𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐞 | ✔

ᴇɪɢʜᴛ

DEVI BHATT

When I was in secondary school, I was the girl you would never trust for a compliment. Behind every wonderful gesture was a hidden treasure you'd find at the bottom of the sea. But when you opened it, the only thing you would find are crabs ready to snap at you.

It was hopeless to hope.

The compliments I gave out were like seashells. It didn't take much time to find them when I looked at any girl. I wanted what they had, even if was scraps. They'd fall off my tongue innocently, but you could hear the evil whispers within it. It'd shatter them when the truth creeped and snapped at them where it hurt.

But I was the girl who looked for a compliment. I dressed for the boys- like a total slut. Leggings instead of trousers, a skirt that barely covered my thighs, a shirt two sizes small so my buttons would be almost popping. The word slut would echo through the school corridor when I walked past. Nevertheless, I put myself on display, for the attention.

Attention whore.

And I got it.

Just from the wrong people.

Lev sits awkwardly across from me, tapping his fingers on his cane. His shoulder stiff with uncomfortable tension. Grisha was right though, about the eyes. They give away so much. Lev has so many crazy thoughts in his mind right now.

But why didn't he sell me out?

It's like he's not even an ally anymore. He knows but won't tell. It's like he feels guilty.

The opera performance has finished now. Everyone's having a loud rowdy conversation, which seems to drown out as I think deeply about who is opposite me. Everything is just a blur. The voices begin to blend into one.

But I can't stop focusing on Lev.

Why hasn't he said anything?

I take a sip of my fourth glass of champagne. My head drops slightly, but I perk up quickly again before anyone sees. I'm not a light weight, but anyone would be drunk by now.

I'm beyond drunk. And when I'm drunk, I think. I think and think and think until I've scraped and ran my claws down the whole perimeter of my brain, cleaning it of any thoughts.

I become empty.

But on some few lucky occasions, I don't do that.

My dull heartbeat begins to pick up as I squint, looking around. Sasha is laughing loudly with and elbow on Feliks' shoulder. Demyan is next to her. He starts to put his arm on the back of her chair but she stops him abruptly. He withdraws. Kai stands by the kitchen door, watching through the window like he's waiting for someone. Or monitoring.

Where's Grisha? I swear he was like right ne-

Oh yeah, he is. I grin sheepishly to myself. Big guy is man spreading once again.

Wait he's looking at me.

He looks at his thigh.

So do I.

There's a hand touching it. Oh my god, he's being harassed I have to stop it.

I slap the hand. But it hurts.

Grisha gently takes the harassing hand and puts it on my lap.

I shriek and throw it off, not wanting to be harassed and it feels like I just yanked my arm off. That's weird.

When I look back up to Grisha, he's looking down, shaking his head smiling. Like full on.

He looks beautiful when he smiles. It's a different smile he gave his mother. It's a new one. And it's my favourite.