We don't keep secrets from each other EVER.
Not only did I just find out they have a half brother I'm also hearing about a secret that seems to have ace and Dante freezing at my voice.
My eyes instantly connect with the man they call their half brother and I see it. He seems colder even colder then Dante if that can be true. He seems closed off like the thought of attachment and love makes him sick.
He stares me down his dark blue eyes holding mine as I hold my breath. Looking closer I see the front, the same one I tried to up assuring everyone that I was okay when I wasn't.
Only I did it with smiles and laughter he does it with coldness and violence. Quickly snapping my gaze away I look towards the men I love.
"Tell me the truth.." I beg slightly knowing I can handle anything they tell me because I love them and I accept them.
"Baby it's not that simple we- " ace starts but I cut him off.
"No secrets. No lies remember? Trust is key love and communication is what makes us strong that's what you said to me" I look to Dante.
"You promised..." looking up at Dante I show him someone he hasn't see for awhile the little girl who lost her mother and was abused by her father. They little girl who grew up not knowing love or how to be loved. It isn't fair but I don't care I cling to the hope that their words aren't empty promises.
I pray that whatever it is I will still love them still want them in the end because I feel loved. The little girl inside me that was never protected or loved was at peace when these men are around.
"Please..." I let the emotion tumble from my lips my eyes watering slightly. I can't explain my emotions are on such high alert right now but I feel the need to fall to the ground and sob.
From the corner of my eye I see Devi flinch at the amount of emotion and rawness I just displayed while he was here and I can't find it in me to care.
Ace eyes narrow angrily sensing my change in mood and Dante stares me down.
"You'll never forgive me.. " Dante says slowly.
"Us.... You'll never forgive us.. " ace corrects and my breath bitches. My heart is beating rapidly in my chest and I feel the panic setting in.
Before I can beg further ace cuts me off.
"You're adopted Mila.. and my father is the reason your adoptive mother is dead."
I feel all the air knocked out of me as I grab the table to balance myself. I don't believe anything I'm hearing I don't understand.
" baby please let us explain.." ace starts and I cut him off.
"How long have you known?" I feel my anger coming my heart shattering they lied to me.
"Little dove..." Dante tries to come near me but I move back.
" HOW FUCKING LONG?" I don't recognize my voice or myself at this moment all I feel is my blood boiling and my heart breaking.
"Since the night we spent in the woods.." ace whispers and I drop to my knees the anger and sadness finally crashing in and I sob.
I sob because my whole life is a lie , because my heart is broke and because the men I love knew all of this and never told me the truth.
I don't know when Carter got to my side but I felt him picking me up bridal style as I sobbed uncontrollably. Clinging to him like the only thing grounding me I hear Hailey yelling at my men.
I'm to hurt to care to sad to care. Carter whispers he's got me into my ear and starts walking as Hailey refuses to let them near me. Before Carter can walk out the front door Devi grabs his arm.
He peers down at me to many emotions passing by his face before and leans down to my ear.
"You are strong little one and I may be a bad man but I can promise you my coming here was never to see you break like this" I sniffle as my eyes widen a bit and I look at him.
"I deeply apologize for my hand in your pain" he looks me over once more his face hardening again before slightly pushing Carter out the door and into the night air with me in his arms.
"Take care of her" he says before slamming the door shut.
"Let's get you out of here baby girl Hailey will meet us" Carter kisses my temple and walks down the long driveway.
Three weeks later
I haven't left this bed much. Hailey forces me to shower Carter forces me to eat. I don't know who I am currently.
I'm adoptive which means two important things.
One the woman I have been mourning my whole life isn't who brought me into this world and the father I knew was just a strange man abusing a little girl.
Two my mother death is on the men that I love father's hand and I don't understand how. But they knew all this time all these months they knew.
And I'm forgetting one key point.
I have parents out there... somewhere who gave me up. They didn't love me enough to keep me or maybe they loved me to much. I could have family.. or siblings.. grandparents.
Or I could have none of that. My head won't stop spinning I can't stop crying and shaking. My nightmares have returned I wake up screaming and sweating. I cry myself to sleep while Carter or Hailey stroke my hair.
I can tell this is taking a toll on them. I can tell me being this broken hurts them. Ace and Dante have been blowing up my phone apparently. I seen it ring on the stand but I don't pick it up. I asked Carter to take it away and lock it up until I was ready.
I'm not ready. I trusted them. I loved.. I love them. And they kept this from me. Not just a little secret but my whole identity. Would they have told me? Would I have continued life never knowing the truth.
So many questions so many answers. I finally get out of bed on my own. Hailey and Carter went out to get breakfast. I know taking care of me is taking a toll on their relationship. Even if they won't admit it's a relationship yet. I hear the whispers and see the soft beautiful touches.
It's what I had with them.. it's what I want with them. Or I use to.
Going out to the balcony I put my hair up. I feel the rage building inside me again. I ball up my fist and hit the mental railing.
Pain shoots through my hand but I feel this immense relief as I do it again. Nobody wanted me nobody loved me my whole life was a lie. The men that I loved lied to me when they promised never to. They hurt me. I'm all alone again. Nobody ever wants me.
WHY. CAN'T. I. BE. GOOD. ENOUGH.
i didn't even realize I was crying and screaming until somebody is pulling me away from the now bloody rail. My knuckles are split and I'm bleeding all over the balcony and I can't seem to care.
"Jesus baby girl stop it look at your hands" Carter hold me tightly expressing his worry and I slump against him finally letting the sobs breaks loose.
" it's hurts.. Carter it hurts please make it stop it hurts" I cry gripping his arms as I shake and sob against him. He holds me and rocks me back and forth trying to comfort me but the tears won't stop they never stop.
I don't know how long we stay like this until I feel something cold they stings my knuckles that has me hissing.
My eyes find Hailey sorry ones as she gently takes care of my hands.
" You broke your left hand girly.. you need a hospital can you stand ?" I nod as they help me up and get me into some shoes. The ride to the hospital is quick and painful and before I know it I'm looking at a X-ray of shattered bones.
" we are going to put this hand in a cast for 6 weeks and hopefully you won't need surgery " the doctor speaks as I sit there numbly watching the cast be placed.
"Mila you could have seriously damaged your hands do you know that ?" I nod as I'm handed a bottle of pain killers.
" If you to talk we can up your therapy days you have already missed 3 weeks of sessions do you want to tal- "
"No doctor Avery I don't wanna talk thank you " I don't recognize this cold and detached voice he nods silently and gets me discharged and I'm on my way.
I wake up screaming again that night and this time Hailey is the one holding me. She rocks me as I shake and tremble trying to ground me and get my head back. Before I know it I'm bolting to the bathroom throwing up everything including the pain pill I took just before bed.
The intense sharp pain in my stomach altering me of cramps is what has me groaning more. Man I can't catch a break.
"Honey you're bleeding through your shorts let me get you a tampon you need to shower do you want me to help?" She asks softly.
I shake my head no. Her and Carter have been doing everything for me and I feel like a burden. I start to undress quickly and climb into the shower. Sitting on the floor and wrapping my cast before letting the hot water spray down on my hair and face I curl up in the corner.
A few minutes later I hear Hailey come back in and open the shower as she starts to wash my hair.
"Hailey you don't.. " I start but she cuts me off.
"Shhh you told me how your mother always did this for you when you cried ..." she freezes as if remember what we find out as I sigh and lean into her touch.
" it's okay.. she did do this thank you knowing I wasn't hers by blood doesn't make me love her any less so thank you." Hailey hums and together we get me cleaned up and into new clothes.
Once I'm in bed I assure her I'm fine even though my cramps are 10 times worse then what they usually are and my hands hurt like hell.
The next morning I'm still curled up in pain and shaking when Carter comes in with breakfast.
"Mila oh my god you are so pale what's wrong ?! " he looks alarmed and I just shake my head.
"Just Mother Nature nothing to be sorry fo- " before I can finish I'm throwing up all over the side of the bed until my head is spinning.
Carter rips the blanket off of me and as I look down I'm surround in a pool of my own blood.
"FUCK Hailey call an ambulance " is all I hear before i pass out into darkness.