CHAPTER 27
My body stiffened and my mind went blank for a minute. My eyes started to sting but I chose not to let my tears fall.
"B-baby..."
Napapikit ako ng mariin ng marinig ang salitang yun mula sa kaniya. Dati ay sumasayaw ang puso ko sa katagang yun... ngayon bakit puro turok na lang?
"Oh hi there Nicole! What are you doing here? Gusto mo bang makita kung papaano magiging miserable ang papa mo?"
I greeted my teeth and gripped my shirt tightly. Gusto kong sumigaw, gusto kong manakit, gusto kong pagsampalin siya pero hindi ko magawa.
He promised, nangako siyang hindi niya ako lolokohin. But what is this? Is it hard to be faithful? Why does it needed to turn out to be like this?
Is fidelity that hard?
Bakit lahat ng lalaki sa buhay ko pinipili ang mga taong nasa paligid ko? Yung mga tinuring ko pang kapatid?
Am I that worthless? Bakit lahat na lang?
Pinatigas ko ang mukha ko at matapang na sinalubong ang mukha ni Charlene. "No... I want to see how I made you look miserable this time"
Nagtaka man siya ay wala na siyang nagawa ng bigyan ko siya ng mag-asawang sampal. "How dare you! Get out of here now!"
She gritted her teeth and look at my eyes sharply. "How dare me? No! How dare you! Nasa pangalan na ni Bella ang company! Hindi na sa inyo to, so back off bitch!"
Nangangalati ko siyang tinignan. "That's right... Bella owned this, not you Char. And I still have my shares! Ikaw ang walang karapatan dito kaya umalis ka sa harapan ko! Leave now!"
She smirked and kissed Sky in front of me. A lone tear fell from my eyes, it followed by another one and another. I'm in position to slap and scream, I'm his girlfriend... pero bakit parang wala akong karapatan? Lalo na at walang ginawa si Sky kundi ang mapako sa kinatatayuan niya?
Charlene held Schyrell's hand and let it wrap around her waist. Her smirked widened then looked at me. "I told you, pagbalik ko siguradong wasak ka na"
I straighten my back and look at them confidently, kahit tumutulo ang luha ko wala akong pake-alam. Nanghihina man ay buong lakas kong sinampal si Sky, he didn't move. He let me slap him numerous times, but it's not enough. It's not enough to lessen the pain he gave me.
Napatigil lang ako kakasampal sa kaniya ng pigilan ako ni Charlene at tinulak ako palayo.
"Don't touch my boyfriend!"
I can feel the suffocating pain that makes my heart clench, it's hard to breath that I need to take a deep breath before letting it go.
Boyfriend?
Hindi naman siguro ako magtataka kung sila diba? Naghalikan nga sa harap ko, yan pa kaya?
Hindi ko na kaya pa, kahit labag sa loob ko ay tumakbo ako palabas ng opisina. Kahit pinigilan ako ni Charmee sa pagtakbo ay wala na siyang nagawa.
The employee's were looking at me with pity and confusion, ofcourse... who wouldn't?
I enter my car with so much tears on my face, I wiped my tears impetuously and lashed the steering wheel using my hands.
I frustratedly gripper my hair and let it go weakly. I let my tears fall until someone knock at my car's window.
"Nicole! Baby please open the door! I'll explain baby... please open this"
It was tinted, so I know he can clearly see how I suffered right now. Why can't he leave me? Ano pang kailangan niya? He cheated on me, he's the one who promised me.
Sabi niya hindi niya ako lolokohin... but why did he do this? Do I deserve this kind of pain? Again?
Wala naman akong ginagawa, bakit kailangan mangyari lahat ng to sa'kin? Una si Andrew... ngayon siya naman? Kaya ko pa bang magmahal sa nararanasan ko ngayon? Kaya ko pa ba?
"Nicole! Please baby lets talk... open the door baby please..."
Labag man sa loob ko ay binuksan ko ang pintuan.
I want to end this up, everything. I don't want to have any connection with him anymore, even with my family. I know it's not their fault, but I think it's for the better.
It's also my fault, for trusting too much. For letting myself fall for someone who I doesn't even know at the first place. Dapat ay ginawa ko ng bato ang puso ko para sa lalaki, dapat alam ko na ang kahihinatnan dahil lagi naman.
Pumasok siya sa loob ng kotse ko at agad akong niyakap. Isiniksik niya ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya, mas lalo akong naluha sa ginawa niya.
"I'm sorry... I know I hurt you, baby I'm sorry... I didn't mean it. I love you, I really do"
I should be happy right? He loves me... but why am I feeling like this? Am I changing? Dahil hindi ko na kaya pang sumaya kahit naririnig ko na sa kaniya ang mga salitang yan, maybe I wasn't be able to be happy with someone. Not now, and never will be.
I let my tears fall, hindi na ako mahihiyang ipakita sa kaniya na mahina ako. Dahil alam kong huli na itong pagkikita namin.
After crying my ass out, I let go of him. He seems to be hurt but I don't care. He already break my trust, and he broke us.
"I-i'll explain" He said.
I nodded. "...But don't expect too much Sky. Whatever you say, whatever reasons you have... my decisions won't change. I'll broke up with you"
Hindi ako tumingin sa kaniya, I can't look at him. Not that he cheated and break my trust already.
"I... I don't love her..."
Nagtaka man sa sinabi niya ay nanatili akong tahimik, it still hurts you know. Hindi ko padin nakalimutan ang bawat pagdampi ng labi ni Charlene sa labi niya. Ang sakit sakit sa dibdib ang makitang may kahalikang iba ang mahal mo.
I thought I love him just how I also love Andrew but I guess I'm wrong, I love him unconditionally. Mas lamang ang pagmamahal na naibigay ko sa kaniya, lahat ng bagay na naiwan sa akin noong niloko ako ni Andrew ay naibigay ko na.
Ngayong pati siya ay niloko ako... paano na ako?
That's what I was asking, I know I can't move on after this. But I know I'll be okay, ofcourse I'll ever be. I can live without a man, I can live without someone, and I can live without him.
"... Natatakot lang ako. I wasn't be able to get you a long time ago... because Andrew is your boyfriend, and when you two broke up... I took the opportunity to get you. But when Charlene found out about us... she blackmailed me..."
Now I get it, hindi ko na maintindihan ang lahat. What's with blackmail? Ano ba ang bagay na tinatago niya na pwedeng Ipang blackmail sa kaniya ni Charlene.
"What kind of blackmail? Explain more Sky, maybe you'll change my mind"
I looked at him and stared at his face, he look away. "I can't tell you"
I smiled bitterly at his remark. It was expected, I was expecting him not to tell me everything. Just like what Andrew says, he can't say what's the problem.
Isn't it the problem in couples? Hindi ba dapat ang dalawang nasa relasyon ang magkasama kapag may problema? Bakit naman niya sinasarili ang bagay na yun? Bakit kailangang itago pa sakin?
Gaano ba ka-importante ang bagay na yun na ayaw na ayaw nilang sabihin? Ganun na pa ako ka walang kwenta?
Dahil feeling ko sa bawat relasyon na pinasukan ko wala akong magawa, paano ko naman magagawa ang bagay na dapat kong gawin kung lahat ng problema itatago sakin? Ayaw pang sabihin?
Sa tingin ba niya sasama ako sa kaniya kung hindi niya sasabihin sa'kin ang problema? Kaya ko namang magpatawad eh, kaya ko namang kalimutan ang lahat. Basta magsabi lang siya ng totoo, ganun ako katanga sa kaniya. Kaso wala, hindi niya kayang sabihin. Kahit siguro magmakaawa akong sabihin niya sa'kin ang lahat ay hindi niya gagawin.
"Let's end this Sky"
Inalis ko ang tingin sa mukha niya dahil ayokong makita ang nasasaktan niyang mukha. Yumuko ako at hinayaang tumulo ang luha sa mga mata ko, his reasons is not enough. I need more, more to prove that he really loves me and it's not just a charade.
"N-no! N-nicole... I won't let you, baby I'll tell you soon... natatakot lang ako na mawala ka. I'll do everything just to make us together until the end, just baby don't leave me..."
Lumuluha akong tumingin sa kaniya. "You think it's easy like that Sky? You think I won't be able to leave you just because you're scared? Sky nasasaktan din ako! You think I can handle the pain seeing you with my sister!? Sa tingin mo hindi ako nawala sayo dahil sa ginagawa mo ngayon? Walang patutunguhan ang relasyon na to kung puro ka tago ng problema!" I wiped my tears and looked away.
"Bakit ka pa pumasok sa isang relasyon kung hindi mo naman kayang ipakita at ipaalam ang lahat? Ang problema dapat sinusulusyunan ng bawat isa, hindi yung itatago mo dahil takot ka. Paano ako tatagal sayo kung puro na lang pagtatago at pangloloko ang gawin mo? Tao lang ako Sky, nasasaktan din ako"
He didn't talk. He didn't say anything, hinayaan niya akong ilabas lahat ng gusto kong sabihin.
"You can't stop me, leave my car now"
I saw at my peripheral view his panic, he tremblingly cupped my face using his open palm and let me face him. Seeing how hurt he was, my heart clenches more.
Is it even possible to forgive someone in just a stare? Maybe yes, because I already did.
But it's not enough for me to stay. It's hurt, once is enough because twice is too much. I thought the break up with Andrew is painful, but I never thought that break up was just halfway between Sky and I. It was more painful and breakable.
Hindi kaya ng puso ko ang sakit na nararamdaman ko, i've never thought we're going to end up like this. Kanina lang masaya kami, and now we ended up breaking each other.
Idinikit niya ang noo naming dalawa at napapikit na lamang ako sa ginawa niya. I let him do what he does, I want to feel his warmth for the last time. Because I know I won't be able to feel this again.
"I love you... kapag nakaipon na ako ng lakas babawiin kita. Give me a week mahal, babalik kaagad ako matapos ang isang linggong yun. At pagbalik ko, sisiguraduhin kong tayo parin ang magtatapos ng kwento natin. Sisiguraduhin kong hindi mo na ako maitutulak pa palayo. Gagawin ko ang lahat maging akin ka habang buhay"
He kissed my lips before storming out of my car.
Ako naman ay nanatiling nakapikit habang dinaramdam ang labi niya. Kahit nakaalis na siya ay nararamdaman ko parin yun, hindi ko alam kung bakit ganun ang epekto niya. Kung bakit umaasa na naman ako.
Kung bakit gusto ko siyang hintayin, kung bakit nagkakulay ulit ang mundo ko sa mga salitang yun. Kung bakit... mahal ko padin siya kahit nasaktan niya ako ng sobra.
I held my chest and shut my eyes. Ang sakit, lalo na ng makita ko siya sa harapan ng kotse ko na nakatitig sa akin habang nakakapit sa pintuan ng kotse niya.
He smiled at me sadly and entered his car. He left me staring at him, he left me with this hope.
I let myself broke down until I can he able to drive myself home. Para lang makita ang mga kaibigan kong nagkakalat sa loob ng bahay ko. I look in disbelief around my sala.
There's a lot of popcorn and chips on my sofa, plates and cups were all over the floor. The sheets and blankets were messing the icing and other foods. Nagkalat ang unan at damit sa sofa, may nakasabit pa da TV. In short, dinaanan ng bagyo. Just what the hell.
"You crazy people! Care to fucking explain what have you fucking done to my house!"
Isa isa silang naglabasan mula sa kusina na May kaniya kaniya pang dala ng mangkok na parang kinainan ng batang puslit. I massage the bridge of my nose and look at them furiously.
Galing lang sa break up tapos isasalubong pa sa'kin ang mga to!?
Nagsitulakan sila isa isa at nagsikalat pa ang sabaw na hawak nila. Napapikit ako ng mariin.
"Don't move you morons! Nagkakalat pa kayo! Ang dami niyo na ngang kalat dinadagdagan niyo pa! Make sure to clean my house, at kapag may nakita akong kalat pagbaba ko malalagot kayong lahat sakin! I'll burn your assess pag nakita kong parang dinaanan padin ng bagyo ang loob ng bahay ko!"
Nilagpasan ko silang lahat at pumasok sa kwarto ko. Nagmula lang ako sa break up tapos ininis pa ako pag-uwi ko! Those fucking morons!
Alam naman nilang ayaw kong nagkakalat sila sa loob ng bahay ko, lalo na pagmainit ang ulo ko. Wala talagang magawa sa buhay kundi ang guluhin ang buhay ko pati na din ang bahay ko!
Ang akala ko mapapalitan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko sa inis na pinakita ko sa kanila pero mali ako. Because when the water from the shower fell to my face, my tears followed.
Hindi talaga ako titigilan ni tadhana hangga't hindi ako wasak ano? Talagang ulit ulitin niya? Hindi ba pwedeng break naman? Hindi na pwedeng happy ending muna?
After taking a shower I wore my pajama and lazily go downstairs. Nakita kong malinis naman kaya hindi na lang ako nagsalita, usually I just talk to them and tell them to wrapped up the mess but I don't know what's gotten into me. Siguro dahil nasasaktan ako at nagagalit kaya naibaling ko sa kanila ang mga yun. I should say sorry.
"Hey..."
I looked at Angela and smile sadly. "Sorry I shouted, I never mean that"
They all nodded and let me sat at the nearest chair.
"We understood, just tell us what happened. Nalaman lang kasi namin ang lahat kay Charmee pero hindi naman namin alam ang lahat lahat"
I lowered my head and tell them everything, they didn't say anything. Wala silang sinabi at nakinig lang sa mga salita ko, hindi ko alam na tutulo pa talaga ang luha ko sa harap nila.
Isa din naman ako sa sinasabihan nilang independent pero bakit ako umiiyak sa harap nila? Pero hindi ko naman siguro masisisi ang sarili ko kung nasasaktan ako diba? Hindi naman ako perpekto.
"You'll be alright. Kung mahal mo, hintayin mo. Pero kung wala na talaga, hayaan mo na lang. Madaming lalaki sa mundo, kung wala talagang faithful edi wag ka na lang maghanap ng lalaki. We don't need them, we're here for you"
Tumango ang lahat sa sinabi ni Iuna. Agreeing to someone who also suffered because of betrayal.
"I love him, and I'll wait for him. Pero kung hindi, siguro wag na lang. Matatapos din naman lahat diba?"