"I've been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn, and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again"
———
C H A P T E R T W E N T Y F O U R
small world, huh?
———
"Goldie?"
It's safe to say she hasn't heard that name in seven years. Even Wanda and Daisy had just taken up with calling her Aurelia. Her head snapped towards the voice, her legs feeling like jelly as she met the same steel blue eyes, she thought she'd never see again. She gasped for breath, trying to say something, no words forming— She just opened her mouth and shut it again. She wanted to run over to him, hug him, feel him the way she used to. But at the same time she wanted to slap him, scream at him until her lungs were raw for leaving her. The first few months after the breakup were some of the toughest times she had ever faced, everyday she just wanted to pick up her phone and call him, tell him about her day. She knew in her gut they could've made a long distance relationship work. Bucky just didn't want to.
"Bucky?"
The guard stepped in front of her. Blocking her view.
From what she saw, he looked slightly older. But not in a bad way. He had aged well. He didn't radiate the same college boy vibes he had when they were together.
"Sorry, Sir. You're not allowed to be back here."
A security guard came close to Bucky, trying to push him out the area.
"No, no." Bucky tried to resist, "You don't understand. I know her."
The guard rolled his eyes, "Everyone knows her these days." He replied.
"No, but I actually know her." He protested, trying to push through. Bucky worked out a lot. He had a gym membership. Cost him a whole 15.99 a month. But this guy must've fucking lived in a gym, because there was no way this guy was letting Bucky anywhere near Goldie.
"Look, I do know him." She spoke to the guard softly. "You guys can go home for the night."
"Sorry, Miss Avery," The security guard shook his head, "It's my job you get home off the premises safely, I can't leave you with a stranger who doesn't have clearance."
She cast him a look, mouthing 'I'm sorry.'
"Miss Avery, it's time you get going."
She looked over at Bucky. He was still in complete shock of everything that had happened in the past two hours, and Goldie had no idea what he was doing here, but Bucky always had a motive, there must've been a reason to his visit.
"Empire State. 1pm." She said to Bucky, much to the guards dislike, as the security guard guided her to the private car.
Bucky just nodded, gulping.
It's not exactly the way he expected the night to go, but he got to see her again, talk to her again, her her voice, his name from her lips. It's never something he thought would be possible. Maybe Goldie performing tonight was fate giving them a second chance.
Bucky just had to find a way to not fuck it up big time, just like he had seven years ago...
He went home to his apartment and poured the bowl of cornflakes he planned to eat, drowning them in milk.
He hadn't realised how empty his apartment felt until now.
He had fallen in love with the huge, 5 million dollar home the second he viewed it. The views of the city were extraordinary, much better than the views of his family home in Elmdale. All you could see there were a few cows. And some trees.
But as he carried his bowl of cereal into his living area, before he turned the TV on, the apartment was just so silent. You could hear every move he made, every creak on every floorboard.
He was quite... Lonely.
He hadn't made many friends since moving to New York.
A few of his employees at the firm invited him out for drinks every now and then, but nothing ever got too serious, he was their boss, so no one pushed for anything.
Unless you were Cara. In that case, Cara pushed far too much.
Steve had never left Elmdale. He was still with Wanda, they were engaged, no plans for a wedding yet. Steve just called him to tell him he done it spontaneously and couldn't help himself.
That was three years ago.
Bucky didn't think they'd ever actually get married, they'd just stay engaged forever. They were happy that way, Wanda had never been much of a take-a-guys-last-name kind of girl, anyways.
Steve and Wanda made the long distance work. Wanda graduated from her school in New York, and moved straight back to Elmdale afterwards. She worked as a kindergarten teacher now. They made long distance work so well Bucky cursed himself for not even trying. The more time that passed the more Bucky realised what a huge fucking mistake he made.
Steve had always been his best friend. And always would be.
The second he pulled up at the diner after dropping Goldie off at the airport, he was still crying, and as soon as Steve noticed the look on his best friends face, he knew exactly what happened. Steve just held him, in the middle of his busy diner, while he just cried. Bucky had always thought he was the one who looked after Steve their entire lives. But that day really changed Buckys perspective on the way their friendship had worked all these years.
They called almost everyday. And visited each other often. Steve played with the idea of opening a diner in New York, so he'd be closer to Bucky more often, but Bucky new in his heart it would never happen. Steve was too much of a country boy.
He sat alone, the TV buzzing with some cliche 90's movie, not paying attention to it. Instead, paying attention to the bigger thing.
"Empire State. 1pm."
He felt a bit ill thinking about it. Not in a bad way, of course. Nothing about her could ever be bad. He was just fucking terrified. What was he supposed to do... What was he supposed to say after all these years?
He didn't think a generic how are you would cut it.
What was he supposed to say? The truth? But then again... What was the truth? The real truth?
He still loved her.
Of course he still fucking loved her.
Every single relationship he had ever attempted to have since her had all went up in flames. Because no one could ever equate to her. She was always there, at the back of his mind.
"Oh fuck it."
Bucky put down his bowl, and ran his fingers through his hair. He thought back to how much he cried when he left her, and Bucky didn't cry often. And then he realised now emotional Goldie could get, and felt like utter shit when he thought about how he must've made her feel.
Even if there was hope for them, if the universe was pushing them back together.
Bucky didn't deserve it. Not after how he treated her.
But he wanted her.
He'd always want her.
And that's what he thought about as he fell into a heavy sleep, with the television still playing movies in the background, making his apartment seem just slightly less lonely.
The Empire State was busy. Very busy. Tourists crowded the outside, and the line to go to the top was queued all down the street.
He just sat on a nearby bench, his leg bouncing up and down. He almost didn't come, he was too frightened of what the outcome could be. He had to force himself up and out of bed, (he had somehow made his way from the couch to his bedroom in the middle of the night) and into the shower (because he smelled like absolute shit.)
"Hey."
A soft voice came from beside Bucky. He turned his head, and there she was, sitting on the bench right beside him.
Bucky swallowed, his leg beginning to bounce up and down even faster, anxiety taking over.
"Hi." He replied, his sweaty hands clasped together, held on top of his leg in the hope it stopped bouncing so much.
Goldie smiled at him.
"You look— Uh— You look good." He said awkwardly, cringing at his own sentence, "I mean— Not that you didn't not look good— I mean you still look good— I didn't expect you not to to look good—" He froze and put his head in his hands, cursing himself, "Fuck."
Goldie looked at him, she didn't know what to say. In all honesty— She has no idea why she suggested they meet. She had no idea what came over her. She hadn't seen the guy in seven years and she suddenly invites him out for a talk?
She couldn't work out why.
But the back of her mind told her she just needed some closure.
She deserved closure.
"I get what you mean, you look good too, Buck." She said, the old nickname slipping off her tongue just like old times.
She watched as Bucky smiled slightly, the fact that he was looking slightly more comfortable now, made her feel slightly more comfortable.
"Haven't been called that by anyone other than in a long time." He chuckled.
"No?"
He shook his head, "Go by James now. For professional reasons."
She smiled, "You made it as a lawyer?"
"Matt sold me half the company a year and a half ago. I run the second Murdock and Barnes firm here. Just a few blocks away, actually."
Goldie grinned. She had no idea he was doing so well. She couldn't help but feel insanely proud of what he had achieved.
"You live near here, too?" She asked. She didn't want the conversation to stop, it already felt tense and slightly awkward. She couldn't loose him after it taking them so long to meet again.
"Oh— Uh yeah." Bucky pointed to a block of rather fancy looking apartment buildings, visible from the bench they were sat on. "3rd from the top."
She grinned. "My tour manager lives in the penthouse."
"Sharon Carter?"
She nodded, "Yeah," She chuckled, "Small world, mhm?"
"Yeah..."
She enjoyed talking to him again, she really did. But she needed to know what happened seven years ago. She deserved that. Her eighteen year old self deserved to know why she got on that plane on her own.
"You okay?" Bucky asked.
She had been pretty quiet for the past few minutes. She hadn't even realised the conversion stopped and they had been sitting there, Goldie sitting with her own thoughts, and Bucky going between watching her and watching everyone around him. He liked people watching.
"Why'd you do it?" She asked quietly.
She couldn't keep it in anymore. She needed the closure.
Bucky didn't need anymore details into what her question meant. He knew exactly what she was referring to.
"Various reasons." He answered softly. "In hindsight I was an idiot."
She let out a hollow laugh, "Yeah, you were."
He could hear the pain in her voice. It made him feel even more guilty than he originally had been. She didn't have to tell him how she felt during that time, the pain in her voice told him more than words could.
"Do you wanna go somewhere and talk?" Bucky asked, "Here seems... Pretty public."
She nodded. She had a feeling this conversation could make her cry.
"My apartments a block away." She replied.
Bucky stood up off of the bench, and he offered his hand out to help her up, which she took, standing up off of the bench and smoothing down her skirt.
"Lead the way." Bucky said.
She gave him a tight smile and began to walk down the street, Bucky beside her.
"I went to your concert." He said as they walked down the street.
That made Goldie smile, despite the tension.
"Yeah?"
"You were amazing. Seriously— Your talent has never failed to astound me."
"Thanks." She replied, a blush creeping onto her cheeks, a feeling she hadn't felt since... Well... Seven years ago.
"I bought fake tickets by accident. Had to bribe a guy five hundred bucks to let me through the door."
Goldie let out a loud, angelic laugh. The same beautiful laugh Bucky had always loved. And always would love.
"God, you haven't changed."
He laughed, "I think I've changed, think I got a little better looking after seven years."
She laughed again.
"No it's just... You really paid that much just to watch me?"
"Of course. I'd do anything for you." He said, the words once again just slipping out of his mouth. He shouldn't have said anything, or anything remotely like that.
It was... Inappropriate.
"This is my place." Goldie said stiffly, ignoring Buckys previous statement.
She let him inside.
Her apartment was even bigger than his— And by the looks of it, she lived alone. Which made him feel better.
Her furniture was spotless, everything perfectly picked out that it looked like something plucked straight from an interior designer magazine.
Her entire apartment was open planned, besides from the bedrooms and bathroom, giving him a great view of her whole home.
But his eye settled on one thing in particular.
A bright red guitar in the corner, balanced against the wall.
He walked up to it, his fingers brushing against the strings, soft enough to not make a single noise.
"You kept it." He said, swallowing the lump in his throat.
"It uh— It meant— means— a lot to me."
"I done it because I thought that if you went into this world, this world of fame and fortune, with me I'd be holding you back from what you could achieve. I expected you'd find some guy who understood your world better than I did. I didn't want to be— I— I loved you too much to watch you potentially give everything up for some twenty year old who could barley afford to keep the lights on, never mind fly halfway across the world to see you." Bucky said, answering her previous question. She did deserve to know. He hadn't been fully honest towards the end of their relationship. "I had to take the lawyer job because my mom was too sick to work, Bec was too young, and I barley had a cent left... I spent all of my dads stuff on bills, and debts, and I... I dunno, Golds. Loosing you was the biggest mistake of my life..."
Goldie look at him. His steel blue eyes met her own, and she watched as he held his breath, waiting for her to say something.
"There was no one else. That's what you were worried about?" She said softly? "I never met anyone who managed to come close to the way I felt about you— The way I still feel about you."
"Still?" He asked, shocked by her words.
He predicted various different outcomes of their conversation today. Most of them ended in screaming matches. He only hoped for this. He didn't believe it could actually happen.
"Yeah," She nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Who gives a shit that it's been seven years? I still can't get your stupid face out my head."
They were just kids. Of course they messed things up.
A part of her always knew he'd reappear in her life some way or another. A person who you felt so strongly about didn't just appear in your life only then to be taken away.
"It's always been you." Bucky walked over to her, cupping her face with his hand, his thumb brushing over her tears, wiping them away. "It always will be you."
"We're in the same town again." She said, with a small smile. "What do you say, Buck?"
He'd been back in her life for less than 24 hours, and everything felt the same as it was when she was eighteen. His smile still gave her butterflies, his laugh was still contagious, and his words still made her blush. It might have been seven years, but the feelings, the tension, it was all the same as it was back then.
"I say fuck it." Bucky said breathlessly, his hand moving from her cheek to the back of her neck, crashing his lips into hers.
Even now, he was still addicted.
fin.
—
a/n
it took me so long to persuade myself to persevere and just get this story finished, it's one of the few stories i've written that i had the plot perfectly planned out from the beginning, i know the time jump was probably annoying for some people, but it worked for this story, and i'm happy with how it turned out
thank you guys for all of the support throughout this book, i love you all <3
epilogue will be up sometime eventually...
in the near future...
probably next week...
or tomorrow...
idk i haven't written it yet oops.