I was unable to sleep the entire night, I just kept tossing and turning under the blankets.
My thoughts were focused on Ashton and the mistake I felt I had made. Ari was right, more right than I wanted to give her credit for. Ashton and I would not be able to pull off long distance in such an early stage of our "relationship", if you could even call it that.
Ashton was insistant on the phone that this was not just a fling to him and I wanted to believe him so badly, but the voice in the back of my head that I wished I could shut up was screaming that something was not right. That something was array in the little happy bubble he and I had built in the last few weeks, but I couldn't tell if it was actually something wrong or my thoughts that were the issue.
By 4 a.m., that came quicker than I wanted, my eyes were dragging and I knew if I didn't get at least an hour of sleep, I would be the most irritable person today.
The moment my eyes closed for the last time my body instantly relaxed and I let myself gladly be carried away into slumber.
Shrill ringing in my ear resulted in me scrambling up and grabbing the phone and slamming it to my ear, croaking out a hello.
"Doll?" Ari's voice flooded into my ears and I outwardly cringed. Not now, I didn't need this now.
"Yes?" I rubbed away at my eyes.
"I couldn't sleep at all last night after our conversation...I think I let you leave with the wrong impression." She sounded anxious. "What I meant to tell you was that, I still think you and Ashton need to think this relationship through and get to know each other better, but you don't have to call it quits or anything. I was too quick to judge him and i'm sorry. It's just that this is your first relationship and I can tell you're serious about him and it's so early but I always say every relationship is different and I need to take my own advice. I don't want you to get hurt, doll."
I let a moment of silence pass, my breath bated from shock of her words.
"I didn't sleep at all either, I kept thinking of how I wanted to end this and what a mistake I had made. Thank you for telling me that, I really needed your call." I smiled softly.
"Of course, and i'm so sorry I made you feel like you had to break up with him, that was never my intention. But I still want to have that double date if you two are up for it." I could hear her silently praying for me to say yes.
"Of course, i'll tell him today." I smiled and she squealed excitedly.
"Yay! Okay well i'm going to take a nap now but I love you and i'll talk to you later."
I told her bye and hung up, now fully awake.
It was pointless to go back to sleep and then time said 9:00.
A dull thud downstairs made me roll over and groan at my aching muscles before changing into some clothes and fixing my hair into a ponytail.
I then went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face.
When I reached the top of the stairs I heard quiet talking but not one voice, two.
One was unmistakably Ender's and the other belonged to none other than Ashton.
My feet bounded down the steps and I felt my pulse quicken when I saw his face.
Ashton stood leaning against the counter, his wind blown curls making a sandy brown nest on his head and his hazel eyes gleamed brighter when his eyes met mine.
I passed into the kitchen and he smiled at me and my knees threatened to give out from under me.
"Morning." I smiled and leaned down to kiss Ender on the cheek. "Oh crap, I forgot my phone upstairs would you mind getting it for me End?" I asked sweetly.
He nodded and hopped down from the stool. The moment he was out of sight I bolted across the kitchen, flinging myself into Ashton's arms.
His hands held my sides and he picked me up, sliding them down to the back of my thighs so he could hold me up as I wrapped my legs around his waist.
"Well good morning to you too." He chuckled and I grinned.
"Morning." I pecked his cheek and he smiled before attaching his lips to mine.
His grip on my thighs tightened as he ran his tongue across mine in a deep kiss.
"I couldn't sleep last night thinking about you."He admitted against my mouth.
"Me either."I sighed before kissing him again.
"Are we okay?" He asked between kisses and I nodded, threading my fingers though his hair.
"Yes."
Loud footsteps down the wooden stairs made us separate and him set me down but not without giving my butt a pinch for good measure.
I was swatting his playful hands away when Ender walked in the room, eyeing us suspiciously.
"You know, if you two wanted to make out you could have just told me to leave, you didn't have to lie about it." He placed my phone on the counter nonchalantly.
My jaw dropped in surprise at what he just said and Ashton guffawed next to me, letting out a harsh laugh.
"What? I'm 10 not a baby." Ender shrugged and my jaw was practically on the floor.
Ashton was now holding his stomach as laughter spilled from him.
"Carter and Ashton sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G..." Ender began to sing and I snatched a dish towel from the counter and threw it at him.
He dodged it and jogged into the lounge room, jumping over the back of the sofa and onto the cushions, turning on the television.
Ashton was still dying of laughter next to me.
"I can't believe he just said that." I covered my face with my hands.
"That was gold." Ashton said between laughs. "Your expression was priceless."
"Shut up." I threw a dish towel at him too and he just caught it, trying to catch his breath.
"Aww babe." He giggled wrapping his arms around my waist from behind me and pulling me against his stomach. "Don't be embarrassed."
"He's ten he's not supposed to know about those things yet." I whined and Ashton just laughed, still hugging me.
"Hey when I was 10 I knew about all sorts of things." He joked.
"Not helping." I covered my face again and he giggled.
"Can you two keep the PDA to a minimum please, I'm trying to watch my show." Ender called from the sofa.
"Ender!" I yelled while Ashton cracked up. I got lose of Ashton's grip and grabbed a towel preparing to pop Ender with it.
Ender saw my movement and jumped up backing up to the front door.
"Get out." I popped the towel in the air with a playful grin on my face.
"Oh no she's gone crazy!" Ender yelled and I lunged towards him. Ender yanked the handle and was out the door in two seconds.
"Little brat." I laughed while Ashton tried to regain his composure again.
"Well now that we're alone." Ashton smirked and took me back into his clutch, kissing me on the forehead.
I pulled myself onto the counter by the sink while Ashton stood in front of me, his hands playing with a few strands of my hair as I studied his face.
Black circles were barley present under his hazel eyes and his skin was more tan from his day out in the sun yesterday.
I reached up a hand and began to trace under his eyes with my fingertip.
"I'm sorry you didn't sleep last night." I mumbled and he laughed through his nose.
"It's okay. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked before placing a light kiss to my neck.
"We need to." I sighed and he nodded.
"I should have told you when we were planning on leaving, I didn't think. I guess I didn't want to think about it." He bit his lip and I moved my finger to his cheek to draw random shapes.
"I know. We both got caught up in the moment and didn't think about the inevitable." I replied.
"When you say "inevitable" it sounds all serious and scary." He chuckled, his eyes widening when he said the word inevitable.
I giggled. "Well it is. Sooner or later you're going to have to go back home."
"I know, but I don't want to leave you this early into our relationship. That makes me a pretty shitty boyfriend." He sighed.
"Well you're my shitty boyfriend so smile, sunshine." I gave him a cheeky grin and tugged at his cheeks.
"Wow thanks." He rolled his eyes but kissed my nose anyways.
"So you're leaving Thursday for a week and then you'll be back for how long?" I moved my hands down to resume drawing circles on his tee shirt covered chest.
"Three days. Then I have to leave again and I don't know when I'll be able to come back." He frowned.
"Can't you just request time off of work, I'm sure they will understand. Or call in sick." I joked.
"I wish I could. But my bosses...they don't work like that..." He bit his lip.
"But you said I could come visit you...?"I drew the shape of a heart on his chest as I spoke.
"Yes, I don't want to be away from you that long." He moved closer, moving my legs apart so he could stand between them.
"Don't you think it's funny that we just started dating or whatever we're doing and we're already saying things like "you can meet my mum" and "I don't want to be away from you."" I shook my head a little.
"What are you trying to say?" He inquired, his once almost playful attitude now extremely serious.
"Nothing, just that I want us to have thought this through and be sure of our decision so that no one ends up getting hurt." I shrugged and placed my hands on his shoulders.
"For someone who has never been in a relationship before, you sure are wise." He scoffed.
I smiled innocently and placed a feather light kiss on his nose.
"You're forgetting that my best friend has dated half the male population on this island." I laughed and he joined in. "Oh! Speaking of Ari, she wants to invite us to dinner with her and Jason when you come back."
"That sounds interesting. I always got the impression she didn't like me." He said awkwardly.
"Don't worry, they are both sweet, she just wants to get to know you that's all." I smiled.
"Alright. I'll let you set it up then." He rubbed his nose against mine.
I nodded slightly and tilted his head up so I could give a swift kiss and then hopped down from the counter.
The plan for today was to decorate the house and then spend our Christmas Eve doing our family traditions Ender and I had carried out.
"I'm going to get the tree box out of the attic and you can grab the ornament boxes from the storage closet in the laundry room." I gave him an angelic expression, batting my eyelashes for extra emphasis and then skipped off to the stairs.
I got the tree box down with ease and carried it into the living room where Ashton was carrying in two boxes at once.
"Mind getting Ender?" I asked as I began to open the long cardboard box.
I heard Ash walk to the door and open it before calling, "Mate, your sister wants you!"
Ashton helped me take all of the tree pieces out of the box and then we waited for Ender to get back.
When he came inside I could instantly see the excitement on his face.
"Yes."He grinned and ran over to help.
I let Ender and Ashton put the pieces of the tree together while I pulled out the ornaments from their paper.
"It's up babe." Ashton clapped his hands together signalling it was done.
"Awesome." I beamed and then took some of the colourful balls and sparkly figures and began to hang them on the branches.
The year our parents died, Ender and I had spent our first Christmas alone. That was one of the hardest days but we got through it. We made sure to keep the family traditions alive such as decorating the tree Christmas Eve and eating at Martha's diner for dinner that night.
This was the first year since our parents died that Ender and I weren't alone on Christmas Eve.
I couldn't help but stand back and watch as Ashton and Ender decorated the tree together, strategically planning where to place their favourites and Ashton even picking Ender up to reach the high places.
Any doubt in my mind about Ashton and I's relationship had been erased.
For five years it had just been me and Ender...until now.
"Car do you want to put the star on?" Ender called from across the room and I smiled before taking it from his hands and reaching to place it on the top.
"It looks great!" I grinned and put my arms around Ender, hugging him close to me. I expected him to pull away but he didn't and I smiled at the little victory.
--
After setting up the tree and having lunch, we went shopping for Ari's present and hung around town until it was time for our movie showing.
Ender and I decided to keep the movie a secret from Ashton who kept shouting out random guesses throughout the afternoon. By his tenth wrong guess I threatened to put duct tape over his mouth.
When we arrived at the cinema I went up to the box and purchased the tickets and made Ashton wait by the door.
Inside I bought us drinks even though Ashton offered to pay for them a million times and led the way to the line so the man upfront could check our tickets.
I handed him the tickets and looked back to see Ender smirking at Ashton who looked impatient.
"Alright, three for Elf, you're on the right, two doors down." The man gave us back our tickets and I heard Ashton gasp from behind me.
"You knew that's my favourite Christmas movie and you didn't tell me!" He narrowed his eyes but I could see the playful and excited gleam behind them.
Inside the theatre we took our seats and waited for it to begin. Just like the first time we went to the movies together we let Ender sit in the middle so that he didn't feel excluded.
When the movie started all three of us smiled like ninnies, laughing hard at all the funny moments and repeating our favourite lines.
I couldn't help but watch Ashton when he laughed. His eyes would crinkle and his cheeks were rosy. But his smile was what never failed to take my breath away. There was just something so loving and genuine in his smile that I couldn't get over.
By the time the movie was over my sides hurt from laughing and I was ready to eat.
I had told Ashton of our tradition of eating at Martha's Diner every Christmas Eve and he seemed to remember because when we walked outside he began to lead us in that direction.
Ms. Martha greeted us with warm hugs as we walked in and got a table.
Ender and Ash sat on one side while I sat on the other.
"So would you like the usual?" Ms. Martha asked.
"Yes." Ender and I both answered at the same time.
"And what about your friend?" She added as she scribbled it down on her notepad, which I didn't understand why since there was no one here.
"He'll take the same." I ordered for Ashton. Ms. Martha nodded and then hobbled away.
Ashton titled his head to the side in confusion as Ender and I both laughed.
"You'll see." Ender grinned and Ashton shrugged.
"End don't let me forget to wrap Ari's gift when we get home." I said as I leaned back in my chair.
"Alright."He nodded. "So Ashton what did you ask for for Christmas?" Ender changed the subject.
"Um...I don't know...I have everything I need I guess." He shrugged, a little smile on his lips.
"There's nothing you want?" Ender asked in disbelief.
"Nope. I've got everything I want right now." He looked into my eyes as he said that and I felt myself blush and smile at his words.
"Well, I want a..." and Ashton and I both shook our heads and chuckled at each other as Ender began on a long list of things he wanted.
Ender was still conjuring up toys and sports equipment he wanted when Ms. Martha brought us back our plates.
Hot turkey, potatoes, and all other sorts of sides were laid out before us.
Ashton's eyes widened at the feast.
"That's a lot."
"Mhmm." I nodded with a smug look.
Ms.Martha told us to enjoy our dinner then left us to consume as much as we could. Halfway through our dinner she brought Christmas pudding for dessert and Ashton nearly groaned.
Ender was a growing boy and ate for two people and Ashton was right there with him, I ate more than I normally did and eventually the table was empty.
"That was so good." Ashton whimpered as he slumped in his seat causing us to giggle. "How do you do this every year?"
"Takes practice." I smiled.
I paid for the check and then we left, Ashton driving us back home.
When we arrived I sent Ender up for a shower and then switched places when he was done.
As I came downstairs from my shower Ashton and Ender were sitting next to each other watching TV.
"It's time for someone to go to bed." I went behind Ender and leaned over the couch so I could kiss his cheek. "Santa won't come till you're asleep."
Ender bounded from the couch and high-fived Ashton before taking off up stairs.
"Be right back." I told Ashton and went after him, tucking him in.
"Alright now you remember the rules. If you need anything then yell for me. Don't leave your room and say you're up before you come down stairs tomorrow." I kissed his face. "Are you excited?"
"Yes! I want to see what Santa brought so bad I wish it was tomorrow morning already."
"Me too." I laughed. "Goodnight bub." I gave him a hug and then turned off the lights, closing the door.
Downstairs Ashton was watching a celebrity news channel but changed it when I walked in to a showing of Deck The Halls.
"What you don't want to find out what shade of brown Kim Kardashian dyed her hair?" I quipped and he gave me a pair of wide, questioning eyes.
"You watch celebrity news?" He asked, with an undertone of edge to his voice I couldn't quite detect.
"No." I laughed. "My extent of celebrity knowledge is pretty small. But I assume you do?"
"No I was just flipping through the channels." He shrugged and gave me the adorable little giggle he seemed to always do.
"We'll wait a bit until he's asleep and then put the presents out." I said softly as I sat next to him on the sofa, leaning my head on his shoulder.
"I had fun tonight." He leaned his head against mine.
"Me too. It was nice having someone join us this year." I smiled.
"So I'll sleep on the couch tonight if that's okay?" He asked.
"Yeah. You can be the Christmas tree guard." I joked.
He gave me a salute before bursting into a fit of giggles.
Ashton and I had watched Deck The Halls till the end credits began to play. I figured Ender would be asleep by now and I crept upstairs, peeking into his room to see his little body all curled up with his cast still propped up and snores filling the air.
I snuck downstairs again and nodded to Ashton who was waiting by the end of the couch.
Ashton and I went back upstairs, carefully pulling down the ladder to the attic and climbing up.
We created an assembly line, I took the presents from the attic and gave them to Ashton who was halfway down the ladder.
When we were done we closed the attic again and took a few trips bring all the gifts downstairs.
Ash helped arrange them under the tree and even took the box of candy from the pantry and filled up Enders stocking.
Once everything was set up I sighed in exhaustion.
"I'm going to go to sleep." I yawned.
"Alright." Ashton nodded.
I walked over to the chest in the corner and grabbed a blanket for him and then a pillow from the closet.
I tossed them to him and let him make his bed on the sofa.
"Night." I strode up to him and gave him a goodnight kiss on the cheek.
"Night." He copied and kissed my lips once then my forehead.
As I walked upstairs to bed I couldn't help but think about how lonely things would feel without him here for a week.
I had grown accustomed to the 6 foot tall, dork of a boy hanging out at the house.
Closing my door I basically flung myself at my bed not wasting anytime in falling fast asleep.