I stare at my reflection in the mirror, wearing the dress for the party tonight. It's a black dress with a deep V neck, and it reaches down the middle of my thighs.
I bought this dress with Sienna a few months ago and I always think that it's quite revealing, but I don't know when I would be wearing this if it weren't tonight. I love this dress, though.
But damn, why is it so difficult to zip the backside?
The way I'm wearing this dress now only exposes my chest even more. I've been struggling to zip the backside of the dress for the past few minutes but fail.
A knock on the door startles me. I snap my head toward it.
"Nevaeh." It's Aiden's voice. "Dinner is ready. Are you not coming out?"
Oh Gosh, I've been too caught up with dressing up for this party that I forgot to tell Aiden. Tonight, I won't be having dinner with him.
I glance at my watch, noticing that Ash and Maya will arrive soon to pick me up in the apartment lobby. I feel sorry because Aiden has been waiting for me to have dinner together.
"Nevaeh?" Another knock echoes, and I gulp.
Should I let him in or should I not?
I'm aware of how inappropriately this dress clings to my body right now, but I actually need his help.
"Come in." My voice is a bit shaky as I answer him.
Aiden opens the door, and when he sees me, he freezes. His eyes widen.
"Uh, I need your help," I say.
He watches me struggling with the zip, and my cheeks flush in embarrassment.
"I'm going to a party tonight, but I'm having trouble with this dress," I say, expecting him to come closer and help me.
Yet, he stays still on the spot, as though he's still trying to absorb what's happening.
"Aiden?" I call, snapping him out of his thoughts.
He quickly composes himself and walks toward me. A frown, however, touches his lips.
I turn my back at him and place my hair sideways so that he can help me with the zip. My heart thumps as I feel his hand on it. He puts his other hand on my waist.
"You're going to a party?" he asks.
"Yeah." I nod, somehow feeling nervous because of how close he is behind me.
He holds the zip but doesn't move it. I don't know what he's thinking about. I can't see his face either because he's facing my back.
This is when seconds feel like hours. It's suddenly becoming difficult to breathe.
Aiden pulls the zipper down a bit to fix it, and when he pulls it up slowly, it's not stuck anymore. I sigh in relief.
He's so close to me that I can feel his breath on my skin. I even feel that his breath is shaky, and it makes me confused.
After he zips my dress in full, he speaks close to my ear, "Where is this party?" His voice is unusually low and cold that it sends shivers down my spine.
I remember what Ash told me about the location, so I say, "There's a huge house near my campus. Everybody's going there tonight."
Aiden goes silent.
I turn around to face him and give him a small smile. "Thanks for your help with the dress."
Aiden doesn't respond. He just stares at me.
I sit down on my dresser bench to finish the last touch of my makeup. Two lipglosses sit on my dresser. I can't decide which one to apply on my lips.
Aiden is still very quiet, so I ask, "Which one do you think I should wear tonight? The pink one or the red one?"
Aiden's gaze darts to the two lipglosses. One is my favorite, soft pink. The other one is bold red.
Still, he doesn't say any word. He just stares with a blank expression at the things I asked him to choose.
I don't know what's happening to him, but since he doesn't give me any answer, I decide to choose.
I take a deep breath. "I think the red one suits this black dress."
Maybe I should go bold once in a while. It's a party, after all.
Just when I'm about to take my lipgloss, Aiden snatches it away from me.
"You're not wearing this one tonight," he says firmly, surprising me. He grabs the soft pink lipgloss instead. "I think this one is better."
Okay. Who am I to say? I'm not the master of colors here. I should take advice from the artist, shouldn't I?
As if he doesn't want to hear me argue, Aiden pulls out the gloss applicator from the tube and steps closer to me. "Let me help you put it on."
I don't know what to say. He looks damn serious that I don't dare stop him.
I haven't had any guy do my make-up, but I'm sure that Aiden's fingers are more trained than mine. He'll definitely put this color on my lips better.
His face draws closer to mine when he bends down to put the lipgloss on my lips. "Close your eyes," he whispers.
I do as he told me. I close my eyes while my heart is racing inside my chest.
I'm not worried about him doing it wrong, so why am I nervous?
I feel the gloss coat on my lips when he applies it slowly.
Dear God, please have mercy on my heart. I'm afraid that Aiden will hear how hard it's beating.
Seconds that pass as he puts on my lipgloss are excruciating. I can't breathe.
It seems that Aiden is feeling the same way because I hear him take a shaky breath. Again.
"Now open your eyes," comes his voice.
I open my eyes and meet his intense amber ones.
"You're so beautiful, heaven." His voice is barely a whisper.
But somehow, I can hear the truth he's trying to tell me. I can even hear the pain in it, as though it's killing him.
As though I am killing him.
This is when we should stop staring at each other, but we don't. The more seconds pass, the more I get lost in what's happening between us.
Aiden swallows, still keeping his gaze on me as he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. I swallow too while my pulse quickens.
He leans closer, brushing his fingers across my cheek. His face inches closer, and closer. He tilts his head, like he's going to do something I've never expected him to do.
My mind is a huge fucking mess.
What is he doing?
Is he going to kiss me?
He closes his eyes, and my heart is about to burst out of my chest.
The fact that Aiden is trying to kiss me is something that my mind will never be able to comprehend. Why would he?
Why would a man who has refused to feel anything for a woman want to kiss a girl like me?
What does this kiss mean to him?
Is it nothing?
Is it everything?
Yet, I close my eyes too, bracing myself. My thoughts are driving me insane, but if there's one thing I want to do right now, it's to stop thinking and just be here in this moment with him.
I've always wondered how my first kiss would be.
Would it be with my first boyfriend?
Would it be with someone I truly love?
Would it be something that I wouldn't regret?
My God, my mind is going crazy.
But I'm ready.
I'm ready for him.
I'm ready to have my first kiss, with him.
Please save me from this torture, Aiden. Please make it last, and please don't pull away just because I'm bad at it.
I wait. And count.
One second.
Two seconds.
Five seconds.
Ten seconds?
But I haven't felt Aiden's lips on mine.
Instead, what was once felt like his warmth now feels like cold air.
Aiden?
I frown, and slowly, I open my eyes. There before me, I see no trace of him.
It's just my empty room with the door opened.
My eyes are still trying to make sure that what I'm seeing is real. My heart, however, feels like it stops beating.
He's gone.