"Carlos, we really have to go back", Alejandro sighs
"No"
"Carlos! You can't avoid it"
"I can. I'll never go back. It's too late"
"Carlos, you'll make is worse"
"It can't be any worsen!", I yell
"We can't live like this anymore! One half of El Triunfador is here and the other half is in Chicago. This can't end good"
"I don't care"
"You don't care about El Triunfador?"
I exhale annoyed, "Of course I do"
"We have to go to the meeting in Chicago"
"You can go. Everyone knows you're my right hand"
"He asked about you, Carlos. One day. Just one day"
"I can't", I growl
"God, you're so-", Jandro shakes his head
"What? What am I?"
"You're so fucking stubborn. I know you want to see him again but you're stopping yourself. Why?"
"You ask why? Because I fucking hurt him more than anything else in his life. I left him alone. He had just me"
"You wanted to protect him and it worked! He was safe all those months"
"He hates me. I can't stand this I-"
"Carlos", he breathes
I look up at him.
"I tell you this as your best friend. You're hurting the two of you even more. You have to take the responsibility for leaving. I don't say it's your fault, you wanted to protect him. And even if he has someone else or even if he hates you, clear this up. You're breaking apart, Carlos"
I know he's right.
"If I decide to go back and if I see him I swear to god I'll never leave again and I'll never let him go again. I'll destroy everything that's in my way until he loves me again"
"Then let's go back. I also have something to do"
"Elena?", I ask
He nods.
I breathe and decided. Even if he hates me I'll never give up on him. I left once and it was the biggest mistake I've ever made. But I know he'll not forgive me that easily. I'll have to work hard to gain his forgiveness.
"Tell the others that we're moving back to Chicago"
"Okay", he leaves
My hands are shaking and sweating. Fuck, I'm so nervous and scared. I'm so scared to see him again but I want to see him. I want to see his face, his pure eyes. God, I want to see his smile.
I sob.
What the hell have I done? Not a week after I left I knew it was a mistake but it was too late to go back. It's my fault. Everything is my fault. Like always.
The closer we get to Chicago, the more nervous I get.
"Carlos, you okay?", Jandro asks
"Yeah, just a little bit nervous"
"Relax, you won't see him today. We'll be on the meeting tomorrow, then we'll eat something and after that you can look after him"
He's right. I really have to calm down but my heart explodes just at the thought of him. God, I missed him. His soft skin that makes me feel like I'm in heaven. His smile that shines brighter than every fucking star in the universe. His eyes. . . God, I drown in his purity. I would drown for a lifetime if it means that every drop that kills me is a drop of his purity. I would worship every drop.
I worship the ground he's walking on. I worship but hate every person in a twisted way, that got the privilege to see or hear him. I worship the fact that I had him. In every way.
It feels good to be home again but as I enter the kitchen I remember the first day Juan were in here. He stood right over there and made breakfast for us. It was the first time I ate his food and god help me, it was so delicious.
In my bedroom I remember the view of Juan in the morning. He's so moody when he wakes up but the sun in the morning shined at him in such a beautiful way. His skin twinkled like thousand diamonds. He looked like an angel. An angel send to heal the devil.
I wanted to live the rest of my life with him but I made him a memory. I ended our fairytale. I ended our story but I'll start a new chapter. Our story, our fairytale will never end. I'll make sure of it.
I crawl into my bed and remember the feeling I had when Juan was laying next to me. My bed was warm and comfortable and now it's cold. I feel so fucking lonely but after all it's my own fault.
"Did you sleep well?", Jandro asks as we drive to the meeting
"Do I look like I slept well?"
"Nope"
I laugh. I really look like shit but I don't fucking care.
"Mr Triunfador, please follow me", a man in a suit says
We follow him into a meeting room.
"El Triunfador", he nods as a greet
"Daniel", I greet him
"You're back?", he asks
"As you see. That means if you're trying again to attack our house I'll fucking burn you and your filthy gang. Did I made myself clear?"
He knows that I know it so he doesn't even try to lie.
"Yes"
"I hope our deal still stands"
"We'll sell the drugs and you'll wash the money"
"And?"
"You'll get 60% and we'll get 40%"
"Fair deal isn't it?", I smirk
"Yes", he mumbles
"How many drugs did you already sold?"
"About five kilo"
"You can do it better, don't you? I mean you'll earn more money too, so tell your men to sell more drugs"
"Of course. We'll do it better"
"Good, now tell everyone I'm back so they can think twice if they want to attack us"
He nods. I stand up and leave.
"This was a short meeting", Alejandro laughs
"Short and annoying"
"Do you want to eat something?"
"Sure. Do you know where?"
"I saw an restaurant on some instagram block. It's pretty famous"
"I don't really mind where we eat"
"Good"
Alejandro drives us to some restaurant. I don't really care where we eat. I'm just hungry and want to eat something. Now.
"We want a table for two", Alejandro says at the entrance
"You're lucky it's the last table", a man smiles and shows us our table
"The meal cards. If you want to order just call"
We nod and sit down.
"Before you go we would like to order one scotch and one whiskey"
The waiter nods and disappears.
"You said pretty famous? It looks like a five star restaurant. We just got the last table"
"Yeah, I didn't know too. Looks pretty. Those Spanish details"
I nod in agreement. It looks really pretty inside. The modern side mixed with the Spanish culture. Really pretty but too much people.
We got our drinks and order our food.
"I hope the other gangs will get the news quickly so they don't do something stupid"
"They will. Sooner or later"
"I'm glad we're back"
"Me too. I'm just-"
"I know. It's okay. You'll get him back"
"I have to"
I stare at my tortillas and realize why I ordered them. God, he's in my mind. Every second.
"We didn't ate together in a long time", I say
"I enjoy it", he chuckles
"Enough of that", I laugh and eat my tortillas
I freeze for a moment, they taste like Juan's tortillas. They taste exactly the same. I look around and see a waiter staring at me. What the fuck? Is that-?
"You okay?", Jandro asks
"Yeah", I nod and continue eating
We order another round alcohol and talk a bit about the past. Our teenage life. At the time a lot of people leave. We sit there till the close time and pay.
We past the kitchen and my heart stops to beat for a brief moment. The meaning of my life suddenly appeared in a human form.
"Juan?", I whisper his name in disbelief
He turns around and after a year I see his emerald eyes and his beautiful smile again. He smiles not at me, but after all it's the same smile I used to love. It's the same pure smile but it disappeared as he saw me. His expression turns sad and his eyes lifeless.
I walk a step towards him but he steps back. I feel a sudden pain in my chest. What did I do to him?