I park in front of Juan's restaurant and wait for him. He's for sure happy because it snows. As he closes the door he smiles widely and looks up to the sky. He reaches out his hands. Why does he look so fascinated? It's so adorable.
He smiles at me and I open the door for him, buckling up the seat belt.
"You're that happy that it's snowing?", I ask
"Yes. Look! It's beautiful"
"It is indeed", I murmur and look at his face. His cheeks and his nose are lightly red from the cold and his skin looks like melted chocolate and gold. His smile pure. So precious.
"Juan?"
"Yes?", he asks nervous by the sudden change of my voice
"We'll go somewhere"
"Where are we going?"
"It's not a date or surprise or something but it's important. It's almost Christmas and we're flying to Spain"
"Wait a moment. Spain? Why?"
"Juan, just believe me when I tell you it's important"
"Okay but Spain?"
"That asshole-"
"Dante", he rolls his eyes
"Yeah, that bastard will lead your restaurant for almost two weeks so we have a lot of time. I just want our first Christmas to be in Spain"
"I missed it there", he confesses
"Too"
I drive us home and we immediately pack our things.
"When is the flight?"
"Whenever we want"
"Wha- oh remember your rich ass has a private jet"
"We baby. We have a private jet"
After we packed everything, we make our way to the airport. Just thinking about us being in our hometown makes me all happy.
"How long are we going to stay there?"
"As long as we want"
I pull Juan into my lap as I see him getting nervous. The jet starts to fly and his body is shuddering. He snuggles deep into my chest and I wrap my arms around him.
"Oh baby", I chuckle, "Everything will be fine"
"Okay", he breathes
"Mhm what a precious, good boy trusting my words"
After a few minutes, Juan wants to get up.
"You're staying here. Right here in my lap", I growl, pulling him closer. This is where he belongs to.
A lot of hours pass until we finally land. And here's the same scenario. Juan is sitting in my lap, snuggling into my chest and his whole body is shaking.
As we got out off the plane, our car is ready.
"It's not snowing!", Juan sulks
"What did you expected, Mi Amor?", I laugh
We're in Toledo, it's an old town on a hill above the lowlands of Castilla-La Mancha in the middle of Spain. Our home.
I bought an house, with a big garden and a terrace. I know that Juan loves the old, Spanish culture build.
"We're here", I say and park the car
"Wow. It looks beautiful"
I knew it!
"Here, get in", I say, handing him the key
I grab the bags and carry them inside.
"Let's go and look around", Juan smiles, dragging me inside
We look around each room and I did not made a mistake buying that house. It looks really beautiful and is exactly our taste.
"You like it, baby?", I ask, hugging him from behind
"I love it. Did you rent it?"
"Bought"
"You- what?!"
"It's our house now", I smile
"Carlos", he breathes
"What's wrong?"
"Why would you bought it?"
"Why not? You love it and that's enough for me to buy something"
"But it's a house"
"And? It didn't changed when I said if you like something I'll buy it. If you want something you'll get it. End"
He turns around and hugs me. I hear him sobbing. He's crying because I bought a house? I caress his back, holding him tightly and kissing his neck.
"Stop crying now, Mi Amor. Let's unpack our things"
He nods and I give him a quick kiss. After hours of unpacking and cleaning, we shower and sleep right after it.
"Carlos?"
"Hm?", I moan tiredly
"What do you want to do here?"
"You'll see tomorrow"
"Can't you tell me now?"
"No, baby. Now come here and sleep"
"But Carlos!", he whines sweetly
I shake my head and pull him to my chest. Possessive I wrap my arms around him and burrow my nose into his hair. It smells good and is so damn soft.
The emptiness, the loss of his touch wakes me up every fucking time. It's like my body knows he's gone and wants him back.
"Juan?", I moan tiredly
Where is he?! I smell something delicious as I walk down the stairs.
"Baby?"
"Kitchen!", he says
I walk into the kitchen and see him just with a shirt and a pair of boxer briefs. He looks so fucking good and tasty. I wrap my arms around him and press myself against him. He's warm and it makes me comfortable.
"Get your dick away from my ass"
"But I miss your ass"
"He doesn't miss you"
"Baby", I turn him around, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing", he snaps
I roll my eyes, "Juan"
"I can't believe you bought a house in Spain. In the city I lived"
"I lived here too"
"Really?!"
I nod, "Yes". I wished we would've meet sooner.
He looks at my new tattoo and kisses the ink on my skin. Light and softly.
"My name", he murmurs
"I'll tattoo your name on my body as much as you want", I grin
He kisses my lips. Soft and pure. Just like him.
"Look at our breakfast", I grin teasingly. Good that I hired someone to buy the things we need.
"Fuck!", he turns quickly around and I chuckle
Today is a really special and important day for me. 4th October. Last year I was alone here and this year I'm here with the love of my life. That means everything to me.
5:46:27
It's almost 1 p.m.
"Let's eat", Juan smiles
"So delicious", I praise and his cheeks flush red. Every time I compliment his food he's always blushing. So fucking cute.
"Let's go on a walk"
"Yes! It's been years since the last time I saw the streets"
"Do you know if your family lives here?", I ask carefully
"I think. I don't know and they're not really my family anymore. You're my family", he smiles
"You're my family too. More than that"
He smiles but I know he's sad. He's scared that we'll see his family. It's a small city so it would be possible. I really don't know if I can hold back by his father. I want to kill him. I want him on his knees in front of Juan, begging for forgiveness he doesn't deserve.
After breakfast we get dressed and walk hand in hand through the streets of Toledo. It's the first time we walk together in our home town. I already knew that this day will be always in my head and I'll always remember this day. 4th October.
"Oh my god", Juan breathes
"What?"
"This antiques store. As a kid I hide there. I spent there my free time, to not to be at home", he smiles but it fades after a second
"I remember that store too. It looks older now"
"Of course it does. God, it's been over ten years"
"The owner died"
"What? Mr Díaz? He was so kind", he breathes sadly
"I know. His daughter is now the owner"
"I remember her as a shy little girl", he smiles at the memory
"You want to go in?"
"No", he shakes his head, "For today it's enough to look around. It's kinda hard to remember everything"
"Mi Amor", I breathe, kissing his forehead
He drags me down the street. He's so strong. He had to endured so much. Too much. And his love is everything to me. It's so unbelievable that he really loves me. Like me? Who would love someone like me?
"Stop!"
I look at him questioningly.
"If we go left there will be a flower shop"
"Hm, you sure?", I grin
"Yes! Name is. . . Lily Bloom's Flowers" , he grins challenging
He's right! How the hell could he remember that?
We go to the left street and Juan laughs winningly.
"Yeah yeah"
"I was right!"
"You're always, baby"
He smiles at me and we continue walking. For hours we walk through the streets. It's heart warming to see Juan like this. He's so fascinated and excited. But it's heart breaking to see him remembering some stores or places. I don't know if he's happy or sad about being here.
We get hungry after walking for hours and find a good restaurant.
"¿Qué coño estás mirando?", I growl at some bastard who's staring at mine
("What the fuck are you staring at?")
"¿Qué?", he asks
"¿Por qué lo miras fijamente?", I ask angrily
("Why are you staring at him?")
"Carlos", Juan breathes
"What?!"
"Don't"
"Don't what? Why the hell is he staring at you?"
"Porque es guapo", he smiles
("Because he's handsome")
I stand up and grab my gun, not pulling it out.
"Es mío. Si sigues mirándolo, te arrancaré los ojos", I threat
("He's mine. If you keep staring at him I'll rip out your eyes")
"Carlos, please sit down"
I look at him and see this expression. Fear, sadness and madness. I show this bastard my gun to make my threat clear. After I see the face I wanted to see I sit back down.
"I'm sorry, Mi Amor. I didn't wanted to make you mad"
"It's not that. I'm just scared you'll get hurt"
"Nobody can hurt me. You're the only person in this world who could hurt me"
"But when you get hurt I'll get hurt too and I have enough of pain"
"I'm sorry. I'll make sure you'll never get hurt again"
"Make sure you'll not get hurt", he breathes
"Okay"
"Promise?"
"I promise, baby", I smile, "Let's switch positions"
"Why?"
"I don't want that bastard looking at you like that. No one is allowed to look at you this way"
He blushes, "Okay"
"Are you happy or sad that we're here?"
"Mix of both", he laughs
"I'm sorry. We're here because of me"
"You said you wanted to do something here so we're here and I'm happy about that. It's just that I don't like to remember my past"
"I know, Mi Amor. I'm sorry"
"Don't be. Let's just eat", he smiles at the food
"I'll use the bathroom and then we can leave", I walk towards the toilette and close the door. He's washing his hands.
"¿No te dije que te arrancaría los ojos si sigues mirando a mi amor?", I grin
("Didn't I say I would rip out your eyes if you keep staring at my love?")
"¿Tal vez podamos compartir?"
("Maybe we can share?")
"¿Qué coño acabas de decir?", I growl and wrap my hand around his throat
("What the fuck did you just said?")
I'll fucking rip out his eyes. No one is allowed to look at him the way that bastard looked at him.
"Lo siento", he mumbles ("I'm sorry")
"No te arrepentías cuando todavía lo mirabas fijamente"
("You weren't sorry when you still stared at him")
I reach for my knife, put it under his eyelid and push out his eye. He screams out in pain. I cover his mouth with my hand and watch him. It's amusing to see him being in pain.
"¿Quieres mantener el otro ojo?"
("Do you want to keep your other eye?")
"¡Sí! ¡Por favor!", he begs
"Si lo vigilas una vez más, perderás más que un puto ojo. ¿Entendido?"
("If you keep your eye on him one more time, you'll loose more than a fucking eye. Understood?")
"Sí", he cries
I wash my knife and hands and head back to Juan. As I see his beautiful face I kind of regret doing that. I wanted to be a better person but I failed. Again. It's hard to change. It's hard not to cause pain when I am in pain.
"I have to buy flowers", I say and walk into the flower shop we saw
I'm here every year.
"Why?"
"I need flowers"
"For whom?"
"For a woman", I say and grab a bunch of flowers
"A woman?", he looks at me
"We have to hurry. It's 5:35 p.m", I murmur
"Hola, Carlos, hoy llegas bastante tarde. Está esperando", the old lady greets friendly
("Oh hello Carlos, you're pretty late today. She's waiting")
"I know señora", I smile back
Juan looks at me questioningly. His expression is so adorable.
"Close your eyes", I say
"Why?"
"Just do it"
"But Carlos who is the woman? Why does the lady know about her?"
"Close. Your. Eyes"
He exhales annoyed and closes his eyes.
"Hold it"
"Why do I have to hold the flowers?", he says annoyed, "For a woman"
I lead him for a while, "Can I open my eyes?"
5:46:13 p.m
"Not yet. Just a minute"
I stand behind Juan and wrap my arms around his waist.
5:47:27 p.m
I rest my head on his shoulder and whisper, "Open your eyes"
He opens his eyes and I feel his body tense. He quickly turns around and snuggles into my chest.
"I'm sorry", he sobs
"For what?"
"I didn't wanted to be rude. I-I-"
"It's okay, Mi Amor"
He looks up at me and I wipe his tears away. He turns around and gets down to his knees. He sobs a few times before talking to my mum.
"Hola suegra, I'm Juan. It's an honor to meet you. I'm the boyfriend of your son. He's a really good person and you can be really proud of him. He treats me more than good and I'm happy that you raised such a good man. You're a strong woman"
I feel my cheeks getting wet. I kneel down next to him and he puts the bunch of flowers at my mothers grave.
"Hola mámá, this year I'm here with Juan, Mi Amor. I already told you about him but now he's here with me. I really really love him and I bet you would've loved him too", I smile, tears running down my cheeks
"I'm really happy to be here with you", I whisper, kissing his cheek
"Carlos", he sobs, "I'm so sorry"
"Don't be. I'm happy that we're here together this year"
"Do you visit her every year?", he asks
"Yes. Every year. 4th October at 5:47:27 p.m"
"You're so good, Carlos. Were you always alone here?"
I nod.
"From now on I'll be here with you. Every year on 4th October at 5:47:27 p.m"
An sob escaped my lips and I smile at him. This means everything to me.
"Thank you so much. I love you, Mi Amor"
"I love you too, Carlos. I'm here with you and I'll always be here with you"
God, he's so pure.
We sit there for hours and talk. I tell him about my mother and what a person she was. She was everything to me. She did everything for me and lastly she died because of me.
"Hey", Juan whispers, caressing my cheek, "What's wrong?"
"It's my fault"
"Why would that be your fault?"
"She did everything for me. She died because of me", I sob
"No, she didn't. Carlos, it's not your fault. She loved you so much that she did everything for you. She wanted you to live better and she can be proud because you live better than you used to live. She raised a good man", he smiles truthfully
I think about his words. I live the best life thanks to her.
"I miss her so much"
"I would've loved to meet her. I bet she was a beautiful woman"
"She is the most beautiful woman I know", I smile, remembering her. Her small frame and her lovely eyes. Her soft smile that fills my heart with happiness and the way she never showed me how broken she was.
"She is"