I was greeted by a surprisingly brisk morning air during my commute into the office. The warm weather months are slowly fading away, leaving me to be met with a frosty hello. I decided to change my routine this morning and stop at the company cafe near the main entrance to splurge on a warm drink.
"Could I have a large hot chocolate, please?" I request while tucking my gloves into my coat pocket and shaking off a chill.
"Make it two."
The deep, silken voice comes from Yoongi, and my heart skips a beat. Forcing a smile onto my face as I turn around I find him standing painfully close to me. Instead of looking at his face, I glance at the floor trying to shield myself from his inquisitive eyes.
"Good morning, Lily," he offers in a tone as if nothing awkward has ever transpired between us.
It's at this moment that a lightbulb goes on for me.
Oh my God, I'm so stupid. Unrequited love, I did it again. This was always one-sided. I know I've been telling myself it was one-sided, but this is the first time I actually believe it. There simply was nothing special happening on his end. How could I have been such a dumbass? I had been holding on to a smidgen of false hope.
It's as if my brain finally has processed reality, and I know I'm suffering because my mother used to call me a dumbass and I hear her voice echoing in my head as clear as day. I'm punishing myself. I hate when I prove her right! Even though we haven't spoken since I turned eighteen, her old nicknames echoing in my head still haunt me.
"Good Morning, Mr. Min Yoongi!" I reply brightly as I deliver an Oscar Award-winning performance and pretend that I haven't experienced his heart beating against my ear.
He moves forward and pays for both our drinks even though I try to insist on paying for mine.
He brushes my hand away, "Already done."
We turn to head in the direction of our studios when I feel someone sneak up between us.
"Lily, have you been thinking about me ever since I spent the night at your place?"
I can feel the panic wash over me as I look at Jimin with complete shock. His eyebrow is cocked, and the smirk on his face tells me he is in full-blown trouble maker mode. This man is making the next move in this game we've been playing. He's moving up the ante and trying to call my bluff right in front of Yoongi.
"Jimin, you are unreal! Get the fuck out of here, you silver-tongued lothario! I will see you both later at our working session." I shake my head in amusement and turn the corner heading towards my studio.
Even though Jimin and I are flirting, and it's only good fun, I still have to deliver myself a dose of self-talk to be okay that our game occurred before Yoongi. I fold, for now, Jimin has won this round, and I will have to be better prepared for our next.
It's OK, Lily. Yoongi NEVER wanted you. It's time to let it go. You are allowed to live your life however you want. You owe him no explanation. Just have some fun, you've earned it. Right?