CHAPTER 12 : SELFISH
Taehyung took his jacket off and looked around the crowded room, his heart beating so rapidly he felt a little dizzy for a moment. He shouldn't be here. What was he doing here? Why had he listened to jungkook, of all people?
Because that's what you wanted all along, whispered a voice in the back of his mind. Because Jungkook was just the last push he had needed. Because Hoseok had been wrong. Time didn't help. If anything, he felt shittier with every passing day, losing interest in everything. Even football.
Even.... his son. Even Jiwoo.
He could no longer deny that something was wrong with him. He could remember his love for football, his attraction and love for Jiwoo, his dreams about a family, but he couldn't feel any of those things anymore. It was like something was broken inside of him, something that had stopped working right. Sometimes he wondered if there had always been something fundamentally wrong with him, and Hoseok was the reason he could feel love at all. He used to be happy with Jiwoo, but he used to receive an abundance of love from Hoseok at the same time.
He might have underestimated how much his relationship with Hoseok affected his state of mind and his relationships with other people. Now that Hoseok was gone, he couldn't feel a thing anymore— anything besides the feeling of incompleteness and disconnection from the world. Fuck, it was beyond messed up.
And the worst part was, apparently Hoseok didn't feel the same way. Apparently, Hoseok was fine. More than fine. Apparently, Hoseok was too busy snogging some Americans to miss him at all.
"Hi! Looking for someone?"
Taehyung flinched and turned his head. A blond guy was looking at him curiously, but there wasn't even a flicker of recognition in his eyes. Here, across the pond, few people recognized him.
"Yeah, actually," Taehyung said. "Hoseok?"
"I think he's in the kitchen." The guy motioned to his left.
Muttering his thanks, Taehyung headed there, his legs somewhat unsteady.
He came to an abrupt halt in the kitchen doorway.
Hoseok wasn't alone. He had some guy all over him. They were kissing. Hoseok's hands were on Johnny's ass and Johnny was moaning and practically rutting against Hoseok, his fingers in Hoseok's hair.
For a long, painful moment, it felt like Taehyung's heart stopped beating. He had trouble breathing. So it was true. It was all true.
He must have made some noise because Hoseok ended the kiss and turned his head.
Hoseok went utterly still. Their gazes locked and the noise of the party seemed to die away. Taehyung's heart hammered in his ears.
"Hey, you're Kim Taehyung."
Taehyung forced himself to tear his eyes away from Hoseok to look at Johnny. He almost laughed, although amusement wasn't the emotion he felt as he looked at the guy. It figured that the only person who had recognized him in Korea would be Johnny.
"Yeah, and you are?" Tae knew he was being obnoxious and he didn't care. He'd never claimed to be a nice person, and he wasn't going to start for that jackass's sake.
"This is Johnny, my boyfriend," Hoseok said, putting an arm around Johnny.
Swallowing, Taehyung looked at his hand on Johnny's hip before lifting his eyes to Hoseok's face. It betrayed very little. He couldn't read Hoseok at all, and it hurt. It was never supposed to be that way. When he'd imagined—dreamed of—seeing Hoseok again, he'd never thought it would be like that. Hoseok wasn't supposed to look at him with disinterest and have some peroxide blond plastered against him.
Taehyung pasted a smile on his face. "Nice to meet you. Can I steal Hoseok for a minute?"
Johnny gave him a curious look but nodded and left the kitchen. When Johnny passed him, Taehyung held his breath: he smelled of Hoseok's cologne.
He closed the door after Johnny and turned around.
Hoseok's face remained impassive. "What are you doing here?"
Taehyung didn't know what to say. He wasn't supposed to be here. Jiwoo thought he was at the training center with the team. They had a game on Boxing Day, and he sure as hell wasn't supposed to be out the states the day before. The coach would kill him if he found out. And Hoseok didn't exactly look happy to see him. Everything he had planned to say seemed stupid now. Hoseok had moved on. Hoseok didn't give a shit anymore. Hoseok had a brand new boyfriend.
"It's good to see you, too, hyung."
Hoseok averted his gaze. "Taehyung—"
"It's nice to know you still remember my name." His tone was becoming nasty, but Taehyung couldn't stop. It fucking hurt. All these months, he'd been a mess, going through the motions without really caring, but apparently, Hoseok was pretty damn happy. "Wow, you're fast. I thought it would be at least a year before you started 'loving' someone else."
Hoseok still wouldn't look at him. "How is Jiwoo?"
"She's fine. We have a son."
"Congrats," Hoseok said briskly, walking toward the door. "I have to go. Johnny's waiting for me—"
Taehyung caught his arm.
Hoseok's muscles stiffened under his hand.
"Let go," Hoseok said, his voice very even.
"Do you love him?"
Hoseok looked at the closed door. "Yes."
"You're lying." He grabbed Hoseok's shoulder and turned him around. "You're fucking lying!"
Hoseok's face was inscrutable, his muscles rigid under his touch. "I'm in a good relationship. Let me be."
Taehyung tightened his grip. "Look me in the eye and say you love him. And I'll go and never come back."
Hoseok clenched his jaw. "He's everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend."
"That's not what I asked."
Hoseok looked him in the eye and said, "I love him. I'm over you. I don't love you anymore."
Tae sucked a breath in. He felt sick to his stomach.
"Prove it," he whispered, hating himself a little for being so pathetic.
"How am I supposed to prove it?"
"Hold me. And I'll know. I always knew."
Some emotion flickered across Hoseok's face. "That's silly."
"Prove it, then," Taehyung repeated, firmer this time. "If you're telling the truth, you've got nothing to hide, right?"
Hoseok didn't move.
"Or do you?" Taehyung said, raising his eyebrows.
Pressing his lips together, Hoseok lifted his arms and put them loosely around him before quickly letting go—but Tae grabbed his shirt. "Real hug. Or are you scared?"
Swearing through his teeth, Hoseok yanked him close and hugged him so hard he could barely breathe. Taehyung didn't care: he melted against Hoseok, into him, wanting to hide in him, crawl under his skin and never let go. Cursing again, Hoseok squeezed him harder, and God, Hoseok's scent, his arms around him, his strength—it felt so good, right and perfect on so many levels that he felt high. He'd been cold for so long. He felt warm now. Warm, cherished and loved.
"Baby," Hoseok croaked out, kissing Tae's brow and then his cheek, his breath unsteady and ragged.
Taehyung smiled—Hoseok hadn't called him that in years. "Missed you," he whispered, closing his eyes and leaning eagerly into the touch as Hoseok kissed his face. "So much."
"I know," Hoseok said, trailing his lips across Taehyung's cheek and inhaling deeply. He seemed to be faring no better than Tae: just as hungry for touch. And God, he'd been hungry for this. So hungry that at times it felt as though the need was gnawing a hole inside his soul.
Taehyung sighed as Hoseok kissed the corner of his mouth, then the other one. His lips parted.
"Say you love me."
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
Leave a comment and vote it really motivates me to write more. 🧘