Melody's P.O.V.
The day before Marshall's court hearing, I fly out to Detroit, just like I had promised Proof.
I told Cornell about it, and honestly, he was not happy about it, we actually had a huge fight about it. He basically told me that if I go to Detroit to support Marshall at the hearing, then don't even bother to come back to Saint-Louis, just stay my ass in Detroit from now on. Which rubbed me the wrong way. Because no man tells me what to do.
So here I am, not even sure I still have a boyfriend after all this, I guess I'll just try to sort it all out with Cornell after the hearing is done.
I do feel bad about what I'm doing, especially considering how close I came to actually cheating on Cornell with Marshall, hell some might say, I DID cheat, even though it never went further than kissing, but I just can't leave Marshall alone in this.
And I have no intentions of crossing any lines with him this time. I won't even be alone with him, so it should be fine.
The whole gang is at attendance at Marshall's house, the whole D12, basically everybody that's close to him.
Except for Kim, thank God, cause I honestly don't feel like dealing with her, and his brother and his daughters, who are at the moment with Marshall's mother and Kim respectfully.
Marshall is not there either when I first arrive, Proof explains to me that he and Paul went to meet with Marshall's layers, to strategize one last time before the hearing tomorrow.
So, for the first couple of hours, it's just me and D12.
I don't feel comfortable around them at first, feeling like I shouldn't even be here and like I'm intruding somehow, but they all quickly put me at ease.
Well, them and all of the alcohol I'm consuming.
Soon, I feel right at home, as I listen to them goofing around and talking shit to each other as usual.
I realize that I did kind of miss being around their crazy behinds.
Then I hear the front door open and close, and I instinctively tense, as I hear voices at the end of the hallway, quickly approaching.
Marshall walks in after Paul, and he looks exhausted and defeated. A completely somber look on his face.
This is the first time I'm laying eyes on him since the whole VMAs After Party mess, and I honestly don't even know what I'm feeling.
And if I should even be at his house.
I mean, Proof told me it would be alright, but I don't fucking know!!
Marshall glances at me briefly, but doesn't make a big deal of it, distracted by some shit Bizarre just said.
Which makes me sigh internally with relief.
As the day continues to go by, everybody but Marshall continues to get drunk and high.
He just sits slightly at a distance from everyone, seemingly thinking a mile a minute about something.
Suddenly, I see him take out his phone and start texting.
Just as a notification goes on on my own phone.
I look at it, and sure enough, I see his number.
Even though, I had deleted his once I changed my own phone number, I still remember his by heart.
I mentally kick myself.
Because I might have called him once from my new number one day, right before coming to Detroit, just to make sure he really wouldn't mind me coming here again.
Then I look at the message.
I need to talk to you. In private. So just go to the kitchen or something.
I look up at Marshall, meet eyes with him and frown.
He sighs and texts again.
I promise I ain't trying to start nothing. I just wanna apologize, aight?
I look up at him again, and I honestly can't tell why he had to text me this shit, whole sitting like only a couple of feet away from him.
He could've literally just walk up to me and tell me that, but that's Marshall for you, I guess.
I roll my eyes, then nod.
I get up and make my way to where I know the kitchen is.
Not long after, Marshall follows me.
He walks right by me and gets two beers from the fridge.
He hands me one.
"I shouldn't even be drinking nothing tonight," he mumbles to himself. "But fuck it. Feel like I need it right now for courage."
"Courage?" I ask incredulously, sitting down at the table.
Marshall pops open the bottle and takes a long swig of his beer.
He then takes a seat next to me.
We sit side by side at the table for a bit in silence.
Then he says.
"Fuck it, Mel. Like I told you, I just want to apologize. The way I had acted towards you at the VMAs, I'm sorry about that. The truth is, I was fucked-up that night. The drugs fucked me, and they fucked me really hard. I know it ain't really an excuse, but it is what it is. So I'm sorry. I don't even remember much of it, but..."
"You don't remember anything?" I ask incredulously.
"Nah, not really. I was told I was being a real dick to you though, so yeah, I'm sorry."
So he doesn't remember that we almost fucked at some backroom at the club that night?!
Well, that's a good thing, I guess, I think to myself, as I swallow hard.
I turn my head towards him slightly and see that Marshall continues to stare at me with an undiscernible expression on his face.
"Marshall, can I ask you something?" I say quietly. "Those drugs you just talked about taking. Why do you..."
"Why you asking me this?" He frowns. "What, you wanna judge me for this shit, just like everybody else does?" He starts to get defensive. "Don't get all fucking judemental on me about my damn medicine, Mel. You have no fucking idea what I go through every day, do you. When I first started fucking with it, it was cause I literally couldn't fucking sleep. I was overworked like a motherfucker, doing that damn 8 Mile movie, trying to record my album and D12 album at the same time, it's like I was working 24 hours a day damn near. And when I would get a chance to finally lay my head down for some rest, it just won't fucking come! I would lay in bed exhausted as hell but unable to sleep. So yeah, I started taking something for it. So what? You really gonna look down at me for this, Mel?!"
I sigh as I look deep into his eyes.
Seeing nothing but a fucking cry for help there. That he probably doesn't even realize is there, but I can see it all the same.
"No, Marshall, I'm not looking down on you," I put my palm against his cheek softly and he settles down a bit. I kick myself mentally, thinking to myself I have no business touching him like this, but I don't withdraw my hand. "But I just don't get it! Why don't you just slow down. You don't need to work so hard, so don't have to be out here recording like 3, 4 albums at the same damn time. You don't need to kill yourself. Just stop!"
"You just don't get it," he pulls my palm off his face and turns away angrily. "Nobody fucking does."
"So, make me get it then! Make me fucking understand!"
"Why?" He asks me bluntly. "Why would you even care to. You don't want nothing to do with me anymore."
"Just because we are not together anymore, Marshall, doesn't mean that I don't care. Why do you think I'm here today?"
"Cause Proof fucking asked you to come for some reason."
"Yeah, but Marshall... If I really didn't want to come, I wouldn't have came. So, I do still care. I just don't want you to hurt yourself messing with that shit. Promise me you would slow down," I put my hand on his shoulder but he shakes it off.
"What for?! Do you even realize, Mel, that one of the reasons I even threw myself at work in the first place, to the point where I needed a fucking sleep medication, was because I just wanted to take my mind off of you and how things ended between us?!"
"Oh, wait, so..." I stand up from the chair and start to move away from him. "Are you... are you fucking trying to blame me for your addiction?! Nah, baby boy, you can't. That's a fucking decision you've made all by yourself, Marshall!"
"Yeah, same like the decision you made to leave me," he says cruelly.
So much for he wasn't gonna start no crap with me!
"God, you are so full of shit," I mutter.
I start to walk away from him, but of course!!
I feel his arms wrap around me, as he pulls me back and onto his lap.
"Mel, do you not realize how much I loved you?" He asks quietly in my ear. "How much I still fucking love you?"
My throat goes completely dry.
"Marshall, you've never said you loved me before, not even back when you and I were still together. Why say that now?"
"Cause it's the truth," he says quietly.
"No," I shake my head as I free myself from his arms. "It's just some fucking sick twisted game you like to play with me. You are so fucking twisted."
I want to run out of the room, but instead I sit back in my hair, pushing it backwards and away from him slightly, facing him.
"Let me ask you something else, Marshall. Proof said something to me before. About you freaking out about possibly having to go to jail for 5 years. Are you scared?" I blurt out.
I have no idea where that even comes from.
But it suddenly makes sense to me. The way he's been acting and being on this self-distracting behavior.
"Proof talks too much," Marshall replies angrily and emotionlessltly. "And I ain't scared of shit, Mel. Why would you even ask me some dumb shit like that?"
"No reason," I shake my head lightly and stand up again. "I'm gonna go get back out there."
"Wait."
I feel his fingers wrap lightly but firmly around my wrist, as he pulls me down and to his level once again.
"You know what, Mel. I AM scared. I can't get fucking locked up. I just can't!! Can you imagine what something like that would do to me? What would happen to my daughters? My career? How can I cope with that?!"
I sigh as I turn around to face him.
He just looks so vulnerable and so defeated.
A part of me, a really petty part, wants to tell him that maybe he should've thought about all that before he decided to get out of the car that day and fight bouncers over his ex-wife.
But I don't say that to him.
Instead I walk closer to him, eliminating any kind of distance between us and wrap my arms around him, pulling him to me. I stand over him as he buries his face into my chest and I run my fingers lightly through his short blond hair.
I feel wetness against my skin, where his face is pressed now, and I just continue to hold him to me.
We stay like that for a few minutes, until he finally pulls away from me.
Eyes red and angry.
"Fuck man," he says. "Can't believe I'm out here crying like a bitch.
"Marshall."
"Nah, don't. Let's just go back out there."
So we do.
The rest of the night, goes pretty much uneventful.
The guys are all clowning each other, most of it centered about jokingly abusing Bizarre.
Marshall still barely says anything to everybody. He's quiet and seems far away from everything and everybody.
I can tell that he's pretty much in his own world at this point. I feel so terrible for him and just want to comfort him, I want to go sit next to him and wrap my arms around him again, but I force myself to stay where I am, on one of the sofas opposite from him.
The day eventually comes to an end and everybody starts to disperse.
I go to use the restroom and throw some water in my face.
It suddenly hits me how weird it is for me, being back in Marshall's house after all this time. Everything around here still feels so familiar to me, and yet not familiar at all at the same time. I can't believe I used to live here with him. Feels so surreal now.
I wall out of the bathroom and start gathering my things.
"Mel?" Marshall calls out to me, making me jump for some reason. "Are you about to go?"
He kind of snuck up on me I guess.
"Yeah, it's getting late. I need to get back to the hotel, so I'll see you at the courthouse then."
Marshall doesn't say anything.
"Okay then, good night, I guess," I sigh.
I start to make my way out of the room.
"Mel?" Marshall says again quietly. "Are you seriously gonna stay at some hotel?"
"I mean, where else would I stay?" I turn back around and see him standing with his hands shoved in his pockets, staring at his feet.
I recognize this stance. He's uncomfortable and unsure of himself. But he's still gonna say whatever it is he's obviously building up to say, isn't he.
Marshall finally looks up at me and shrugs.
"Right here," he says.
"No, Marshall. That's not a good idea at all."
"Please, Mel. For old time's sake?" He actually has the nerve to smile crookedly at me, and I shake my head.
Then I think about how I might not even ever see him again after tonight, because after it's all said and done, no matter what the outcome is gonna be of his hearing tomorrow, we won't have any reason to go near each other after this.
"Fine, I'll take one of your guestrooms," I say carefully.
"Or you could just sleep in my bed," he says and I narrow my eyes at him.
He looks back at me with the most neutral expression on his face, and I start to shake my head again.
"You know damn well that it's not gonna be appropriate," I say. "You know what, forget it. I'm not staying here tonight after all. Let me go grab a cab to go back to the hotel. I'll see you tomorrow, Marshall.
I walk past him, but he stops me.
He frowns slightly like he wants to say something but thinks better of it.
"No sex, Mel," he finally does say. "I just... fuck man, I'm about to sound like a corny soft motherfucker for even saying some shit like that, but I just wanna hold you. I promise you I won't touch you in any other kind of way. I won't try nothing with you."
I bite my lip as I swallow hard, thinking to myself it's not a good idea. Like at all.
"Okay," I quietly agree.