Storming back into my room, I slammed my bedroom door behind me before collapsing onto my bed, eyes turning towards the ceiling.
Callie is being absolutely ridiculous, I thought to myself. She doesn't get to say who I do and do not consider family, especially when she's been trying so hard to not consider me her sister anymore by always avoiding me whenever I've visited. Sure, I started it by leaving. But she has to stop blaming me for—
It didn't take long for my bedroom door to open once more, interrupting my thought spiral.
I expected it to be mum, but when I looked up, a familiar pair of blue eyes on a girl with black hair was approaching me.
"Your mum has gone to talk to Callie about whatever that was and I'm here to talk to you," she said.
But I ignored her statement, instead whispering, "Looking at you makes me miss him, Aunt Jojo." Then I turned my gaze back to the ceiling as Jojo laid down on my bed next to me, her shoulder bumping against mine.
"Yeah. I miss my brother too," she breathed, hand reaching down to grab mine. "But life is too short to fight with your siblings, Lex," she then said.
Jaw locked tight, I finally bit into the conversation, mumbling back, "She started it."
"If she did, then she will need to apologise. But so will you. Both of you are upset, which means both of you have said or done something to trigger each other. As unreasonable either of you may think that trigger is, it doesn't negate the other's feelings. You both will need to find common ground."
"We don't have anything in common."
"Well that's not true. You have me. Your mum—"
"Nothing other than family. But even family is a topic we might fight about. Because heaven forbid I ever say I acknowledged Jessica as my mother. And of course mum did nothing wrong in her relationship with dad." I shook my head, hand coming out of Jojo's as I tugged at my face in despair. "I was trying to extend an olive branch."
"You two had a crazy connection, probably because you were womb mates and also just because you are sisters. But sometimes big things test us and try to split us up. You did at the time what you had to do for you. Your mum, dad, me, even Jessica knew that it was better for your health to be away from Callie. But what you also need to remember, Lex, is that you've been thinking about fixing your relationship with your sister for... what—"
"Five months at least," I muttered back. It was when the prognosis came and I realised that eventually I would move back here.
"Exactly. Callie, though, has always just assumed you two had grown apart. Then you show up wanting to fix it, expecting it to be easy because you've had so long to think about it. Right now, her system is just shocked. Take some time. Unpack your things a bit more," Jojo said, glancing around at my suitcase opened in the middle of my floor, still yet to be worked through, "Get used to the routines in the house. As Callie begins to see you around every day and not someone who is going to up and leave, she will come around. In her defence, she is lovely to most people. Just not those who caused her pain—not that it wasn't justified what you did."
I nodded slightly.
"She's just using you as a punching bag, Lex. Because she knows you love her enough to tolerate it. Eventually she will stop throwing the punches and let you in."
"Okay," I breathed, though I still wasn't sure.
She gave my hand a gentle squeeze and sat up.
"Hey Jojo?" I said, stopping her in her tracks before she got too far.
"Yeah?"
"Do people really treat her different just because—"
"Of course they do, Lex."
"But it's 2031. Shouldn't we be more progressive?"
"In some ways, kids are always nasty kids, unable to deal with their insecurities. Maybe some of it is still in her head and her own perception of her self-worth. And a lot of the kids who said mean stuff to her will grow up and stop saying it. But also... at some point she will need to acknowledge she is different. We all are. And some of our differences are just more visible to others. I think that she knows hers is so evident is what pains her. Most of us get to choose when we want to share our differences."
Biting my lip, I turned my head down, looking at my lap. Because I knew exactly what she meant. My truth, my difference, my heart, I avoided for a long time. And I still hadn't spoken to Callie and mum about it.
"Lex?" Jojo asked, pulling me from my spiralling thoughts once more and calling my gaze back up to hers. "That difference of yours that you told me about some months ago... I won't tell anyone about it until you have. Don't worry."
"It's not like I'm scared they won't accept me. Just... I hate the idea of having to come out. Like no one has to confess they are straight."
Jojo shrugged. "I came out the year you were born, and Lily, Cory, and my mum were overwhelmingly supportive. But there's always people who are scared of change." And as the words left her mouth, she glanced at the wall that separated my room from my sister's. "It's how we approach easing them into that change that can make all the difference though. Sometimes, they need to think they found their own way there."
With that, Jojo left the room, leaving me with her very abstract comments to ponder myself. "Damn woman thinks she's Rafiki from The Lion King," I whispered to myself before climbing out of my bed, onto the floor, and started to unpack my luggage.
With most clothes finally away, the rest in my hamper to be washed, I zipped up my suitcase and slid it under the bed. But as I stowed away my luggage, my eyes collided with the box sitting adjacent labelled Lexi's Memories.
Slowly, I pulled it out from under, tugged at the tape that held the cardboard closed, and began to take out the contents inside.
Pictures of me and Callie.
Tickets to movies.
Birthday cards.
Mostly expected items.
But then I pulled out a flimsy piece of ageing paper, covered in scrawl from younger Callies and Lexis. I couldn't stop the grin taking hold of my face as I glanced over it.
***
Six Years Ago
"Did I see that right today?" I asked Callie as we headed home that afternoon.
The sun was still high in the sky a little after school was out at 2:30. The sweat glistened upon my upper lip as the air hung thick like a blanket, the humidity permeating every inch of my being.
Nonetheless, we prevailed on our usual path: down the road, over the train tracks, across the highway, and into our suburb.
"See what?" Callie asked, keeping her eyes focussed on the ground instead of the path ahead of her—she always did that.
"The way you were looking at your new friend's brother."
We had just crossed the train tracks, and Callie came to a halt. The green man flashed across the highway, indicating that we could cross the road, but she stood stock still at the side, right where the gates close over the tracks. "Which friend?"
I rolled my eyes. "Sara. The Asian girl."
"Japanese Australian," Callie said—always trying to be correct. But her eyes were wide with alarm.
"Yeah, her."
"What about her?"
I heaved a sigh and hooked my arm through hers, tugging her across the road before we missed our chance to cross. Once safely on the other side, I continued, "When he came over to give her the lunch money at first break... your eyes almost had love hearts in them."
"Over Noah?"
"Noah, hey? So you even know his name?" I wiggled my eyebrows at her, relishing in the redness flushing her cheeks, totally not caused by the blistering heat.
"Of course I know his name," she said, voice wavering out of nervousness, eyes flickering away from my amusement, "He's Sara's brother. But I wasn't making lovey eyes at him."
"You can admit if you like him."
"I don't," she muttered, but the squeaky notes to her tone gave away her lie.
"Ooo! Callie's got a crush! To be fair, he's okay on the eyes," I said, as though I even cared. To be honest, I wasn't into anyone yet. While most of the girls were, at this stage, none of the boys had interested me. I just assumed it was because they were still too immature for my tastes. One day, surely, the right guy would come along and finally make my heart beat a little faster... just like in the movies.
"I do not have a crush," she heaved through her teeth, but her eyes still revealed all. "If you like him so much, then ask him out." I could hear the fear and hurt tainting her tone as she forced that statement out—still bent on her mission to throw me off.
"Callie," I sighed, grabbing her arm and pulling her to a stop. "I'm your sister. We were once wombmates. You can't fool me on this."
"It's just..." She exhaled a breath and turned to look at me. "I heard he was dating one of the popular girls in his year. And they only moved here a couple months ago so... There's no way he'd look at me, his little sister's new friend."
"Nonsense. You're heaps cool."
"But he has experience in kissing and stuff and I—"
Shaking my head, I grabbed my sister by the arms. "And you will get your experience through him."
"I'm..." she whispered in a small voice, "I'm not ready, Lex. Even if he is cute... Besides, he will be going to high school next year while I will still be in primary school."
"Then... maybe once we are in high school, if you still like him, you can date him then."
This time she rolled her eyes. "I'm too busy for a boyfriend right now anyway." She began walking again.
"Doing what?" I scoffed.
She threw me a smirk before linking her arm through mine. "Hanging out with my sister."
A laugh escaped my mouth as I said, "You're an idiot, Cal. But definitely too busy for any boys."
But that very evening, we laid on our bedroom floor, staring at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, avoiding the call of our bunk beds that demanded we go to sleep. "We should make a plan," I said to Callie.
"Plan for what?"
"Well... you've crushed on a couple of boys now, right?"
"Yeah," she muttered, face tinging red.
"And I haven't crushed on any, but one day I will. And when we do... well, guys like it when you know how to kiss. What if we make a list of all the boys we want to kiss in high school to get our credit up. Then no one can say 'Callie and Lexi aren't experienced'. The boys will be dying to be with us if we are interested because we will have kissed all the cool guys."
Callie was quiet for an immeasurable amount of time. Even when I lolled my head on the floor to look at her, study her. Her eyes remained fixated on the ceiling. A crease had worked its way between her brows.
After almost five minutes had passed and I was unable to withstand the silence, I said, "What do you think?"
She finally looked at me and said, "That is the dumbest plan you've ever had, Lexi. And you've had a lot of dumb plans."
"Okay, okay... maybe it has some kinks. But plans get better the more you think about them, right? This is just the start."
She shook her head and turned to look back at the ceiling again.
But I was determined. Leaving my sister laying on the floor, I sat up and pulled my bag over. As I fished out my notebook and a pencil, Callie had sat up, staring at me in confusion, watching my actions.
I ripped out a piece of paper and turned to her.
"Let's start now," I said.
"Start what?"
"With the beginning of our plan."
"I never agreed to this."
"Humour me, Cal. It's not like we have to go through with it. We can rip up this piece of paper tomorrow morning if it's that dumb. But let's at least... note down some names."
"Names for what?"
"Do you ever listen?" I exclaimed. Then I quickly scrawled the title on the piece of paper, turning it to face her.
Her brows furrowed impossibly further. "Callie and Lexi's Kiss L—" Her eyes shot up to mine. "Lexi, this is—"
"Just the start of an idea... and a bit of fun."
"And what on earth do you want to put on this list?"
"Just a bunch of names of the people we want to kiss in high school."
"Oh my..."
"C'mon."
"How can we make a list when you haven't even liked anyone?"
"Well... I can add to it when I get a crush. But for now, let's just add yours."
"This seems like a Callie's kiss list," she muttered, as though I wouldn't hear.
"Help me," I responded, starting to write the names.
"Lexi," she groaned. "Please don't write down the names of my crushes."
"Chill, Cal. Chill. I'll rip it up in the morning. Promise. But it's just a bit of fun tonight."
And finally, either she came around to the idea or just got sick of my persistence, she pulled another pencil from my pencil case and began helping me add names.
Not all were Callie's crushes. Some were just boys she thought were cute or cool. But right at the end of the list, I made sure to tag a special one for her.
"No," she exclaimed, crossing his name out.
"But you like—"
"He's Sara's brother, Lex. If I want her to be my friend, surely siblings are off limits."
I rolled my eyes in response.
"Off limits," she insisted, eyes boring into mine.
"Fine, fine..." But then I started to write numbers next to the names. "Wow... twenty boys."
"That's a lot of kissing," she breathed, also staring at the list. "I bet we don't even kiss one."
"Not with that attitude."
"And not with your ugly face," she retorted.
"Oi! You're the uglier one."
"Nope, that's totally you. Because you take after dad."
"Oh, you're going to pay for that, Callie!" But as I set the list down on the ground, she was already getting to her feet, grabbing a pillow off the bed and arming herself against me.
We went at each other, throwing stuffed toys and pillows. Giggling and tickling each other, stopping only when dad barged into the room to yell at us for not being in bed. Callie quickly snatched the list before he could see it, shoving it under my blanket on the bottom bunk.
So after a quick apology, we turned out the light and climbed into our respective bunks.
"Lex?" Callie whispered into the night after she had been quiet for what seemed like forever.
"Yeah?" I said, feeling a yawn take over me.
"Do you think any boy will ever like me?"
I pressed my lips together and looked up in her direction, staring at the mattress above my head. "Of course, Callie. What's not to like?"
She didn't say anything back for a while. But when she did, she said, "Thanks, Lexi. I hope whomever my first kiss is with... I hope he's a nice guy."
I smiled at her, even though she couldn't see. Then quickly tagged on, "And attractive. You forgot that part."
***
Twenty boys.
Twenty names.
A list we never completed.
Because some months later, Callie's shoelace got caught on the train tracks. On the very day Noah asked her what her favourite band was...
After scanning the names once more, trying to recall the faces of the boys we thought we would kiss when we got to high school, I put the piece of paper back where it belongs: in the past. Then I pushed the box back under my bed.