I had a 'good' day so have a chapter. Another coming on the weekend... though it will be a short one. Then I need to stockpile some again.
Thanks to amiva0402 , jueka1 , and brightyeolie for your amazing comments.
Now... Here we go. What you've all been waiting for...
Some answers.
____
Flynn had picked up Callie from Sara's place not long ago, and we were already back in Sara's room. Was I nervous about the fact I'd be spending the whole afternoon with her? You bet. But it's not like anything was going to happen beyond the handholding... I was just worried about how my heart was going to deal with the throbs of never being able to actually have her considering all of her touches were ones of friendship.
In the awkward silence that passed in the moments after Callie had left, Sara decided to put on a movie.
And as that movie started, she shifted closer and closer to me, until eventually she was resting her head on my shoulder.
But about halfway through, I weaseled out of her grip.
"What's wrong?" she asked, pausing the movie.
"I need to go to the bathroom," I said, which was true. But I also was in desperate need of some space to take deep breaths. And I wanted to give myself a pep talk about how hope is terrible thing and I should not be wishing for my sister's best friend to fall for me when that is certainly wrong. Callie would never forgive me if I took her friend like that... let alone, how weird would it be if we broke up.
After flushing the toilet and staring in the mirror, I shook my head.
"If we broke up," I muttered, laughing at myself for even thinking the phrase. "That would require her actually liking you and being, I don't know, at least bi? And she's not," I told myself.
Heaving a sigh, I sat down on the closed toilet lid, taking another few deep breaths as I waited for the pangs in my heart to pass.
Then finally I left the room.
But as I made my way down the landing back to Sara's bedroom, Noah's door opened.
"Lexi," he whispered into the hallway, barely poking his head out.
Pausing in my step, I turned to look at him, cocking an eyebrow. "What?"
He stepped back, opening his door a little further. "Can I... talk to you for a second?"
Glancing back down the hallway towards Sara's room, I took a wary sigh before following Noah into his room. I figured I owed him a little after everything he had done, not just for hearing me out all those weeks ago, but also helping out Callie with Ashton.
But as I stepped into his bedroom, I was taken aback. I wasn't quite sure what I expected, but it wasn't this neat, sterile place. Plain blue walls, a made bed, a ridiculously organised table, and not a piece of clothing laying in a heap in sight—not the stereotypical boy's bedroom from TV. Though it was ridiculous that I was even trying to stereotype him.
Feeling a little uncomfortable in his room and dying to get back to Sara, I said, "What's up?"
"I, uh," he started, but that was all he got out. He took the moment to avert his eyes, run a hand over the back of his neck, and nibble at his lip.
I don't like this, was my first thought as I studied him.
"Well, if it's nothing, then I'm going to—"
But as I turned to leave, he reached out and grab me, hand gripping my wrist. "Will you go see a movie with me?" he blurted so fast, I almost didn't catch his words.
As I continued to face the door, his words and their meaning slowly sinking in, he gently released his hold of me.
A few more moments passed like that, neither of us saying anything. And when I assumed the silence would just go on getting more and more awkward, I realised I had to do something. Even if I couldn't think of anything to say...
Hesitantly turning around, I met his hopeful gaze, his breath seeming sharp and shallow.
"What do you say?" he then finally said after a few more seconds ticked by with me stunned.
"Yeah sure... But it will have to wait until Callie is back so that she doesn't miss out of course." Yes, Lexi. Playing dumb is the best route. Surely he will drop—
But then he said, "I meant just you and me."
A few more beats of my heart passed, the drumming in my chest getting louder—but not for the reasons he probably would have wanted. Desperate, I tried, "Maybe you could go with Callie?"
His brows furrowed, the embarrassment disappearing the more we exchanged. Then he took a step closer to me. "I don't want to go with Callie..."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to go with you." And he took another step closer to me, eyes swirling with the very emotion I was trying to believe he didn't feel for me—the one that got more and more obvious as the weeks went on.
So I breathed the very word I knew he was dying for me to ask. "Why?"
"Because I like you." He was ready to say it. Determined to put it out there as though he were only waiting for me to prompt him. And I hated it.
I turned my head, unable to withstand his gaze anymore. He was a good person—it would hurt to watch him break. "I thought you liked Callie."
"Callie?" he asked, taking a step back in shock.
I looked back.
Forcing a grin onto his face, he said, "Callie is like a sister to me."
I winced, feeling the pain for her. She still stood no chance with him... no matter what she did. "Then why have you been so nice to her?" I felt obligated to asked.
"Because you asked me to?"
I flinched again... All this time, I had been pushing into Callie that he liked her. I had been convincing her of it. Because he had been nice. But all this time it was because of—
"Why are you trying to palm me off to your sister?" he closed the distance I had tried to make between us.
You can't tell him, Lexi, my mind whispered. "Because," I said.
His brows creased together, but the corners of his lips turned up in amusement as he took another step closer, now only a breath from me. "Because why?" Then he raised his hand, fingers gently caressing my cheek.
So I took another step from him.
His hand instantly dropped to his side and he heaved a sigh. "I thought you liked me too," he whispered, eyes dejected and looking anywhere but me now.
"I do," I said, though not before quickly adding, "As a friend."
He casted me a wary glance before looking back to the ground, jaw clenching. "Is this because your sister likes me and you don't want to upset her?"
My heart thudded in my chest. "You knew?" I asked.
He tilted his head to the side, a bored look in his eyes. "She's pretty obvious about it, Lex."
I didn't like the tone in his voice. "So... You were nice to her, toying with her emotions knowing—"
"Because you asked me!" he half shouted.
Then he closed the distance I had put between us again, hands gripping my arms as he stared deeply into my eyes.
"I was trying to get you to like me... trying to impress you," he said. "To make you happy so that you stopped seeming so sad all the time. I knew what happened with your sister was affecting you, so I thought if I just helped her cheer up too—"
But the whole time he spoke, I just shook my head and tried to squirm out of his grip.
Though eventually, as his hands continued to grip on and his eyes bored into mine, I realised he wasn't going to let me go until I said something in response... Until I properly rejected him.
"I won't ever like you like that, Noah," I said, trying the easy route first. "You should just give up on me and... Get to know my sister. She's really great, you know."
"I don't want your sister. I want you." His eyes mirrored the determined tone of his voice.
"Why?" I hissed, wishing he'd let me go so I could get out of here.
I already messed things up beyond belief by confirming Callie had feelings... I roped her into this stupid kiss list as though she had any hope with Noah.
What could I possibly do now?
How could I fix this?
"Because you're unlike any other girl I know," he said back. "You're really cool and hot and smart and—"
I rolled my eyes in disbelief. That's the best he's got? Maybe this is good for Callie then... She deserves someone who would—
"But there's also this depth of... pain there. I don't quite understand, of course, because I haven't gone through the things you have. But you see things others don't. I feel like we really get each other and—"
"Noah," I tried to cut him off, realising he really just wasn't going to get it if I tried to let him off gently. But he kept going.
"Just give me a chance. One date, and you will see we really do have chemistry—"
"Noah," I tried again, but he still went on.
"I really think if you give this a go, you will see that we really are a good—"
"I like your sister," I finally got out.
That stopped him.
He blinked at me once.
Then twice.
"What did you say?" he whispered, gaze seeming almost certain he had misheard me.
"I won't ever like you. No matter how many dates you take me on. No matter how many nice things you say to me. No matter how great of a guy you are... because you are a man."
"You're..." but he didn't get the word out. He froze on it. And that broke me.
"Gay?" I asked, hating that I sounded sad. Hurt that he seemed slightly... repulsed by the word.
He didn't nod, but his eyes fell to the ground. Then his shoulders slumped. And, ever so slowly, his hands moved back to his sides.
It seemed like forever passed, him visibly crumbling in front of me, avoiding looking at me as though being gay was a disease.
Though eventually he broke the silence, whispering, "You like Sara?"
"I do."
"But... why?"
My eyes widened. "What do you mean why?" Was it really that hard to believe that I could be—
"She's such a... dork."
That was not the reaction I was expecting. And while my heart felt a little lighter that his objection was related to the fact he didn't think his sister was a good match for me rather than it seeming to be about my sexuality, I still couldn't stop the grimace smearing across my face. "She is not. She's beautiful, kind, warm, funny as all hell... It's like, whenever she walks into a room, my world just lights up."
As he listened to me, sadness swirling in his gaze at the realisation the girl he had been crushing on would never like him back, the corners of his lips did turn up. But then he said, "I'm sorry, Lexi."
"Sorry?"
"Well... She's straight."
My heart twinged slightly, but it's not like it wasn't a truth I didn't know already. "It is what it is. But hey, I guess you and I are in the same boat."
He cocked his head to the side.
"Crushing on someone who will never swing our way?"
Some light returned to his eyes and he gave me a small shrug.
Heaving a sigh, I then said, "Look, if you do ever want to hang out just as friends, I'd be more than happy to, Noah. I think you're really cool. But like..."
"I've got a P where you'd rather see a V?"
I nodded vigorously. "Exactly that."
"Okay," he mumbled, taking a few more steps away from me, glancing at the door like he wanted me to go now so that he could stew in his broken heart a little.
So I shuffled over to the door, hand on the doorknob ready to open it. Though I paused. "Please don't write my sister off," I said, not looking at him.
He let out a sigh. "I don't like—"
"I know. Right now you like me. But you were so convinced that just quality time could make someone like another person... You yourself said she's normal. That she's a good person. You see that at least... If you spent a bit more time with her, you'd find out that she'd probably match you really well." I glanced back at him after I finished my spiel, trying to gauge his response.
And it almost seemed like he might be considering it. "Let me heal from my broken heart first, Lex." Yet then he gave me a small smile after that.
With a roll of my eyes, I muttered, "Drama queen."
"Hey! I heard that."
"You should take it as a compliment that I referred to you as a queen. Only the best are." I threw him another smile. "I'm sorry, Noah. But you'll find the right girl for you one day. It's just not me..."
"We'll see about that." Then he fell onto his bed, head facing his lap.
"Who knows... she might just be your sister's bestie." Though I wished that were my fate.
"Get out now, Lexi. You've made your point."
Chuckling, I bid him goodbye and then gently closed the door behind myself.
Slowly walking down the hallway, I let my mind go over the conversation that just passed, wondering how I was going to save Callie from this one.
Do I tell her what happened?
Was it worth hurting her if she really did still like Noah?
Or do I rely on the small part of me that was convinced she was falling for Flynn?
But if she did like Flynn... why not just call off the list?
Because if she told me Noah was no longer the objective... she could just confess to Flynn instead.
Though I really didn't know what I could do to make this better.
When I reached Sara's door, I paused. Letting out a small sigh, I wished I could talk to her about Callie's dilemma between Noah and Flynn. But if I told her that her best friend liked her brother... wouldn't I cause more trouble than I had?
What if Callie really did still like Noah? And I just showed up and stole his attention from her.. while wishing I could steal her best friend?
Perhaps Callie was right. Perhaps I was just a terrible sister. Perhaps I just shouldn't have come back... or perhaps I should have left her alone like she asked.
But as I reached for the door handle, forcing a smile on my face and ready to get back to the movie and pretend nothing with Noah had happened, a voice behind me said, "Why didn't you tell me?"
OOOOOOOP! Cliffhanger-enough for you?
Truth: