It's been almost 3 days that John is avoiding daisy, daisy tried hard to talk with him but he always excused himself not letting her utter a single word..
To Daisy these, three days felt like ages, every time John ignored her, her heart broken into pieces, she cried every time John behaved like she doesn't matter to him..
Ana, saw miserable state of her best friend and decided to confront John about it,
John was sitting in classroom when a notification popped on his cell phone,
It's from ana saying, meet me at xxx cafe after college.
Daisy was staring at John whole time, she was longing to have a talk with him, her heart is loosing her peace, her mind filled with chaos...
How I am going to make him talk to me? Your silence is killing me John, please don't do this , I am already having hard time to fake my smile on my face I won't be able to control myself from bursting in tears in front of you, please forgive me, her eyes got moist, she blinked multiple times to swept away the liquid trying to ooze out from her eyes..
Time skip to xxx cafe
John was sitting in front of ana, which is glaring at him like she is going to kill him at any moment...
Will you just stop glaring at me, the brown eyed said getting annoyed by the glares he is getting from the Short girl,
just tell me why you called me here?
The short one sighed heavily, taking a sip from the hot chocolate, what happened between you and daisy? , you two are behaving weird lately...
You should have asked it to daisy, the other one replied.
She just told me that you two had a fight, but why I am feeling like the matter is much more serious than you guys are trying to show..
John got a hint that ana don't have any idea about daisy self harm thing, it's not serious.. John lied...
I can see that,ana said sarcastically, you have been avoiding her from past three days, and she is trying to use every chance to talk with you but your stubborn ass sliding it away skillfully...
We just had little argument ana, and I am mad at her, John said avoiding eye contact with ana.
Ana crossed her hands over her chest, a little argument, she is living like a body without soul , she barely smiled in those three days, didn't you notice her red puffy eyes, her painful expression every time you ignored her, and you are saying me that it's nothing serious...
John know that his acts his ignorance is hurting daisy but he can't just forgive her this much easily,
I swear John, I swear to my life, if you are hurting her without any reason, if you are going to be responsible of her tears, I will kill you for sure...
John sighed, I can't hurt her ana...
Then what are you doing John, you are hurting her, she is becoming the old daisy which she was before meeting you... I beg you don't push her away... She seems strong but she is just a fragile baby John, who lost her mother who crave for love..
John was listening to ana, he finally looked up to meet the burning yet sad gaze of ana,
you think I am Happy to ignore her, you think I didn't noticed her tears her pale face her puffy eyes ana...
Every single time I ignored her, behaved like she doesn't even exist I felt my heart breaking, I felt like dying...
It's hurts right hear, to see her like that he pointed at his heart.
I feel like someone is stabbing my heart, to hear her cracking voice....
I love her ana, I fucking love her so much, I can't imagine my existence without her..john confessed running his fingers through his head trying to show away his frustation...
Ana chocked on her breath and started to cough badly, y..you... Y..you what?
I love her ana, I am in love with her from the first time I saw her, a soft smile appeared on the face of John...
Ana jumped from her seat, and started shouting happily, I knew it... I knew it, that you like her but I don't know that my daisy is so lucky that you love her...
Ana hugged John tightly, I am happy I am so happy John, thank you thank you very much, for choosing my daisy... Ana broke the hug, her eyes are shining with tears,...
Ana, are you crying hey, look at me, John got confused as she was jumping like a kid a moment ago and now crying..
No, I am not crying I am just happy for my daisy... She said sniffling,
John's possessive side took over him, not your... She is mine..
Ana just rolled her eyes, whatever but soon her expression changed into dark one...
She smacked John head, glaring at him.
Awooooo, what the hell ana why did you hit me, what I did? John asked rubbing his head as the smack is unexpected...
You are asking me, what.you.Did., ana emphasize every word, raising her eyebrow..
John just innocently looked at her,
You made my daisy cry, and you are asking me what you did? Haan...
John gulped down, looking at the cute creatures turning into a little monster.
I.. I am sorry, I didn't meant to, I was just mad at her...i won't do it again..
Ana picked up the knife on the table, before leaning towards John and putting it exactly on his neck, I hope you won't do it again, if I come to know that you made my daisy cry, I promise that it will be your last day on this damn earth.. Ana said looking darkly at John...
John just laughed nervously, I won't do it, I will always keep her happy, I swear, will you please lower that knife 😅 you know it's sharp and can kill me..
Ana sat back on her chair, looking innocently at John like she is not threatening him a moment ago..
John gasped, is this girl is gangster or what, is she suffering from bipolar disorder, a moment ago she about to kill me and now look at her looking all innocent, god please save me from this little monster, John internally cried thinking about the duality of ana..
So when you are going to propose her, ana said, dragging John back to reality..
John just blushed, looking down.,
Ana rolled her eyes looking at John blushing, stop blushing like a teenage girl, she shouted in annoyance
John cleared his throat before speaking, I am thinking to propose her soon but until that I am planning to keep ignoring her,
Just do what ever you want to do, but do it fast I can't see her sad .. Ana said greeting her teeth
It's not like I enjoy ignoring her, but she deserves punishment...
John looked at ana with puppy eyes, ...
Ana shouted, what?? Why are you looking at me like that?
Ana ita my first time proposing someone, and specially it's daisy please help me, he pleaded showing her his puppy eyes...
Ana sighed, fine... But you have to promise me that you will always protect her and keep her happy....
John jumped in joy, knowing ana is going to help him to get his love..
So, I am thinking, ana smirked a little before continuing....
Soon they both left the cafe, internally John was jumping in happiness and ana is delighted to know that finally happiness is going to knock on the door of daisy...
Next day, at college...
Hey daisy aren't you happy that after 2 days finally you are going to turn 18 , the short girl exclaimed in happiness...
Daisy just shook her head, ana you very well know that... I don't like celebrating my birthday...
No,. This time I am not going to listen to you, we are going to celebrate it and that it, ana pouted.
Daisy chuckled bitterly, you know what ana I loved to celebrate my birthday, my mom used to bought me so many gifts but she is not here she left me, she took my all happiness with her...
Ana patted daisy back knowing her best friend past... But still daisy, this is going to be our last year here... I want to live every moment here,..
Please, let's celebrate your birthday, ana pleaded, as not getting any reply she moved her gaze to daisy who seems to lost somewhere.
Daisy...she voiced out.
But daisy didn't answered...
Daisy's face turned sad, ana noticed it and followed Daisy eyes...
And there is John talking with joy, one of the most beautiful girl in entire college, he was laughing and chatting with her, they both seemed close as joy was holding and touching johns hand time to time.
Daisy , ana called out lowly
Daisy was staring at their hands, her face showed unreadable expression.... She stared at the smiling face of John for a moment, before breaking a sad smile on her face...
Ana,... Don't they look good together? , daisy voiced out.
Ana looked at daisy confusingly...
H..he is happy with her... He is happy ana you see... She is beautiful, kind, smart. He is laughing and holding her hand securely, tears started to form in daisy eyes...
Ana cursed John under her breath for making things hard for daisy,..
I...think... He got a new friend... Maybe more than that , He don't need me a..anymore, daisy chocked on the last word...
Daisy.. You are getting it wrong, he is just mad at you it doesn't means that he doesn't need you he doesn't need your Friendship..
Ana... I always hurted people around me, I hurted my mom she left me, I hurted him he is Also going to leave me ...
Why I am like this? Don't I deserve happiness? Am I that bad that everyone is leaving me slowly...
With every word daisy broke down, she felt suffocated to speak... To breath...
Ana was just silently listening to daisy, she knows that what daisy is saying is truth... A painful truth.
I was a fool, why I am so unlucky? This is hurting ana, my feelings are reason for my sorrow,
Tears were brimming in her eyes , she craved for the slight attention of her love, her heart filled with sadness seeing her love being happy with another one...
No it's not like that the happiness of John , his laugh hurting her but the fact that she is not the reason of his happiness, is eating her alive.
Ana slightly patted back of daisy , daisy smiled bitterly not averting her gaze from John and joys joined hands,
I am okay ana you don't have to worry, it's not like that it's my first time that I am getting hurt by others action.... By my own actions, we can't have everything we like everyone we love.... It's just that, I am unlucky when it comes to love...
Ana, lightly held Daisy's hand and gave it a slight assuring squeeze...
Soon John left from there, giving a light hug to joy.
Daisy felt pang in her heart as John just passed her without noticing or we can say clearly ignoring daisy.
Joy was looking happy she marched towards ana and daisy,
Hey, you two are close friends of John, am I right?
Ana and daisy just nodded their heads.
Umm... If you don't mind can I ask you something? Joy asked nervously rubbing her palms together .
Ana glanced at daisy before speaking, oh, yes of course, what you wanna know about?
Please don't tell this to John, I really like him from the first day of college, and I am thinking about proposing him today...
Daisy snapped her head towards joy, her mind went blank, she just stared at joy for a moment, she smiled sweetly, you made a great choice. I am happy to hear that, my wishes are with you joy, please keep him happy maybe sometimes he behave like a child but he is really mature and kind from his heart...
Ana's eyes went wide, listening to daisy, before she could react joy squealed in happiness hugging daisy tightly..
Thank you, thank you very daisy... You don't know how much nervous I was, you took away burden from my heart, I will definitely propose him today... Joy said happily.
And remember he really loves lavender flowers, make sure to keep them with you, joy nodded smiling sweetly towards daisy listening to her more information about John before walking away from there...
Ana dragged daisy to college garden, and started to shout on her....
What the heck daisy, why did you do that? Don't you love John ?
Cool down ana, who told you that I don't love him... I love him with my life.... But I can't be selfish... I am not the one he is looking for, daisy spoke in a plane voice irritating ana more.
Why do you think that, you are not the one for him? Tell me
Daisy sighed, ana can't you see that joy is a perfect match for him... S.she is kind beautiful popular smart and lovely girl and top of that she likes him . She is perfect for him in all ways...
You are just making things complicate daisy, you are out of your mind... Don't you feel sad to see someone other than you going to propose your love.... Ana shouted as she is getting frustrated by Daisy's behavior.
I am not making things complicated ana, I am just helping her , cause I know she will keep John happy unlike me, my life is messed up ana, I can't drag him in my mess...daisy said in a low voice...
Just do what ever the fuck you want to do! I am not going to help you in your any kind of shit, you are just stupid to give up on him like that, at list tell your feelings to him, who knows maybe he also love you...
Daisy just laughed at ana, you still think that he will love a heck like me... Come on, come out of your imagination ana... No one will want a girl struggling from multiple problems, and.... Daisy stopped at the middle sentence...
And what daisy, ana asked raising her eyebrow...
It's nothing, I think joy will need my help to found those lavender, I have to go...
Frustation is written on all over face of ana, she ran her fingers through her hairs, I don't know what gotten into you daisy but just think before you do anything... I don't want you to suffer... I don't know why are you doing it, is it even hurting you or not... I hope you are not taking wrong decision...
With that ana left from there leaving daisy alone....
A tear rolled down from her left eye, it hurts ana... I don't know from where I got this much courage to control my feelings towards him... My heart always beats for him.... He deserves better and joy is just perfect for him.... He love lavender you know why? Because lavender is a symbol of strength, healing , and look at me I am weak, I can't even heal my past trauma bruises then how come I will be better for him....I love him but I can't be with him... I hope my all miseries will end soon before I take wrong steps....
Time skip to last period of college...
I am sitting here looking outside the window, sky is getting darker, I chuckled as I felt like the sky is showing my luck and those dark clouds are my inner darkness, my inner demons....
I can't runaway from my fate from this world but the worst thing is that i can't runaway from myself... I tried to stay happy but my life snatched every single little reson of my happiness... I was happy to have John in my life , I was happy even though he can't be my lover but still he will remain my friend but I fucked up badly, he is not wrong though I am like a broken pieces of glass, if he will try to join me he will get hurt... I don't want that.... I don't want him in pain... I love him but I can't be selfish , my heart is sinking deep in my thoughts , I won't be able to see him with other girl... This stupid heart is making things hard for me, I wish it will stop feeling one day, it will stop beating one day....
I broke out of my trance when bill harshly kicked my chair Making me fall off it... I hissed as I hitted my Wounded hand on the ground, those wound were given by me when I was struggling to control myself from taking wrong steps....
Soon he poured his whole water bottle on me, it's cold... I stayed there not moving not reacting...maybe I deserve this, maybe it's the punishment for me for killing my mother... I just stared blankly at the ground after satisfied by his bullying action bill left the class... I picked up myself and settled down on the desk, it is last lecture of English class, I am just sitting there feeling cold . Water is dripping from my hairs and those fresh wounds started to bleed, lightly staining my white sleeves into red.... But I don't care, I deserve this....maybe I deserve the worst.... I am breaking from inside...
I closed my eyes for a moment thinking about my mom, her smiling face showed up... I miss her but I am the reson of her death... Only if I listened to her that day, maybe my life will be different from now... Maybe I will be normal like others...
I opened my eyes, hearing giggle of someone... It's John and joy... I stared at him, I want drown in those brown orbs... I forget all my worries just looking at him... World feels beautiful with him....
His eyes mate mine, he stared at my wet clothes and hairs, his eyes showed a tint of anger maybe he got the idea what happened to me... His eyes Flickered from my eyes to my hands, I didn't cared to hide that red staining sleeve of mine... I know I did wrong but this time it's not my mistake... His eyes again mate mine, I shivered at his stare, it's dark but why they are also radiating sadness,... Is he feeling bad for me? Why? Maybe I am thinking too much...
John just passed me, followed by joy... He started to talk with joy like nothing happened, don't he care about me? am I expecting too much from him? Yes, I have to stop hoping things like this, because I know in the end I am going to suffer....
I averted my gaze from them to the board staring blankly at it... Soon teacher came and started teaching , my mind doesn't seem in right place, I can't concentrate... What is happening with me... In the whole lecture I felt his burning gaze on my back,... I know he must be feeling disgusting that he made me his friend... I lowered my head trying to pay attention in class...
Soon the lecture ended, I packed my backpack and ready to leave the class, I glanced back , but John already left the class with joy... I sighed and walked out of it....
I was walking down the Hall, I stopped in the middle when I heard voice of John... It's pretty late so most of the students already left to their houses... As curiosity took best of me, I started to take slow steps towards the class... My heart is Thudding against my ribcage,
With trembling hand, I slightly pushed the door peaking inside it.... My heart broke into millions of pieces, my vision got blurry as tears made their way through my eyes... I felt someone ripped my heart away from me... I can't breathe...
T..there is John hugging joy tightly in his embrace...joy had those lavender flowers in her hand mumbling I love you to John continuously... John is patting her back embracing her with a slight smile on his face....
I can't take it anymore and ran from there.... Today I lost him completely... I was fool to think that he will love me.... My heart is beating fast, I want to stop it... I want to stop all the things happening around me... I want to stop breathing....
I am continuously chocking on my sobs, I can't do anything beside crying... I don't have reason to keep going... My world shattered my dream broke into million of pieces... I love him... I can't see him with anyone else... I decided to let go my feelings for him... But its hard so much difficult... It's hurting more than I imagined... I am running on this road soon rain started , I am totally soaked but I think it's good, no one can see me crying... I decreased my speed, limping as my legs started to get cramped.... I crashed on the ground and started to cry out loud...
Mom I am in pain... You said love is the most beautiful feeling in this world but you didn't mentioned that it's this much painful.... Why I am hurting mom... I loved him.... I love him.... But he can't be mine.... I lost him mom... I lost him...
After crying for hours I picked up myself, walking to my house... It is feeling like I lost my piece of my heart... I love you John... And I wish you will always stay happy with her.....