I laid stomach down on my bed, kicking my legs up and down and flicked through a new star book Andrew had given me. It had less pictures than the other one, but it was different. There were alot of connect the dots like things but with stars.
Except when I connected the dots with a pen they looked nothing like the little symbols next to them.
The massive amounts of tiny text probably explained why but I didn't bother much with the words. Reading never really worked out for me so I never tried.
I can read, I'm not stupid. It's just not alot, big words are confusing. And lots of words are even more confusing. I just stick with the pictures, they don't disappoint often.
I broke concentration from the book as I felt my thumb poking against my lips. I slapped away the misbehaving body part and immediately winced and let out an embarrassing whimper. I did not intend to have hit it that hard.
I've been feeling weird lately. Weirder than usual. The more time I'm spending here with Andrew, the more I feel like I'm changing.
My head keeps getting all fuzzy and I can't remember things. Like after the dinner last night with Tom, I remember watching TV on the couch. Then my head was just fuzzy and I woke up the next morning in my bed.
And I was all blushy around Andrew this morning. I don't understand why I get like this around him. It's annoying as shit.
I'm always tired and my... my accidents are just getting worse. I don't struggle with the whole protection thing at night anymore. As horrifyingly embarrassing as it is, I know I need them. Andrew still does nightly checks, they've become routine.
I hate them but Andrew is quite reassuring. He's never ever weird about it, and never steps over my boundaries.
He's just so nice, he has a dumb infectious smile and always makes me laugh. But I still feel wrong, I'm changing and I don't like it.
I sat up and cracked my fingers, then looked down at the star book and frowned. Something so simple and stupid shouldn't have excited me. I pushed it angrily off the bed and watched it thump to the ground.
I decided I needed to get out of the house. Get some perspective or something.
It was Saturday morning. Ben usually hangs around with his friends on Saturdays. Maybe I could talk to Ben, he knows more about me than anyone. He'll probably have some answers.
I worried for a second that Andrew wouldn't let me go, he thought Ben's friends were punks. I mean, they are but bens cool, and I wanna see him.
Plus Andrew can't tell me eat what to do! I don't need his permission for anything.
I quickly jumped off the bed, falling alittle but scrambling to my feet, filled with a new sense of confidence. I marched to Andrews office.
I pushed the door open and peered my head around the door.
"Andrew?"
I called out from the door as I stepped in. Andrew was humming to himself at his desk, typing away at something.
He stopped what he was doing though once he heard me and spun around in my chair.
"Hey bambi , whats up. How's that astrology book? Do you like it?"
"Yeah uh, it's cool..."
I fiddled with my fingers before finally spitting out.
"I'm gonna meet up with some friends now... um bye"
I went to walk away, not feeling the want or need to justify myself but he stopped me.
"Hang on-"
I huffed and turned back around, a frown now on my face.
"Who?"
"Ben and some people"
"Where?"
"Skatepark,I know it's close. Its in the park.. we pass by it on the way to the shops"
"Alright. How long?"
"Dunno"
He frowned
"Gimme a ballpark"
"Um... not too long"
I tried and Andrew sighed.
I could see he was conflicted and my instinct was to get annoyed at him even thinking of telling me no. But before I could think any further he answered.
"Course you can go out, just definitely be back before dark. And call me if you need anything, you don't have a phone. Do you need a phone? Just-"
He pondered before grabbing a scrap of paper
"Here! I'll just write down my number, I'm sure Ben or whoever has a phone so just ask them"
Andrew smiled and stood, giving over the little paper to me.
I took it and shoved it in the pocket of my jeans, pulling my green hoodie back down over everything. It was quite oversized but I like how comfy it was, and I'm sure it was the style the hoodie was aiming for.
I went to leave again and Andrew followed me down the stairs to the door, fussing with little questions.
"You got everything you need? You want me to make you a sandwich or do you want a little change to buy something-"
"I'm fine!"
I snapped. Andrew was taken aback and looked a little hurt and immediately regretted it. I didn't mean to yell I just wanna go. I pouted for a second before shaking my head so I stopped.
I awkwardly added on
"Thanks"
Before opening the front door and leaving without another word
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I moved from foot to foot nervously, looking around at the nice park scenery and watching a family have a quaint little picnic not too far away. It looked like fun, they were all laughing. I stashed the idea away to maybe suggest to Andy sometime.
But I pushed that out of my main focus as I continued my search, stood atop the big skate ramp, watching out for big bike groups. Ben always rides with his bike buddies through here, so I can easily get ahold of him to talk.
Suddenly up the road I spotted a hoard of black blobs. The blobs took more shape as they got closer.
A bike gang, a seemingly average bike gang, all wearing the same black puffer jackets and grey sweatpants. However this bike gang was different, sporting a familiar face in the front.
Ben was riding with hands in his pockets, a friend tried to copy it and nearly crashed into a tree. The whole group laughed. I giggled along too.
As they got closer I began to bounce on the balls of my toes and I waved one hand.
"Ben! Hey!"
I yelled out and Ben looked to me, he smiled and signaled to his friends to come my way.
I ran down the ramp, doing my best not to fall over in front of everyone.
He cycled up close to me and jumped off his bike as it was still going, dropping it off to the side.
"Hey James, what're you doing out here?"
He smiled, using his dumb little nickname for me. I used to get stupidly annoyed over it, whining that it wasn't my name, but over time I grew to like it.
A girl in the group laughed and shouted
"Yeah squirt what happened to that sugar daddy of yours?"
A few of the bikers teens cackled loudly and Ben rolled his eyes, mouthing 'ignore them' to me. It was hard though. Ben asked again.
"Come on James, what's up?"
"Dunno, was just around and uh- um"
I tried to talk but his friends circling around us made me uneasy. They never got off their bikes, obviously not expecting to have stopped for long. They mostly ignored my presence but some groaned or gave little glares.
Ben sensed my uneasiness.
"James are you alright?-"
I just sort of stuttered, feeling foolish but also being unable to respond any other way. Ben sighed
"Guys! Fuck off and give us a minute"
The little gang laughed, a few whistling or wooping as they left to busy themselves on the ramps.
"So what's on your mind kiddo bo biddo"
I frowned but laughed
"Don't call me that"
"Never"
Ben smirked and threw an arm around me, guiding me over to a wall to sit down. Well he easily sat down, I had to hop up.
"Now what's going on James"
I looked Ben in the eyes. Big sympathetic eyes that knew all my secrets. Ben was always there for me as much as he possibly could, he was someone I could let go around, finally let my body relax.
Ben knew everything, everything.
He was the first I ran to when I was bit. He tried to bring me to the Er when he saw the bite but I refused. He's known of my bodies odd tendencies since then and he's always been there to support me... but right now I can't bring myself to relax fully, even with him.
Ben's not a perfect solution, he's got a major downside, he's a shoulder to cry on but he's surrounded himself with the most horrid people. They like Ben, but they certainly don't like me.
It's like a golden retriever that's been embraced by a pack of wolves. It's no fault of the golden retriever the wolves' brutality, they're all just looking to survive but it'd be nice if I could get just the sweet doggy without the whole pack staring me down.
I did my best to talk honestly, despite bens gang surrounding us, less so then before but still.
"The man that I've been staying with-"
"Andrew right?"
"Yeah.. Andrew... I've been feeling weird around him"
Ben's brow furrowed in worry.
"Weird how?"
"My head keeps getting all fuzzy when he's all nice to me and I dunno, other stuffs"
"Hmm"
Ben hummed for a second, thinking. He looked around to check that nobody was listening in.
"Do you think it could be related to your... ya know"
He indicated to my arm, not wanting to be obvious with so many people around us. I shamefully rubbed the lower half, not wanting to hit the painful wound. No matter how much time passed, the bite never stopped being as painful, if anything it got more. I would never admit that though.
"No, I've got that under control"
"Ok-"
Ben sounded a bit skeptical and it made me frown. He continued.
"- so you're head gets fuzzy?"
"Yeah and I can't remember some things and I'm always really tired"
"Maybe you're actually just tired Jamie"
I frowned more, it couldn't be that simple
"Well how much sleep are you getting?"
Ben prodded
"Enough"
I snarkily replied
He frowned right back at me.
"Ah come on now-"
He sighed when I didn't answer him.
"Is it nightmares?"
"A bit, just don't wanna sleep"
"Does Andrew know about any of this?"
"I try to hide things but he always finds out, and he's... really nice"
There was a moment of silence, then Ben spoke.
"Thats good that he's really nice... It could just be you adjusting ya know."
He tried suggesting but I just pulled my knees up in a sulk.
I don't what I expected to hear, but Ben didn't provide the insight I wanted. He kept talking to me tho even as I acted like I wasn't listening. This was a bad idea, I just feel stupid now.
"Ben come on, why are we even waisting our time around this runt!"
One of the lads in the group yelled out to Ben, growing tired of waiting. I recognised him as one of bens house mates. I especially didn't like him, big lanky fella, always called me mean names.
Ben yelled back at him
"Calm down Nate, just give me a second.
Ben ignored his friends protests and addressed me again.
"Its good you finally got something like this figured out for yourself James"
"I suppose"
I mumbled, just wanting to leave at this point. Suddenly the same lad, Nate butted into the conversation, with another flanking him.
"Yeah good someone'll finally give you the fucking smack you need"
His housemate laughed, I frowned and hopped off the wall, attempting to square up to him.
"Shut up"
The older teen tilted his head at me, smiling as he towered over my small frame
"Or what, your daddy gonna come and give us all a talking to?"
He laughed again, I blushed. The comment caught me off guard. I tried to shoot back quickly but fumbled.
"Andis not- He's not my dad!"
"Oooooooohhh Andi is it?"
He walked closer and his friend started putting on a condescending and cruel voice.
"What would dear andi think about you sneaking out like this, I'm sure he wouldn't be happy."
"I can go where I want!"
They stepped closer to me and I started backing up
"We're gonna have to tell andi about this, sure you'll be getting a long while in time out- maybe andi will be dishing out a spanking"
The main guy leaned down, making me feel like an ant. I gulped, my throat gone dry as a dessert. I tried to back up more but I hit the wall.
"Stop! SHUT UP"
I shouted. He gasped.
"That wasn't very nice, was it peewee? Huh? Go on tell us, is your ass gonna get tanned cause you were naughty-"
He got close enough that I could feel him spitting on my face. Everyone now looking, laughing at me. Just as I felt the anticipated tears prick at my eyes and the booming laughter get louder, Ben spoke up.
"Cut it out man, leave them alone!"
He voice cut through everything, it commanded
"Oh come on benny we're just messing around"
He smirked and tried to put a hand on my shoulder but I ducked out of the way and hopped back up on the wall next to Ben. Nate scowled at me.
Ben leaned in close to me, speaking softly.
"You alright?"
"Ye-"
I coughed, subtly wiping away my tears and gaining my back my confidence.
"Yeah I'm fine"
"Cool, I think we should head"
"Oh... ok"
I said, a little disappointed we couldn't hang out longer. I liked whatever time I could get with Ben.
They all got on their bikes and started to drive away. Ben lagged back and I
"Jamie I'm sorry about them, it's you know, complicated"
"Yeah it's uh- fine"
"Look, I wanna talk more. I've missed you being around and I wanna hear all about Andi-"
He smirked at me when I blushed.
"If you can, swing by the house later. I swear to you the guys will be out. We can actually talk"
"Yeah, that'd be cool"
I tried to act casual but he could probably hear the excitement in my voice. Before he could say anything else Ben was being yelled at by his mates.
"Ben! The fuck are you doing?!"
"I'm coming, Jesus christ!"
And with that, he gave me a wave and cycled off, catching up quickly with his friends.
I began the walk home, jumping over cracks and thinking about things.
It was certainly a shorter and less fulfilling chat. And the other people made me feel like shit.
But later would be better, so it's fine.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
"I actually swear to everything's been fine"
"Are you sure dear? We haven't heard from you at all!"
"It's been a couple of weeks mom, we've certainly been through worse"
I assured the beloved old woman on the other end of the line. I finally bit the bullet and called my mother.
Mom is a lovely woman, she's a bit overbearing, pushy and doesn't fully understand alot of her children's life choices but in the end, she loves us. Ancient vampires tend to be that way, modern as they possibly can be but time moves so quickly it's hard to keep up.
"Andrew you'll never believe who I met at the supermarket today"
"Oh do tell"
"Kelly! Marie's daughter-"
"Oh"
I could tell where this was going. Mom prattled on, beating around the bush.
"She's just finished her second year of law school and she's in town for a while."
"Wow that's great"
I replied monotonely, waiting for the inevitable.
"And she's recently single, perhaps I could set something up-"
"No mom"
I interupted her before she could get too far into the pitch.
"Andrew why?"
I avoided answering by asking another question.
"Why don't you ever try set up Tom, he's a bit desperate"
"Don't say that about your brother, and I've tried. None of my friends sons are gay"
I laughed. She chuckled back.
"What have you even been up to Andrew? I know you're off work the next while"
"Ah I've got a bit of a project that I'm working with"
"And I suppose I can't come see this project"
"No I'm afraid not, not the right time."
I kept conversation flowing
"How's dad?"
"Well he's gone off making puzzles now and he's onto... model ships now. Oh I don't know, things in bottles."
"Sounds riveting"
I heard the front door open, peering around the kitchen door to see jamie coming in. I smiled, and made up a quick lie for my mom.
"Sorry mom, pots boiling over gotta go-"
"Now hang on-"
I hung up, I'd be killed for it later but oh well.
I stood up off my chair and walked out to Jamie, they looked tired and a bit shaken up. But they also looked like killing me if I asked about it. So I refrained.
"Hey Jamie! How was everyone"
They just shrugged and walked right past me to the kitchen. They looked a bit lost.
"I'll assume good then"
Jamie pretty much ignored me standing in the doorway as they rummaged around the kitchen, looking for food.
They were unsatisfied with what they found in the fridge and any low cabinets. I sniggered to myself as they cutely pouted when they found nothing but pots, pans and inedible cleaning products.
Still I think Jamie was tempted by the brightly coloured yet poisonous bottles.
Despite the temptations Jamie set their sights higher, innocently pulling over a chair. Which I didn't think much of until they hopped up onto the chair, using it as step up onto the counter.
"Nononono get down"
I walked right over and pulled Jamie down. I hooked under their armpits and they froze at first then pushed me away hastily once they were back on the floor
"You don't climb up on places you make food Jamie, its unsanitary and you could've fallen"
I tried to reprimand but Jamie just sort of rolled their eyes, not responding responding to me.
They went and sat over in their usual spot at the table while I slid the chair back into its spot. They laid their head down on their hands, seeming down.
"Are you hungry bambi? Do want a snack?"
They nodded into their hands.
"Alright-"
I grabbed an apple out of fridge, honestly surprised Jamie looked over the fruit , and got to slicing it up. I then grabbed a packet of crackers out from a higher cabinet.
I put the slices and crackers on a plate and filled a glass up with water, it subtly being plastic. What with Jamie being a bit clumsy when drinking and all, I didn't want to be cleaning up smashed glass.
I put the food and water down in front of Jamie and sat down at the table as well. Jamie immediately began eating, taking a drink as well and I watched water dribble out the side of jamies mouth, going completely unnoticed by Jamie.
We were sat in silence until i tried breaking it.
"I saw this movie that I thought you'd enjoy, it's called Over The Moon. It's got cool colours and space. All up your alley, we could watch it tonight if you want."
Jamie shifted in their seat a bit before announcing, their mouth full of food.
"I'm gahwin ouh wif Ben gen lahur"
"What was that?"
I asked, Jamie swallowed and said again.
"I'm going out with Ben again later"
I was caught a bit off guard.
"Why? Did yous not already meet up?"
Jamie shrugged again.
"Yeah but not for long"
I couldn't hold them back from meeting friends, even if it's that guy and probably his scummy punk friends. It'd be weird if I said no. But I couldn't help my parental instincts just a little, especially seeing the affect these kids had on them.
"Jamie are you sure that's a good idea?"
They bit into another apple slice and looked at me deadpanned.
"What do you mean?"
"Just.. you looked exhausted bambi"
"So?"
Jamie looked at me like I was stupid.
"If hanging out with them already has left you like this, maybe you shouldn't go out again"
"These people Jamie, I worry they're not entirely trustworthy"
Jamie started to get all worked up
"How would you know?"
I did my best to keep the conversation calm but Jamie seemed set on an argument.
"Well from what you've told me all his friends aren't very nice and I have my reasons to be suspicious of Ben"
"Thats bullshit!"
Granted my reasons for not being a fan of Ben were mainly 'I've got a feeling' but my gut feelings are usually right, they did get me to help Jamie after all.
"Jamie calm down"
"Why?! You're not letting me meet my friends"
"Thats not what I'm saying-"
I went to place a hand on their back but Jamie moved away.
"Then what are you saying!"
"Just maybe not tonight, Ben will still be there tomorrow"
"N-no! You're just trying to keep me here under you're thumb"
Jamie pointed an accusing finger at me, their stutter frustrating them further. I frowned, despite my efforts to stay calm, I found myself raising my voice a bit.
"Bambi you know that's not true"
"No! Don't call me that! And that's what you're doing, keeping me in your house. B-buttering with all this shit, the names, the food, the gifts. What's your game man. WHY?!"
"Cause I'm responsible for you Jamie!"
"Well you fucking shouldn't be! You're not my dad. You're fucking nothing to me!"
No one said anything for a moment. Until I finally spoke
"If that's what you want to think... go wherever you please. But I know you're better than speaking to me like that Jamie. I'll be up in my office if you need anything"
I turned on my heels leaving Jamie to sit with their thoughts. I hoped once Jamie calmed down they'd see a bit of sense and I'd get an apology, but in the moment I doubted that possibility.