It's been a week since Eren talked with Sophie. Ever since that one day she slowly started to open up. At first they weren't really hopeful. They simply thought she had a better day or was bored enough to engage in a conversation. They were afraid it was a dead end, that the walls she had built around her were too thick to break them and free her as a result of their fall. Who could blame them? She disappointed them greatly with her attitude, she hurt them, Levi got truly the worst of it. Thus when the next day came and Sophie let Eren again in, they were all more than happy. They were overjoyed and Levi thanked all the gods that could possibly exist for that. He waited in anticipation for Eren to get out of her room, so he could enter it after him. When he did, much to his surprise, he was met with a complete silence.
It was confusing, really. He didn't know what to think about it nor how to react. Should have he said something? Greeted her? Started talking? He didn't know, but he decided to give it a try. "How was...your conversation with Eren?" He cleared his throat, hoping that a little cough would cover the awkwardness and insecurity. He didn't know whether it worked or not as she didn't react in any physical way, no change appeared on her face nor her body language.
"You can ask him," she mumbled and looked away. It was more than an obvious sign that she didn't wish to talk with him. It hurt. It really, deeply, utterly did. At least she didn't sound rude, he tried to comfort himself, but as soon as he thought about it another thing appeared in his head, a suspicion that it wasn't a good sign. Anger would be an emotion, a bad one, but an emotion. She sounded indifferent. Not mad or annoyed that he was trying to talk with her, just uninterested as if he was nothing else than a white wall - too easy to overlook, too boring to display any kind of interest. He left the room without a word.
He later discussed it with Hange, or as he would rather say - Hange discussed it with him. He didn't want to talk about it, too embarrassed to confess that his wife still didn't wish him to be around. Maybe it was his fault? Maybe he was a bad husband, he definitely looked like one. Not that he cared what others were thinking about him, he didn't. He just thought that about himself, doubting his behaviour, his way of expressing attention, love, feelings. Maybe he really did something wrong, so utterly wrong that it made her give up on them? The mere thought was forcing tears in the corner of his eyes.
"It's just the beginning," Hange said. "She barely started talking and from what Eren said it looks like she opens up to him just because of their similar experience. She doesn't want to talk with us either. Maybe she just needs time? I'm sure that she'll soon want to talk with you," she reassured him and he nodded, praying that she would be right. Alas, she wasn't.
After three days something new had happened. They were all sitting downstairs, eating their breakfast when Sasha rushed inside with her cheeks flushed pink and a clearly enthusiastic smile. "She talked to me! Sophie! She asked me if I slept well at night! Can you believe it?! She has to get better, right?!" She yelled in excitement and the rest started discussing it happily except Levi.
Yes, he was happy that she was getting better. She was obviously getting better, there was no denying that, that's for sure. Alas, it hurt. He hoped that she would at least talk to him as a second person, but it seemed like Sasha earned that privilege. Maybe he was just overreacting. Maybe she just said something to her because she was the nearest one and it was her way of communicating that she's ready to talk with the rest? His heart fluttered, thinking about it. He waited in anticipation for her to ask to speak with him, to see him, anything. Alas, there was no wish on her part. "Maybe she still feels awkward talking with us? You know, maybe that's why she's still not joining us downstairs and sits in her room? Maybe she needs you to come over," Mike suggested, patting his shoulder. Normally, Levi would shake his hand off him, but he really needed support, any kind of support actually. "Go and visit her," he encouraged him and so he did.
With his legs shaky, palms sweating and heart palpitating, he knocked on her door. The waiting only lasted a second, but Levi could swear it felt like ages before she invited him in with a simple and quiet come in. He slowly exhaled air, trying to calm himself down before he would open the door. He didn't want to scare her off. He wanted to be as approachable as it was possible. He needed her to come back to him, rush into his arms, kiss him, tell him she loves him just the way he loved her and will always love. She was his and he was hers as well. That's what he believed. No, that's what he knew. It just had to be true, because if it wasn't his heart would die. It was already broken, chopped into a thousand little pieces as each time she hurt him it kept on breaking even more. There was nothing to pick up anymore. It was either going to be fixed or damned for good.
He finally entered the room and saw her. Perfect as always. It was heart wrenching to not be able to understand what was going on inside of her head like he used to know. It was incredibly painful to be scared of what she would do. It was also exciting - the hope for her to notice him. Of course, she didn't. She didn't even bother to look at him. He should have expected that. He shouldn't have hoped for anything. It was stupid of him. He was stupid. Idiot. He stood there for a whole minute before he actually managed to say something. "How...how are you today?" He asked.
"Can I talk with Eric?" She said instead of replying to his question. It caught him off guard, but at least she said something. That was something, right?
"He's not here," he answered.
"Oh," she said with a slight tone of sadness. "Eren, then?" She asked, still not looking at him and it drove him insane, causing him to feel an urge to punch a wall and shake her whole body, yelling at her. Maybe that would make her look at him, show him so interest. He needed it so bad. He needed her affection, love. Just her. He needed her to be his, to say I'm yours, I love you like she used to say no matter day or night, no matter cold or warm, no matter if they were in danger or completely safe. She never hesitated, always saying those things. Things that he craved so badly, things that were causing his heart to beat faster, things that were melting him down, sweeping him off his feet. He needed all of that. Selfish, he scolded himself. But...was it really that selfish? Was it too much of him to want his wife to love him? She doesn't want to be your wife anymore, she told you that, remember? That quiet voice inside his head was getting louder, fueling his insecurities, causing them to rise.
"He'll come later," he reassured her, trying his best not to snap at her, despite how angry he was. Why the hell did she ask for Eren right now?! She didn't do it when Sasha visited her. She didn't do it when the rest of them were passing by her room. No. She asked for Eren while he was inside. She did it on purpose, didn't she? The mere thought was burning him up with anger.
She just nodded at him, still not looking in his direction. He was deeply confused with her behaviour, his eyes scanning her in an attempt to recognize any movement in her body, any glimpse at him. There was nothing. He was met with as much indifference as the last couple of days. Fuck. He bit his lip, stopping himself from blaming her for it and acting desperate as he had a feeling it would only push her further away from him. He just left the room, dumbfounded.
Nothing had changed in her behaviour towards him in the next couple of days. Why? He wished to know the answer, but she didn't provide any. No, she stayed quiet, not engaging in a conversation with him which pained his heart. The situation got harder to accept for him when she started talking with the rest. In the last couple of days she spoke with literally everyone from their group. Hell, she even mumbled hello to one of the newbies that came to Marley later. It was hard to take for Levi, the amount of anger he held deep inside was enormous and he had no way of releasing the tension. Snapping at his subordinates was out of option, he wasn't a dickhead that would let his personal problems affect his relationship with fellow soldiers that much. Yes, he was grumpier and easier to irritate than he used to be, but he wasn't waiting for them to do something wrong just to yell at them or insult them. It wasn't something he wished to do, thus the anger was only growing within him, causing him to take each bad news worse than the previous one.
"Levi," Erwin approached him one day in the common room. He didn't even have to raise his voice, a whisper was all it took to make him turn and face him. Mainly because he got sensitive over hearing his own name, hoping that one of those calls would be because Sophie finally changed her mind and wished to talk with him. Alas, it never was. Still, he was hopeful. He clutched to this stupid hope of his which seemed to be pointless at this point, but he couldn't give up, even though he was worried what would happen after the war would be over. How far would Sophie run away from him? Because she would, wouldn't she? That's what it looked like, that's what he picked up from her behaviour. "Do you have a moment?" He asked, even though he already knew the answer. He nodded at him and they went to Erwin's room which he already cluttered with maps and notebooks displayed all over the place.
"Tsk," he clicked his tongue in displeasure as he saw the mess, but Erwin ignored that. There were much bigger things going on than Levi's clean-freakiness. "What is it?" He crossed arms on his chest, his eyebrow arched in question.
"Eren's leaving tomorrow to Liberio," he informed him.
"I know. What about it?" He further asked, annoyed that Erwin was building up a tension. For him it felt completely unnecessary as their lives were already pretty tense, endangered without a break. At least he's out of that miserable state where he doubted himself, Levi reminded himself and chose to try to be a little more patient with him.
"He needs a backup," he said curtly.
"Don't you think it's risky to have someone follow him there?" He asked in response. "I'm not sure that more than one person could blend in. We know nothing about that place other than someone's shitty stories. No experience on our own," he reminded him.
"We have Eren's memories," he said. "Besides, we already discussed it,"
"Who did?" He furrowed. He was so caught up in his own problems that he didn't even know that this was already discussed by a larger group of people.
"Me, Oldin, Hange, Armin, Floch,"
"Are you shitting me right now?" Levi glared at him, confused that he chose to invite Floch to such an important meeting. "You're seriously putting up with that brat's attitude?" He asked.
"He helped convince the government that it's the right thing to send more troops here," he explained. "If it wasn't for him, we'd probably only get one operation group. Thanks to him Sophie's with us,"
He gritted his teeth as he heard that, his fists clenched involuntarily in his pockets and he wished nothing more than to punch Erwin just for saying that. The same man that threatened to kill his wife if she wouldn't get better was the one that had such an impact on her coming back?! It was hard to swallow. Should he thank him? The idea was enough to make him dig nails deep in his skin. What was so infuriating about it was also the fact that Levi wished to be responsible for Sophie's return. It was a selfish little thing in him. Of course, he was happy that he had help, he was grateful for anyone that helped bring her back, alas...he failed to protect her when she was abducted. It was solely his fault that she was missing for two goddamn months. He just wished to pay for it, to save her. He didn't and it fucking hurt. Maybe if he did, she would be less harsh towards him. He would never know.
"So why did you bring me here? What do you need from me if everything's already settled?" He asked, glaring at him.
"Not everything's settled. We still didn't choose who's going to accompany Eren," he said calmly, trying his best not to make any snarky comment to put Levi in his place. He understood he was facing a hard time, he wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now, but that didn't give him a right to snap at him and argue about the decisions that were already made. Erwin couldn't afford anyone questioning his decisions nor doubting his judgement, doing such a thing was a dangerous path in a time like this. "I was hoping for your help in that matter. You're the best soldier in here,"
"Does it mean you want me to go?" He narrowed his eyebrow, hoping that he was wrong about it. He'd do everything to protect Eren, but he would do everything and more to protect Sophie and be close to her. Going to Liberio with Eren sounded like a task that would last a little too long for his liking. If the situation was different - sure, he would do it. Alas, he needed to be here with Sophie.
Erwin knew exactly what Levi was thinking about. It wasn't hard to discover it, being a good observer he could tell what he was worrying about and what he wanted to avoid. He didn't agree with his take on it at all. No, he believed that Sophie needed space, but he also knew there was no way he would convince Levi that it would be good for them. He could be a pretty stubborn person, hence why he bothered in keeping Sophie in the unit back in time. Trying to make Levi change his mind would only result in more problems. There was no need for that. "No, you'd obviously insist on staying with Sophie and I have no intention to meddle with that. All I want from you for now is to help me choose the right person for this task," he said, surprising Levi completely. He actually got speechless for a moment and even after a minute he could only nod at him. "Who do you think about?" He finally said, clearing his throat, relieved that Erwin decided to not bother him with a job like this. Although, he had to admit - he wasn't entirely convinced that there was a good fit for that task amongst their soldiers.
"Let me first hear you out - who do you think would be a good option from our closest circle?" He asked instead. Levi grunted due to being annoyed as he hated whenever Erwin was playing his bullshit games with him, but he played along, just because he graciously let him stay with Sophie. Bastard, Levi thought. He knew what he was doing.
"I think we both know Hange's out of option. She gets too excited, it would end up bad. Same goes with Mikasa, a good soldier, but too hot headed especially when it comes to Eren. Armin should stay with you, a good strategist. Sasha would get distracted with food. Jean, both a good soldier and leader, but his rivalry with Eren would show, so it can't be him either. It leaves us with Mike," he finished.
"Glad we think the same," Erwin nodded at him as his lips curled up in a smile. "Hange recommended him and I seconded it"
"So? You wanna choose him or is there anyone else?"
"Floch recommended Marlow Freudenberg," he said.
"Freudenberg? Who's that?"
"He joined you during the battle of Shiganshina. One of a few ones that survived Zeke Yeager's attack," he informed him. "Floch said he had a chance of working with him since that and that he's loyal and dedicated,"
"I don't think I trust that brat's words," he admitted. "His mouth's fuller of shit than his pants during that battle," he grunted.
"Floch has his issues," Erwin admitted, carefully choosing his words. "But he proved being honest, it often leads him to trouble, but I know he speaks from his heart. He has no manipulative bone, he's not capable of pretending. He's uncompromisingly himself-"
"Sounds like you should marry him," Levi cut in, rolling his eyes. He really disliked that boy and hearing Erwin speak so highly about him only made him pissed.
"Too much trouble as I can see," he said. "I called for you, because they're both good candidates. Check Marlow's file and let me know what you think. I'd like to hear your opinion before making a final decision," he added, quickly changing the subject as he noticed Levi's furious glare.
As much as Levi wanted to leave the room and slam the door on his way out, he stayed and took Marlow's file. He had nothing else to do anyway, at least it was keeping him busy from thinking about Sophie. Too much trouble as I can see, Erwin's words echoed in his head for a while as he knew exactly why Erwn had such an impression. It was unsettling to think that he probably wasn't alone in his view on that, in his view on Levi and Sophie's marriage. Marriage that she didn't feel loyal to anymore, that voice inside his head smirked and his fingers clenched on the paper. He tried his best to focus on reading the report and had to admit that it was impressive. What convinced him that Marlow really had to be a good soldier was Keith Shadis' hand-written side note where he spoke about Marlow in high regards. If such hard-to-impress ex-commander saw potential in this boy, it certainly had to mean something. "You should go with Marlow," Levi finally said. "I still think Mike'd be better skillfully wise, but Hizurus already saw him. Reiner too, they could tell Marley how all of us look. We can't put both him and Eren there, they would attract too much attention," he shook his head.
"I believe so too," Erwin said. "Let it be Marlow then. You're going to accompany them with Oldin's supporters on their way to Liberio, just so you can report if they got inside without any trouble. If the trouble occurs - your job is to not let them enter the place,"
"Got it. Is that everything?"
"Yes, you can go," he nodded and Levi turned to the exit, leaving Erwin's room. He sighed with relief as the atmosphere there was getting tense. He was so done with it all. It would be much easier to engage in it if Sophie didn't treat him the way she did. She was his reason to live, their love was the reason he fought for Eldians, for their freedom. Without her it was all meaningless, he had less strength than before. Who knows? Maybe it was also a side effect of Nathalie's pills? Maybe, who would know. They had no time to run thorough tests to check if there really weren't any side effects except from his slower healing process.
He was kind of praised by his comrades for doing that, for going to such an extension just for the sake of his marriage. I wouldn't do it, he heard some of the soldiers saying in the hallway. He must really love her, be a good husband, she's lucky, they said and as much as it was comforting to hear, he didn't believe they were right. Not anymore.
It has been seven days now since Sophie started willingly talking. Seven fucking days. Not making any attempt to get in touch with him at all. He had to do something terribly wrong if she acted like this, hadn't he? It was the only reasonable explanation. He had to hurt her. What was so bad that he did to deserve this? There had to be something and thinking about it, he thought there were plenty of things that could cause her to turn her back on him. It made sense, the two-month distance helped her get free from his influence and see their relationship and his behaviour towards her as it truly was - problematic. Deeply problematic, it had to be it.
He never really gave her space. At first he was a rude little shit towards her, just because she chose Furlan instead of him. He was constantly fighting with her, being a pain in the ass while accusing her of exactly that. He wanted her out of their lives at first and she knew it all. It had to affect her and her thoughts on him. Then, when Furlan and Isabel died, she was mad at him for not helping them on time. She was right about that, it was all his fault. He was too late to save them. She was mourning her loss back then and what did he do? He watched her from distance like a total fucking creep, not giving her the space she wanted. Yes, he never approached her. He kept his distance. Alas, he was ready to follow her wherever she would choose to go and be like her shadow, making sure that she was alright. Maybe she would be perfectly alright on her own? Without him? The thought made him sit on the floor and hid face in his palms. He wished the entire world to crush and vanish, too embarrassed to face life. Especially since he kept on thinking on the reasons why she didn't want him anymore. Was it because he was imposing on her? Like that time he bought a knife for her and sneaked into her room to give it to her? Or was it because of the way their relationship started?
He just couldn't be friends with her after she started talking with him, could he? He just couldn't accept it, constantly wishing there would be something more between them. He never had enough. Insatiable, constantly desperate for her, suffocating her with his obvious feelings, so nagging that she eventually gave in. And he was so happy, he didn't even think what it meant for her. So happy that when she wanted to back out and remain friends, he behaved like a manchild, insulted by her decision. He felt so betrayed and sad that there was no way she didn't notice. Instead of caring for her, he cared to protect his own heart, acting cold towards her. Maybe that's why she decided to be with him? She already lost Furlan and Isabel, she didn't want to lose him as well, thus she decided to get into a relationship. He guilted her into being with him like a complete asshole. And everytime she had doubts he made her stay, convincing her their love would be stronger than obstacles they were facing. But was it? Maybe that's just what he chose to believe out of his own selfishness, choosing to put a blind eye on how destructive it was for her. He was a fucking dick. He gulped as he realised the obvious, yet painful thing - he manipulated her into being with him. He tricked her. Fooled her. It was his fault.
He started sobbing involuntarily, but he quickly suppressed the sound as he didn't want anyone to hear him. He didn't want her to hear him being so pathetic. He didn't want to make her feel guilty again, even though it didn't seem to be possible at this point. Maybe that's why he had such a hard time connecting with her? Maybe it wasn't possible for them to talk normally if he couldn't manipulate her? I'm a total asshole, he told himself.
And even though he realised that...he still was fucking desperate to talk with her, to see her. To just fucking be around her. A perfect goddess. A perfect creature. The only person he loved in this entire fucked up world. If she didn't exist he would be fine with this whole world burning down, he would let the fire consume his body. She was his reason to live, to breathe, to keep going. She wasn't the addicted one, I'm addicted to her, he chuckled bitterly. He stayed on that floor for hours before he got up. Alas, he came back there the very next day, still feeling terrible. The truth is, this hallway became his spot in the last couple of days. And there was a very important reason for it.
Her room was just across the hallway. His heart skipped a beat as he fought with the urge to march inside and demand her to talk with him. He deserved at least that? No, he didn't deserve anything, fucking asshole. Shit, he didn't know what to do - selfishness and selflessness having a battle inside his head. It was driving him insane. She was driving him insane. She was both his peace and insanity. He did it to himself. He was damned the second he looked into her eyes. Fuck, fuck, fuck. It was awful. He felt awful. Alas, his feet moved into her room's direction involuntarily. He was at her door, wondering whether it was the right thing to do - going in there. No, maybe he should have let her be alone. But as soon as he thought that he reminded himself that she chose to talk literally with everyone instead of him.
He knocked on the door and opened it, entering without a word. She seemed as uninterested as before. "What do you want?" She asked, her voice dull. "If you didn't bring Eric or Eren just-" she tried to say, but he cut in. His heart was racing at this point as he felt like a dickhead doing that, but he just couldn't handle her indifference.
"Yeah, I can go," he finished for her and she glared at him for the first time in such a long time. He was actually relieved to make her look at him at all. "I can bring anyone here, right? Anything's a good company except for me, apparently," he chuckled bitterly, his eyes sad and she shifted uncomfortably in place.
"They're not as pathetic as you," she tried her best to sound convincing. Saying that hurt as if she pressed daggers into her own heart and not his. Alas, she knew how much pain she was causing him. She would have felt the same in his shoes. Do it. Don't do it. Those sides of her were still there, although not as strong as before. During this week she managed to keep her emotions in control, engaging in small talks with others, letting Eren explore with her some parts of her trauma, not every part though. She couldn't break free from the bond after all. She could only say insignificant little things that Willy wouldn't see as threatening to him, those things he'd see as such, she had to keep to herself and let it consume her, devouring her soul.
Did she want to stop being so cruel? No. Yes. Yes, she wanted to stop. She wished to spend time with him, talk like human beings. Alas, she was too ashamed of her own behaviour, of how shitty she acted towards him. She was ashamed of the crap she told him about their marriage not existing, about Furlan, about...everything actually. She was hurting him intentionally, just for the sake of protecting him. She didn't think she could be with him while being forced by the bond to keep secrets from him, very important secrets. She would feel bad about herself. She would feel as if it was a slap on his face to be with him, act normal, while carrying a darkness within her. He had no idea how painful it was for her.
Eren helped her crush those walls she built. He helped her past self to connect with her present self. He convinced her it was possible to preserve some of her humanity, to choose a different path for herself than the one written for her. And yet, she didn't feel that it was enough to go back to Levi. She felt he deserved better than a cruel devil like her. To push him away felt like the only option for her.
"So, you don't want me to be pathetic," he said slowly.
"Yeah," she grunted, looking away, feeling that it required way too much strength of her to make eye contact.
"What do you want me to be then? To not be nice to you? To act like a fucking dick to you?" Words left his mouth involuntarily. "That's what you want?" He asked, his voice didn't even crack. It was empty, it made her sigh and look at him again. She noticed how tired his eyes were. Fuck, it hurt. No, it didn't. It did, it did really bad.
"I want you to fucking get out of my face!" She snapped at him, feeling powerless in this situation. "How-how stupid can you be to still choose staying with me?!" She blurted. "I don't want you," she shook her head.
It broke him. Hearing it caused him an excruciating amount of pain, the kind of one that made him want to jump out of the window and get killed just to not think about it. Alas, he had to be strong and careful in order to not manipulate her once again. If you don't want it, get the hell out of this room, he said to himself, yet couldn't make himself do it. He didn't know why. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but something inside him was telling him to stay. Something was telling him that the way she snapped was actually proof that she still cared. Once again, it could be him seeing things that weren't there. If he was capable of manipulating her...who knows what else he was capable of.
He should have left. Thus, he took a few steps back, going straight to the exit. However, as soon as he wanted to push the door open, he felt her hands on him, punching him. It confused him and made him turn to face her again. She saw anger in her eyes mixed with something he believed he had never seen before - complete confusion.
Sophie didn't know why she reacted like this. She couldn't explain it. She wanted him to go away, to leave her alone. It's what was best for both of them, it was healthy for them. Alas, as soon as she saw him leave she got scared that this time he would leave for good. That he would really stop trying. She didn't really want that. She was fucked up, wasn't she? Push him away. Keep him close. Made him hate her. Made him stay and try.
Damn you, Eren, she thought. He made her open up again, he made her accept those feelings over and wish her to go back to the way she was. It was his fault that she didn't want to push Levi away from her anymore. She couldn't afford that. She couldn't-
"You asshole," she blurted, punching his arm a few times and then chest. He froze in place for a moment, completely caught off guard with her sudden change of behaviour. It was messing with his head, making it spin around as he was intoxicated with her being so...alive around him for this short moment. "You...you just think about what you want," she hissed, even though she didn't believe that. "You want me to move on, go back to how I used to be. I won't ever be the same," she started raising her voice and talking faster, words escaping her mouth at fast pace, taking him aback. She was talking about all of her fears, yet he interpreted them differently, thinking she really meant it.
"So you really want me to leave you?" He asked, his voice cracking this time. He couldn't prevent it anymore. A soft chuckle escaped his mouth as he was close to breaking down again, his knees felt weak out of nowhere. "Really want me to let you go?" He asked, praying that she would say no. It was all that he wanted to hear. He didn't understand why he actually provoked this conversation, every single bone inside his body didn't feel ready for it, but he still went with it like a fool that he was.
As she heard this question something broke inside of her too. Was that what she really wanted? Yes. No. Of course not. She wished him to stay. She wished to love him the way she used to. She wished to be his perfect wife that a perfect husband like him deserved. But she wasn't one. She couldn't be, she didn't deserve it after everything she had done, after everything she witnessed and couldn't tell about.
"Do you want me to leave, Soph?" He repeated the question as the waiting for her response was hard to take. God, she wished to avoid the question. She didn't want him to leave. She also didn't want him to stay to be a part of this crap she was involved in. He deserved better. He deserved good, not evil. And she was evil without a doubt. She can try living a good life, not slip into the darkness like Eren reassured her, but the darkness would still be there. She would never be free from it, that's how she felt. He deserved far better than living with her. "Do you want me to? You don't care, right?" He asked again and his eyes widened as he heard a quiet sob. No, he had to misheard her. There was absolutely no way she just sobbed, was it?
"Do you even know how hard it was to not think about everything you did, in front of them?" She asked suddenly. "Do you realise how much it has cost me?!" She couldn't help, but raise her voice, feeling how the anger was coming to the surface after such a long time of acting calm. "Do you know how hard it was to not think about you when they...," she winced as the bond started working again, forcing her to not talk about it. She just shook her head instead of talking. "It was...so... goddamn hard," she choked on air and looked at him, her eyes were shiny for the first time since she returned. She quickly averted his eyes, but he cupped her face, forcing her to look at him. He needed to search her eyes for an answer to one question - whether she still cared. Maybe it was obvious for others, but not for him.
"I'm sorry," he said truthfully. "I can't even imagine, Soph. If I could I would take all of this pain on myself," he added and she sobbed again, shaking her head, but he made her stay in place and stare into his irises that were burning with feelings. Just a single look could scorch her body and mind.
"No," she shook her head. "Don't be stupid," she tried to push him away, but hell he couldn't let her do it. Not right now. He couldn't let her slip away anymore.
"I'm not. You know I love you. And I always will. You can't change that," he shook his head. "You want me to go? Fine, I'll go, but don't expect me to stop loving you, because it's impossible. It won't ever be," he said and it was a moment something unexpected for both of them had happened.
Sophie kissed him. She harshly pressed her lips to his own. God, she missed the soft structure of his lips. She missed the quiet sounds he made whenever she ran her tongue on his lower lip, urging it to open up and let her in. He gave in right away, taking control over the kiss, disarming her completely, causing her to melt in his arms that tightened around her body, preventing her from falling on her knees. They were kissing feverishly, not even bothering with breaks to catch a breath. It didn't feel important. Nothing existed except for the two of them, except for the kiss they both were yearning for.
It was heavenly. For the moment he was certain it was just his imagination making a fool out of him. But it wasn't. Her plush, warm lips were really touching his own, asking for his permission to make the kiss deeper, more intimate. Of course he allowed it. He quickly dominated her and he moaned, feeling how she let him take control, allowing him to explore her mouth like he used to. A single tear escaped the corner of her eye, flowing down her face, but he wiped it away with his thumb, pulling her closer. His heart fluttered having her this close. Finally, everything seemed to be right, broken pieces getting in place on their own.
What snapped them back to reality was a knock on the door. "Captain, are you there? We have to go," Jean said and Levi slowed down the kiss. As much as he didn't want to stop it, scared that it was just a one time thing, he had to. He noticed sadness in her eyes, the broken sparkle in her irises that he wished to make vanish for good.
"I...," she didn't know what to say, surprised by her own lack of control. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Alas, it happened. And she didn't regret it. Lie. Truth. Goddamn truest truth. She couldn't stay away from him nor push him away, could she? She didn't wish to try finding out again. "Where are you going?" She cleared her throat, trying to sound collected, yet she didn't fool him. Instead, he smiled slightly for the first time since she returned and god, did her heart flutter.
"Liberio," he said curtly.
"What?" Her eyes widened, she was mad at herself for ignoring everything.
"I'll be back soon," he promised, his thumb brushing her lower lip in a way that sent chills down her spine. "We can get back to it after I return," he said quietly, unsure about her response to this proposal. Thankfully, she nodded. She was surprised with her own reaction. Yes, she was. No, she wasn't surprised at all - that was the truth. She almost smiled, relieved that she allowed herself to kiss him and put down a mask she forced on herself.
"I-I'd like that," she mumbled, letting him steal one last, quick kiss before he left, suddenly feeling much more strong, his will to life finally returned and she felt the same.