Author's Note at the End :)
September 20th, 2013:
Coffee ended and Yoongi was back in DJ mode.
"I hope you all enjoyed those stories. There were actually some far scarier and bolder stories, but I sifted through them all and decided on these three," says Yoongi, "mostly cuz most of them weren't funny at all," he adds staring at Jimin as he says that.
"It wasn't only mine, other people's stories weren't funny as well!" retorts Jimin.
"Whatever you want to believe Jimin," answers Yoongi smiling and looking down at his script looking at what segment was next.
"You are listening to Honey FM 06.13, and we will now be listening to an audio message from a special voice cast who wants to say something to us personally," Yoongi announces.
"Really?" says Seokjin.
"I wonder who?" questions Hoseok.
"I heard the production crew recorded it without motive and this person was not aware of the recording," states Yoongi.
"Oooooo," we all shout and clap excitedly as the recording started.
"Your habit of going to the toilet just before the recording starts or when you're on 2-minute standby, going to the toilet one after another, please throw away that habit, PLEASE!" shouts the voice of one of our managers, "I'll give you some delicious foods, just don't eat behind my back, PLEASE!" continues the manager, and the recording finishes with him yelling, "Don't just ignore anything that you don't want to hear, PLEASE! Answer me when I'm talking, PLEASE!"
We all laugh when the recording ended.
"Honestly, the last words are exactly what I wanted to say to Jungkook," admits Namjoon.
"Well, I wanted to say his first words to you Namjoon," comments Seokjin chuckling.
I laugh knowing that it was not only directed to Namjoon, but also to me. It so happened that our comeback, and later stages for our debut aligned with my periods, and I always rushed to the bathroom to do the typical period things before performing to ensure no catastrophes happened. However, I think the managers understood why I did it and so didn't get as upset about it as when Namjoon did it.
Suddenly, I see the tapestry behind Yoongi with our name on it had fallen on one side and got up to help Tae and Jungkook hang it back up, but quickly remembered that I had to keep my abs covered and sat back down, arms back around my stomach to cover it.
"That was some hectic few seconds, the sign falling, some very truthful words..." Yoongi brings us back together, "but we still love our managers. We'll try not to go to the toilet before the recording starts. We will try not to eat behind your backs, and we'll try to take in everything that you say"
We all clap and nod in agreement.
"Truthfully, there a few members where this applies to more than others. For example, Jungkook," Yoongi adds, patting Jungkook's shoulder.
"There's also the flower beggar over there," Namjoon continues, pointing to Taehyung beside me who was grinning.
"When you talk to them, they won't reply. They'll only listen to you when they want to. It won't even come into their thought to answer," says Yoongi.
"They'll only respond if it's something they like or want to do, or if they get something out of it" I add chuckling.
"Then they'll respond immediately," agrees Jimin.
We then moved on to the next segment of going over some tweets from ARMY. We talked about our embarrassment of the group name, Bangtan Sonyeondan, and how we didn't tell anyone about it until we debuted because of how tacky we found it. We, of course, added that we were now proud of our name now. While it had grown on me and Sejin had explained that it didn't necessarily ignore my presence, I couldn't help but feel that the first impression it gave would always ignore the fact I was in the group.
The next tweet was about Jimin's abs.
"I knew BTS because my friend said your dancing was really good and showed me your performance. Jimin's abs T.T," reads Seokjin.
We all do the TT pose as a reaction and chuckle slightly. Jimin stands up, starting the motion to lift his shirt up.
"What are you doing, just sit down," says Jungkook, grabbing Jimin's shoulder and trying to make him sit back down. Jimin sits back down reluctantly, pouting slightly.
"It's melted already. There's no more sorry," says Taehyung mischievously.
"How did you know? I didn't even pull up my shirt yet!" yells back Jimin.
"If you want to see abs, Y/N is the only left with real abs," jokes Jungkook.
My eyes go wide. Did he just say that? He knows I'm not supposed to have any, a flat stomach is required, not a washing board. As soon as he sees my eyes he realises his mistake and his eyes go wider than mine. However, Taehyung was oblivious to Jungkook's mistake and kept going.
"Yeah! ARMY, if you want to see abs, look at Y/N's," he says. As he was talking I made hidden gesture for him to stop, but he was looking at the camera and not me. He then grabbed one of my arms and made me stand up with him. Seokjin could tell what was happening and tried to get Taehyung to let go of me and sit back down.
"Hey, hey. She's not ready to show them yet!" he shouts, trying to come up with an excuse. But the damage had been done. Due to my shirt basically being a crop top, everyone had seen my abs. I definitely didn't have a six-pack, but I did have an almost quite clearly defined four-pack. After Seokjin's intervention, Taehyung quickly sat back down, taking me with him.
I looked at the managers behind the cameras and they just looked shocked more than anything. I don't think they realised just how fit I had become. I once again hoped this wouldn't get me in trouble, after all, it wasn't me that started it all.
"Well, I think it now goes without saying that Jimin has to start working out harder," Yoongi says trying to move on, "we did get people's attention with your abs".
Jimin actually still had his six-pack, it just wasn't as well defined as it was for our debut or the comeback.
We then went through a few more tweets that Yoongi had obviously selected as they all talked about him and how hard-working and great he was. I laughed along with the boys, but couldn't help but be worried about what would happen after this was over. Why should I be this worried about being fit... about being myself really. I once again started to reconsider if I should stay or not. They also played Attack on Bangtan, a song I loved, but I remained seated the whole time, trying to show as little of myself as possible.
After some promotion of N.O., the radio special ended. The staff and members clapped and we bowed to the staff thanking them for their hard work.
I got off from the couch and walked behind the cameras as Yoona came up to me.
"Well, that was a shit show..." she comments, "but it wasn't your fault. I've tried to get the other managers to see that".
I just nod. I was so tired, I didn't know what people expected from me. The boys were happy to show me off and loved my fiery attitude. A couple of the managers despised it, Sejin doesn't like it but it seems mostly for societal reason, he personally doesn't seem to have an issue with it, and Yoona actively supports me. Whenever I thought I was doing the right thing, something would be off. I would either be too cutesy, or too suggestive, or too manly, or not talk enough at all, or too passionate. On top of all the confusion, I had to do all my schoolwork, go to school, memorise all the dances and go over all the scripts of our variety shows, do vlogs which I had gotten in trouble for not doing last week, and meet with the styling team before every show or performance to check what wardrobe and hair I wanted/would have. Furthermore, all of this had to be done on roughly 3-4 hours of sleep and basically no food.
No wonder I had gotten abs so fast, I had basically no fat which made it easier to get muscle for women, but it was not at all healthy. I was at the end of my rope. I was going to snap at any moment and now I was worried about when and how that would happen too.
Beomsoo, our strictest manager, came over to talk to me. I had made my way to a corner with Yoona while we waited for them to clear everything.
"What was that? Haven't we told you not too show, let alone get those," he says pointing to my stomach, "and the arguing with Jungkook. I mean really, you should know better. Jungkook was making it fun, but it looked like you were just angry", he huffs out angrily.
I look down and just before I'm about to answer, Yoona interjects.
"Really Beomsoo-oppa? You had to have seen she's not the one that made any mention of her abs and she actively tried to not show them. We should not be getting mad at her for this," retorts Yoona upset as well, but still maintaining a level of calm that was long gone with Beomsoo.
"Ya! Are you talking back to me? You are not in a position to talk back to me, I am the second-head manager!" he shouts back.
I see everyone staring at us. The boys all looked worried with Yoongi and Jungkook just staring at me becoming a small ball on my chair.
"I'm not talking back, I'm just trying to see where you are coming from because we obviously saw two different scenarios play out. And anyway, it's done now. I think we should wait to see what the fans say and then deal with Y/N accordingly," she answers back, still in a calm, yet confident, tone.
"Ok, let's all calm down. You two, my office, we'll talk about this there," Sejin says stepping in, "Y/N, you're not in trouble right now, there's no need for you to become a turtle, it's going to be ok," Sejin says leaning down and putting his hands on my knees, trying to look me in the eyes. I just nod.
I wasn't even crying, that was how honestly confused I was. Yoongi was the first to speak after Sejin and the other managers left.
"Can everyone leave the room please, I think Y/N just needs room to breathe," he commands confidently.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and left. Great, now I was the reason everyone would be behind schedule. I really had to get my sh*t together, this frozen deer in headlights wrapped in a turtle shell act was not going to work, I had to be confident and mature. I had to be an idol, someone people look up to, not pity.
"I'm fine, it's fine," I say lifting my head up and starting to get up, "everyone can come back in and do what they have to, don't let them stop on my account".
All the members look at me incredulously.
"Y/N, you are not fine. You were in the fetal position just seconds ago," comments Hoseok.
"And a few seconds ago I wasn't fine, but now I am," I answer back a little impatiently, "look if you guys really want me to "breathe", then let me go on a walk or something," I continue, "alone," I add after seeing Jimin and Jungkook nod and head for the door as if they were ready to go on a walk with me.
They all look at each other and then Namjoon nods.
"Ok, we'll tell the managers, but make it quick. No more than 15 minutes," Namjoon gives in, "and take your phone. If you're not back in 20, we're going to go look for you".
"Yup, got it," I nod and walk out of the studio and make my way out of the building.
Author's Note:
Also, just as a disclaimer, Beomsoo is a made-up character and is not a real BTS manager. If there is a manager for BTS, or anyone in the industry, by that name it is pure coincidence and the character does not reflect the actual person and vice versa.
~2053 words~