Warning: Signs of Depression
- - -
The two sit in the car. Honestly, Hizashi is kind of stuck since the snow has built up, but he isn't willing to reveal that to Izuku yet. The kid will probably build a makeshift flamethrower or something like that.
That's not Hizashi's main concern: it's Izuku himself. He's just too calm. That is not to say that there is nothing wrong with being calm. However, there's a difference between being calm because it's a nice moment and being calm because something is going on internally.
It's the second here.
However, Hizashi believes that Izuku has already figured out that they are kind of trapped where they are, mainly because the kid hasn't put on his seatbelt yet. While that could be Izuku being Izuku, for some reason, Hizashi denies it in this case.
That doesn't stop Izuku from spilling a question that nearly causes Hizashi to step on the gas accidently.
"What kind of job should I go for if I was to quit being a hero?" Izuku asks out of nowhere.
Hizashi turns to Izuku, a confused chuckle escaping him, "That's a bit out of nowhere question, Tiny Listener."
"That's my entire life, so it's fine," Izuku waves off casually, "So answer me."
"Izuku, I just want you happy, kid. Do you want to talk about this? This is really sudden. If you are reconsidering, that's okay," Hizashi questions a concerned look.
"Nah, it's okay, Zashi. Now, let's build that flamethrower."
"Izuku, no!"
Hizashi is well-aware of what Izuku just did. It was to distract him from what he just asked.
He really needs to speak to Shouta about this one.
- - -
I'm sorry, I can't.
- - -
Hizashi POV
This is bad, and that is an understatement of the year. I don't even think the worst word in the dictionary can describe how bad this is.
I don't even know what to say.
Izuku doesn't deserve any of this. The kid is 16! The only thing I had to worry about at 16 was losing a close friend!
However, the big difference between Izuku and I is that I had time to recover. It was a tragedy that it happened, and I do miss Shirakumo. Despite that, I consider myself lucky for only going through that considering my career choice.
Izuku hasn't had time to recover at all. It's one thing after another for him, and it goes far beyond losing a friend. Izuku has been forced to take the position of a leader with so many lives in his hands. He has had to save the world multiple times. He has been injured so many times to the point of dying twice, and there's probably more that he hasn't told us about.
Now, Izuku has been forcefully given a quirk, something that him lacking caused issues for most of his life, that his body rejects. A quirk from somebody that he knows and probably feels guilty over considering he was there when Ragdoll was taken. There's possibly more involved, but I am choosing not to accept it yet.
It's no wonder the poor kid had a breakdown. It lasted for nearly an hour until he finally started settling down. Hell, he hasn't even noticed Nemuri, who came in quite a while ago.
It's not until another ten minutes later at least when Izuku finally says something as he puts all his weight on me, "...sorry."
I flick his nose, "Excuse me, you have nothing to say sorry for. You are going through hell, kid. That's a reasonable reaction."
"Doesn't exist," He mutters. What?
"What do you mean doesn't exist?"
"Hell." I should not be surprised that Izuku believes that he would go to hell. I would ask how he knows and his whole death experience, but that's insensitive at the moment. He'll probably write a book on it when he feels better.
"That just gives you an excuse to have more fun in this life, huh?" Izuku simply hums, and I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. Considering his positioning, probably a bad thing.
With Izuku calm enough, Nemuri finally enters his eyesight, "Hey, kiddo. You look like shit."
I reach over and whack her in the head, "Excuse me. I know you two usually do this, but now is not the time."
Izuku shakes his head against my chest, "She's right."
"We prefer to ignore that fact."
Nothing else is said for a bit. We just have a moment to ourselves since Recovery Girl left during that. Nemuri chose to sit on the other side of Izuku, and we just support him. If you ignore the circumstances of this, one could believe that it's a nice moment.
However, it eventually ends when Izuku finally asks the question I have been expecting, "Sho?"
"Sho is going to be okay. Not perfect but okay." Izuku slowly nods. He proceeds to sit up just as slow and look over his shoulder at Shouta on the bed. I can't help but appreciate the fact that I forced the nurses to have these two share the same room. Otherwise, Izuku would force me to bring him to Shouta.
"Can I get close to him?"
"Of course."
Since we prefer Izuku not to move too much yet, with the help of a nurse, we manage to bring the two beds side-by-side. As soon as he was close enough, Izuku reached for Shouta's hand and took it. That seemed to settle him a little bit since it encouraged him to lay down on his bed again.
"Wake up soon, bitch," Izuku mutters to Shouta.
"He might sleep longer just to spite you," Nemuri points out. I deny that, especially if Izuku is in distress. Shouta wouldn't even considering staying asleep longer even if Izuku just called him a bitch. That's honestly basic compared to how Izuku usually tortures the man.
"He's the one who got knocked out in front of me."
Nemuri sighs, seeming to drop her joking side, "I know, I know. Anything else you need, Izu?"
Izuku shakes his head, and we allow the place to go quiet for another hour.
Until shit hits the fan.
As we are chilling, we suddenly hear talking outside of the room's door. Well, talking is being kind. We can here multiple people arguing just outside of the door, and we can't hear a thing because they are talking over one another. I turn my head towards Izuku direction to make sure that he is okay, and he doesn't seem affected by it at all. He's just laying back and looking up at the ceiling. He's been like that for a while.
I sigh, facing Nemuri, "Where are the nurses when we need them?"
"They should be here soon. If not, I'll ask them to leave," Nemuri states, glaring at the door.
"Thanks."
"They are going to stress this place out. If we wanted that, we would have allowed Inko here."
"Nemuri!"
"It's the truth, isn't it?" Unfortunately, Nemuri is right. While I would love Inko to see her son, when it comes to injuries, the two have fought in the past about it. I rather not stress Izuku out more because of her. If he asks for her, I'll get her. Otherwise, she will not be let in. Besides, she needs to focus on distracting Eri. That's something she is good at. She knows Eri the best out of all of us besides maybe Mirio and Izuku. Still, that's not something she should say!
"Just because it's the truth doesn't mean it needs to be said out!" I tell Nemuri off. Sometimes, I swear Nemuri lacks more of a filter than Izuku at times.
Just as Nemuri is about to retort, the argument outside suddenly goes quiet. I guess a nurse finally came. A little concerning how quickly it went quiet considering how hospital fights go, but I'll take it!
Unfortunately, that really wasn't the end. We hear a soft knocking on the door. I shouldn't be surprised that the argument was because of Izuku, but I really hoping it wasn't.
"May I come in?" Nezu's voice comes through. Oh boy.
Nemuri goes and opens the door, and we see a crowd of familiar heroes waiting outside along side the HC president. Hell no! If they are trying to come in, I will deafen all of them!
Nemuri looks down at Nezu, "It's just you, right?"
Nezu continues to offer that signature smile that I swear never goes away, "Of course. I would not like to Izuku's situation worse for him." That is something I do expect. Since it involves Izuku, I wouldn't be shocked if Nezu is especially aggressive about trying to help Izuku since he has a soft spot for a kid.
Everyone may hate it, but it works in our favor.
Nemuri steps to the side and lets Nezu in, not hesitating to slam the door in their faces once Nezu is inside. Nezu doesn't really notice it as his beady little eyes land on Izuku, who still hasn't moved.
Nezu approaches Izuku's bedside and clambers up to Izuku's side, "How are you doing, Izuku?"
Izuku doesn't even look at him when he responds, "Just tell me what's going on." Nezu's smile droops a little bit as he watches Izuku, trying to decide how to go about this. It's not a big surprise when Nezu decides to just tell him what's going on. While I disapprove of it, I also know that Izuku will figure it out eventually.
"The HC president and some familiar heroes want you to talk about what happened. We have a majority of the story, but there are a couple of points that have gone unexplained. If you prefer not to talk at the moment, I can make them wait, or, if preferred, I can only allow those trusted in," Nezu explains. The kid woke up two hours ago, and he had a mental breakdown during one of them! Can he not have a break?!
I insert myself into the conversation, "They can wait. Izuku just woke up. It's not like the world is ending because Izuku took care of that. If they have anything to say about it, they can talk to me." Nezu looks over at me and smiles. That's scary.
"Of course, I understand-"
Izuku interrupts, "They're going to bother me until they get it, huh?"
Nezu turns to Izuku, "We can handle it-"
"Just bring them in. They aren't worth dealing with," Izuku mumbles the last part out while trying to sit up.
I scramble to Izuku's side, "Izuku, no. No no no. You're not dealing with them. Come on, lay down. We can deal with it-" Izuku cuts me off.
"Zashi, I want this done."
I sigh as I help Izuku up. This is why Izuku and Shouta get along. They are so damn stubborn. Yes, they get into some fights because of how stubborn they are, but that's why they are so close and why they accomplish so much. That's fine. They can deal with their problems. However, when if it's not between them, it's with us, and that works against us.
It's like knocking on a rock and expecting it to open up to a secret passage. It happens rarely, but 99 percent of the time, it provides nothing.
"You don't need to do anything for them, and they don't need anything from you. They are just being a nuisance. What you need to do is relax and recover, and I am not having them interrupt that," I attempt to explain logically to Izuku. Of course, that doesn't work.
"It's just going to be in my head till it's done. It's not like they can take things far with you and Nemuri here," Izuku points out, clearly trying to muster up some energy. It pisses me off that Izuku is having to pretend to be an adult after everything he has been through. I thought that, once Izuku finishes whatever mission he was working on for four months, he would get to be a kid again. That's obviously out of the window.
I sigh, "Izuku..."
"If I become sad, just get me Mcdonalds." I want to say that's his humor coming through, but he honestly just wants Mcdonalds. The past month, his eating habits have especially become bad with stuff like that to the point we had to keep an eye out to make sure Izuku wasn't sneaking out to get any and force more healthy options.
"You're not supposed to have that at the moment, Tiny Listener."
Nemuri adds her opinion, "If the kid was by himself, I would be against it. However, you, me, and Nezu are here. We can stop them, especially with our quirks if necessary."
Nezu nods, "Correct. You also have custody of Izuku due to Aizawa's current state. That holds plenty of weight. If you tell them to leave, they will have to leave." I hate that both of them are right. Maybe I am a bit protective of the kid, but I rather him not deal with this at all.
I look at Izuku and sigh again, "You'll tell me the moment they make you feel uncomfortable, right?"
"You'll see it before that," Izuku simply says.
"I'm serious. If they even make you a little uncomfortable, they are out. Got it?" Izuku nods, getting his act together for the show. I don't stop him, looking over my shoulder at Nemuri, "You can let them in."
Nemuri opens the door, and a practical crowd enters the room. The HC president enters first with two body guards at her side. Thankfully, they choose to stand by the door to make the place seem less crowded. Then, Izuku's work partners Detective Tsukauchi, Gran Torino, and Sir Nighteye come in. Finally, Hawks, Best Jeanist (it takes a lot not to look surprised on that one seeing as we were told he was dead), and Yagi join. It really shows how important this mission was if all of these guys are involved.
And how much of that pressure was put on Izuku.
The heroes stay back, allowing for the HC president to step up, "How are you doing, Midoriya?" Izuku smiles weakly at her, but I believe it's suppose to be one of his cocky/threatening smiles given the situation.
"Can we skip the chatter and get straight to the point?" Izuku asks. I can't really tell what the HC President is thinking, but she does nod to his request.
"I first wanted to thank you for everything that you have done for this case. I do not know what we could have done without you-"
"I don't care for your fancy words. Please," Izuku practically demands. He sounds more tense than I expected, especially when he is receiving praise. Praise from her is rare and highly valued. Hell, anything from her automatically goes on resumes for heroes. However, I trust that Izuku is doing that for a reason. Once again, she accepts it and moves on.
"To summarize, you performed one of the hardest missions with the smallest amount of causalities. Everything went near perfect with only a few escapees. The operation that was meant to capture everyone today went mostly successful as well, but we will spare the details. Congratulations and thank you. However, there are some pieces that only you know that we need. It's important to make sure we truly have everything handled. What happened after the explosion you created?"
Izuku thinks for a moment, and that's when I see him pale and look down. No. Hell no.
"He's not ready to talk about this," I tell her as I move to stand in front of Izuku.
When she goes to say something, Izuku speaks up from behind me, but he sounds empty, "After the explosion, I went after Miriko to finish checking the area. I found Shigaraki was still alive and went after him, but she kicked me away when he started using decay. You know what happened from there." Oh my gosh, Izuku. I turn to him, and he just looks worse. The HC president decides that it is a great opportunity to continue.
"What about the fight with Shigaraki?"
"It was a typical fight besides for going into Shigaraki's quirk. He has All for One, and he was also there attached to him like a leech. It was him." There was a point where the two had frozen when I was watching. I didn't even know that was possible.
Wait.
"Izuku, what's the last thing you remember?" I ask out of nowhere.
"He was talking when I felt arms around my shoulder." That's odd. I can say that it was not me, so it must have happened inside the quirk...
Meaning that Izuku remembers nothing once the two separated. He doesn't remember getting sick. He doesn't remember me being there. He doesn't remember killing Shigaraki. That's probably a good thing, but, at the same time, that's not healthy.
"So he doesn't remember the outcome of the fight," The HC President puts the pieces together for everyone else.
"Did I kill him?" Izuku questions bluntly.
"Yes."
Izuku slowly nods, not responding. Usually, when we talk about this kind of stuff, we use the word win. Why did he assume that he killed Shigaraki? It's the right assumption. It's just suspicious. Something is off.
That's when Sir Nighteye joins the conversation, "Will he get in trouble for killing him?"
I didn't even think of that. Heroes do get in trouble if they kill a villain without permission. If that happens, the hero usually sends their regards to the family and offer to pay for the funeral or something along the lines of that, all under the guidance of the HC. If public, they also have to announce an apology. They might also get a mark, but that's rare. A majority of the time, it's dropped. If the situation calls for it to be the appropriate action, then nothing happens besides for an explanation from the HC.
All of that is rare because heroes generally avoid killing. If it happens, it's to protect others or on accident. Izuku would fall in the first category of that.
"No. He already had permission to kill him before the fight." Hold up, what?
Sir Nighteye steps forward and approaches her, obviously suspicious of her, "We never talked about killing anyone."
"That's right. All we talked about was capture. That would suppose to be Endeavor's job. If Endeavor went down, which he did, Izuku would take over for capture." Gran Torino speaks up behind him. Wait, then why did Izuku get permission? Did Izuku plan to kill Shigaraki all along?
The HC President looks over at them, "That was the original plan. However, looking back at Shigaraki's strength, I realized that he may be too strong to simply capture. I asked Midoriya to use his best judgement and kill him if he believes that is necessary."
I can't stop the words that spill out of my mouth from hearing that, "So you're telling me that you gave a 16 year old kid, one who has enough on his plate, the right to kill someone if he believes it is necessary without telling anyone about this?!"
"I specifically asked him not to tell anyone as I knew it would raise controversy like now. It was also his choice. He has every right to decline the request."
"This is the same kid who has saved the world multiple times without hesitation! He would save the world without a second thought for his health! That is fucked-up on your part, and you know it! You took advantage of Izuku's savior complex and used it to your advantage! You don't give a fuck how it could have left him! You could have asked anyone else, but you chose him!"
Izuku intervenes, "I made that choice."
I force myself to sigh because I really don't want to scream at Izuku. I know how Izuku works at this point. He doesn't understand what is wrong with this. He just sees it as a way to help people.
I thought he was getting better with this whole 'valuing yourself' thing. When did he regress this far? It looked like it when he would willingly quit work to cause mass destruction, but...I don't know. Maybe there were times Izuku simply couldn't handle it, and that's when he did that? I sincerely hope that isn't the case because that is sickening to think about. However, this is Izuku. It probably is as much as I hate to admit it.
I look over my shoulder at Izuku, "Did you tell Eraser about that?" I see him shake his head, "We're talking about this later. For now,"
I turn my attention back to the President, "Unless you have anything else to say, leave."
"Is it true that Midoriya has a quirk now?" She asks. I don't even want to know how she learned about that one.
"Yes, but that doesn't matter."
"Except it does. With a quirk, Midoriya can no longer be considered a prohero until he becomes an adult meaning he can no longer be on any cases by himself."
I glare at her, "That sounds like a good thing considering how you treat him."
"The issue with that is the public. If they learn that he has a quirk now, I believe you understand the consequences better than anyone." Jeez, I can tell and I am getting her angry, but whatever. She is bothering Izuku when he is supposed to be relaxing and healing. Everyone around us is quiet as can be. It is tense, huh?
"Yes, but why does this matter now? Izuku isn't going to be on the field anytime soon after this. I won't be letting him anywhere near the media either."
"I am simply warning you, Present Mic. It will have to be revealed eventually."
"To be frank with you, I don't give a damn about that at the moment. I prefer you to just leave because you're distressing a patient." And probably me, but I can calm him down. She can't.
She seems quite pissed with me, but she decides to drop it, "Fine. Have a good day." She turns around to leave except she is stopped.
"Ma'am," Izuku's voice disrupts the otherwise tense atmosphere, "Can we use one of the bullets on me to get rid of the quirk?" Oh, from the Shie Hassaikai raid! It looks like those bullets have a legitimate use after all.
She doesn't turn to face Izuku, so I can't tell what her facial expression is. However, she seems to consider it.
"We'll have to get permission to use one of them, and that could take a while."
"But it's possible?" I finally hear something positive in Izuku's tone: hope. I'll take anything at this point.
"Yes."
That seems to bring up Izuku's spirits a little bit. Not enough to be himself, but at least there's a resemblance of his personality there, "Cool. Get out now."
Unlike me, Izuku seems to get away with insulting her. She doesn't bother responding as she heads out with the guards following right behind her, leaving behind the rest of the heroes. That leaves us in sort of an awkward position. I don't think that bothers Hawks though as he comes right up to the end of Izuku's bed beside me.
"How ya doing, broski? I haven't seen you in so long," Hawks questions, seemingly forgetting what the hell just happened. When I turn to face him, I catch him shrugging to Hawks. Hawks clicks his tongue, "Yeah, I get that. I had some fried chicken for you, but Recovery Girl saw me and told me to get rid of them so I ate them right there. Sorry, man."
"This world wants me to die," Izuku responds. Not in his sarcastic kind of way like usual. It just felt more honest than usual. Not that he was lying about it before. It just felt more meaningful now.
"That's life. It seems to be hitting on you way more than others, so maybe it's the truth."
Izuku doesn't really say anything about it, instead looking up at everyone, "Not to be an ass, but what are y'all doing here?"
Hawks laughs, "Straight to the point, huh?"
Sir Nighteye interrupts Hawks, "We wanted to thank you for everything you have done for the case, and we knew words wouldn't be enough. So, we brought presents." He proceeds to raise up a little big along with everyone else except Hawks, "You can do whatever you want with them. We don't want to stress you out more. You deserve a long break."
Well, that's nice of them! Izuku could really use a pick-me-up!
Except it seems to have the opposite effect instead. Instead, Izuku looks down and shakes his head. Shit.
That's when Nezu reaches over and puts a paw on Izuku's arm, "Izuku, don't doubt what you have done. You did far better than anyone else could with less resources." Damn it, Izuku. It's almost like the kid expects to do everything perfectly, and that's just not possible. In a way, he's similar to All Might. Both are so powerful, but they do so much. Too much.
Izuku doesn't listen, "I can't. I'm sorry, but can y'all leave?"
Sir Nighteye and the others nod, but I can tell that they are not happy about this. If anything, they seem concerned within reason.
"Just take care of yourself, kid," Sir Nighteye tells the kid as he heads out first. One by one, they reluctantly head out until it is just Nemuri, Nezu, Izuku, and I.
Nezu looks at Izuku, "You're on a deserved break for now. Don't worry about anything. Let yourself be taken care of. This is an important lesson that you need to understand."
With nothing else, Nezu follows after them.
I watch Izuku lay down, seeming to go back to his dark world again.
How am I supposed help Izuku?
What am I supposed to do, Shouta?
Please. I just want him happy again.