"Wow." Dean says as he walks into the library where Sam and the girls are.
"What?" Sam asks.
"Kevin. Just poured some buffalo milk down his gob twice." Dean says.
"Buffalo milk?" Sam asks.
"Yeah, the hangover cure all. It's got everything in it. Except buffalo milk." Dean says.
"How is that kid still recovering from Branson?" Sam asks.
"What can I say? He's an amateur. The slippery nipple shots at the Dolly Parton Stampede nearly killed the guy." Dean says.
"All right. Well, uh, I got something that's gonna get us back on the road." Sam says.
"A case?"
"Yeah."
"You sure you're ready for that?"
"Why would I not be ready for that?"
"Aren't you kind of running on empty?"
"Yeah, but the last three nights straight, I had eight hours of shut eye. For a hunter, that's like 20. Trust me, Dean. I feel good."
"Well, that's great and all, James Brown, but you're still recovering from the trials. I think you ought to pace yourself, you know? And the sooner you heal..."
"Yeah?"
"I just want you back to your old self."
"I am, Dean. Look, Kevin's back on the Heaven spell. Crowley's locked up. We should be out there doing what we do best."
"Yeah..."
"You want to listen at least? Okay, great. Taxidermist named Max Alexander mysteriously crushed to death. Nearly every joint in his body dislocated, every bone broken. Poor guy is a human pretzel. You tell me what's got that kind of strength."
"A demonic luchador?"
"Shop's a couple hours away in Enid, Oklahoma. We should at least check it out. Unless there's some reason you think we shouldn't."
+++
"Okay, uh, that... symbol in the graffiti, it's... not wiccan." Sam says as the four are in the motel room, Sam on his laptop. "It's copywritten. Local animal rights group, Enid's answer to PETA."
Sam holds the laptop out to Dean who looks at the webpage.
"S.N.A.R.T.? You got to be kidding me." Dean says.
"Well, it makes sense that an animal rights group would have an axe to grind with a taxidermist." Sam says.
"Why? The animal's already dead." Dean says.
"Yeah, but hunters are what keep them in business. Now the question is, are those bleeding hearts actually witches or just hippies?" Sam questions.
"What's the difference?" Dean asks.
+++
"Necrosis?" Dean asks.
"Premature death of tissues -- that's why their eyes were all messed up. And it's not caused by mace." Sam says.
"All right. What caused it?" Dean asks.
"Right here. "Blunt force, radiation, venom."" Sam reads.
"As in "snake"?" Dean asks.
"The taxidermist was constricted. Olivia and Dylan heard hissing, and they were sprayed in the eyes." Sam explains.
"By venom." Dean says.
"By venom." Sam nods.
"Okay, so... what are we talking here, some sort of a freaky ass snake monster?" Dean asks, sitting across from Sam.
"Maybe. The weird thing is snakes either envenomate or constrict. No snake does both." Sam says.
"Correction -- freaky ass mega snake monster." Dean says.
"It could be a Vetala." Sam says.
"Yeah, but they're not afraid to sink their fangs in. Taxidermist was bite free. It doesn't really fit the profile." Dean says.
"Right. So...?"
"So, call Kevin. Have him look some stuff up."
+++
The four Winchesters are sitting at the table and the dog, The Colonel, is lying on the floor.
"An Inuit spell." Dean says.
"Yeah. Who knew the, uh, Men of Letters had its own Eskimo section?" Sam says.
"And it's supposed to let us communicate with The Colonel?" Dean asks as Sam picks some hair from the Colonel's coat.
"Yeah, well... that's the plan." Sam puts the dog hair into a bowl and stirs it. "Kevin said it's like a sort of human/animal mind meld."
"Meaning?" Dean asks.
"If it works, we should be able to read The Colonel's thoughts." Sam says, pouring the contents into a glass.
"All right, I'll do it." Dean says, grabbing the glass. "You--you got enough on your plate." He tells Sam.
"Like what?" Sam asks.
"Uh, like... you're tired. You're on the mend. Okay? Plus, you--you've got a sensitive stomach. Las thing we need is you chucking the stuff up, huh?" Dean says and Sam scoffs.
"I can do it." Libby excitedly offers, wanting to be able to communicate with dogs.
"No." Both brothers deny making her pout.
"Doesn't look so bad." Dean says, looking at the liquid. He downs it in one gulp. "I was wrong." He says. "Come on." Sam hands Dean a book and Dean recites the spell.
"All right. Let's get this party started. Tell me everything you know." Dean tells The Colonel who yawns. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" He asks, laughing, though none of his family does. "Tough crowd."
The Colonel barks and Dean looks to the other three who are clueless.
~ ~ ~
They got food and are eating at the table, The Colonel still on the floor.
"So, call Kevin." Dean says. "Spell tasted like ass and was a bust."
"At least it didn't affect your appetite. Geez." Sam says.
"Yeah." Dean says. "What?" Dean asks after a few moments.
"What?" Sam asks.
"You-- shut up. It's working." Dean says.
"It-- go!" Sam encourages.
"Say that again." Dean tells the dog. "Dennis DeYoung's not a punk. He's Mr. Roboto, bitch."
"Why are you arguing with a dog about Styx?" Sam asks.
"Wh-- uh, yeah. Um, hey, boy. What were you trying to tell us about Cowboy Hat?" Dean asks. "And the pothead, too?"
"Ask about the cats." Sam says. He throws a rolled up food wrapper in the garbage that's behind Dean.
"Yeah, uh--" Dean takes the wrapper out of the trash and gives it back to Sam. "And what about the cats?" Sam and Ophelia share a confused look.
"I don't want this." Sam says, holding the wrapper up. "So, what's he saying?" He asks after a bit, throwing the food wrapper to the trash again, but he misses it.
"Uh, that the-- the guy he smelled like ground chuck and soap suds and old lady cream." Dean says while getting the food wrapper from the trash, giving it back to Sam.
"Dean, what are you doing?" Sam asks.
"I don't know." Dean says, scratching behind his ear. "Oh, what are you laughing at?" He asks the dog.
A car pulls up outside and The Colonel gets up and barks at the window. Dean gets up, going to the window and standing next to the dog. He pushes the curtains aside to see outside, seeing the mailman.
"Hey! Hey, hey!" Dean yells. "Yeah! You! You!" Sam and Ophelia share looks while Libby giggles at her uncle. "Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, you! You! You! You!" Dean growls.
"The heck?" Ophelia mutters.
"Uh, Dean?" Sam calls.
"Hmm?" Dean turns to him.
"I think the spell worked. Fact, I think it worked a little too well." Sam says and Dean sits back down.
"What?" He asks.
"I think... you might be a dog." Sam says.
"Wat?" Dean asks, scratching behind his ear. Ophelia bites her lip to keep her grin from getting too big.
"You're scratching your head. You're... barking at the mailman. You're playing fetch." Sam says, tossing the food wrapper into the garbage again.
"I--" Dean looks at the food wrapper and goes to grab it, but stops himself. He lets out a small whimper. "Ruh-roh."
"Oh, this is gonna be so fun." Ophelia grins.
+++
Sam is on the phone and Libby and Ophelia are sitting on one of the beds. Ophelia keeps tossing the girls' hacky sack and Dean keeps getting it and giving it back to her.
"Would you stop?" Dean asks.
Ophelia looks like she's considering, but throws the hacky sack. She smiles at him, watching him try to refrain from fetching it. Dean makes a small growling noise as he gets the hacky sack, giving it back to Ophelia.
"Stop." Dean tells her.
"Honestly, you deserve this." Ophelia says, giving him a pointed look.
"I don't care. Stop." Dean says.
Ophelia throws the hacky sack again, a pleased smile on her face.
"So, apparently, the Inuit spell has some side effects." Sam says.
"Oh, well, that would have been nice to know before I downed it!" Dean exclaims, getting the hacky sack and giving it back to Ophelia. "What kind of side effects?"
"When your mind meld with an animal, it's... possible to start exhibiting some of its behavior." Sam says.
"Well, how long am I gonna have the urge to... oh, whoa. Hey. I don't have the urge to sniff butts." Dean tells the dog.
"Do you really h-have the--"
"No!" Dean exclaims making the girls laugh. "Come on!"
"Well, Kevin doesn't know how long it'll last. It's not like it's an exact science, you know? But hopefully, when the spell wears off, so will the side effects." Sam says.
Dean takes a bite of a chocolate bar. Dean lets the unchewed piece of chocolate fall from his mouth.
+++
They're making their way to the Impala.
"Back to the shelter." Dean tells the dog. "All right, one more doggy pun out of you, and I'm gonna have your nuts clipped." A bird poops on the windshield. "Aw, are you kidding me? Hey, dick move, pigeon!"
Dean grabs Sam's shoulder, still looking up at the pigeon.
"Did--"
"What?" Sam asks.
"Wait a minute. Can I hear all animals?" Dean asks.
"What's he saying?" Sam asks.
"You-- he's being a douchebag!" Dean exclaims. "Oh, shut it, you winged rat!"
Ophelia and Sam glance around, seeing people starting to stare.
"Get in the car." Ophelia tells Libby who does so.
"Dude." Sam says.
"What?" Dean asks.
"Hey." Sam waves to a man and woman. "Just calm down. Just get in the car." Sam tells his brother, smiling at the people.
"Oh, that's it, you son of a bitch!" Dean goes to take his gun out, Ophelia and Sam both rushing to stop him.
"Dad, dad, no!" Ophelia argues.
"Dean!" Sam grabs the hand with the gun, pushing it down. "Get in the car."
"Bad dad." Ophelia scolds.
Dean lets out a small whine, opening the back door for the dog and letting him get in before he gets in the passenger seat.
Sam awkwardly waves to the onlookers, quickly getting in the driver's seat.
+++
Sam pulls into the parking lot of the animal shelter. Both The Colonel and Dean are sticking their heads out of the windows. Sam parks and the brothers get out.
"I think it's probably best to just leave The Colonel in the car." Sam says.
"Excuse me?" Dean asks, offended.
"Well, all the windows are open." Sam shrugs.
"You think we like that?" Dean asks.
"We?" Sam asks.
"You think because the windows are open that that's some sort of a treat, huh? No, the dog's coming in." Dean says, opening the back door for the dog, the dog getting out.
"We get left in the car all the time." Libby says.
"I rank underneath a dog and a car?" Ophelia questions. "What the hell?"
Sam and Dean go in -- after Dean and The Colonel spent a few minutes checking out a poodle.
+++
The girls stayed back at the motel while the brothers dealt with whatever they were hunting. The next day, Sam and the girls are waiting by the Impala as Dean walks out of the vegan bakery.
"How did it go?" Sam asks.
"Well, bad news is I'm gonna miss the flea bag. Good news is it looks like the spell is finally wearing off." Dean says. "You okay? The Stetson man got you pretty good."
"Yeah, I'm fine. I-I just, uh... I can't stop thinking about what he said." Sam says.
"Oh, come on, Sammy. Guy was out of his freaking gourd." Dean says.
"Yeah, but, I mean, why... why would he ask that? Why--why did he want to know what I was?" Sam asks.
"Who the hell knows? He was all jacked up on juice, you know? He was possessed by-by something he couldn't control. It was... it was a-a matter of time before it completely took over. You can't reason with crazy, right?"
"I don't know."
"Well, I do. Trust me, Sam. You got nothing to worry about." Dean assures. Ophelia lightly rolls her eyes, the four getting in the car and Dean drives off.