"I don't want anything to eat," I repeated. Casey rolled her eyes.
"You don't want to do anything. 'Wanna go in this store? No! How about this store? No' you're a real pain in the ass." Casey mimicked, rolled her eyes and flicking her hair off her shoulder, "I'm eating. I guess you shouldn't eat anyways, you look a lot bigger than in those picture Ash has of you from a few years back."
Burn.
I barely glanced up at her. I looked down at my body, sighing. I actually had lost a lot of weight. I was definitely far from overly big, she was just trying to get to me...but she was, she had been all day.
I wanted to scream at her on the top of my lungs because I don't think I could physically handle one more mean comment, but for some reason I hadn't said much today. I hadn't even bothered to talk back when she said I shouldn't look at size smalls because they give me jelly rolls, or when a cute boy smiled at me and she laughed for ten minutes because "wow, you actually thought someone would look at you like that.
I didn't say anything and all these comments were weighing down on me and I was slowly sinking into the ground and I wanted to go to bed because she was simply a bully I could not avoid.
You won't tell the boys. Don't tell them. you cant. You're too old to complain now, Bella.
I repeated to myself a few times.
In a daze, I followed Casey over to a Subway set up that was smushed between as Chinese stands and ice cream stand in the food court. I looked over to Starbucks, thinking a cup of tea might be good right now.
"Ugh," I heard Casey groan and my attention fell back on her, "You're so stupid. Didn't you hear me? Hold this."
Her four Victoria's Secret bags were stuffed into my hands while she rambled around for her wallet in her over sized Gucci purse that Ashton had most definitely bought her. I huffed, dropping her bags to the ground and walking towards the middle of the court where Starbucks stood.
I glanced over the tea section of the menu while waiting for the two girls in front of me to get finish ordering. When I stepped forward the girl behind the counter cute off in the middle of me asking from a Chai tea.
"This is so cool! You're Bella Irwin, right?" The girl, who looked about 18 asked. She was my age, so it made sense that she was hip with all this. I mean, if she like the boys three years ago she would've been fifteen and it makes sense... or maybe she doesn't like them.
"Yep," I nodded.
"The fandom is so glad you're back! You're so pretty and we've missed you so much." She smiled. A few steps behind her and older looking woman cleared her throat.
The girl went pale, so I assumed the lady was her manager or something. She quickly cleared her throat, "Sorry, I get side tracked a lot. What would you like to drink?"
I got what I wanted and innocently walked back over to Casey. Being around her scared me for some odd reason, I felt so uneasy around her.
She didn't say anything as I dragged out the seat across from her and sat down. Casey took a big bite of her sandwich, placing it down and staring at it for a second. I heard her gulp her food down before her hand reached up for her drink and she washed the food down.
"Could you stop staring at me?" She rolled her eyes. My eyes widened and I couldn't help but stare a second longer before they flickered away from her.
"W-what were you talking about before?" I managed to muster some courage. I took as shaky and small sip of my tea.
She chuckled. "You're a funny girl."
I didn't understand what she meant.
"But you're also really stupid. Lots of things have happened in your life that you don't know about."
She couldn't be right. What was she talking about?
I chose to ignore her, because she was fucking annoying.
My phone buzzed.
Luke:
Hi, I just wanted to see if you were having fun with Casey? Um, I think I need to talk to you about something later...
Reply:
You think?
Luke:
Yeah, I think.
I slipped my phone away when Casey came back from throwing away her trash. She picked her bags up and began walking away. I decided to sit here and let her go on without me. We Still had a whole other half of the mall and I was done with her already.
Luckily for me, she continued to walk away, not looking back once. I stood up and walked out of the food court, turning my head just in time to see her walk into a store.
I walked the opposite way she had and went into Hollister. I was in major need of some clothes for myself, but had no intentions of shopping with her with me.
I was in the middle of finding my correct size in Boyfriend jeans when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and slid the answer button when I saw Ash's name pop up.
"Hey-"
"Can I talk to Casey, please?" He asked, his voice sounding panicky.
"Um, I-uh-I-"
"Bella, hurry up. Please put her on the phone."
"I don't know where she is." I replied shakily. Why was my voice shaking?
There was a loud cry muttered through the phone and a "mommy!!!"
"Why-what? Why aren't you guys together?" he asked, sounding completely stressed.
"I walked away from her," I said. "Well, kind of. Anyways, what's wr-"
The line went dead.
"Well then," I muttered, stuffing my phone in my pocket. I dropped the pants I'd been holding and walked out of the store. I walked to the store I'd seen Casey walk into, but she wasn't there so I went to the enters de we'd came in and sat down.
To my disappointment Casey showed up five minutes later and sat by me, telling me Ashton was on his way.
I stare at my phone until the car pulled up and Casey put her things in the back.
"Why'd you bring Calum?" Casey asked, sitting in the back seat with me since Cal was in the front.
"He wanted to come. Jasmine's at home with Luke and Michael because I finally got her to sleep and-"
"Okay," Casey rudely cut Ashton off, but he didn't seem to mind when he smiled at her.
I looked down at my hands that were crossed in my lap.
"Bella, what'd you buy?" Calum perked up, turning and smiling at me before turning back around.
"Um," I glanced at Casey, "Nothing."
"Really? But Casey bought so much, you didn't want anything?" Calum laughed in disbelief.
"I guess I didn't." I shrugged.
"Did you like hanging out with Casey?"
I just chose to ignore this question and no one questioned me or repeated it.
We got home and I was the second to last to get into the house, Casey right behind me stepping on the back of my feet.
"Please stop," I whimpered, speeding up a little bit.
I quickly walked up the stairs, and turned in the hall. Sadly, I turned the opposite way and absently walked into Luke's room with my hands over my face.
"Are you crying?" Luke gasped, I uncovered my face as I heard foot steps gaining towards me. "What happened?"
He reached out to pull me into his arms, but o backed away hitting the frame of the door.
"This isn't my room, sorry." I mumbled, clumsily stepping out and stumbling to my room.
"Hey, hey, hey." Luke called, holding open the door when I turned to close it.
I looked down, failing to make eye contact with him.
Everything Casey said was flashing through my head and it was pounding.
"Come for a walk with me," Luke said softly, placing his hand on my shoulder. He lightly pushed me forward and lead me into the bathroom. He closed the toilet lid and gestured for me to sit down.
Our eyes were locked the whole time he wet a face cloth and came over to me, putting one hand under my chin and the other softly wiping my year stained cheeks.
He smiled at me when he was finished, grabbing my hand and pulling me up.
"Let's go for a small walk. We can just talk, okay?"
I nodded and we left the house, me receiving a discreet dirty look from Casey.
"I hate people," I muttered when we were outside, the night time air nipping at my nose.
"What happened?" He asked, putting his arm around me and rubbing the top half of my arm. It was in a friendly way though.
I shrugged.
If I told Luke, he'd definitely believe me and I wouldn't want him to because he'd say something and everything would be messed up because of me.
I couldn't let that happen now.
"C'mon Bella," He groaned.
"You know, my therapist said that to me a lot. He told me I shut people out too often, I don't think I do. I'm simply protecting myself."
"You went to a therapist?" He asked.
I shrugged again.
"Shutting people out," He singsonged.
I sighed. "Oops. Yeah, I did. He was a nice guy, the orphanage people forced me to go. He just was too nosy."
Luke smiled, "I went to a therapist well you were gone."
My eyes widened, "Really? Why?"
"It felt like I lost you. Like you were dead and I just watched you get buried after that airplane took off. I completely broke down in the airport, it was horrible. The boys had to bring me to the hospital and everything!" He sighed, stuffing his hands into his pocket.
My eyes widened, "It was that bad? I'm so, so sorry."
"It's okay," He promised, nudging me with his shoulder, "We're okay now."
I nodded, although I didn't believe that we were okay I'm any way shape or form.
We walked in a comforting silence for a little longer.
"What did you want to tell me before?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I changed my mind, I don't think we need to talk about it." He nodded over to a bench and we walked over and sat down. I crossed my arms over my chest because I was a little cold, but Luke took over and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into his body.
"Have you hurt yourself lately?" He asked.
I stayed silent for a long moment before nodding.
"When?" He asked.
"Last night..."I looked down at my fingers, Luke's hand came down where my sleeve met
my hand and lightly pulled up the sleeve.
I wanted to pull away, but my hand went limp in his. I hated seeing the scars, I hated that I had made those marks and I couldn't stop making them. I hate it much.
He brought my wrist to his lips and lightly kissed over the marks.
He then turned my face towards him and kissed me.
"Together?"
"Together."
My pinky wrapped around his, our eyes locking, time stopping. I just wished I could've lived in that moment forever, especially since I had no clue what was coming my way the next morning.