Reviewer: Mila_333
Review: The Love Letters of Cell 247
Client: jo_fab
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Blurb
The blurb is unfortunately not well written. It lacks a good description to lure readers, I have to admit it does contain the necessary facts and the story does seem a bit interesting from the blurb, but it lacks professionalism. And, I know you can do so much better after reading your book. Please bear in mind that a person reads the blurb second, the first being the title. Hence, it is crucial to have a good blurb since it is more publicly shown to people. So, I have tried to help you a bit by pointing out some mistakes on the current blurb you have by correcting some grammatical mistakes and changing some things.
They said a woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. Then, what is that of a Man?
On a normal morning of February 2021, the San Fernando Correctional Facility awakened their prisoners just as they always did every morning. But, Cell 247 failed to produce its inmate. When two guards went to check on the old man, He was dead. Following the protocol when an inmate dies, they checked his room after he was taken to the morgue, expecting to find drugs or any self made weapon.
However, their lives changed forever, when what they found was 50 Love Letters!
Letters which proved to depict the depth of the man's love.
The above blurb is still not okay; I have only revised sentence fragments to some extent and have corrected grammatical mistakes. You can add more information on the letters without revealing too much. You can also give a small insight on 247's love for Maria. You should also implement your nice writing style to have the blurb hold a voice for the story, just like you did in the book.
Title
The title is extremely accurate and very much appealing to readers who like a dark romance. However, 'The Love Letters of 247' is more suitable than 'The Love Letters of Cell 247'. As a matter of fact, it's 247 aka the male protagonist writing those letters and not Cell 247, for cell 247 is only a cell not actually the person. Even in the story, when they refer to the male protagonist, they call him 247.
Cover
The cover is really nice and suits the story a lot! It possesses this exuding deep vibes and depicts a dark aura that totally matches the plot. The title is well placed, the background has the perfect colour to match the story, and the writing is accurate enough and well situated on the cover as well as your Author name. However, I feel like the cover should have had a visual representation of letters. For instance, you could have had some letters falling on the front of the cover as the male protagonist stood behind the bars, this could be just my personal opinion. I only said this as the letters play such an important role in the plot and having them on the cover would be a must for me personally.
Grammar
This is the most crucial section of your review and I advise you to pay a lot of attention here. Unfortunately, this book requires quite a lot of editing. I mean every book does require polishing, but you will have to bear some patience to edit the whole book. For instance, some of the grammatical mistakes I noted were the lack of punctuation marks, wrong tense used, typos, etc. I have tried to comment on the mistakes as I read, but at one point, the mistakes became repetitive. So, amongst other things, I noticed you have used 'its' instead of 'it's". I further noted you used 'you're' instead of 'yours'. Hence, it's amply evident to study on these a bit, so you're prevented from repeating the same mistakes again.
Another main issue was the verb tenses. Once you have decided which verb tense you want to use to narrate the story, you have to stick to that only. I noticed you switched from past tense to present tense frequently. When the letter is being read, that is when 247 is narrating what is going on in prison, you have to use present tense since the writer of the letter is 247, and he is writing something that's actually happening. However, when 247 is narrating something in the letter about something he is remembering from his past or an event during their childhood, then that should be all in past tense. Now, coming to the story itself, which is whatever is occurring actually in the prison, apart from the letters, for instance when the guards are talking or any action in the present plot should be in past tense as you began narrating the story in past tense only. Moreover, anytime you are talking about 247 after his death, you should refer to him in past tense since we use past tense for a dead person. Additionally, I noted that some sentences need to be restructured.
Another issue was found when there's a direct speech. Before you begin a direct speech, you should insert a comma before the opening dialogue tag and before ending the direct speech, that is before putting the closing dialogue tag you should apply the right punctuation mark. For example, I am taking a random sentence to showcase what I mean.
Sarah said, "Your story is amazing!"
As you can see, I have inserted a comma after the verb (before the direct speech begins) and an exclamation mark before the direct speech ends.
Another example follows:
I was extremely frustrated with my family. I was not ready to face them at all. (This is only a narration and not a direct speech).
"How long will you be able to remain angry at them? They are your dear ones after all." Sam asked.
As you can see, here before the direct speech starts, you don't need to put any comma as there is a narration before the direct speech. However, it is imperative at all times to insert the correct punctuation mark before the direct speech ends.
Each situation/sentence varies and I suggest you study this segment a bit. It's quite common to have grammatical mistakes in a book, but it shouldn't be to the extent that it begins bothering the readers.
Hence, coming to the editing of your story, I suggest you copy paste your work in a Google doc or on Microsoft word where your mistakes will appear automatically and you will be provided with the correction of the mistakes. It's very easy and less time consuming this way. However, it wouldn't really work in the long run as you need to learn about the techniques so you don't make these mistakes again. I can also recommend the application Grammarly which is helpful for editing purposes.
Plot
So, the plot is very well defined and it actually holds a lot of potential. You have seriously made the story so controversial and at one point, I didn't know how to actually feel about 247. At first, his narration about Maria was very sweet and I really loved how you portrayed him to be so observant about each of her actions. When the rape scene occurred, it was quite natural for 247 to be this angry and wanting to take revenge, although it would have been much better if he would have ended the rapist to the police, but he couldn't have done that because of his father.
However, after he avenges Maria's death, the scene with David at the old church came out as a surprise as I didn't expect 247 to get another surgery. At one point, I really thought he was obsessed with her. When David pointed out that he wants to be loved back, that's when I really understood everything. Later, joining the gang in prison changed my mind a bit about him, although I know you said he didn't want to do it. The fact that he continued killing other people made me a bit confused about his character. I understand that's how the story is supposed to be and that's how his character is actually built and I have to say you did a very good job making his character so controversial. At one point, I would understand his actions and at another point, I would question his doings. What really matters here is that you showed different sides of love from the point of view of a single individual. I also really liked how the prisoners talked about the women in their lives; it provided a nice observation on how love can be found in different forms and how it can go down.
Another thing I noted is that when 247 came back in town and he found out that Maria was getting engaged, I felt like he should have actually tried to meet her because at least he could have stood a chance. She was engaged, not yet married. Anyway, what came out of this situation was that we got to see his selfless love for Maria. The fact that he was happy to see her happy and allowed himself to stay in the corner just to see her live happily and peacefully, was enough to prove his love. Moreover, the vowel that he gave on Maria's wedding day was seriously really heart touching and admirable (minus the killing part obviously). I was seriously shaken when he did so many things to satisfy Maria's wishes for her big day ranging from the décor to her wedding dress and shoes. It was also very visible at another stage that the love he had for her has been consuming him. You made me feel so many emotions throughout the story. It was just simply unbelievable! Hat's off really!
Now coming to the present situation, the assault planned on San Fernando Correctional Facility was actually a very interesting element brought to the story. It was not expected at all and the way you detailed every single aspect was extremely filmy and thrilling. It was a well plotted twist and I like how you deviated the story for a while, but still continued with the main plot.
Writing Style
The writing style is amazing and refreshing to keep readers on hook. It's on point and I absolutely loved the nice description of San Fernando Correctional Facility and how the prisoners wake up. As a reader, I was able to visualise the scenes as you narrated them. The story also held a deep and impactful voice as a whole. The frightening aura of the prison could be felt. The only things that dimmed the writing style a bit were the grammatical mistakes; I tried to ignore them as much as possible. Moreover, I noticed some of the sentences were quite short. Therefore, to enhance this, I suggest using linking words/conjunctions to make the sentences more appealing and enhancing. Another element I loved was the writing of 247. It had this poetic feel and it held an individual voice of its own. The narration of the letters, the writing of what's happening in San Fernando Correctional Facility and the interaction of the guards/warden, each held a different voice of its own.
Character
I have already talked a bit about the male protagonist's character in the book in the plot section and I will say the same thing here because overall my personal analysis will remain the same. I feel you made 247's character difficult to understand but at the same time difficult to judge. Sometimes, he was loving while at some other point he would be ruthlessly killing people in the name of love. He truly showed different ways to love at different stages of life and that element was well shown throughout the story.
Coming to the female protagonist, unfortunately, we got to see only bits of her past via the letters and her daughter's POV. I would have loved to read her personal POV. It would be great if she'd wake up as the story goes on and eventually learn about someone who had loved her and had gone lengths for her sake.
I also really liked the other characters such as Protacio, Mark and Harold. Their personal stories contributed to the plot amazingly and it explains why they were able to connect this deeply to the letters. Their characters also depict growth as their behaviour towards the letters began to change as they continued their read.
Originality and reader's enjoyment
I will classify this story as one of the most unique stories I have read and I'm so glad I got the chance to read this amazing story, I can't wait to continue reading! I will check on your work at a later stage, I know you're working hard on the editing and proofreading already. I will definitely add this book to my 'Awesome books' reading list once it's fully edited.