"Wear something inconspicuous and black, so you can blend in with the staff."
Pfft yeah right.
I shrugged on Jungkook's black hoodie, because I had so sneakily sneaked it out with me when I left his apartment just about two weeks ago. I hadn't washed it for weeks, just to let the smell of him simmer deliciously over me when I slept and well just all the time. I had worn it at every opportunity, drawing out every little whiff of him, clean, fresh, cologne, and a signature Jungkook smell that I couldn't quite put my finger on. That was until it started to get gross and smelly, and I was forced the put it in the washer, tears almost fell as it started circling and water washed over the fabric. Now it didn't smell like him, but rather some random detergent I got from the drugstore down the street. I needed a desperate and instant refill of the Jungkook doze. It was like a drug to me, my own personal brand of heroin, and I was beginning to get addicted.
Luckily for me, that day was today. I was flying to the U.S, my home, with him and the others. Maybe wearing his shirt wasn't exactly the best idea in the whole world for when you were to walk with the other staff, surrounded by paparazzi and hundreds of cameras, from the cars to the airplane. For everyone to see and analyze. But the shirt was basic in all ways, nothing special and no big brand names on the front. There was no way anyone would figure it out. Besides I liked the idea that the whole thing was right beneath their nose, clear as a blue summer sky, but only if you knew. I was his, right there for everyone to see- a secret for everyone except him.
I had packed my bags. They looked anonymous too. I was leaving a week before the winter vacation officially kicked in. I called in as sick, just as Jungkook had suggested, and coughed a suspicious amount before my plan set into action. Going back to America, without anyone knowing. I had coughed so much the week leading up, that Marina and Young-Soo had practically sent me home. Marina had prescribed me to stay in bed and binge this new Netflix series that she liked, and Young-Soo had given me an old recipe from his grandmother that was supposed to help cure the cough.
I had been on my period at the time and filled with excruciating pain. So, in a way it was true, and I was sort of sick, but not really. It was still enough to make me feel terribly bad, sending me into a spiral of overthinking about whether going on this trip was even the right idea. I was lying again. I was lucky to have such considerate and thoughtful friends, and here I was. About to go to the U.S, only Jungkook and BTS on my mind when they thought I was coughing in a desperate state on my couch at home. Marina was a fucking super-ARMY, and I didn't tell her shit. I felt like the worst friend in the whole world.
It was even worse right after my birthday. I had disappeared on the night without a word, and they had been worried sick. Marina had scolded me through and through afterwards. And since I didn't want her to worry about me and had no valid reason as to why I left that I could tell her of, I lied. I told her that I had gone home to some girl, the image of the girl I had kissed in my mind when I spoke and spent the night. But that we hadn't done anything. Because then Marina would be asking me about how my first time was, and I didn't want to further explain something like that, that had never happened. Then Marina had lightened up, probably also realizing she had gone a little hard on me and demanded all the details of my time with the girl. I made them all up of course. I was weaving a careful net of lies, trapping her in my web like a spider. The design had started out simple, a little white lie about a man I ran into when I was in Korea for the first time and broke my arm, but as time passed, more lies joined, and the weaving became more intricate and harder to manage. Harder to live with, morally wise.
I sighed from my bed and pushed the thoughts away. No one will know anything. Nothing. I told myself. I grabbed my backpack; it was filled with food that I had spent hours preparing. Why? Well, I had decided that being on an airplane with BTS for 20 hours would require that I had to shimmy my way into their hearts in some way. Also, I wanted to thank them for even allowing me to come with. My black backpack was heavy like never before. I was clad in black, head to toe, even my face mask was black. I looked like some secret agent and was kind of into it. I had to physically force myself from making finger guns and pretending that I wore a headset in front of my mirror and force myself out the door. In some way I was kind of a secret agent.
I was smiling all the way to the BigHit building. There I would meet up with the other staff so we could take the cars together. Which meant I wouldn't be seeing Jungkook until we were inside the airport, and I was all on my own until then. I gulped as I came to the doors, was I ready for this? I had absolutely no idea. BigHit was a big fucking company, and I was just... well me. Would they look down upon me? Think I was just some stupid whore that Jungkook dragged along? As soon as I stepped inside, there was no turning back.
I pulled one of the double doors open, it was heavy as hell, and I struggled greatly before I made my way into the reception. People were already there, busy talking and all with luggage. I felt as if I had just stepped into a tornado, everything was chaotic, people flying everywhere and loud noises. They didn't even spare me a single glance; I swallowed the lump in my throat and stood and store into the crowd.
"Hi," I squeaked the best I could, and I did a little wave equipped with an awkward smile... "I'm Y/n..." No one reacted and I considered making a run for it out of the doors again. But they were so heavy I probably wouldn't even be able to pull them open in time, and it would all just be worse. That was until someone sighed and came forward. "Oh, thank god, for a moment we were scared you weren't going to make it!" A man, close to my own age, said and came rushing forward with an extended arm. In the other he held a clipboard. "Hi, you can just call me Buzz, that's what everyone else does. Good to have you here."
"Um, good to be here... Buzz."
"Great great! And you brought everything right? No last minute stuff? Because please I can't stand another inconvenience, one of our stylists just called in sick and-" he groaned and kept on talking, venting almost. I could tell why they called him Buzz, he was as buzzing as a bee and was clearly very frustrated by something. I simply looked in horror with wide eyes. If anything was wrong, I sure as hell wouldn't say so now. I smiled at him and stopped his rambling by saying something. "Nope everything's fine."
He sighed so greatly that his shoulders slumped and held onto my hands gratefully, he looked like he needed a vacation more than anything. "Oh, perfect perfect! Thank you. It's always so stressed before we travel and- Oh hi Jo-jo!" He suddenly perked up when a girl came up behind him and poked him on the shoulder.
She was beautiful, very, so much it scared me. She looked calm and composed, classic and older than me. "Buzz, we got the stand-in on the phone." She said with a smooth voice to him. I shuffled uncertainly, very uncomfortable with the whole situation. Then her eyes flashed to me, and she smiled warmly, her brown coffee hair framing her face in soft layers. If I weren't already gay, I certainly would've been now.
"So you're Y/n. Jungkook talks a lot about you," she said, her voice was like a lullaby, and I melted, all stress gone. "I'm Jo-jo. Jungkook's stylist." Jo-jo reached a soft hand out and I shook it. So, this was his stylist, the one he called noona and the one I totally overthought about. Well, now I had even more reason to overthink. They were close and she was beautiful and very enchanting. I just knew my mind would never ever shut up again and new insecurities would spring up, because how could I ever compare to someone like Jo-jo?
"Nice to meet you." I said and smiled back. The two of them started talking again about the lost stylist, leaving me standing by myself. God, I couldn't wait to see Jungkook again. In a bit, about 20 seconds, I would pull my phone out and start mindlessly scrolling through my apps before I got awkward standing alone. But before I got so far, someone else came from behind me.
I turned around to find the manager that Jungkook had told me about. Sejin. He extended a big hand and I looked up at him with big eyes.
"Y/n, right? I'm Sejin, BTS' tireless manager." He smiled and his eyes disappeared. He was a tall man with a pair of square glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. Sejin's handshake was firm but gentle, like he had shaken hands a million times before. I bet he actually had. I smiled back, his smile made me feel a little bit more at ease and not too out of place. "Glad to have you here." He said.
"Glad to be here."
"As you can see everyone is a bit worked up. It is, like Buzz said, always a bit chaotic before we travel. But now we have you with us too after Jungkook's unusual request. That's new." He said, crossed his arms behind his back and looked around at the staff. Some chatting and some beginning to bring out bags to the cars. Not to mention Buzz still going 100 miles per hour.
I looked up at him and my stomach twisted with special kind of feeling, I was the first one Jungkook brought along.
"So, Jungkook hasn't brought anyone with him before?" I asked and Sejin looked down at me again with those warm eyes. "No, it's safe to say it's a first." He chuckled richly. When I didn't say anything Sejin spoke again. "Oh, I almost forgot! We have a folder for you. Just papers on what to steer away from if you want to date Jungkook. Just formal stuff." Date? date... date Jungkook. Oh yeah.
"Oh okay."
"If you just have it read by the end of the day it's fine. Just so you're clear of the guidelines. Buzz will give it to you." Sejin said and nodded with a smile. "Are you nervous?" He suddenly asked.
I knew I was easy to read so it didn't come as a surprise, I didn't even try to hide it this time. I shuffled with my feet. "Yeah... You don't think people will figure it out, right?" Sejin looked me up and down and then shook his head. "No, you seem to have dressed appropriately. If you want to be sure you can wear a cap too. Just ask Buzz about it, I have to go now. Just stay close to the staff, okay?"
"Okay."
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Moments later I was in a black car, squashed in between Buzz and another guy. Jo-jo thankfully wasn't in this car, I didn't think I would be able to function if she were. My mind would just constantly scream envy like a high-pitched whine, combined with the fear of walking straight into a line of paparazzi for the first time ever. Hopefully not the last time too, if my career had any plans of working out, that was. Didn't make it any less scary. Not that I would be the center of attention, quite the opposite because who cared about the staff? No, the boys would be. Making headlines as people lined up behind the strips holding them back. Camera's flashing, ARMY screaming, journalists with cameras, style critics and bodyguards. All for them.
And that was exactly how it happened. I stepped out of the black slide door of the car, after Buzz and was almost blinded by the lights. Cameras flashed from the left and right in sterile lights. The sky was grey and little piles of sloppy snow laid on the concrete. I kept my head low as I made a beeline for Buzz, following him around like a little puppy, careful not to look to the side where cameras kept on rolling, some livestreaming, others preparing for the next article on Koreaboo.
People yelled for the boys' attention from all sides and I let myself, only for a moment, glance to my right. I caught a glimpse of them coming out of the car and dressed all nicely. My breath caught, they were too beautiful for this world, and I wasn't even sure if they were real. How could they be?
Jungkook was dressed in combat boots, black skinny jeans, black turtleneck, and puffer jacket. He looked glorious and mighty, carrying himself with an airy sort of pride as he bowed for the reporters and fans. I wasn't even surprised. In those two seconds I looked back, I without knowing searched for his eyes. I wanted him to look at me in front of all those people. I wanted him to choose me. But he didn't, of course he didn't. It would've been stupid, not when everyone was analyzing his every move.
The noise was loud in my ears, buzzing and making me dizzy, as I followed Buzz into the airport. There too were fans in the first part of the entrance, but as soon as we made it up the stairs and past a door, it quieted down. I finally let myself breathe in the empty hallway, my shoulders slumping, my bag dropping to the floor and cap coming off my head. There were no windows and no way anyone could see us in here. Moments later the door opened again, letting in the screaming noise, the members, and the rest of the staff. Jungkook's eyes softened when he saw me, a little smile perked up at the corners of his uneven lips. His silvery earrings dangled delicately against his skin as he came up to me, threaded his fingers softly through mine and planted a chaste kiss on the top of my head. "That wasn't that bad, was it?" He mumbled softly, only for me, not caring about the great amount of people around us.
I shook my head and smiled up at him. Feeling all mushy and fluffy inside. "It was manageable."
"Good." He smiled back and swung our intertwined hands between us. It was weird how natural it felt, like we had done it a thousand times before, and like we were meant to do it. It made me happy.
"So cute! I'm glad they figured it out, that argument was louder than when Namjoon sings in the shower," I heard Jimin whisper from the side, his head poked closely to Hoseok's as they looked at us with heart eyes. I immediately felt a blush warm up my cheeks as I stared at them with wide eyes.
"It wasn't that loud, was it?" I grimaced. I felt Jungkook squeeze my hand in silent support.
"Pfft, not that much. Jimin is just exaggerating." Hoseok smiled blindingly and began to walk closer to us but was pushed back as Yoongi passed by in a green sweater.
"No, he's not. We heard everything." He simply stated without as much as looking at us. We stared in bafflement as he walked by, and I glanced unsurely at Hoseok. It didn't get much more embarrassing than this. All the members had overheard Jungkook's and my argument, including every word said. Maybe just how abruptly it had ended too... I sure hoped not.
"Ignore him. He's just sour because Taehyung took the last tangerine this morning," Hoseok waved off. "Am not!" Yoongi called back over his shoulder. "He totally is," Hoseok whispered with a sly smile and slung an arm around my shoulder, making me part from Jungkook.
My hand slipped out of his and I was instead captured in between Hoseok and Jimin. "Will you sit next to us on the plane?" Jimin asked cheerfully as he came up beside me, smile brighter than the sun.
"Well, I didn't really think that far to be fair-"
"That's okay, you can think now."
"Um..." was all I managed to get out because frankly my mind had gone blank. I swung my head around to look at Jungkook who trailed after us. He grimaced apologizingly at me. This was going to one heck of a long flight.
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I didn't sit next to Jimin and Hoseok on the plane. We had the whole plane to ourselves and the staff, mostly not to out my relationship with Jungkook. I sent a silent apology to the environment because of the situation I had gotten us in.
There were 4 cubicle type of seats that you could turn into a bed in a row. This was first class and ridiculously comfortable. I was seated next to Jungkook, as he had requested. The seat was in beige colors, luxurious and soft, and even had a little television. Though I doubted I would be using that, I was tired from lack of sleep. Yes, I hadn't been able to sleep from worry and anxiety again. The flight took off and I looked out the window as my stomach dropped and the ground came further away. Not too long after we flew through a cloud, and all was misty and milk-ish. I watched Korea become smaller and smaller as we moved towards the U.S. It reminded me of the first time I came to Korea, all exited and bubbling inside, no idea what awaited me and just how big of a turn my life would take.
My thoughts drifted to Marina and Young-So, and I immediately felt wrong in my entire body. Like a traitor. And when I felt like something wasn't right it was all I could focus on. It was quite a curse that made everything else dreadful. I think my head had dropped in defeat atop my fist and my body went slump, because suddenly I heard Jungkook's voice. "What's wrong?" He asked with a tilted head and brows pulled together. I smiled reassuringly. "Nothing." Jungkook frowned at my words, he knew. He always did.
He beckoned for me to come over and I happily followed tiredly, unclasping my belt, and trudging over to him. I hesitantly crawled into his lap as he looked up at me and pulled me onto his thighs. The muscle was hard but soft at the same time. I made myself comfortable in his lap, heart beating faster than ever. This was more intimate than ever.
"What's wrong?" Jungkook asked again as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, I shivered as his fingers drifted over the delicate shell of my ear. I thinned my lips. "Do you regret going?" He asked and I shook my head. His arms were around me, caressing my back comfortingly.
"No it's just... I don't like lying to my friends... But it's fine, I don't regret going. Not at all." I said and snuggled into his chest. He let his head rest atop mine, I felt him sigh.
"I know it's hard kitten, but we really can't risk it." His voice was mellow and sweet, so I snuggled in further. He pressed a soft, lingering kiss to my neck. I could feel his breath fan hot across the skin that stretched across my collarbone and throat. It was all going so fast that I felt dizzy and hot. Everything had gone from zero to one hundred so quickly it almost skipped past me. We hadn't been so close to each other physically since after the fight, and suddenly we were just pressed together. Like we couldn't get enough. He was so comfortable and warm; I was like a lizard, and he was the rock. I needed him.
"I know. Wasn't planning to." I mumbled into the fabric and suddenly felt a surge of tiredness wash over me. I yawned into his shirt.
"You tired?" he chuckled. "Me too."
After a round of silence where I was on the brink of sleeping, the whole plane quiet and everyone doing their own thing, he asked quietly: "Are you wearing my shirt?"
I nodded with my eyes closed, I could feel he was close to sleeping too. "It looks nice on you." He said before he fell into a deep slumber, holding me close to his body, warm and tight.
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"Wait wait, let me just get a picture."
"Hyung, you really shouldn't get so close. What if one of them wakes up?"
"No no, it's fine. See, no problems." I heard the click of a polaroid camera going off. Someone icked a little too loudly. "That was so loud-"
"Taehyung-ah, you're going to wake them up." A new voice stressed. I ignored it and simply bore my head into Jungkook's warm body and sighed contently. Taehyung, I learned in my half sleeping state, replied with a pouty and dissatisfied voice. "I'm not the one taking pictures. Say it to Hoseok hyung!"
"Shut up, both of you. Don't disturb them, they look so sweet, don't they? I'm honestly just surprised that Jungkook scored such a pretty girl, hyung is proud of you JK." I couldn't help but smile silently into Jungkook's chest at that. But also, a bit weirded out that they were taking pictures while we were sleeping, I realized. Yeah, it was a bit weird wasn't it.
I groggily opened my eyes to see them all, each one, peering at us with big and curious eyes. Me precisely, as I stared back with just as wide eyes. I started to protest and wiggle my way out of Jungkook's hold to hold at least some dignity, but he just wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me even closer. He bore and nuzzled his nose into the crook of my neck as he whined an incomprehensible no. I could only sit back in horror as he did it. This grown man was glued to me and whining for me not to leave. Someone snickered "Hi, Y/n..." and I was ready to cry. I changed my mind; this was the most embarrassing thing I had ever been put through. I was just about to punch Jungkook awake, before something else happened.
"Wait, Namjoon what are you doing?" Jin whispered with a panicky voice.
"I just want a picture too-" Too late, damage was done. Namjoon dropped the phone and Jungkook jolted awake. He could sleep through anything and everything, but he chose to wake to that. I almost fell of his chair but managed to grip onto his arm before that happened. Jungkook looked up at them with wide eyes, and they stared back with equally wide eyes, especially Namjoon who slowly bended down to grab his phone whilst keeping Jungkook's gaze.
"Were you taking pictures?" He asked, baffled and honestly a bit offended. I snickered as Hoseok tried to slowly move the drying polaroid picture behind his back, but Jungkook's eyes snapped to it, and he almost stumbled back in fear. Fear the muscle bunny indeed.
"What of course not! We were just checking out the ventilation system, it made um... a wheezing noise... yeah." Namjoon shuddered and sheepishly rubbed the red that crept up the back of his neck. I couldn't help but smile slyly. This was just too fun.
"And?" Jungkook asked with a raised brow and tightened his hold on me.
"We fixed it. No more wheezing." Yoongi said, so smoothly and convincingly that someone who didn't know him might've fallen for it. Yoongi was a trained liar. But Jungkook's gaze was trained on Hoseok. "Hyung?" He asked. Hobi almost broke out into a cold sweat; he couldn't lie to save his life. "Show me the picture."
Everyone watched with a wary gaze as Hoseok finally pulled the picture out and gave it to Jungkook. Someone sighed at the failure and defeat, probably face palming too, but I didn't focus on them. I just looked at the picture of Jungkook and me. I'm not going to lie; it was worth it for that picture. We were cuddled as close as humanly possible, next step for closer proximity would be to crawl into the others skin. We were both so relaxed and serene, melting into each other's hold, holding like we were going to lose the other if we let go.
Jungkook squinted at them and silently slipped the polaroid into his pocket, he was keeping it. The others slowly disappeared off, like dew in the sun, until it was only us again. Jungkook groaned and opened his mouth as if to say something, but before he got so far, Taehyung returned and popped his head around the corner. "We are going to play cards, want to join?" I looked at Jungkook with raised brows and before he could object said: "Yeah sure!"
"Great!" Taehyung said and pulled me up from Jungkook by my hand, already haven dragged me to their seat. "You're with me!" I plopped down next to Taehyung on one side of a table, next to Jimin and Jin who sat in the same row but closer to the window. "What are we playing?"
"UNO," Namjoon said and shook his head. "It's terrible, run while you can." I laughed. Then came Jungkook, he was moving slowly, still sleepy and dragging his feet on the floor. He sat next to Namjoon and leaned his head into his chest. Namjoon didn't mind a thing.
"Are we ready?" Taehyung asked and began passing out the cards, clearly excited about Uno.
"No, why are we in pairs?" Yoongi asked and lifted a finger from his crossed arms as if he was in school and about to ask the teacher a critical question.
"Because it's faster that way, else we'll be playing the whole flight." Taehyung said as he picked up our cards and handed it to me, I shuffled through it, pretty bland except from a single plus-4. Namjoon and Jungkook started out, moving on to Yoongi and Hoseok, then Jimin and Jin, and then us.
I had earlier thought UNO to be a peaceful and calm game when I had played with family and friends, but all that changed as soon as Taehyung and I placed that plus-4 and Namjoon and Jungkook sent us instant-kill eyes. From there on, the game was a chaotic charade where everyone screamed, and cards flew over heads. Uno would now forever be etched in my mind as a violent game that threatened friendships, as alliances and mortal enemies were born.
"HOW DARE YOU JUMP OVER US AND LET YOURSELF GET A TURN?!" Yoongi raged at Jin, only a hint of amusement hidden underneath. This was dead serious. "YAH! YOU DON'T GET A SAY, CERTAINLY NOT AFTER HOBI PLACED THAT 'SWITCH CARDS' CARD!" Jin yelled back, just as enraged and arms flying everywhere. Jimin banged a card on the table. I gasped. "You did not!"
"Oh yes, I just did." Jimin smirked back as he happily watched us pull two cards up from the pile. I sent him a burning gaze and pointed accusingly at him for every syllable that left my mouth. "We will get back at you Park Jimin. You. Just. Wait."
Jimin couldn't help but smile cruelly as he wrapped his fingers around mine and lowered my hand from his face. "We'll see about that."
My face was turning red as I turned back to the game, finding Jungkook looking at me. I couldn't read his expression, couldn't tell what he was feeling. Then when it became his turn, he simply laid down a reverse card, it was our turn again. "Yah, why'd you do that?" Namjoon asked, clearly baffled, over the noise of Yoongi distantly groaning about losing another turn. But Jungkook ignored him and just smiled sneakily at me, like we had a secret no one else knew about. My heart skipped a beat. And then, in a moment of glory, Taehyung placed our last cards down and we won. We erupted in a shout of happy squeals and flinging arms as the others groaned at their loss.
"You were teaming! That's not fair!" Hoseok shouted over the noise and pointed at Jungkook and I, but we simply shrugged as if we hadn't a clue about what he said. "I have no idea what you're talking about hyung." Jungkook said and smiled endearingly at me. This was nice, I liked this. I felt wanted and safe amongst them, but on a deeper level. Outside the window I saw the clouds pass by as we flew to new places. New starts.
Jungkook groaned, and his head fell on the table with a loud plop. "I'm hungryyy." We all looked at him in pity. But then his head snapped up, his eyes were bigger than ever, and his mouth pulled into a pair of sneaky puckered lips. "Wait, Y/n didn't you say you would bring food?" He tilted his head like a puppy. "Do you have food?" I felt like a dear in the spotlight of a car, frozen, scared and put on the spot, as all the boys' heads slowly turned towards me in a silent question. Food?
"Eheh," I laughed awkwardly and shifted my feet beneath the table. I didn't even bother looking at Jungkook for help, I knew that he too, was totally hypnotized by the concept of food. "Yeah, I have food..."
"C-can we have some?" Jin asked as he poked his head around to look at me. He suddenly looked very starved and hungry with big eyes. Whatever game he was playing was definitely working because I suddenly felt a desperate need to give him the food. How did he do that? I-
"Jin hyung, you can't just ask for her food." Namjoon said almost scoldingly even though he was younger, being the leader sure had it perks. I quickly shook my head. "No-no it's fine. I made for you too." As soon as the words left my mouth Jimin gasped. "Jungkook? Can I marry her?!"
"No!" He replied as quickly as a racecar and stuck out a tongue to Jimin. Jimin gladly returned the childish gesture.
"I'll go get it," I said as I slipped out to get the food. It was a nice and definitely needed little break from their madness. Jesus, how would I ever get used to this? I returned to them with my bag full of clanging glass boxes and heavily placed it on the already decked table. Damn they moved fast.
"There." I said proudly and brushed my hands off as their mouths started watering incredibly impatiently when I unloaded the bag. Their eyes bouncing between each container I placed on the table. "It's okay, you can eat..." As soon as the words left my mouth, they dove in. I sat back in horror and watched as they filled up their plates with the diverse range of food. A deep, guttural mmm sound left Hoseok as a piece of tteokbokki disappeared inside his mouth. Even though I probably would have to live off oatmeal for half a year from this arrangement of food, it was worth it. Just seeing BTS enjoy my food was the little fangirl-version of me's dream come true, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
"Y/n," Yoongi said and I looked up at him. "You never got to tell us about your acting because Jungkook stole you away." Jungkook looked at me with a questioning gaze, I hadn't told him about this. I choose to ignore it and turned my attention back to Yoongi. "Yes. It's just Seoul acting school."
"Uh, not just 'just'. That's pretty good Y/n." Jimin piped up as he wrapped a piece of pork belly in lettuce.
"Have you gotten any roles yet?" Taehyung, the actor, asked. I shook my head. "No, I haven't auditioned for anything yet. I think I will in the new year though."
"And you really should, you get amazing grades." Jungkook said from across the table and I my cheeks warmed up at the slight compliment. Anything this man said could destroy me. I suddenly wished I was closer to him. I felt a foot tapping against mine in comfort from under the table, my cheeks warmed even more. He smiled at me, a pretty, barely noticeable, and perhaps invisible smile, if you didn't search for his eyes and found that warm glimmer.
What Jungkook said peeked Namjoon's interest and he nodded approvingly. "You do? That's good! If you don't that's good too. Whatever Jungkook says about school, just ignore him. School's important."
"I never said it wasn't." Jungkook said and offendedly crossed his strong arms. I grimaced. "You kind of did, actually."
"Pfft, I will not listen to such nonsense." He dramatically whipped his head away and Taehyung saw the opportunity to steal a piece of meat from him, totally unnoticed.
"You shouldn't listen to Namjoon either. If schools important to you let it be that way, if it's not, then fine. It's not that big of a deal." Yoongi shrugged carelessly with an easygoing smile and gave half of his rice to Hoseok who gladly accepted it with a bright smile. I took in all they said.
"Y/n you don't have a job yet, right?" Jin asked, face stuffed with food. I shook my head. "Would you be up to work as our personal chef? Then all the pressure won't be on me." I laughed at what he said, it sounded like a dream and nightmare at the same time. "No thanks, sounds like hell."
"You bet it is! Especially when Namjoonie hyung's in the kitchen. Once he almost burned down a new plant I had bought-"
"OKAy, okay Jimin! That's enough." A red and embarrassed Namjoon croaked desperatly with hands coming up in defensive denial, and I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of me. The flight went on like that for a long while.
At some point I found myself back in my seat, reading the manual that Sejin had given me with only the warm reading light was on. It was night, everyone was quiet, either sleeping or doing something by themself. I flipped through the folder and dragging my fingers across the lines. Had Sejin just made this? It looked put together, did the guy's usually date people? I didn't think about it for too long, let it remain a question yet not asked. I turned another page. So far, I had learned that I should not inform others of my relationship with Jungkook, I should steer away from cameras (both for bangtan bomb and just in general), if I was asked who I was I should say I was a stylist, wear inconspicuous clothing when entering the BigHit building and so on. It didn't seem that bad.
I looked to Jungkook, he was sitting in his seat and staring emptily into the thin air. Eyes unfocused and expression blank as his hair fell into his forehead, making a little bowl that cut off around his eyes, his lips slightly puckered. I chucked to myself. He did that often, and it was just as adorable every damn time. I couldn't even begin to explain how happy I was to finally be here with him after all this time. To be so relaxed and so close, I felt a warm and content feeling spread in my stomach as I studied him.
I loved the way he loved the word precious, I loved the way his eyes would reveal his emotions before the rest of his face did, he could never lie, I loved the way he remembered and appreciated the little things, I loved the way he always listened when I talked, I loved the way he loved and adored all his members, I loved the way he would zone out 24/7, I loved the way he pouted when things didn't go his way, I loved the way he was a hopeless romantic, I loved his little sweater paws, I loved the way he chewed angrily when the food was too good, I loved the way he loved the rain and I loved the way he loved.
Jungkook didn't even notice my staring.
◦◦,'°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°',◦◦
I sat up my luggage and plopped down on the hotel bed. I felt so tired I couldn't move a single one of my limbs. The trip here had been excruciatingly long, and I was exhausted to say the least. My room was way smaller than Jungkook and the others, being located on a whole different wing of the hotel. But that was because I had insisted on paying myself. Jungkook had already paid for my flight ticket and had planned to pay for hotel too, but I felt I needed to do something myself. Was I broke? Yes. Absolutely. But was I also not going to let my pride take a hit? Yes. Absolutely.
It was the American in me, and I could feel it thrumming in my bones once again. I was back. And it felt weirdly nice. I had spent such a long time wishing to leave, I never stopped to think about how parts of my heart still beat for the U.S. I was both, American and Korean. And I would live up to both parts.
I slept like a baby that night.