I shut my office door behind me, sat down in my chair and put my head in my hands. I fucked it up, I pushed Jamie too far.
I listened to them downstairs. I listened as they tried not to cry out or scream in anger, but their emotions were just too much. I imagined them muffling themselves with their hands or pulling at their hair, like they tend to do. It made me wince, it was always a little disturbing to see, or listen to.
After a moment of silence, I heard an eardrum shattering screech. I sat there in my chair as Jamie presumably grew more violent downstairs. I didn't even consider going back downstairs, to calm them down or to try prevent property damage I don't know.
But I did know Jamie wouldn't be too welcoming, I've already pushed enough. They've made it clear my efforts have made not much of an impact. Can I even salvage from this point?
I tried to distract myself on my computer, doing nothing in particular, just trying not to hear my kitchen being torn to shreds. I've got some nice things in there... probably not very nice looking anymore.
Eventually all the racket downstairs came to a stop. My houses insufficiently insulated walls and my particularly good vampiric hearing finally lent to something as I could hear, very quietly from downstairs... cries.
Small, little cries and hitched breaths. It broke my heart and just about made me start crying myself. I nearly sprung from my desk and ran downstairs to join the poor child, but I kept myself in place, as much as it pained me.
I listened to Jamie as they stifled their cries and stood. I heard their small steps, out of the kitchen, down the creaky wooden flooring of the hallway, reaching the door.
There was a pause, a deafening silence that hung heavy in the air. Maybe they're considering staying, sorting this out.
My hopes was quickly squashed thought as I heard the front door open, and promptly close. I stood and peeped out my office window, and watched as my baby walked away from the house. A little more of my heart chipped away with each step.
I sat back down and sunk low in my office chair. I really fucked it up. They were so perfect, every little thing I'd come to know about Jamie I loved. Well certain aspects weren't very favourable, but I loved them non the less.
God, I sounded like a sappy git, it's only been a couple of weeks.. why was I so attached to them. I let out a sigh.
I took my phone out of my pocket, and dialed Tom, planning on inviting him over, maybe we could drown my sorrows together in whatever blood packets I've got hidden away.
Since Jamie didn't know about my whole vampiric deal, I'd hid away any giveaways. Granted that meant I couldn't enjoy blood cold, or at my usual times. It was throwing me off a little but I wanted Jamie to feel safe.
The tone rang out over and over. I waited, bouncing my leg anxiously for him to pick up. It was a little embarrassing how much I relied on him, but we look out for eachother. I helped him through his last breakup, he's helping me through this whole thing.
"Come on man.. pick up"
My voice broke up but Tom still didn't answer.
"This is Tom! Working right now-"
His cheery voice called and I scowled, ending the call and not even bothering to leave him a message.
I leant forward, throwing my phone down and hanging my head in my hands.
So much for trust, I took it too far. I over coddled and they snapped. I deserved this.
"Ah fuckkkkkk"
I cursed myself and stood up, not bearing to let myself mope. It got me nowhere, never has, never will.
I walked out of my office and cautiously down the stairs, first noticing the wet footsteps leading to the door. It didn't look like water, I cautiously stepped around the sticky looking substance and followed them back to the kitchen where I stood, surveying the damage.
And I won't lie, I expected much worse. The kitchen was still mess, but most of it was just mess, mess still but nothing broken, like jamies screams and shouts would've suggested.
There were a couple chairs tipped, all cabinets Jamie could reach were open, their contents spilled out, open bottles of cleaning products and a ripped bags were strewn across the floor.
Honestly, it looked like the sight of a childish meltdown as opposed to a violent outburst. Like a particularly riled up tantrum.
I imagined a reality where Jamie would come to me, upset and apologising for the mess. And I'd give them a hug and thank them for apologising.
I'd put them in time out and have them help me clean up, a bath would probably also be in order. I smirked imagining how they'd whine and fuss, adorable. The entire time I'd remind them I wasn't mad. I could never be mad at them, frustrated or disappointed maybe. But I'd never ever be angry.
But that was just a dream, I brought myself back to the bleak reality of the mess in the kitchen. With no Jamie to help me clean, I began on my own.
"At least the floor'll be spotless-"
I bent down and picked up the spilt bottle of..
"Washing up liquid, I'll add that to the shopping list then"
I tried to joke to myself as I cleaned up the comically wrecked kitchen. However the context weighed heavy on my mind. I pushed the thought to the back of mind and tried to focus on cleaning.
The rice was a bit of a pain, as well as the bag of flour. I put all of my pots and pans that were pulled out, into the sink to be washed.
I wiped down the chairs and set them up on the table, then mopped the floors, removing any sticky footprints.
I decided I'd done enough and retreated from the kitchen, back to my bedroom where I pulled out a case from beneath my bed.
I brought it downstairs and put it on the coffee table in the sitting room, sitting down myself and turning on whatever murder mystery show was running. I needed noise, the house was far too quiet.
I opened up the case and took out an ornate glass, a gift from my Dad. It was meant for whiskey but I just about coughed my lungs up when I tried it.
So I used it for blood. A+ if I have it. Not exactly the rarest blood, but I like it.
I imagined Jamie becoming a fledging, really becoming my baby... just for a moment, it was a lovely moment.
I thought of how they'd run around the garden on a sunny day, in the winter I'd make them wrap up warm. They probably wouldn't be too happy about that, sporting a cute little pout along with the thick winter coat. I imagined little movie nights, cuddled up on the couch. I had so much knowledge to share, music tastes to pass on.
They'd be the center of my world, everything I'd do, I'd do for them.
A tear dripped down off my face narrowly missing my drink. Good thing too, blood tastes horrible salty.
-----------------------------------------------------
"It's obviously the duchess, she has no alibi!"
I yelled at the tv, the show had begun to oddly interest me, despite its absurd plot. The detective was an idiot though, I'd be way better.
I was just my glass down, couple of blood packets in and I felt satisfied. I was never one to overindulge. When a noise nearly had me crushing the prized glassware to dust in my fist.
The front door opened. I quickly swiped the blood packets off the table and tucked them away into the box. Then ran right to hallway. I was met by a sight that split my heart in two.
"Jamie?"
My voice cracked, my eyes wide at the poor child's state.
They in heap on the front mat. Their jeans had changed to dirty oversized shorts and the dark green hoodie was all stretched out around the neck. Tears poured from their eyes, onto their red, slightly swollen cheeks.
They looked up to me, their bottom lip wobbling. They coughed and hoarsely called out.
"Andi"
They held their arms out to me, in an almost childlike manner. They shook like a leaf, their body wracked by sobs and tears that just wouldn't seem to stop.
I surged forward, taking them in my arms. Really not learning from how pushing on boundaries only pushed them further, but fuck that, I need to hug my baby.
They let out a wheezy breath and I hugged them slightly too tight. I loosened my grip but Jamie didn't loosen theirs.
"Oh god Jamie I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry"
I repeated as they clung onto my shirt for dear life, crying their heart out. It was something I'd never seen in Jamie before. A new side and I knew it couldn't mean anything good.
Not a word was spoken, Jamie just cried and cried and I let them. I started to run little circles on their back and waited for any sign of them calming down.
I noted the red marks on their face and around their neck and bit my tongue, knowing I couldn't interrogate in the state they were in at the moment.
Their breathing slowly began to even out, but they still sniffled and had a couple of tears still flowing.
"Jamie what happened?"
J
amie just shook their head, before muttering.
"Ben-"
They cut themselves off with another horse and loud cry, followed by a slight coughing fit, that only agitated them further
"You need water, right now. Come on, lets go to the kitchen"
I held back against any anger bubbling, what did that punk do?
Jamie nodded and I began the process of standing with the kid, proving a lot harder than I initially thought it would be. Jamie legs shook violently and they couldnt seem to quite find their feet.
Eventually with much of my support. Jamie was able to stand, my arm securely around their waist to keep them up.
We entered the kitchen, Jamie was in shock at its state. No real evidence that anything had taken place, maybe apart from my lack of washing up liquid, flour and rice.
I took down a chair into jamies usual spot. I helped them to hop up and they looked around, almost scared of the kitchen.
I grabbed a plastic cup out of the cupboard and filled it with water. I handed the cup to Jamie but as soon as they took it, their shaking hands lost grip and cup fell to the ground. Jamie yelped and coughed and I acted fast, before there could be any upset.
I threw a tea towel down to the puddle and left it there to soak then turned back to my cupboards. This time I pulled out a water bottle, with a little straw attached to it.
I filled it with water and brought it over to the table. Jamie held out their hands for it, and I passed it over. But Jamie almost immediately dropped it again, me catching it.
"It's ok, I'll hold it bambi. You just sip"
I held the bottle to Jamie face and they leaned forward, sheepishly taking sip after sip. They kept their still teary eyes low, looking to the ground.
"Little bit at a time, good job"
I gently praised.
At one point Jamie stopped, pulling away and blinking hard a few times, and looking around.
"You- clean kitchen?"
Their voice sounded a little better.
"Yeah I cleaned up bambi"
I responded simply before raising the bottle to Jamie again, imploring them to take more sips.
They did so and we stayed like that for a second, before Jamie pushed the bottle away and seemed to remeber what they got upset about. They started to cry harder again. They threw their head down onto their arms on the table.
"Bambi please just tell me what happened?"
Jamie snuffled loudly and coughed again from all the heavy sobbing. I rubbed their back, and spoke low
"You're ok Jam jam, its alright"
They looked up, finally meeting my eyes again.
"It's noh ok"
"Can you tell me why"
I shuffled my chair closer so both of ours were touching. I put my hand on their shoulder, giving it a little squeeze.
Jamie sat up and also shuffled a little closer to me, sitting back on their knees and wiping their red swollen eyes on their hoodie sleeve. They took a suddery breath and started talking.
"I went to B-b-"
Jamies voice cracked.
"-Ben's... and his roommates they.. they-"
Jamies hands went up to their hair and started pulling, whimpering as well. I gently took them away, letting Jamie squeeze my hands as much as they needed.
"What did they do Jamie?"
Jamie hesitated, stuttering for a moment, their grip on my hands got tighter as they talked.
"They said Ben didn't pay rent but he did, and he was gonna pay with me-"
Jamie squeaked and put their head down to their hands, into my lap. They started to cry again and I rubbed their back.
"Ben payed his rent with you?"
I hadn't intended for my voice to be filled with such hatred for ben, but it was hard considering the small baby wholeheartedly crying into my lap. Jamie was quick to defend their friend.
"No! Ben al-ready paid.. they just-"
Jamie hicupped
"They wanted to sell me"
"They what!?"
I exclaimed. Jamie sat back up and I hugged them, close. They cried a little more. They were fully sitting in my lap at this point.
'I dunno.. Ben tried to stop them but they kept hittin him and hurtin him. I was yelling and I tried to get them off but they hit me.. and they hit me again and again"
Jamie trailed off sat back up, sniffling. I hugged them, close. They cried a little more. I found myself hugging tighter as Jamie went on
"They dragged me by my hoodie to a room with people and held me down. My hoodie got all broken.. I liked this hoodie"
That just about pushed Jamie over the edge but I pulled them back in, needing more details about what happened.
"I can get you another hoodie jamjam, but keep going, you're doing so well"
I wasn't lying. Jamie was being incredibly brave.
Jamie with renewed assurance that he should keep going, went on.
"B-ben was in a chair and he looked really bad.. he was barely moving"
"Oh god"
I uttered quietly.
" Then I uh.. got out.."
Jamie hesitated, clearly the tension was just too much, he really helps.
"Ben woke up a-and helped me. Then I ran all the way hom-here... they said they were gonna chase me. Andi I don't want them back"
Jamie cried as I held them.
"Theyre not gonna come back bambi. I swear they're not gonna get you. Never"
"I don't know what to do Andi!"
They cried out and it trailed into a heart-wrenching wail. I was a little taken aback but didn't show it as I let them cry it out.
We stayed in silence for a bit, just jamies small sobs echoing in the room. I waited till they calmed down a little, then said.
"Jamie, you understand I have to call the police-"
"NO"
"Jamie-"
"NO I DONT WANNA GO BACK. I wanna stay here!"
They clung to me a little tighter and I just rubbed small circles on their back, trying to keep them calmer.
"You're not going back Jamie, you don't have to do anything right now... But what about Ben?"
Jamie's breath hitched. I continued.
"We have to make sure he's ok."
Jamie nodded frantically.
"He looked bad. Didn't wanna see it"
"You don't have to jam"
Jamie leaned into me on that note.
"Can you tell me the address bambi? Or even just the street?"
Jamie listed off the address and I was a little shocked to hear that it was a good ways across town. Did Jamie really run all the way?
"Thank you Jamie. I'll sort it out, you don't have to worry about it anymore"
Jamie sniffed and pulled their knees up to their chest.
"You don't look very comfortable jamie"
Jamie shook their head.
"Ok.. lets head upstairs then"
I was about to slip out from under Jamie but their tight little grip on me kept me from doing so. So I pushed on jamies boundaries a little.
"I'm just gonna pick you up bambi, is that ok?"
Jamie nodded, and I stood, keeping the little one in my arms, and tucked up to my chest. Jamie was still crying and I just continued to repeat that they were ok as I brought them upstairs, and in to the guest bedroom.
"-it's all ok bambi... nothings gonna get you. Do you wanna get changed into some comfy pyjamas? I can go make the call then I'll make some food or hot chocolate, huh? How's that sound"
Jamie didn't say anything, just nodded and hugged me. I hugged back, then separated, leaving Jamie on the bed.
I retreated out of the room, double checking that Jamie was alright. Jamie said they were ok, but was still all shakey. I left the room and quickly pulled out my phone.
I moved down the hall to my office where Jamie couldn't hear me. I closed the door over and called 911, reporting an anonymous tip about screaming and fighting coming from a particular house, also saying there is possibly someone quite badly beaten in there as well.
With the call over and done with I had all my attention back to Jamie. I feel just so horrible for them, maybe if I hadn't pushed so hard earlier, they wouldn't have left so soon, or even at all... maybe the night would've played out differently. I was definitely wrong about Ben but it's horrible that I was actually right to be worried, and not just overreacting.
I hated that I was right about them going to bens.
I needed to stop dwelling and just be there for Jamie, I told myself as I left my office and headed back down to the guest room.
I knocked on the door and it was opened by Jamie, now dressed in stripey long sleeved pyjamas. I could tell they were wearing padding as well. It wasn't obvious, I'd just grown to notice the difference.
I held out my hand, offering more comfort if they so needed it. Jamie quickly took it, and we traveled back down to the kitchen together. They sat up in their normal spot and I sat down next to them.
"Ok, we've still got some leftover pasta from the other night, I could heat that up?"
"Please..."
I went to stand when Jamie very quietly asked.
"Can we have hot chocolate too?"
"Of course bambi. Anything you want"
I got to reheating the pasta in the microwave, never taking my eye completely off Jamie, who shifted and fidgeted in their seat.
I'd seen them vulnerable, childlike.. in that innocent fuzzy state before. But this was just heartbreaking. Despite having calmed down, I could tell Jamie was still barely holding it together.
The microwave dinged and took the bowl out, giving the pasta a mix before setting it down in front of Jamie.
"Eat up hun"
I filled the water bottle back up and put it next to the bowl, as Jamie dug in.
The night did not seem to stop jamies stomach as they kept their usual tempo of absolutely scoffing whatever was placed in front of them.
Despite their hands still being shakey, Jamie managed to not make that much of a mess, only getting some sauce around their mouth and on their cheeks. That they unceremoniously wiped off on their pyjamas.
As I tried scraping more sauce off the sides of the bowl I commented.
"We make really good pasta, don't we.."
To my surprise Jamie smiled a little.
"Yeah, it's nice"
They pushed the bowl away and started sipping from the water bottle. I put the bowl in the sink, adding to the washing I had to do.
My train of thought led me to think of what other washing I had to do, leading to the confusing pair of shorts they arrived in.
"So what happened to your jeans?"
I asked, genuinely curiously.
"I changed as bens cause I fell in washing up liquid when I was.. uh-"
Jamie didn't seem to know how to finish that sentence, so I helped them out.
"It's ok bambi, it's all cleaned up, it's not a problem"
I tried to move past the wrecking of my kitchen, thinking it would only upset Jamie. But they stayed firm
"No-"
They took a breath.
"I got mad and I-"
They got a little shakey but tried steadying their breathing.
"I-I- ruined it all. All the pots and the chairs and the food. Wasn' good"
They mumbled to themselves. I held back from saying the damage really wasn't as bad as they think it was. There honestly was no real damage, just alot of inconvenient spilled stuff and some knocked over chairs.
But that probably wasn't what they wanted to hear. Jamie started to sniffle again, I quickly slipped in to the chair next to them.
"Woah now, we don't have to get upset again, its alright bambi. You got mad, that's understandable... I pushed you a bit too far earlier"
"But you were right... you said it wasn't a good idea and it wasn't."
I took a breath, not really sure what to say.
"I didn't know that would happen bambi, I don't think anyone could've predicted what happened tonight Jam."
I started rubbing little circles on their back, the way they liked.
"And I still shouldn't have told you where you can and can't go, you had every right to get mad. I was being stupid"
"No, I was being stupid!"
Jamie said, getting a bit agitated as they rubbed more at their puffy eyes. I tried to defuse the situation.
"Ok, ok, we were both being a bit stupid..How's that sound?"
"Ok...buh uh.."
Jamie fiddled with their pyjama top for a second.
"I'm sorry"
"Thank you for apologising bambi. I'm sorry too"
"S'ok Andi"
They turned to me, leaning in and hugged me around my waist. My heart skipped a beat once more and reciprocated the hug.
When we broke away, I ran a hand through jamies hair, ruffling it a tad.
"I think its time for hot chocolate."
Jamie nodded eagerly.
I stood and as I walked over to the sink, spotted a clean small towel and thought of something. I ran it under the tap for a second and wringed it out, before quickly getting to Jamie, still sitting up at the table.
"Here bambi, dab this over your eyes. I'm sure they're sore after all that crying.. it'll help"
Jamie took the small cloth and held it to their closed eyes, they flinched at first but then relaxed at the soothing feel.
I returned to the counter and began heating up milk for hot chocolate.
While I was mixing I said to Jamie.
"If you want hun you can run ahead to the sitting room, grab all the good blankets"
Jamie had left the wey cloth down and was just watching me. They still seemed off but that was completely ok.
"N-no It's ok. I'll just um, wait"
"Coolio"
I said, finishing pouring the drinks, one into my teepee mug, the other into a black travel mug with a lid, I just figured in case Jamie was still a bit shakey. I picked up both drinks.
"Ok, in we go"
I prompted for Jamie to follow me into the sitting room and they did, running a little ahead of me and hopping up on the couch.
I put the two cups down and got a little poke on the back. I turned and Jamie nervously asked.
"Andi?-"
"Yeah Jamie?"
I sat down next to them.
They looked down, a little embarrassed I suppose.
"I-I'm still scared 'bout Ben. He looked really bad"
Jamie almost started tearing up again. I intercepted before it started all over again.
"Hey we can't be thinking like that. I called the emergency number, they're gonna take care of it and get Ben the help he needs"
"But what if they don't?!"
"I... I don't know bambi, but we've done what we can and I'll try find out tomorrow"
I assured and Jamies bottom lip began to wobble, signalling that the floodgates were about to open once. I tried to divert their attention.
I put my hand on their shoulder and the other under their chin, making them look at me.
"Look at me bambi, look at me. We can't be thinking like that now. Right no3 what matters is that you are ok.. and we still haven't had our hot chocolates"
Jamie sniffled and I wiped their eyes. They looked down for a second then back up at me, this time with a little smile.
"Yeah, I want hot chocolate"
I smiled right back at them, delivering a quick hug. Then handing them the travel mug. They didn't comment on the lidded cup, just eager for the chocolatey goodness.
"Ok great, remember 2 hands, 2 hands bambi"
Jamie held the cup with both hands very carefully. Slowly bringing it to their lips and taking a sip. They smiled, a sound that almost sounded like a giggle passed their lips.
"It's good"
I beamed, sitting down on the couch next to the happy little kid.
Jamie turned to me, before asking.
"Can we watch that movie you were saying earlier. The Moon one?"
"Over the moon? Good idea jamjam"
"Hehe Jamjam"
Jamie leaned into me on the couch, almost snuggling up.
Maybe I haven't completely fucked this up
Authors Note:
Hey dudes, hope everyone's doing well.
Just wanna thank ya'll for still reading despite my truly abhorrent writing schedule. Each and everyone one of yous are absolute legends.
I've just started off in a new school and It's incredible, my life is finally on a upward turn and I'm gonna keep trying to get out chapters. Cause honestly, it's so much fun.
Like I'm literally sitting in the middle of maths thinking damn how am I gonna make this the most sappy fluffy cathartic shit anyone's ever read.
And its just random scenes of Andrew and Jamie being cute as shit that I can't piece together. This story is mind vomit that I'm stringing together for ya'll. So i hope yous are enjoying it
Also apologies for the literal thousands of mistakes everywhere. I swear I'm literate, I'm just dumb :)
See ya'll next time, byeeeeee