DEVI BHATT
When I was in secondary school, I was the girl you would never trust for a compliment. Behind every wonderful gesture was a hidden treasure you'd find at the bottom of the sea. But when you opened it, the only thing you would find are crabs ready to snap at you.
It was hopeless to hope.
The compliments I gave out were like seashells. It didn't take much time to find them when I looked at any girl. I wanted what they had, even if was scraps. They'd fall off my tongue innocently, but you could hear the evil whispers within it. It'd shatter them when the truth creeped and snapped at them where it hurt.
But I was the girl who looked for a compliment. I dressed for the boys- like a total slut. Leggings instead of trousers, a skirt that barely covered my thighs, a shirt two sizes small so my buttons would be almost popping. The word slut would echo through the school corridor when I walked past. Nevertheless, I put myself on display, for the attention.
Attention whore.
And I got it.
Just from the wrong people.
Lev sits awkwardly across from me, tapping his fingers on his cane. His shoulder stiff with uncomfortable tension. Grisha was right though, about the eyes. They give away so much. Lev has so many crazy thoughts in his mind right now.
But why didn't he sell me out?
It's like he's not even an ally anymore. He knows but won't tell. It's like he feels guilty.
The opera performance has finished now. Everyone's having a loud rowdy conversation, which seems to drown out as I think deeply about who is opposite me. Everything is just a blur. The voices begin to blend into one.
But I can't stop focusing on Lev.
Why hasn't he said anything?
I take a sip of my fourth glass of champagne. My head drops slightly, but I perk up quickly again before anyone sees. I'm not a light weight, but anyone would be drunk by now.
I'm beyond drunk. And when I'm drunk, I think. I think and think and think until I've scraped and ran my claws down the whole perimeter of my brain, cleaning it of any thoughts.
I become empty.
But on some few lucky occasions, I don't do that.
My dull heartbeat begins to pick up as I squint, looking around. Sasha is laughing loudly with and elbow on Feliks' shoulder. Demyan is next to her. He starts to put his arm on the back of her chair but she stops him abruptly. He withdraws. Kai stands by the kitchen door, watching through the window like he's waiting for someone. Or monitoring.
Where's Grisha? I swear he was like right ne-
Oh yeah, he is. I grin sheepishly to myself. Big guy is man spreading once again.
Wait he's looking at me.
He looks at his thigh.
So do I.
There's a hand touching it. Oh my god, he's being harassed I have to stop it.
I slap the hand. But it hurts.
Grisha gently takes the harassing hand and puts it on my lap.
I shriek and throw it off, not wanting to be harassed and it feels like I just yanked my arm off. That's weird.
When I look back up to Grisha, he's looking down, shaking his head smiling. Like full on.
He looks beautiful when he smiles. It's a different smile he gave his mother. It's a new one. And it's my favourite.
He takes the harassing hand and trails his hand up it. It tickles. It tickles. He says something but I can't hear it. I stare at his lips.
Mist boars tanned. That doesn't sound right.
I shake my head, frowning. Then he tugs the hand harshly pulling me down. This feels very odd. I look down to the hand and I notice it has an arm- my arm.
Oh.
Raising my hand to my face, I wiggle the fingers. My fingers. I shake the hand. My hand. I giggle.
I'm buzzing.
I have three hands now. What a blessing. I look around for my other two hands, but I only find one. My heart clenches with worry and stress. When I start breathing faster, Grisha notices and asks if I'm okay.
I'm on the verge of tears when I reply. I can't find my third hand.
His face breaks into my favourite smile. I want to see it again. His hand brushes my cheek and he says something. I don't listen though, I'm sick to my stomach with worry.
Where could it be? I must find it.
Clasping both of Grisha's hands, I tell him a wobbly, goodbye. He objects and starts talking and ordering me so I tell him to come closer. He puts his ear by my mouth and I say, fuck off. This man does not have control over me. I slip out my seat, kicking off my heels and hold them so I can walk better.
I'm thrumming with drunken energy. My heart feels like it's going a thousand miles an hour. The hands I have with me right now are slick with sweat.
Stretching my back, I crack it in three glorious places. I walk out of the ballroom and into the empty reception area. Everything is black marble, so dark and comforting. I could dance right now, in the dark. No-one would see me and I couldn't see them. This doesn't mean I can dance though. Somehow, I find the switch for the lights in the reception. So I flick them, engulfing myself in darkness. I do a twirl but horribly fail as I hear my feet slap on the floor as I walk about.
Once I'm done doing that, I leave the lights off and continue my mission. I spot stairs. Very big stairs. Bigger than the one's at the house. I climb the long staircase, steadying myself by holding the golden rail. the stairs have an amazingly soft and lush red carpet I dig my feet and toes into. So comfortable.
My moment is interrupted unfortunately. I hear Grisha shouting behind me. He wants me to come down. I turn to look at him and smirk.
I shoot him a quick salute, then run.
I'm wobbly at first but the heels I'm carrying weigh me down. Because they're very heavy of course.
When I'm out of breath at the top of the stairs, I turn around to see Grisha running towards me.
I inhale and exhale rapidly, my lungs burning. I quickly regain my regular slow breathing.
Then I hurl my heels at him one by one.
He doesn't see the first one coming, so it bonks on his head.
I wince.
He sees the next heel coming his way and knocks it out the way before resuming the chase.
We lock eyes making my breath hitch. He's getting closer. What do I do?
"Intruder! Intruder!" I cry jumping up and down pointing at the Mafia boss. My voices echoes. It sounds so cool.
I begin to repeat it but suddenly there's an arm around my waist and a hand covering my mouth, muffling my cries.
Then everything snaps into action.
Bending my arm, I thrust my elbow down into his abdomen causing him to loosen his grip on me. I swivel around, breaking from his grip and moving to the side as I pull his arm forward.
I'm about to invert his elbow with a single strike, but he sweeps his legs under me, knocking me off my feet. After falling on my back, he comes on top on me with his knees on either side.
I'm panting. I'm panting from the chase, the fight and everything else I'm doing drunk.
Grisha breathes heavily and places his hands on the sides of my head. He drops his head into my neck, deeply inhaling before trying to regulate his breathing.
I pant. This time for him. His slow groan reverberates through me, shaking me to my core.
We stay there like this for what seems an eternity. Only his face touches me, but my body wants more. I'm tingling all over my body and it's so loud "You," his sultry voice turns something on inside of me, "are full of surprises."
"Some people don't like surprises."
"Some people are idiots," he breathes out.
"That's not nice."
"I didn't say I was." True.
"You're not not nice with me though." My voice feels small.
"Simplify that for me, being clever is one of my traits but you're making me doubt that now."
"I mean, you treat me nicely."
"Nicely?" his hair tickles my neck. "That isn't good enough."
"Why did you come after me?" my voice bounces of the wall.
"I wanted you to live a little longer, and not see you fall and break your neck" I laugh and sniffle at the same time. A few tears escape, rolling down my temple wetting Grisha's face. My tears are black with mascara.
His head shoots up worried. When he sees my small smile, he relaxes slightly. "Why are you crying?"
I glance at him, still smiling slightly then look to the ceiling. "Just thinking."
As he goes to gently brush one tear away, another comes. "About what?" guilt stains his voice. Like how it stains my conscience.
I point to the ceiling window. "The sky is going to sleep," I whisper. Stars blink softly in the sky too; I can't forget those. "And the stars are there to watch over us, whilst the sky sleeps."
"What else?" he encourages as he climbs off me and lies next to me.
"The sky going to sleep is when I wake up you know? The sunlight just feels too loud. It's an invasion."
"Invasion of what?" he says, so softly.
"Of my body. Being in the light allows everyone to see and ruthlessly point out every flaw. The night sky allows you to hide from them, even if its just for a second." I pause, " Because then they turn the fucking streetlamps on."
Grisha chuckles lightly.
"My sins are burned into my body, and I don't even know how to atone myself."
Tear after tear, rolls down wetting my ear. But now I'm grinning. Grinning and crying. I'm not sad, I'm not happy, I just feel... nothing. I feel a mix black and white. Grey.
Sometimes crying lying down feels different. Relieving. Because the only thing you can do from there is look up.
"How many stars do you see?" he says. I feel my stomach churn.
The window is so small but it feels like the world doing this with him.
"One, two, three," I squint my eyes to make one more out, "and four. We have a starry sky tonight."
His head bumps into mine. "Not quite." His arm brushes mine as he softly grasps my hand and points it to the fifth star. My stomach flutters with butterflies and nerves. Then churns again. "Bingo. Do you see it?"
"I see it!" I gasp in excitement. He lets go of my hand.
"I want to go to huge field this big," I gesture a wide space with my hands, "at night and just watch the sky."
"We could go right now if you want," he suggests.
"No, I like looking through the window, even If it's small." I pout. "Or we could play hide and seek," I gasp with mischief as I sit up. Bile rises in my throat and my smile falls. My hand flies to my mouth. "Where's the nearest bathroom?"
Then we're running. I storm through the bathroom doors and rapidly swing a cubicle door open and collapse in front of a toilet and retch.
I keep retching, until every bit of alcohol and buzz has been drained from me. And whilst I do, Grisha stands behind me holding up my hair. Every now and then he rubs my back, mumbling small encouragements.
When I've done, I'm breathing heavily and fast. I almost drop my head on the seat, but then Grisha holds my chin up, rips off some tissue from the roll and wipes my mouth. I stand up, and trudge over to the sink.
Mascara is stained all over my eyes and the sides of my head. All of Sasha hard work is ruined. My mouth still has some bits on, so I turn the tap on to wash it off. And the rest of the mess on my face.
"Do you feel better now?" he says to me in the mirror and I nod. "Kai is ringing me so I have to go but I'll be back up as soon as I'm done."
"Yep."
Before he walks out, he stops to tell me, "Oh and don't leave. The floor is huge, it'll take me forever so keep your ass seated."
"Yes sir." I salute him with a serious face.
He leaves and I can hear his footsteps echo down the hallway. Something inside of me is loud. Or maybe it isn't me.
Classical music plays faintly in the bathroom. You can barely hear it, but it's unusual. Who plays music in the bathroom? especially if it's empty.
Bending over the sink, I reapply my red lip stick. Then to my cheeks for me to rub in. My hands shake as I apply it, turning it into a shaky mess. Fuck, it looks bad.
The music inspires me to take up an invisible dancing partner and start waltzing. One step forward, two steps back. Then a pirouette, my favourite part. When we've done our number, I do a little curtesy to the invisible man in front of me and thank the audience.
There was water on the floor and it's soaked the bottom of my dress. I like splashing my foot around in it to hear the sound it makes.
Hearing a loud knock on the door, my blood freezes. Fear seizes me, reverting me back into my anxious state. It could be Grisha, but he wouldn't knock. He'd barge in like he owns the place. Quickly touching up on my lipstick, I pop my head out of the bathroom door.
Strange, it wasn't cold before. They must have opened the windows. The hall is barren and deadly silent. All but some clicking. My body tightens with paranoia.
I must still have some alcohol left in my system, it's nothing.
Heading back into the bathroom, I sit on the sink swinging my legs about as I spot hairs on my leg the razor missed.
There's always a few.
My hands keep going back to the top of my thigh, for reassurance. These nerves are beginning to best me.
Another fucking knock arises.
I bite my fist, clenching my eyes shut. I look around to calm my erratic heartbeat.
It's no-one. It's not them, they wouldn't suddenly find you because you joined the Russians. They wouldn't. Would they?
The music stops playing.
"Oh Devi..." a knife scrapes along the door making a painstakingly slow screeching sound.
I swallow a scream creeping up my throat. The feminine voice drags out my name, taunting me to come out.
"I know you're in there," her voice is deeply delicate almost putting you in a trance. "Be a pretty thing and come out. Amore."
I flinch at the sound of the pet name. Amore. It tastes worse than bile on my tongue.
"Come on, baby," she purrs. "Oh but you're no baby anymore. What sort of baby, whores herself out for the Russian Mafia boss? I'll tell you- abso-fucking-lutely none."
Then she plunges her knife into the door, earning a sickening crack. My panic spikes.
"Oh, that felt so good," she moans. Then she does it again. "I haven't stabbed anything in forever, what a shame my first was an inanimate object." She strikes it again and giggles. My hands fly to my ears. And again, and again. But she has control because she stops before she's cut anything close to a hole.
"I love the way blood feels on my hands." She giggles again. "So soft and silky, as if you're in a pool of snakes who are sliding around you, I can't wait to feel yours but I hope you don't make me wait." she tuts. "Waiting makes me a little messy."
Her voice is young, unfamiliar most likely a new recruit but it's rare for a new recruit to be sent on a mission as dangerous as this. It takes them time to turn people into their monstrous slaves, but this one seems like she already had it in her.
"I guess if you're not there..." she trails the knife off the door as her voice fades.
Silence.
Frozen in my spot, I don't move and wait for any signal that she's gone. But she doesn't make any footsteps.
I move my feet around, feeling the water around me. My phone is in my purse, which is on the other side of the counter. If I reach it without making a sound, I can call Grisha.
The first step I make was my mistake. I slip and cover my mouth, and the world flashes before my eyes. My head smacks against the hard bathroom floor. A sharp pain throbs inside my head as I look around, my vision becoming blurred. Unable to stay conscious my eyes fall shut rendering me unconscious.
Attention, attention, there are intruders. Attention, attention, you must evacuate. The radio crackles and loses connection.
I turn to him, this wasn't meant to happen, I say.
We have a mole, he replies back. My face falls.
A loud sound awakens me. My eyes shoot open becoming aware of the flickering light in the bathroom. I passed out, and Grisha hasn't even come back yet. As I check my phone, I realise it's only been ten minutes.
Everything is a bit hazy, but all my purse contents are on the floor. I clean it up, reaching the furthest for my nude lipstick. The water on the floor is a light pink. Raising my hand to the back of my head, I feel some wet stickiness too thick to be water. I must have hit the screw in the wall before falling. Getting a tissue to clean it up, I go to get my phone again, this time stepping in the dry areas.
Focus, Devi. I pinch myself, in attempt to regain my attention. When I ring Grisha it goes straight to voice mail, filling me with horror and dread. By this time I'm ridden with anxiety, then the bathroom lights go out.
Placing a hand on my chest to calm my rapid heart, I walk towards the door. One shaky foot in front of the other. It's too dark. No-one likes the side of darkness they can't control and see themselves in.
I could really use those heels right now.
Oh so slowly, I open the door without a creak. I tiptoe, not stepping a foot out the bathroom into the light so I can look around the corners. Nothing and no-one. Deadly silent. Air tainted by breeze, making me get goosebumps on my arm.
The coast is clear, and I exhale. Whoever she was and worked for, I know she definitely hasn't left this building. She's fucking crazy. I was never like that. Grisha should be back by now, but he's not so I'm taking things into my own hands.
I touch the top of my thigh and do exactly what Grisha told me not to. I step out the luxury bathroom and walk into the centre of the hallway. It's long and wide, accessorised with LED lights all the way down.
I'm halfway down the hall when the music begins to replay again. But this time it's different. It has her giggles in the background. Or maybe I'm just hallucinating because I did hit my head. I'm in excruciating pain, with blood all over my nape.
Another giggle, but this time its not in the music. It's on the floor. Fuck. The bathroom is too far around the corner now to go back. She could be waiting inside to ambush me
The wind howls through the hallway again, clawing through my blood-stained hair. As I keep walking, I come across the ensuite room. The doors are open, wide open, as well as the balcony doors.
I rub my arms in attempt to create some warmth within me. Cautiously, I enter the room. Suitcases have been thrown, the furniture has been absolutely wrecked and trashed. Drawers are torn open undone. A sad music box lays untouched on the floor, open but not playing anything. They've ransacked the place, searching for something. I wonder if they found it.
After I'm done examining the crime scene, I go to the balcony. I rest my elbows on concrete wall and sigh. Tensions is rolling off me with each inhale and exhale of the frosty air.
I furiously wiggle my toes, that are being froze off because I'm barefoot. Looking below me, I slowly massage my neck then the back of my head. The distant cars revving and horning feels like tranquility. I'm far far away from anyone, all alone.
It feels good massaging my scalp, rolling my head back and baring my neck. The sky is pitch black with few twinkling stars, drawing me in. The more I stare at it, the more my vision around it gets blacker and blacker drowning out the stars. Everything becomes nothing.
The curtain rail behind me snaps loudly shattering my dazed feeling and making my heart almost drop out my dress. I whip out my knife from the slit, ready to use. When I whizz around, she's already on the floor crouching, legs open with a hand in front of her on the floor.
She looks down at the concrete, breathing calmly. Her dark brown hair fades into red is held backby a plastic headband, with two loose strands at the side covering her face, which is the same colour as mine. As she turns her head upwards, she cocks it moving the hair to one side and stares at me. Her deep brown eyes light up with excitement. She giggles.
She smiles. She peels off her gloves and cracks her knuckles.
I grip my knife harder.
She talks first. "Cyanide gas can take up to nine minutes and forty-seven seconds to get through the ventilation system and one minute to take effect doctor, do you think your pretty little Russians can escape in time?"
My face morphs into realization of what she means. I walk right up to her so we're face to face. "There are hundreds of people downstairs, don't you fu-"
"Wonderful," she out a a radio and speaks into it. "Avviare il timer."
(Start the timer)
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Imagine halsey giggling as her giggling
okok but dont u love this new psycho girlll
and the drunk scene at the starttt💀💀💀
@boooooooookworm
thankyou for reading,
just made a new cover.... this one or the old one???
This is halimah signing outtttt x