Luke's P.O.V.
It was stupid really. He thinks that just taking us to America and forcing us under hiding will "fix me". There's nothing to fix about me. This is it. This is who I am. He should just accept it.
When I woke up the next morning, Ash told me Julia had left to go back home, and since all four of us were experiencing massive hangovers I guess it was good that she wasn't there.
"Why doesn't aspirin ever work?" I groaned massaging my temples as I took a seat on the couch where the rest of the lads were eating breakfast.
"Maybe cause you drank so much," Calum muttered scooping up his cereal
"All three of you drank too," I argued
"But you drank the same amount that all three of us drank. Probably even more," Ashton said
"You're over exaggerating," I said
"Are we?" Michael questioned before showing me the pictures he took of me completely shit faced drunk the night before
My eyes were bloodshot red as I was downing a shot myself. It was so bad that Julia had to be by my side almost the majority of the time just to hold me steady.
"She's so good to me," I mumbled seeing the photos of Julia basically taking care of me the entire night. Jesus is this how it is every time we go out?
"Damn right she is," Ashton muttered
"I have no idea why," I breathed. She had no obligation to. We aren't even dating for fucks sake but she's still been keeping me together for however long I've known her.
"We don't either," Calum cut in quickly as Michael agreed
I was going to question their actions, but the pounding in my head distracted me from doing so. But even my headache didn't stop me from doing what I thought was right. We were leaving as soon as possible according to our manager and I knew that would only give us probably a few more days left here tops before flying off to the states for God knows how long.
"I'm going over to her place," I told the guys forcing myself to get up and grab my car keys
"You can't drive. You're still recovering from two hundred dollars worth of vodka," Michael said
"Then I'll get a cab," I said opening the front door to leave
"You can't get a cab here at 8 in the morning," Calum said making me groan
"Then I guess I'm driving," I said
"No- no you're not. I'll drive you," Ashton sighed getting up as I tossed him the keys
"Great then hurry up,"
Julia's P.O.V.
I couldn't sleep when I got home. All I could think about was the feeling of Ashton's lips on mine. God. I felt like a pubescent teenage girl who just got her first kiss. I don't know why I was feeling this way. I didn't even know what was happening. But as every minute passed by, the thought of actually going to America didn't seem as bad as it did before. Before I knew it, the sun was up and the birds were chirping, but my state remained unchanged. I was still leaning against my headboard with a blanket on top of me just going through the kiss over and over again in my mind, I was trying to figure out what was so special about it. Why it was so different from the rest of them. Then it finally hit me.
Ashton. Was I in love with him? I'm not sure. But I know I have feelings for him, I just don't know what those feelings are exactly. Maybe America will be the place where I finally figure everything out.
My train of thought was interrupted by a rather loud knock on the door as I got out of bed to answer it. Without even welcoming the visitor. Luke had walked straight in.
"Hey, I wanted to talk to you," the blonde headed boy said as I followed behind him after closing the door
"Yeah- just come right in, I don't mind at all," I said sarcastically as he let out a slight smile at my humor
"Sorry. It's just kind of important," he explained taking a seat on my couch and patting the space next to him for me to sit
"It must be if you're coming here this early and this hungover after the night you had," I sat down
"I just- I know I can't ask you to just drop everything and go with me, but if there's even an ounce of something telling you to come then please act on that. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without you," he said
It was weird though because I haven't had this much of a serious talk with Luke since the day of Josie's interview a while back.
"What's with the heart to heart Luke? I know you can handle yourself, you're a big kid, Hemmings," I tried laughing it off, but he kept his face stone
"There's too many memories there..." He said quietly
He was still hung up on her. I know because that's the one thing that's been holding him back for so long, the reason why he's changed his entire persona, the reason for everything. It was always her for him. He never imagined himself with any other girl and he still couldn't.
Sure we were close, I would be lying if I said that he hasn't tried kissing me once or twice, but he'd always hesitate. Maybe because I didn't look like her, I didn't sound like her, no matter what I wouldn't be her and he was slowly beginning to accept that.
I placed my hand on his thigh and leant my head on his shoulder just to have physical connection with him as I spoke.
"You know I can't make those memories go away," I sighed
He placed his hand on top of mine before intertwining our fingers together.
"But I'd really like to make some new ones with you," he breathed
Everything he said was so honest, so heart felt, it made my next words feel even worse coming out of my throat as I let them out because I knew my intentions were the complete opposite.
"I do too," I closed my eyes as if it would take back what I had said
"You do?" He questioned as I hesitantly nodded
"I'll go with you, Luke. But only for a little bit. I know you can get back on your feet without me. I'll just be there to help,"
"Stay forever. Please," he let out a dry laugh as he leant his head on top of mine
"I'll get you back into shape in no time, I have faith in you, and so do the boys," I said honestly, probably the most honest thing I've said all morning
"I don't know when we're leaving yet, but I'll call you once I do," he said standing up
He engulfed me in a relieved hug as my arms rested over his shoulders. He was always good at making me feel all warm inside, like I was such a good person for helping him, but I knew how awful I really was considering what had happened the night before; I care about Luke, I really do, but the main reason why I wanted to go to America was to figure out what was going on with Ash and I. Maybe things could actually work between us, hopefully, all of us.
"I'll see you later then Lucas," I smiled once he let go a little unwillingly A
s he walked out, I found myself sitting back on the couch. Was I evil for doing this? I never once thought that I'd ever be in a position like this, I don't think anyone even imagines of doing this, but at the same time it was both mine and my family's source of income. It seems sad to say that this was my highest paying job, but it really was. Cal, Mike, and Ash help pay most of my expenses since I'm with them almost every day even if it's just voluntary; in fact, I can't even remember a time where I had to pull out my wallet when I was with them. I always tried justifying my actions by telling myself that this supports the family, but the way Luke looks at me completely destroys it. If he ever found out what I was actually doing, what the guys were actually paying me to do, I don't think he'd forgive me. Just seeing how badly things got with Josie, how bad it still is. I don't know what he'd do and I'll do anything to not find out.
By the time Luke closed the front door, it opened again without even a second passing, but this time it was Ashton walking through it.
"You guys really need to understand what a welcome is," I sighed still sitting on the couch watching as he slowly closed the door behind him
"Hey, Jules," he spoke lowly as he leaned his back against the door and hesitated before heading slowly towards me
"Ash," I nodded examining his anxious movements as I tried to figure out why he was acting this way
"Are you- are you okay?" I asked confused as he decided to take a seat on the coffee table right in front of me
"Yeah. I just wanted to talk," he said letting his green eyes gaze anywhere except to me as he sighed
The amount of awkward moments that the two of us were starting to have was getting even more uncomfortable as time went on. We used to always be so natural and free with each other, so I was always unsure of what to do during situations like these.
"Then talk," I said fixing my position in an attempt to get comfortable as he fiddled his fingers anxiously. A tick that I knew all too well.
"What's up Ash?" I asked putting my hands on top of his to get him to focus his attention on me instead as he slowly looked up to finally make eye contact with me
"It's about the kiss..." He said
"Yeah. I guess that is something we need to talk about,"
"You remember the conversation we had last night?"
"You mean a few hours ago? Kinda," I let out a small laugh, but got no reaction from him. He took his hands away from mine as I started to get even more nervous at what he was about to say.
Whenever we had serious talks, we were always there to comfort each other whether it be physical or emotional, but now I couldn't feel anything from him.
"I just wanted to apologize. I was drunk off my mind and I kissed you just because that's what I usually do when I take girls into my room after we go clubbing ya know? It was kinda of a force of habit until I realized it was you," he explained as I slowly felt my heart sinking down to my stomach at his words
"Until you realized it was me," I repeated quietly
"No- no! Not that I was disappointed or anything! I just didn't want anything to ruin what we have, I didn't want to mess up our friendship so I said anything that would justify what I did without sounding like a complete douche bag," he said trying to reassure me
"So the whole feelings thing was just a lie?" I asked
"Not a lie, Jules. I love you, you know I do, but not in that way and I know you don't like me in that way too. When I sobered up I just felt so awful because you're not just some girl I took home to bang, so I really am sorry about treating you like that even if it was just for one drunken second. I don't want this to change us. I like our relationship, you're like my sister, I wouldn't know what to do if it got weird between us," he said placing his hands back on mine as he felt a massive weight being lifted off his shoulders through his confession, but I felt a huge load being thrusted onto mine instead. Geez. He pulled the sister card out on me really good there.
"Well things are already weird between us," I blurted out a little agitated at his words
"I know, but I-"
Just- just forget about it Ashton," I shook my head
"Don't be like that," He signhed
"Look, we already talked about it so let's just get it over with and forget it even happened, alright?"
"Julia," He groaned noticing the anger strewn onto my facial features
"Don't 'Julia' me, just go,"
"Juli-"
"Go!" I raised my voice a little too loud for comfort as he broke complete contact with me
And with that, he left.