Chapter 20
Olivia's POV
Walking through the door as Zayn watched me go inside, I suddenly felt exhausted. I wasn't sure why. It was quiet at home.
"Mum?" I called. "Dad?"
"Here, sweetie." My dad said from the kitchen. I followed his voice and saw him sitting at the counter.
"Hey, is everything all right?"
"We got word that your grandma passed. Josh got arrested."
"W-What?" I knew something was bad but not this bad. I felt like someone just threw a bucket of water on me. I blinked, still trying to comprehend what he just said.
"Ben got accepted to the college he wanted to go to. On scholarship. That's the only good thing that's happened today."
"Is Mum all right?"
"She hasn't come out of her room. It was her mother, honey."
I bit my lip and felt my eyes stinging with tears. "W-What did Josh do?"
"Bar fight. He's in his room too." My dad said tiredly. I immediately pulled him into a hug, letting him lean on me. He sighed loudly, Breaking my heart.
"I don't mean to put anymore stress on you, but I-"
"Spit it out, Olivia."
"It's selfish." I confessed. "Especially at a time like this."
He squeezed my shoulder. "Out with it."
"Do you and Mum approve of Zayn and I?"
My dad said nothing. "As long as your happy."
"That doesn't help very much."
"I'm sorry." He sighed a little more.
"You don't. You don't like him." I broke away from his hug. "You don't!"
"Now's not a good time, Olivia!" He said firmly, making me flinch. I could tell he was upset now so I didn't push it any further, but I couldn't hide the tears in my eyes. He didn't even look at me. "Talk to Josh. He needs someone right now."
I huffed and reached for the phone, marching up to his room. The whole Devine family was officially upset. Maybe not Ben but certainly me. Right after a lovely date with Zayn, everything just fell apart.
I slowly opened his door to see Josh laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. I knocked quietly on the door and saw him look up. He patted the space next to him as I quietly shut the door.
"Hey," I whispered, sitting by him. I sniffed a little, not meaning to. Josh started to fuss over me but I shut him down. This was about him. Not me.
"He's mad at me. Isn't he?" Josh skipped right to the chase.
"No, he's more . . . Disappointed." I applauded myself mentally for the right word.
"He snapped at me. He said Mum would be even more upset because of me. Livi, I had to get her a-antidepressants!" He covered his face in his hands, letting out a huge sigh. I hugged him as best as I could, trying not to break down myself. Josh needed someone. I would be there. I had to he strong for him. He was always there for me when all I wanted to do was cry.
"Let it out. It's okay."
"N-No it's no, Olivia! Mum's super depressed, Dad hates me. There's nothing okay about this situation!"
"Okay, maybe it's not." I bit my lip. "It will be soon. I promise." I squeezed his hand. "Now, what happened at the bar?"
He sighed, and muttered, "I was out with some friends. Jerk was messing with some girl." His tear choked voice made me want to sob. It was thick, and heavy.
"'Course, Josh. Anything for the ladies." He barely cracked a smile so I knew it hurt him a bit. I didn't mean to though. I tried to boost his confidence again.
"I'm sure you sent the guy to the hospital and got the girl's number."
"You know it." He grinned a little.
"Dad will understand. You did good Josh. I-It's just going to take a while." I ran a hand through my hair, letting out a big, long sigh as I stared at the white ceiling. It was plain. Boring. No problems with it at all. What was that like?
To be carefree.
To be happy no matter what life throws at you.
I wondered and wondered, lying down with Josh what that was like. Eventually he made me start my homework to get my mind off everything. He surprisingly helped. Turns out he was a fairly good drawer.
Mum didn't come out for days. Weeks even. Ben, Josh, and I took turns buying her more antidepressants. She wasn't even a mom anymore. She was never there. I resented her even more. Dad seemed just as stressed.
"Why won't she come out?" Ben asked over breakfast one day. The breakfast I had to make with the groceries I bought for. I never made breakfast. I never cooked. I was a water burner but here I was, trying to figure out how to feed my two older brothers without buying a pizza or going out everyday.
"She doesn't care about us. Haven't you realized that?" I growled lowly, cracking the eggs.
"Olivia," Josh started.
"No! She doesn't care! If she cared, she'd at least try to come down the stairs! She'd at least try to make breakfast! I could move in with Zayn and she wouldn't even notice I was gone!"
"You're not moving out! And certainly not in with Zayn!"
"Trisha would gladly take me in! Harry even! I don't want to be here alone with them! Ben, you'll be gone, Josh, you'll be on tour! Mum will still be depressed and Dad will be just as numb as her!"
"Olivia, you can't-"
I ripped my hearing aid out of my ear. I was tired of hearing of what I could and couldn't do. I was tired of hearing my dad swig down another sip of alcohol. I was tired of hearing my mother weeping and the shuffle of the pills in the jar as she took them. I wanted it all to stop. Where did we go wrong?
Before I knew it, I was crying. Ben held me in his arms for a while until eventually he sat me down at the table. He placed a cup of tea in front of me and rubbed my back.
Josh placed my aid back in my ear, as I sniffed and shook. I wasn't crying anymore, but still upset. The tea warmed my aching throat from my cries and wails. It still hurt though. In my head and in my heart.
I was just hurting everywhere.
"No school for you today." Josh said, grabbing the phone to probably pretend to be like my father again. I sniffed as he dialed the school's number."Maybe you can come to one of my rehearsals." He finally caught on that I didn't want to be anywhere near Mum and Dad. Ben seemed to disagree but said nothing. Whatever he suggested would probably make me more upset. I stared down at my cup of tea as Josh came up with some legitimate excuse that got me out of school. Once he finished, he sat by me and took my hand.
"Now, what else are you not telling us." He squeezed my hand as I met his eyes. "Is it Zayn?"
"No." I said immediately. "You guys don't like him, huh?"
"We never said that." Ben said.
"It seems like it. So do you like him or not? Be honest."
Josh and Ben sighed. Ben made a motion like he'd take this one. He did.
"It's just after he hurt you, we were just worried he might do it again." Ben squeezed my other hand.
"He wouldn't hurt me. He's not like that."
"I know, I know. But still, we don't want you getting hurt."
"But Zayn aside, what's bugging you?" Josh asked kindly.
"N-Nothing."
"Olivia,"
"I mean it!"
Josh bit his lip. "You're not okay!" he snapped. "We care about you Olivia! What's going on?!"
I said nothing, feeling my lips quivering as I blinked away tears.
"Cry, Olivia. Cry right here." He had his arms open now and patted his chest a little.
I debated with myself, but eventually found myself in my brother's arms, crying. Ben had to leave for school but I gave him a big hug before he left, then resumed to just crying with Josh. He slowly eased everything that was bugging me out of me. I'd never felt so fragile. So weak. So numb. But Josh was there to hold me was I broke.
He put me back together.