Yelena and I hadn't really talked about the true reason I had awkwardly ran out of the room, but I think the talk we did have pushed whatever relationship we have to another level. Helped it grow.
And yeah, I freaked out a bit when she alluded to me being important to her.. but I think our little talk helped me get past that? Or embrace it?
It wasn't long before we were back to hunting Nat down. Cue more days passing without much luck, staring at jumbled words and blank walls. Despite all the, seemingly, never ending roadblocks we've had, we were actually able to come up with some kind of plan moving forward. We've all agreed we can't sit around anymore.
We're all slowly going crazy, needing to actually actively do something to help Nat. Though we've been working hard here, it just isnt enough. The sitting in the small four walled room for.. a couple weeks? Has actually driven us to come up with a decent plan. Yeah, we haven't had much to go on, but we all know Nat the best and I think we started to make head way.
That was all done today and thankfully that plan doesn't go into action for a few days, it's all about timing and with what little we have to go on, we have to time this perfectly. So we have some down time to relax or whatever the hell we want. Relatively.
What I want to do right now is silently make my way down to the kitchen with only the moonlight to guide me. A little dramatic and romantic, maybe.
"Well hello there, blondie," I tease her as I take the seat she has pulled out for me.
"About time, Elle," yeah. She calls me that now. I'm more than okay with it.
"I don't know what you mean," I may be a little late. But that's besides the point and we don't technically have an actual time set anyway.
The vodka is on the table, but we rarely ever actually drink anymore. More just if we feel like it. It's more as a symbol than anything else.
I'd much rather just talk to her.
There's no need for the security blanket the drink first offered. It's no longer a buffer. We can talk and share like we've known each other for years.
No matter the topic of conversation we happened to fall on, I could always rely on feeling safe and at home. She had this effortless way of putting me at ease. Even more so because I don't think she even knows she does it. Unless I'm being more obvious than I thought.
And her laugh. My god. I can't get enough of it. My heart races whenever I get her to laugh, especially when she laughs hard enough to scrunch her nose. The way her eyes light up when she speaks of something she's passionate about. How her hands start to move around as she does. Or how she gets Lila to laugh and Cooper to talk.
And, no. I don't.. I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I don't want to break whatever bond we have by pushing her farther than she wants to go. Not knowing where she stands keeps me at a distance.
It's safer this way. For everyone.
Me trying to start something with Yelena is just.. a bad idea. I can't drag her into all of my shit. She deserves so much more than that.
No matter how much I want to.
"Elle?"
I must have zoned out at some point because I'm not sure what she's trying to get my attention for.
"Hm?"
"Are you tired?"
"Not really," I answer honestly.
"Then where did you just go right now?"
"Oh, no where." I shake my head in order to persuade her I'm telling the truth. "What were you saying?"
She smiles, "I was saying that we should do something tomorrow."
This catches me a bit off guard, I visibly move back in my chair slightly. Since I was a little absent in the conversation, I'm not actually sure what kind of 'something' she wants to do.
A part of me wants it to mean something along the lines of a date. A rather large part of me wants that, as confirmed by my offbeat heart. Another part of me knows it's something more of a 'I'm bored out of my mind here.' Which I obviously get. Growing up here was great, but the boredom is unreal. Either way, I need to sputter out my response.
"I- uh. Yes. Yes we should. I would like that," I smile at the end gaining a little confidence.
"Okay, what about a little a barbecue? I think we already have everything we need. Most of the meat and stuff you got before is still in the freezer. I think it would be a nice way for us all to have some fun? Include the kids. Especially before we go out on this mission."
Huh. Not exactly what I was hoping for, but brilliant nonetheless.
It does involve spending an entire day with my family.. there would be no getting around talking to Laura. The kids would be there so I'd have to act semi amicably for it to be believable that we're fine.
Which we are, in a sense.
But a whole day? I can do that. Can I do that?
But for her..
"That sounds perfect," I smile, adoring everything about her.
Oof.
"Really? I know it's kind of last minute and all and it would just be us, so we don't have to.."
"I would love to. We need to eat up all of that food anyway. Besides, this way I can show off my grilling expertise." I wiggle my eyebrows, getting her to giggle.
"You're telling me you make incredible pancakes and you can grill? Almost too good to be true," she teases.
"Hey! Do you want me to help or what?" I ask, feigning offense.
"No! I want your help," she's quick to give in.
"Good. So, what's the plan?"
"Yay!" She lets out a little squeal. "We can make salads and desserts! I already have a few in mind. And we can set up some yard games. Maybe have a little bow and arrow shoot off?"
Her excitement feeds into my own, "yes. All of it. Whatever you want to make or do, we'll do it." So I'm a bit of a simp. So what?
And that's what led us to somehow spend the next hour and a half talking about what to do at this barbecue. Sounds crazy, but somehow time just slips away whenever I'm around her.
Her bubbly take on life is infectious to say the least. One of the many things I lo- like about her. She's growing on me. This friendship isn't half bad.
But I don't know how she does it.
Someone like a sister to her recently passed away and now her sister is actually run off somewhere.
She is so incredibly strong for even being here to discuss her sisters disappearance let alone be a part of finding her. And now she's planning a barbecue? I know it's a distraction, one I will happily help her with, but still.
She's amazing. And so unbelievably strong. Yet I still feel the need to protect her from everything. Because someone that strong.. they're holding it in.. they can break. I won't let her break.
So I will spend as many days as necessary to help her track Nat down. Whatever it takes.
I don't believe Nat is working with hydra. But she did run off, she did leave Yelena and everyone else in the dark.
My biggest question is: why?
I know everyone says she's running away from the memories of Spencer, but I find it hard to believe that that is the only reason.
Nat is incredibly smart. She doesn't just go off radar leaving her family and kid behind without calculating the risk.
I didn't really get to witness her love with Spencer first hand, and everyone says they have- had - a love that would go beyond the ages, but.. I don't know. I'm not trying to say the loss of the love of her life didn't have something to do with her disappearance, but I just can't shake the feeling that we're missing something here.
Clearly she has an ulterior motive.
If this was just about escaping the memories of Spencer, I can't help but feel she would have reached out, tried to deny the allegations. But she isn't. She hasn't uttered a word.
Of course I don't want to bring this up to them, yet. I don't know what it could be or how it could apply to this situation. Either way our goal is the same: find Nat and prove her innocence.
She certainly isn't making it easy and I hope whatever she is doing has been worth it.
Because I have about a million questions to ask her once I see her.
Why didn't she tell me about Yelena? Or that she had parents? Why hasn't she talked to at least one of us? What was she up to in that last phone call I had with her?
There's so many questions running around in my head, but it all leads to the same main idea..
Just begging the question.. is Nat hiding something or is she out there looking for something?