A big day for the Dracula Family, The Count's brother Ivan and his kids were coming in. The Count was telling them stories from his throne chair, laughing as he reminisced.
"I can't wait to see that brother on mine, he's been in America for far too long," The Count complained.
"Where in America?" Alice asked.
"Along the east coast, started with P," the Count answered.
"Pennsylvania," Alice concluded.
"I bet his children know what real evil is," The Count boasted.
"That's because their dad's a real vampire," Ingrid responded. The Count growled at her.
"Dad, you're going behave yourself when Uncle Ivan gets here, aren't you?" Vlad asked with hope. "Remember, no peasant hunting."
The Count appeared at the table. "Oh no, Vlad. The moment, Ivan arrives, we're going to paint this town, very, very red!" He walked away laughing with a clap.
"Maybe I should tell Mom to give bingo a miss," Robin suggested to Alice.
"Dad should take a plumbing job out of town," Alice added. They headed upstairs, Vlad was pacing around his vampire clothes.
"What am I going to do Robin and Alice?" Vlad panicked. "My dad and Uncle are going to rip the throats out of half of Stokely, tonight!"
"Maybe Ivan's changed," Robin hoped.
"You're being oddly optimistic," Alice said as she sat next to Zoltan.
"Dad was a right nutter when he was younger," Robin defended himself.
"Our dad?" Alice asked in disbelief. "Mr. Be home by 9 or else, Dad?"
"Yeah," Robin confirmed. "Mum said his library books were always overdue."
"I'm afraid you're clutching at straws," Zoltan commented. He began to shudder. "Even now, my stuffing runs cold thinking of Ivan and his cruelty."
"How bad was he?" Alice asked. "Well is--" Vlad sighed, looking at the mirror.
"Saturdays were the worst, that was the throw the hellhound off the battlements day," Zoltan answered.
Vlad grunted angrily. "I don't know why we're getting dressed up, my cousins are gonna think I'm a real geek." His reflection changed to make him look like a real geek. "Oh very funny!" There was faint chuckling.
"What just happened?" Robin asked.
"It's the castle playing tricks," Vlad answered as he pointed up. "Once Dads lived somewhere for a while, it takes on his evil personality."
"Vladimir!" The Count shouted, and the door swung open.
"I've gotta go," Vlad said. The door slammed shut after Vlad left. The swung open throwing Robin to the ground, there was more faint chuckling.
"Don't start with me, alright?" Robin warned. The door slammed shut making another face.
"Hey!" Alice exclaimed walking up to it. "I might just stumble an axe the next time I come over." The door stuck out its tongue, returned to normal; then opened again. "Thank you." The two then went home.
"What are you doing?" Robin asked as he found Alice setting up flashcards on the floor of her room.
"There for Mr. Ivan," Alice answered. " I'm going to ask all that I can about Pennsylvania. I can get extra credit for it in geography class."
"You're going to bore him to death," Robin huffed as he crossed his arms.
"He's already dead, Robin," Alice reminded him as she put down the last card.
"Well, even deader than before," Robin groaned. "The other Draculas came to visit family not be questioned for eternity about Pennsylvania."
"Well, sort of," Alice said as she looked at her brother. " Mr. Count told me all about his brother's family while at my last lesson over there. It's Vlad's cousin Boris...same age as Ingrid."
"What about him?" Robin asked.
"Boris's transformation is happening in a few days," Alice said.
"Wicked!" Robin lit up.
****
The next day, Alice and Robin went back up to the castle, to meet more of Vlad's family. Robin was listening to music through his headphones while Alice pulled on the doorbell. Seconds later, Ingrid opened the door.
"I've come to ask about the States," Alice said.
"He's so much lamer than Dad advertised," Ingrid groaned as she let Alice in. "The Yanks are together are disappointing."
"Hi, Ingrid, did your cousins--" Robin began, he stared as Ingrid stared at him. She was focused on the sound coming from his ears. Robin puckered up for a kiss, Ingrid in annoyance ripped the buds of his ears, then marched back inside, slamming the door shut.
Alice walked into the castle to find the Count on his throne in annoyance and another man talking. The girls walked over.
"I thought I said I don't do peasant anymore," the man said as he looked at The Count.
"You did," The Count confirmed in annoyance. "What are you doing here Alice?"
"I want to ask Mr. Ivan about Pennsylvania," Alice answered as she held up flashcards. "For extra credit at school."
"I'd rather have you sit on Ivan's last few lessons with Boris before his transformation," The Count said. "If that's alright with my brother."
"Fine by me, bro," Ivan said as he got to his feet. "Come with me, Alice." Ivan began to lead Alice. "And it's Harvey now."
"So, Mr. Harvey," Alice began. "Since Mr. Count is out of hearing...Pennsylvania?"
"A gorgeous state," Harvey answered, he looked back to see Alice writing his answer down on a card. "Also known as the Keystone state, capital is Harrisburg, the state flower is mountain laurel."
"Why Pennsylvania compared to all the others...I know Alaska has periods of being sunny all the time, and then dark all the time," Alice began.
"Pennsylvania can be a very rainy state," Ivan answered. "So if I wanted to go out in the day, I could as long as it was cloudy."
"It's cloudy here a lot as well," Alice noted, she looked up to find Ivan gone. She opened the door to the studies to find, Harvey, Zoltan, Vlad, and someone else; a bit geeky looking.
"Apologies Master!" Zoltan said in a scared panic. "Please don't rip out my intestines and throw them to the rats!"
"Why would I do that?" Harvey asked.
"You used to!" Zoltan cried.
Harvey chuckled. "Old days, old ways, my friend."
"G-g-g-girl," the other boy stuttered, Vlad back to see Alice walking in.
"Alice!" Vlad lit up as he got to his feet. "What are you---did dad--?"
"Pennsylvania," Alice answered; putting the note cards down in his hands. "So this is Boris." Boris didn't seem to want to look her in the eye.
"He's shy," Harvey informed. "Apologies."
Alice walked up to Zoltan. "Nothing to apologize for."
"He is a vampire, Alice," Zoltan reminded her. "Vampires to be shy..."
"It's cute," Alice interrupted. "Girls like shy guys...even with how dorky looking they appear to be."
"C-C-Cute," Borus stuttered as he pointed at himself. "I thought they were more for guys---"
"Girls tend to like both," Alice interrupted as she put her hands behind her back. "Girls love mysteries which tends to draw them to shy guys like you. But they also find confidence attractive, even shown in the slightest of ways."
"I'd say he's more scared of talking to girls than the transformation," Vlad commented as Alice walked back over to him. She took a seat in the chair, as Vlad sat on the handle.
"Speaking of which, Boris time we did some prep for your transformation," Harvey said as he held up the book.
"Maybe later, Dad," Boris suggested as he played with his sleeves. He tried to walk away, but Harvey shut the door with a swift of his fingers.
"Now, Boris!" Harvey ordered. Boris took a seat at the table; Harvey threw the book. Harvey looked over, then took a seat in a different chair. "Hey Vlad, how you doing?"
"I'm fine," Vlad answered as he sat up more.
"Really, come on, shoot, what's on your mind?" Harvey asked.
"Well, you know you live blood free?" Vlad asked as he bounced his leg.
"Yeah?" Harvey asked.
"Can all vampires do it?" Vlad asked in hope.
"You betcha, it's all about finding inner peace," Harvey answered.
"Inner peace?" Alice repeated.
"You betcha, you breathers can be big on it," Harvey smiled; he looked at his nephew. "You interested?'
"Definitely," Vlad confirmed as he stood up. "For the first time, I can sort of imagine becoming a vampire. The whole blood thing, it's not me. The only problem is---"
"My brother?" Harvey asked.
Vlad sighed. "He's not big on inner peace, but..."
"I could convert him?" Harvey questioned. Vlad looked at his Uncle with hope. "He's a tough cookie, but I'm always ready to spread the word!" He got to his feet, putting a hand on Vlad's back. "Why don't we work on him together? I bet this time next week, we'll have him sipping Soya blood martinis in a pair of Bermuda shorts!"
Vlad gave it some thought. "I think it may take a bit longer than a week." Harvey started laughing. Soon Alice was heading back down, running into Ingrid.
"Where's Robin?" Alice asked as she walked down the stairs.
"Probably went back home," Ingrid answered. "I don't care."
Soon they all sat around the table as Harvey told stories. Boris was doing more transformation prep. Alice was reading a book on Pennsylvania. Ingrid watched Olga rush over to the throne to dust it. "So I said to the guy, give me two blood martinis, but hold the blood." He and Vlad laughed.
"Breaktfast Masters?" Renfield as he walked in, the pot was boiling. "I've prepared a full selection of vermin." Boris put a cloth over his nose as Renfield put the food on the table. "Or, if you prefer a lighter bite, a choice of rare birds, and of course my signature dish, rancid fox."
Harvey clicked his tongue. "Oh sorry, didn't I mention? I'm vegetarian."
" I've got some badger noses, they're more gristle than meat," Renfield informed.
"Are you deliberately trying to give me a blood ulcer?" The Count demanded as Renfield took the signature dish away. "I mean what in the name Impaler has happened to you?"
"I cleaned up my act bro, I had to, I was out of control, draining 50 peasants a day," Harvey explained. "I tried everything to cut down, patches, hypnotherapy, nothing worked." He got to his feet. "Then I met a bunch of new-age werewolves."
"Why does it always have to be werewolves!" The Count fired as his brother walked over with Vlad.
"Dad..." Vlad sighed.
"They told me if I'd eat good, I'd do good," Harvey explained. "I never felt better!! And you know what, I made a fortune selling real estate. The old hypnosis trick makes us Draculas pretty good salesman."
"It's a little sneaky for the new you, isn't it?" The Count asked.
"I haven't changed that much!" Harvey admitted.
Vlad walked forward. "Dad, this is the 21st century. All the cool vampires are living blood free and I was thinking, perhaps, possibly, maybe yu could give it a try."
"Maybe, maybe we could live in a little cottage, and eat nuts and grow daffodils," The Count suggested as Alice wrote that stuff down. "NEVER!" He then turned into a bat, flying off. "Well, that went well."
"Don't worry, there's more than one way to skin a cat," Harvey assured. "And I should know, I've skinned a few."
"What's that?" Olga asked as she looked over Alice's shoulder.
"The lamest vampire is going to live the lamest vampire lifestyle," Alice said. "Mr. Count actually had a pretty good idea."
"But you're not a vampire," Boris pointed out.
"Not yet," Zoltan answered. "She's the first to be Master Vlad's victim when he goes through the transformation."
****
A little while later, Alice was sitting around the orb with Harvey, Vlad, and Boris. Relaxing music was playing.
"Blue is cool, red is stressed," Harvey informed. "That's good guys, you're doing well."
"We can put something like this in our cottage," Vlad whispered to her.
"Along with stake decorations around your bed," Alice responded. "Personally, placed by me."
"IVAN!" The Count roared, and the door slammed open. The Count entered the room, turning off the music; the orb turned red. "You!"
"Yo, big bro!" Harvey greeted, as Boris sipped on his inhaler. "Come and join us, it's good for the soul."
"I don't have a soul and neither should you!" The Count shouted.
"I do," Alice pointed out.
"Not for long!" The Count shouted; he turned to his brother. "Now stop poisoning my son's mind with this new-age claptrap." He burned a flyer, then turned to his son. He got Vlad to his feet. "It is your destiny to become a fully-fledged blood-sucking vampire. Starting with this one." He put a hand on Alice's head.
Harvey got on the other side of Vlad. "Vlad, take no notice. The old ways are deader than he is."
The count grabbed Vlad's head. "Vladimir, you will listen to me, I am head of this family."
"Huh, it's just like when were kids, he's the boss just 'cause he's the oldest!" Harvey argued. Alice sat next to Boris as they watched the two adults argue with Vlad in between. "When we played Victim and Vampire, I always had to be the victim."
"Oh, but at least I wasn't a little snitch, running off to Nanny Clontarf every time I took your toy hearse away!" Count argued.
"Oh, Dad stop it!" Vlad ordered as he pushed his dad away. "You can't fight the future, living blood-free is the only way we'll survive."
The Count roared monsterly, breaking the orb. "Survive? I'll show you how we survive!" He turned into a bat, leaving the castle through the chimney.
"Dad no!" Vlad shouted.
Boris got to his feet, going over to them. "Wow, the way you stood up to him then was so impressive."
"Impressive, Vlad huffed as he looked at his cousin. "Thanks to me, he's gonna kill a breather. I've ruined everything." Soon the rest of the Dracula's were gathered, and Vlad was pacing.
"Dad's not gonna stop at one peasant, you know," Ingrid glimmered. "Once he gets a taste of blood, he's gonna go on a rampage. The butchers, the bakers, and it's all your fault!" A bat flew in, it kept hitting the walls, and decorations, before turning back into Mr. Count. He stumbled to the ground, Olga went to help, but Ingrid pushed out of the way to help instead. Olga slammed into Vlad. "Dad, let me help you?"
"Well, thank you, Ingrid," The Count said as he got to his feet. "Now go away! Villages just aren't safe anymore!" He was holding his ear. "The peasant had some sort of infernal contraption that's played havoc with my bat hearing!"
"Probably a personal alarm," Alice answered.
"And why would she carry that?" The Count asked looking at Alice.
"This is the 21st century," Alice pointed out. "Most breathers think vampires are fictional...defense items are used more toward your average creepy breather man. Women, in particular, are more likely to carry them."
"So you didn't actually bite?" Vlad asked.
"No!" The Count shouted.
"Welcome to the modern era, it's a dangerous place for vampires," Harvey said.
"If it hadn't been a personal alarm, it could've been pepper spray," Vlad informed as he walked over.
"Or a stun gun," Boris added; he put a hand over his mouth.
"Alice, do you have any of these things?" The Count asked.
"Pepper spray is illegal in the UK," Alice answered. "But I do have a personal alarm in my room, and in my pocket, and a wooden bat under my bed." The Count was surprised.
"It's not just peasants with flaming torches anymore," Vlad added.
"Living in the past is stressing you out big time," Harvey said. "I mean, you're just over 700--"
"Six, 600!" The Count corrected.
"Whatever," Harvey huffed. "You look closer to 1,000."
"I can still turn a few heads," The Count defended himself as he swooshed his cape.
"I'm not saying you're not good-looking, all us Drac guys have that in common, right?" Harvey asked. Boris removed his glasses; and flattened his hair. Vlad looked sheepishly at Alice, her eyes looked him up and down, Vlad quickly looked back at his dad. "But you go blood free and those years will just fall away."
"Before you girl guides break into a chorus of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, can I just say one thing?" Ingrid asked as she walked over to her brother. "Van Helsing."
"Van, who sing?" Harvey asked.
"The local slayer," Ingrid answered. "He won't give up, he'll never let Dad live a normal life. "
"Good point, Ingrid," The Count agreed.
"Well Uncle Harvey, you can talk to Van Helsing," Vlad suggested.
"Fantastic idea, Vlad!" The Count agreed. He got to his feet; clapping his hands. "You think you can do that, little brother?" Boris shook his head.
"Sure, I'll go see the slayer," Harvey agreed. "And if I convince him to hang up his stake, you go blood free, right?" The Count looked at his kids, Ingrid shook her head, while Vlad nodded his head.
"Agreed," Count answered.
"No!" Ingrid shouted.
"Yes!" Vlad cheered; pointing a finger at her. Harvey went to go talk to the slayer.
Ingrid yelled at her father. "Are you really going to give up centuries of pure evil to become a carrot-chewing peasant hugger?"
"Yes, he is," Vlad confirmed
"Oh, no, he's not," The Count denied as he suddenly got up.
Vlad got his feet. "Uh?"
"My brother has never been able to resist the blood of a slayer," Count explained. "So to send him down there was inspired, Vlad. Two minutes with Van Helsing and he'll be draining him dry! It's a win-win, I get rid of the slayer and I get my blood-sucking brother back!"
"Neat," Olga complimented.
"What?" Boris demanded.
"Dad, you are brilliant!" Ingrid complimented.
"You're wrong about Uncle Harvey!" Vlad denied. "He won't go back to how he was, he's the future!"
"Your uncle looked a bit hesitant about seeing Van Helsing," Alice brought up.
"And we've just delivered him right in Van Helsing's hands!" Vlad panicked.
"Oh, don't worry about Ivan," Count assured. "He can take care of himself."Everyone looked back as Robin barged in panic.
"Robin?" Alice asked. "Where have you been?"
"Lost in the castle," Robin answered. "Vlad, I think I just saw your uncle being kidnapped by the Van Helsings." Boris dropped his inhaler, fainting.
"Boris?" Alice asked as she stood up.
"Forget him," Olga ordered.
"Happy now?" Vlad asked his dad, the Count started laughing.
"Alice," Vlad breathed. "The car."
"YES!" Alice cheered. Alice, Robin, and Vlad got in the car. Alice drove, Vlad sat in the front, as Robin told them about his adventures. "And then, I was really tiny, suit of armor!" they looked at him. "What?"
"Can we do this later?" Vlad asked. "My uncle is about to get staked." He hit Robin in the chest. "Faster!"
"Touchy," Robin groaned as Alice stepped on the peddle. As soon as they parked, the three barged into the caravan; a strange looked entered Harvey's eyes.
"OW!" Van Helsing yelled as they looked at the three.
Harvey stood up, eyes turned yellow, voice changed. "Slayer's blood."
"Dad!" Jonathan shouted.
"Don't look at him, son!" Van Helsing ordered as he sucked on his finger.
"Uncle Harvey, no!" Vlad ordered.
"The name is Ivan," Ivan corrected looking at his nephew. He looked back at the other two.
"Garlic, the car," Vlad said. All the kids besides Jonathan started to throw garlic at Ivan. He quickly took off.
"We'll be off then," Alice said pulling the other two out. They quickly climbed back in the car; speeding off.
****
Back at the castle, Alice sat at the table as Ivan pounded away on raw meat.
"I don't believe you!" Vlad scolded. "You said living blood-free was our best chance!"
"There was no blood free! Count hissed as he went toward his brother. "It was a fantasy, a deluded dream, tell him, Ivan."
Ivan wiped the blood off his mouth. "He's right, this is sensational, I haven't felt this undead in years. There's only one way for us to live, up to our eyes in blood! Get used to it!" Count started laughing.
"Good to have you back!" Count gleamed.
Olga walked up to Ivan. "Daddy?"
"GO away brat," Ivan ordered. "The men are talking." He sipped on a cup of blood.
Ingrid walked up to Olga. "Welcome to my world. Now go and make my bed before I did you in the slime pit."
Ivan got to his feet, glancing at Alice and Robin. "I haven't forgotten that you helped save that slayer, breathers." His eyes were glowing yellow. "Maybe I should snack on you to make up for it." Boris fainted again.
"Leave them alone!" Vlad urged as he got Robin out of the castle, but Alice reminded seated.
Ivan stared at her. "Being brave?"
"The slayer is also my teacher," Alice answered. "I have three weeks of detention under him right now for stealing his car, I was simply picking my battles."
The Count clicked his tongue at her. "We must celebrate, Renfield! Renfield, fetch us a case of vintage Hungarian Royalty."
"Sounds good," Ivan smiled as Renfield walked away. "And isn't it Saturday? Let's find some hellhounds we can throw off the battlements." They both started laughing; then went to find Zoltan.