I brought you shredded cheese, I like that on mine, but if you don't it's okay – it's on the side," he pointed to the tray, and sure enough, on the side of my soup was a small little container of shredded cheddar cheese. Lifting the spoon, I dipped it slowly, aware that he was staring at me and lifted it to my mouth after blowing to cool it down. The tangy earthy taste of the tomatoes and parsley hit my tongue, and I couldn't help the moan that I released, so hungry the burning pushed aside as I scarfed down the soup, ignoring Samson snickering to my left.
"No one is going to steal your soup," I ignored him, savoring the very last spoon, while a small part of my brain wondered if maybe this wasn't Samson after all, I had seen two of them – of him – in the pictures downstairs, could this be the other twin, but he was letting me be under the impression that he was Samson?
When I put the spoon down, my stomach pleased with the consumption, Samson or twin Samson, came and took the tray to the side, while I reached for my now just right tea. The peppermint tart on my tongue, "So – uh – we were partnered together because we are both taking Physics as A.P. classes." I nodded.
"We have to work together on the term projects," I sipped on my tea, sleep taking over, slowly I slouched, until I had to put the tea on the side, and laid down, to look at Samson, "we have to design and build a Rube Goldberg-style machine that uses different types of energy to complete a single task..." I hummed, my eyes closing on their own.
"Night Fatima," Samson or twin Samson mumbled.
.
.
.
When the morning light streaked into my room the next morning, or late morning I stretched out, wincing and rolling over to my side, pleased to find my pills and a bottle of water by my bed, and decided to thank Kalenah for thinking to bring it when I went downstairs. Gulping them down, feeling grimy I limped slowly, wincing to the closet then the bathroom, wondering just how I would take a shower now.
Placing the plastic over my arm, I decided to use it for my foot as well before filling the tub up to the midway, and carefully climbing in still attempting to keep my injured areas dry.
After washing I deciding to tackle my thick waves, leaning my head back and taking the spray to wet my locks, washing, conditioning slowly before rinsing and attempting to stand wobbling a bit my heart lurching a few times until I decided this was the best that I was able to do with my limited movement. Wrapping my hair, I hobbled out, my foot numb but lancing painfully as I sat on the bed to dress, unwrapping the protection over the bandages after I made way to head out of my room. The minute I opened my door, the house filled with noise from the various areas, the closest, "Mom! She's awake!" Amy shouted.
Startling me and running down the stairs repeating her words from before, "oh – morning!" she said when she was at the bottom before running off. Limping down stair by stair, I made it to the sixth one just before Kalenah and Patricia came running up, on instinct I fall back wincing as I do.
"I'm so sorry this happened, the kids told me – I mean I knew the stove would probably not be – I just – I'm sorry," Kalenah apologized to me.
Apologized? To me. What?
Waving a hand, I pointed to myself. Glancing at one another, "Let us help you down to the kitchen," Kalenah said just shocking me all over again, not a hint of anger that I broke her glass, no punishments, her reactions nothing like I had absentmindedly been playing in my mind during my shower. No bouts of rage. I breathed a sigh of relief as they helped me down, until the second-floor stairs and my body seemed to shut down, my mind focused on the fact that maybe Kalenah wasn't the one I should be worrying about.
Ansel was the patriarch of the family; maybe he was the one that handed out punishments and the sort.
In tune with my body both women stop, "What's wrong Faith?" not meeting their eyes, trying to calm my heart and thoughts, trying to be reasonable – they hadn't hurt me before, why would they start now? No one had hurt me yet period. I had thought Walsh and Patricia would have but they never did, and now with Kalenah, she had spelled things out for me explicitly.
They weren't part of the Regime; there were no Loyalist or Independents – there would be no working for food, scavenging or abuse.
Anything I wanted could be bought in a store.
So when she asks if anything is wrong, I shake my head and loosen my body to make helping me out easier until were finally in the kitchen, my eyes avoids the area near the stove, and I'm seated next to Simon Conrad, Amy's twin brother. When he shifts next to me there is a scent, I can't place it in ever being in the house, but it smell familiar, "No – I need to fix my car, I have to get strings for my guitar dad," Samson says while I'm focused on the fresh scent. It's lilac, but fresh, mixed with something else, amber, Jasmine, Rose, yet still I can't place that exact scent ever being inside the safe place.
But closing my eyes, it was familiar, on my skin; I could remember it being soft, clean.
"Uncle Trev brought Faith her own pair," when my name is said I look up blankly glancing around the table of everyone, Talia, is across from me and Patricia on the opposite side of me from Simon. Dipping my head I followed Talia's line of sight to the two crutches behind me and was actually thankful when I spotted them. "Whoa, didn't know my arms were so bad," Thaddeus says seriously, his eyes focused on me when I look back, "I was looking forward to becoming your slave," my eyes flickered over to Harleigh who was just smirking at me.
Back to Thaddeus, I looked straight on and pointed with my chin to Talia, throwing his head back he laughed, as did the rest of the table, Amy and Simon looking between the adults, not understanding their laughter either. Concentrating back on my plate, oatmeal, with cinnamon sprinkled all over it. Every seat is filled and while I never look up, I know now that twin Samson never comes down, there are no empty spaces, Kalenah never asks for another child, the other children don't ask about one either. Distracted, and my throat raw, aching when I swallow, I eat slowly, confused by the scent coming from Simon, and the twin that didn't show up.
It's a truly welcomed distraction. I never worry about lessons' from Dmitri, I concentrate on the here and now. No one was hurting me, the Conrads hadn't proven so far to be violent – and I broke a glass and ran into the woods – but it had only been a day so I would hold off on getting my hopes up high.
Chairs scraping against stone tiles, make me look around, most of the kids are gone, only Patricia, Talia, and Ansel are at the table while Kalenah, stands at the sink taking dishes from Simon before he jets off screaming for Amy and Samantha.
When Patricia sighs, I turn to face her, "You have your first session but while you go Kalenah is dropping me off at the airport," she murmurs sadly, I nod already knowing this. I would never show emotions now, though, it would be the rudest thing to cry about being left with the Conrads, as though I didn't appreciate their kindness for welcoming me, even though I didn't trust their motives just yet.
Or truly know them.
I only knew that it couldn't just be kindness, Dmitri said that didn't exist.
.
.
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Sonya Mishal.
After a short trip to the local mall, picking up a few things I needed as well as guitar strings for Samson, which I noticed Patricia and Kalenah glance at each other while I purchased; the three of us sat in the waiting area, my good leg bouncing as we wait. Different posters and hands out littered around the area, until finally her door opens and a beautiful woman, thick brown hair, curly, but more controlled than my own, tall, brown eyes, tanned skin calls my name.
My crutches ready I limp into the room, stopping before looking over at Patricia, a note for her in my pocket ready since she'd be leaving and I couldn't speak yet. Stumbling around, when I'm steady, I reach into my pocket and hand her the folded piece of paper, with a small smile. Putting my hand out she comes over, a sad smile on her face, "Walsh and I will try to come see you over thanksgiving, you can text too okay?" she whispers almost conspiratorially.
Nodding, knowing that she'd text me right when she landed wherever she was meeting Walsh for work, I hobbled into the therapy room with Sonya, "I'll come back and wait right out here for you Faith," Kalenah said to my back and like with Patricia, I only nodded standing near a chair not sure if I was supposed to sit, only doing so when Sonya approves.
Sighing, I look forward her brown eyes focused on mine, "Are you nervous?" she asks but I can only cock my head to the side, unable to answer. I just tap my throat.
Her brow lifts and she points to the table next to me, where a writing pad and sharpie pen were waiting.
With my new utensils, I think of her question, of the reason Kalenah, Patricia, Walsh, even Ansel said that I was coming here and wrote my answer.
I wasn't kidnapped. Sonya looked down at my note her own pad on her laps though when she wrote I wasn't given the chance to read.
"Do you like where you're living now? It's only been one night and this morning, but so far, so good?" she ignores my comment frustratingly. "Wasn't sure you'd be making it in, Kalenah called me to let me know that you injured yourself last night," I nodded, my eyes glancing down at my bandaged foot.
"First your arm, now your foot..."
"Do you think you'll be going back to school this coming Monday?"
Don't know if I'll be allowed too. I wrote, which was the truth, Samson had mentioned what we were working on in different classes, and I saw new textbooks on my desks at the Conrads. But no one had really mentioned or confirmed going back to school.
"Can you tell me why you ran last night?" I gripped the pen in my hand tighter, the slight tremble probably noticed by Sonya.
Thought the house was on fire.
"That must have been frightening for you," she comments and the softness in her tone convinces me to nod in agreement.
"Were you remembering? Or did you know you were home?" the word home flows easily, as though it had always been my home.
Concentrating on her questions I wrote what I could, holding up a finger to let her know to give me a minute. The truth was, I wasn't kidnapped, but I was seeing fire where it wasn't. Rubbing my head that seemed to stay in a constant state of ache, I wrote.
Was fine. Arm hurt but I knew where I was. Then when I saw the stove light, the f- I stop not even writing the word. Skipping it over to continue, I forgot where I was. Then I remembered but I could still see it everywhere and my arm started hurting again. I knocked the glass over. Stepped on it while I was backing away from the room. My head went blank and it was like I had two choices.
"Run or shut down completely?" Sonya finished for me and my shoulders hunched down, as I nodded.
I wouldn't tell her that I heard voices, well Dmitri's voice. I wasn't there yet. But when I looked at her, the compassion in her brown eyes, "It's not your fault, I think that's why Kalenah left the food out for you," she said and I knew that she had really gotten more details from Kalenah already because I hadn't mentioned that.
"We can work on that, though, not panicking when you see something like that, not being afraid or feeling any lancing pain, phantom-like," I only blinked wondering how she would help me.
"Your emotions and everything else is written on your face," she laughed, while I just tried to make my face blank, failing since she laughed more, "This is a safe place Faith, here, I'll tell you the truth, right now I have a few truths for you, but I also don't believe you're ready to hear them. However I do believe you need to hear this while there is no proof that you were kidnapped, you were held, hostage. Do you disagree?"
I don't agree with you. I write boldly, testing that this was really a safe place like Sonya, Patricia, Kalenah... all the adults said.
"Why is that?"
Pulling out my phone I googled the word 'hostage.' And turned it towards her.
I wasn't held for ransom, or for 'fulfillment of a condition.' I turned my paper towards Sonya, with a smug smile on my face, though mine dropped slightly when hers grew.
"But you agree that you were held," she stated making me look down at what I had written. Was I held? Did I believe that? I had written it...
Conversation after that was stilted and my mind was consumed with new words and how the played into my situation. "Times up in a few minutes but today was just our meeting session, we will be meeting, on Monday and Thursdays for a few weeks. And for our Monday session I have a bit of homework for you," Sonya said handing me a piece of paper from the small stack.
Taking it and folding it like the note I had given Patricia, I stood, nodding and ready to leave. Driving silently, sitting in the backseat, I caught Kalenah looking back at me nearly four times on the way home, each time I diverted my eyes and she never pushed. With a good six miles left to get home, I pulled the paper out Sonya had given me, looking at it for the first time.
In lovely cursive: five words or one sentence to describe your life before being found.
Five words or one sentence to describe your life with Walsh and Patricia.
Five words or one sentence to describe your new living arrangement with the Conrads.
Once she stopped the car, I pulled the two bags of things I had purchased, and hobbled up the stairs, to the second floor, thankfully missing everyone, and going to the room Kalenah said was Samson's. I pulled out the guitar strings, holding them for a minute. I didn't know if he was in his room or not, but slowly, I lowered the strings to the ground, tapping twice softly, before going hastily on crutches to my room, shutting the door behind me.
Exhausted and missing Patricia I sighed.
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