I put out the blunt once I'm done smoking and gather the supplies before I head back up to my room. After putting everything back in my drawer, I lay down in my bed and fall asleep with no problems.
When I wake up, I grab my phone and see that it's almost one in the afternoon. Still no response from JJ so I decide to take a shower to clear my head. I don't take that much time in the shower and change into some shorts and another one of Pope's old t-shirts. I'm a little hungry so I go downstairs to make myself something to eat. When I'm about to flip the burger that's cooking, I hear my phone ding. I quickly check it and see that he finally responded to my text.
JJ
That doesn't sound good. I'll be over as soon as I'm off work and showered.
Kie
Okay.
I check the burger to make sure it's not burnt and let it cook for a little longer. I place the patty on a bun and dress it up with lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise. I grab a water bottle out the fridge before sitting down at the kitchen table. While I'm taking the first bite of my burger, I think about what I'm going to tell J. I'm really bothered that I let Pope doubt what me and JJ have. As much as I want to believe that he would never hurt me, you just never know. I'd rather know the truth now than him breaking things off with me later. I guess it's too late for us to part ways unattached and unbothered if he decides that he doesn't want to be with me. I know I can't speak for him, but I know he cares about me. I just don't know if he's as down bad as I am. That's the real question.
I wash down the last few bites of my burger with some water. A couple minutes later after I'm finished washing my plate, I get a text from JJ saying he'll be here soon. Now the nerves have started to set in. I have no idea how this is going to go and that worries me. Pope already hates me; I can't have J walk out on me too. I go inside the living room and plop down on the couch. I turn on the tv and just flip through some channels attempting to find something worth paying attention to. I give up on finding something to watch and end up turning the tv off completely. I lay down on the couch with my back facing the tv.
I lay there with my eyes closed trying, desperately, to calm myself. I don't even know why I'm psyching myself out. I know people say it helps to prepare for the worst and hope for the best, but that is doing nothing for me at the moment. I'm granted a slight reprieve from my thoughts when I hear the doorbell ring. Oh shit. I'm not prepared for this.
I drag my body away from the couch and walk to the front door. I take a deep breath and open the door. Seeing him eases my nerves slightly. His blonde hair is disheveled as usual and he's sporting some grey sweats with a worn red t-shirt. I can't even make out the words on the shirt anymore. That's how worn it is. I finally look into his eyes and cave. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a hug. I hold him tight to me. I don't know if this is the last time I'll be able to do this so I cherish it as much as I can. He slowly returns the hug.
"What's wrong Kie?" I hear him say next to my ear.
I don't answer him. I just pull away and sit back down on the couch in the living room. He closes the door and sits down right next to me. I put some space between us, not because I don't want to be close to him, but because I'm scared I won't be able to say what I really want to say with him so close to me. He furrows his brow once he sees me scoot away from him. I don't mean to hurt his feelings, but it's necessary right now.
I make myself comfortable with my back resting against the arm of the couch with my legs crossed. JJ is sitting at the other end of the couch with his body slightly angled towards me. I don't know where to start so I just take a deep breath and hope that everything comes out right.
"So, there's something I want to talk to you about. I've been putting it off honestly because I didn't know how you would react." I bite my lip and make brief eye contact with him.
"What's going on Kie? I can tell that you're nervous right now, more than normal."
"What are we?" I look down at my lap and fidget with my fingers.
He furrows his brows again. "What do you mean?"
"What are we doing? Are we just friends? Is this just temporary for you?" As much as I don't want to, I make myself look at him.
"What? I-I don't know. We're just having fun, enjoying each other's company, right?"
"It may have started out like that, but this isn't temporary for me, J. I like you. Like really like you. I feel so much at ease when I'm around you. You genuinely make my days better. I love seeing you smile; it just lights up the whole room. I love when you hold me. There's no better place than being in your arms. You're my safe place. I know that I can tell you anything without fear of judgement. I can truly be myself when I'm around you. I love you. I know it's a bit soon and you might not feel the same, but I love you."
He looks at me. We're just staring at each other. I have no idea what he's thinking or what he's feeling right now. This could have really backfired. I could have really messed this all up. God I'm so dumb. "I- "
His lips on mine interrupt me. That's one thing I'll never get enough of. His lips. He pulls me on top of him so I'm straddling him. We've made out before, but this time is different. There's passion and want and maybe a tinge of lust. His lips are ravishing mine, and I can't help but run my hands through his hair. I give his blonde strands a slight tug and he bites my lip. His teeth gives my lip one last tug and I pull away to look into his eyes. God, I love him. I'm in love with him.
"I love you too princess. You don't ever need to doubt my feelings for you. I'd do anything for you. All I ever want to do is make you happy. You're the most important person in my life and I'd be a dumbass to ever let you slip away from me. I'm yours. Always."
I smile and lean down to connect our lips again. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He gave my lips a break and started trailing kisses down my neck. I feel his hands go under my shirt and it feels oh so good to have him touching my bare skin. I know I should stop things before they escalate though. I don't want my first time to be on the couch in the living room. I place my hands on top of his and pull away.
"As much as I'm enjoying this, I don't want my first time to be on this couch in the living room and I want to take things slow. Is that okay with you?"
"We'll go as slow as you want. I promise." He smiles at me which I eagerly return. "Oh and there's something I want to ask you."
"What's that?" I admire his face while I'm rubbing my thumbs on his cheeks.
"Will you make me the happiest dumbass to ever exist and be my girlfriend?"
I grin as I feel my heart flutter. "Of course, J. There's no one else I'd rather be with."
"Good." I'm then rewarded with the delicious feeling of his lips on mine again.
When JJ finally left, I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I finally have a boyfriend. My first ever boyfriend. Who would have thought JJ Maybank would make me his girlfriend? I don't know what to do with myself I'm so happy. I post a picture of me and JJ kissing to my Instagram story. I decide on no caption because you can see how happy we are in the picture. That's all they need to know. This is something I would normally tell my best friend, but we aren't on speaking terms right now. I know he doesn't approve of our relationship, but I'm happy and I won't let him ruin this for me.
I sit down on my bed and hear my phone ringing. I see it's a facetime call from Sarah and don't hesitate to answer.
"BITCH WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!?" she screams into the phone.
I laugh. "Tell you what?"
"Don't play dumb with me, I just saw your Instagram story."
I smile and lay back against my pillows. "It literally just happened. We made it official today."
"I'm so happy for you Kie. I know how much you like him."
"He makes me so happy Sarah. He's my other half."
"It sounds like you're in love." She lifts her brows with a smile.
"I'm in love with him. I told him today and luckily he feels the same. Who would have thought I'd be in love with JJ Maybank?"
"Um, me. Are you forgetting the moment I told you this would happen?"
"I haven't forgotten. I just wish Pope would be happy for me though."
"Have you told him?"
"No... I went and talked to him yesterday and things didn't go as I'd hoped."
"That doesn't surprise me. What happened?"
"Well," I sigh. "I told him that I didn't mean for him to find out about us like he did. I don't remember if I told you, but he walked in on me and J about to kiss at the party I had and just stormed out. Anyways, I told him I was going to tell him about us in my own time because it was important to me that he heard it from me. I also told him, well practically begged him to give JJ a chance. But it's like he wasn't hearing anything I had to say. He kept going on and on about how he doesn't do girlfriends and that after he sleeps with me, he's going to just leave me. There's more but I don't feel like getting into all of it right now. It really hurt hearing my best friend saying all those things about the guy I love. My boyfriend."
"Damn, what an asshole. I told you he was jealous Kie."
"I know, but he has no reason to be. Pope has been in my life for the past 13 years... why would that change just because I have a boyfriend now?"
"You know why. He's in love with you and has been for quite some time."
"Oh yeah, about that. He admitted to being in love with me since we were 10 years old. He claims that he's the only guy good enough for me and that I must choose between him and J. Which I refuse to do by the way. That's completely unfair not to mention unnecessary."
I think Sarah can sense that I have more to say because she doesn't say anything.
"I love Pope Sarah. You know I do. He's my best friend in the entire world. We have literally seen each other through every phase of life so far. I just don't love him the way that he wants me to and it's like he's punishing me for it. I already feel bad enough for not returning his feelings and he wants to make it worse by threatening to not be in my life anymore. I really blame myself for everything that's gone wrong."
"Kie, stop it. None of this is your fault. It's not your problem that he's too selfish to put his pride aside and be happy that you are with someone that makes you feel special. Don't you dare push his problems onto yourself."
"I just want us to be okay. Not having him in my life would be like losing a part of myself. Life would go on, but nothing would be the same. I would have to find a new normal."
"I know you don't want to hear this, but some friendships don't last always. I know he's been a major part of your life for so long but as you can see things change. You two won't always be on the same path forever."
"You're right. It just sucks. I'm done crying over him, but I hate this. This summer was supposed to be amazing. Everything was supposed to be perfect and work out exactly how I wanted."
"You'll still have an amazing summer. Have you forgotten about your super-hot hunk of a boyfriend?"
I smile as I think about my favorite blonde. "You know what, you're absolutely right. I've been going on and on about my troubles like I don't have the most amazing guy I get to call mine. He always makes everything better."
She laughs. "See, it's not all bad Kie."
"It's a shame we've never gotten closer until now. My life has been all about Pope for so long, that I didn't bother getting close to anyone else. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to even think about making new friends."
"It's okay, it's easy sticking to what's familiar. I don't blame you for that. I've always considered you a friend so don't be sorry. But now I consider you to be one of my best friends."
"I love you, Sarah. Thank you for listening to me and just being here whenever I need someone to talk to. I feel like you're the only friend I can count on to be there for me these days."
"That's what best friends are for. And I love you too girl."
"I should probably go now since I've spent the past hour talking your ear off. We'll have to meet up soon so you can tell me all about you and John B."
I don't miss the way her eyes light up at the mention of him. "Yes, there is much to tell. But goodnight bestie we'll get together soon."
"Goodnight Sarah." I hang up the phone and lay my phone down beside me.
I have no idea where Pope and I go from here. All I know is I'm done being the first one to cave. Every time we have a fight, I'm always the one doing the groveling even when I'm not in the wrong. This time is different. He's going to come to me this time. Judging by the way we left things; I don't even know if he wants to be my friend anymore. I meant what I said, losing Pope would be the equivalent to losing a part of myself. But I won't ruin my happiness just so he can be happy. I've put his happiness before mine for way too long now. It's past time I've done what I wanted regardless of how he feels about it. If he decides that he doesn't want to be in my life anymore then I'll just have to live with that. It will be hard, really hard, but I have JJ.
I keep saying I'm not going to choose, but deep down I know who I would choose. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that point though. Just then my phone dings with a text message.
J ♡
Taking you on a date this weekend. Now that I'm your boyfriend I have to step up my game lol
Kie
Lol, what did you have in mind?
J ♡
I don't want to spoil the surprise. I can't wait to show off my beautiful girlfriend
Kie
I can't wait, J. I know I'll have a good time no matter what we end up doing
J ♡
I have to be up early for work in the morning, but I'll call you on my break.
Kie
Okay, love you ♡
J ♡
Love you more, princess
I close out of our messages and can't help but feel super lucky. I may be on the outs with my best friend, but I have the best boyfriend ever to help take my mind off everything. I slip inside my bathroom to brush my teeth. I look at myself in the mirror while I'm wiping my mouth with a towel. Maybe it's time I did something different with my hair. I could try brown or blonde highlights. I'll think over it a little bit before doing something drastic. I get into bed and place my phone on the charger. Before I set my phone down, I change my lock screen to the picture of me and JJ kissing. I smile as I lay my head on the pillow.
I wonder what he has planned for our date this weekend. I don't think it will be anything fancy. Fancy isn't his style and truthfully, I don't want to go on a fancy date. I still can't believe that he's an artist. I didn't see that one coming at all. I still want him to draw me something so I can hang it up in my room. I'll have to ask him if he wants to make a career out of his drawings. Knowing him he'll most likely brush it off and say he's not the college type. But he's wrong. He's been made to feel like he's no one special, that he'll never make it out of this town. I vow to change that. I'm going to make him see that he's capable of doing far more than anyone has ever expected of him.