"Oh, by the way.", I said before actually walking out of the door. My body turned around to face Max once more. "I brought you guys these. Coffee and breakfast. I bet the hospital food sucks." Without saying another word, Max took the cups and the bag. He smiled at me sadly and I didn't need to know what he was thinking.
Even though Stacey had told me she would wait in the corridor, she was gone when I exited the room. I looked in each direction, but she wasn't there. With quick steps, I made my way back to the elevator and quickly pressed the button. The urge to just get out of here and forget about everything that I saw in that room grew bigger and bigger. I tried to push away all the thoughts that created themselves in my mind but the picture of the girl sleeping next to Lando didn't move an inch.
The elevator door finally opened and I got in. Pressing the button for the main floor, I pulled out my phone and checked my messages.
Stacey, 06:37
"I'm checking us in into the hotel that I booked. Call if you need anything."
Daniel, 06:28
"Did you make it to the hospital?"
I needed some time alone to cry but I wasn't ready to admit that. I was finally being clear about loving Lando and he was with some random girl. I never expected him to be like this, especially after what he had told me at the café, that he was willing to wait for me.
I felt tears welling up in my eyes, as the elevator beeped for every storey it passed. I blinked a couple of times, just to push them in again. I wanted to cry my heart out, but not here and not now. I needed to be alone. While still blinking, the doors opened again. With quick steps, I crossed the lobby and went through the entrance doors.
With my head down, I tried to blink away the tears again and walk through the parking lot at the same time. It went miserably, as I bumped into a shoulder after only a couple of meters. My head shot up in surprise and I met some light brown eyes. Familiar eyes, I soon recognised.
"Tia! You look...", Daniel greeted me but held in as he scanned my face with worried eyes. "tired and sad." I inhaled a deep breath, then wiped away the single tear that fell down my cheek.
"Well, I am", I said. Then added: "both." Daniel's eyes still scanned my face, but this time with more worried and sympathetic eyes.
"Why?" Daniel's voice was quiet and only a whisper. He laid his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. My arms immediately went around his body without me thinking of it. His body warmth calmed me down a little and made me feel safe. I felt more tears running down my cheeks, and I bet they soaked Daniel's black graphic t-shirt, but I didn't really care and Daniel didn't seem to either.
"It's stupid.", I told him, well more into his t-shirt, and shook my head.
"I bet it's not.", Daniel replied. I stayed quiet for moments. The only answer I gave was my head shaking to the sides. I sniffeled my nose, then readjusted my head to get more comfortable. The comfortable situation I was in didn't hold for long, though. Daniel raised his arms to my shoulders and pushed my body away from him. I immediately looked down. One of his hands rested on my shoulder, the other one lifted my chin up and forced me to look at him.
"It's bothering you. So tell me." His words were still only a whisper, but I had no choice than to tell him. He didn't leave me with another choice. And it was more than clear that he didn't play around. He wanted me to be happy and if I was not, he needed to know. Like a great friend he was.
"Can we just not do it here?", I asked him as I dropped my gaze back to the ground again.
"Of course. There's a river close by. You want to go there and sit at the water?", he asked me carefully and I nodded. His hand finally dropped from my shoulder and laid on my lower back, as he gently pushed me away from the hospital.
---
"So, how are they?", Daniel asked me as we found a bench close to the river that ran through Monza. It was a little hidden, in between big trees and a couple of meters away from the actual river. The scenery was still beautiful, though. The sun was just rising behind the riverside and tinted the sky in a light orange. In any other circumstances, I would have just sat there and admired the nature, but the girl and Lando didn't leave my mind.
"Max and Lando, I mean.", he added as I didn't answer immediately. I had calmed down on the way here, but my mood still was at the lowest. I wasn't crying anymore though, which was good.
"Max is good.", I told him. "I talked to him a little bit. He is sad and feels guilty about the crash."
"But it wasn't his fault.", the brown haired Australian next to me immediately interfered.
"That's what I told him.", I responded. I took a sip from the coffee I had bought for myself when Stacey and I had grabbed breakfast for the boys. "But still, he is beating himself up about it."
"Yeah, that does sound like Max." Daniel fumbled the lace of his shoe in between his fingers. His right leg was up on the bench as he was halfway facing me. I was fully facing the river, my legs crossed above each other. My back rested on the backrest of the wooden bench. I nodded and closed my eyes for a moment to absorb the first sunbeams of the day.
"And Lando?", Daniel then asked. Worry was set in his voice, like a big brother was worrying about and caring for his little brother. I always knew that Daniel was a friend of Lando, but I never knew they were this close. It must have happened over the past three months, as I wasn't present at the races. Maybe they just needed some time to warm up to each other. They were new teammates this season after all and needed to get used to each other at first.
I inhaled another deep breath. I seemed to be doing that a lot today. I opened my eyes, looked at the sun for a moment, then turned my head to talk to Danny.
"I haven't talked to him.", I answered and looked back at the sunrise. "He was still sleeping when I came in. Max only said Lando seemed to have had the bigger impact."
"Then why are you this stirred up?" His voice was determined but still kind. I didn't feel like I was being pushed into talking, so I looked for the right words.
"Does Lando have a girlfriend?", I asked straight away.
"What?" Daniel was clearly shaken by my sudden question and needed to sort his thoughts at first. I turned my head to him again, waiting for an answer.
"What makes you think that?", he repeated his question. His eyes scanned my face for any emotion from my side. There was nothing there, though. I felt like I was dead inside and I was more than prepared for any answer Danny would give me. I just hoped he was about to be honest with me.
"There was a girl.", I stared to explain. "In Max's and Lando's room. She was sleeping next to his bed, her head resting close to him. She was pretty." I held in for a moment. A smile appeared on my face but it was full of pain. The emotions suddenly were there and overwhelmed me like a avalanche. "Gorgeous even.", I added as the smile slowly disappeared from my lips and tears started to come up again.
"I don't know."
These weren't the words that I needed to hear. I wanted to hear that he wasn't in a relationship, that the pain I was feeling right now was absolute bullshit and that I was still the girl he liked. Daniel rubbed his hand over my back in an attempt to calm me down. His body turned even more towards me.
"After you have told him that you needed time, we talked once about this situation between us and about how much you mean to him. Then he asked me to not mention girls anymore and I didn't. He hasn't told me anything about another girl. But I have no idea what was going on with him." I nodded. It wasn't a clear denial of him being in a relationship but it also wasn't like Danny told me he was dating someone. So there was hope, wasn't there?
"I would be happy for him, you know?", I told him and made eye contact. Another small smile appeared on my lips and I nodded as I saw Danny's doubtful look.
"I really would be.", I promised him. I sniffeled and wiped away the tears. "I just want him to be happy. Whether be that with or without me."
"You know that he can only be happy with you in his life." Danny's words meant a lot and made me smile a little more. Still, they also hurt a bit. It meant that he could be happy with having me as a friend. Which was good, I guess, but I didn't know anymore if I could bear to see him being happy with another girl.
"I know.", I said. "And I also know that I love him. With my entire heart."
A grin appeared on Daniel's face. Almost like he had been dying to hear these words from me. He looked at me proudly and his grin changed into a big smile. My face, on the other hand, showed pain and sadness. They grew bigger and bigger as the time passed where I still wasn't sure about the girl I saw sleeping next to him.
"He'll be so happy to hear that.", he ensured me.
"I hope so."
"He will be. If not, I'll beat his ass." Daniel's words made me laugh. A small smile stayed on my lips. "Just like I wanted to kick Lucas's ass."
"You wanted to do that?", I asked back a little surprised. I knew he would do anything for his friends, but I didn't expect him to beat somebody up.
"Of course. That bitchass hurt you deeply. I wanted him to feel the same."
"That's very kind. But I guess he felt it already.", I said back and looked back at the sunrise.
"Really? How so?" Daniel's words sounded like he didn't believe me. Which he had every right to do so. He didn't hear Lucas's voice when he called me that night when I was over at Lando's house.
"By realising what was missing when I was gone." These words left my mouth confidently, which I was grateful for. I slowly got my strength back and I dealt with the picture of the girl and Lando.
"That's amazing. He deserved that." Daniel now also turned towards the sunrise and watched it for a moment.
"Yeah. I just hope Lando doesn't feel this way when it turns out that he actually does have a girlfriend. I would be gone by then.", I explained.
"You have every right to leave his life if he pulled that move. I just want you to know that Lando isn't your ex boyfriend or your family. As far as I know, he wouldn't do that." It was always incredible to me how Daniel immediately knew what I was worrying about the most.
"Thank you, Danny.", I told him. "For everything."
"Of course, Tia.", he replied and smiled at me. "But I think we need to go back. You really should talk to him." I inhaled again, then exhaled the deep breath.
"Yeah, I know." Even though it would have been easier to just avoid Lando and not deal with this right now, I found myself back in the hospital some minutes later. When Daniel and I entered the room again, we found it completely empty. The girl was gone, the chair she was sleeping in was neatly pushed back into its respective place at the little white table in the corner. Both of the beds were gone. Lando and Max had to be at the tests still.
"Should we just wait?", I asked the Australian as he stood in front of the big window and enjoyed the view. I shyly stood at the entrance and didn't know where to move my body.
"Yeah, I guess that is the only thing we could do now.", Daniel agreed and sat down at the table. I followed him with slow steps and sat down across from him. I let my gaze wander to the outside and watched the sunrise from here. Daniel soon after pulled out his phone and we sat there in silence while waiting for the other two boys. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence though. I felt more than safe and comfortable with Danny. Sometimes, I would lay my eyes on Daniel and caught him smiling or even chuckling at something on his phone. He deserved the world and I wished, no prayed that he would find someone he can spend the rest of his life with soon.
I didn't know how much time had passed but it didn't feel long before the door was swung open and a bed was pushed in. Max was laying in it and smiled as he saw Daniel and me waiting for them. As soon as the nurses were out of the room again, he stood up from the bed. He greeted Daniel with a handshake and gave me another hug.
"God to see you, mate.", Daniel said. "How are you?"
"Good, everything is fine. I'll be going home today.", Max explained as he sat back on the bed.
"That's amazing.", I said and smiled. I was genuinely happy for him.
"And I watched the replay of the crash again.", the dutch then continued to explain. "And I agree with you, Tia, that it wasn't mine or Lando's fault."
"Yeah, I told you. It's nobody's fault. These things happen.", I said but Max shook his head.
"No, see. In my opinion, it's Lewis' fault.", he explained. "In the video, you can see that he leaves way to much space on the left, so that leads to me needing to avoid a crash and then crashing into Lando."
"Mate, it doesn't matter who's fault it was.", Daniel interrupted. "Main thing is, that you and Lando are alright and will be back at the track soon. Where is he, by the way?"
"He should be here any minute.", Max explained. "He just needed to finish one more test."
Just like we had perfectly timed it, the door was pushed opened and a second bed was pushed in by two other nurses. He seemed tired and still exhausted, but when he saw Daniel and me sitting at the table, his eyes widened. I couldn't help myself. Like a relfex, I stood up and held eye contact with him until the nurses were gone. He seemed to surprised to talk, so I started.
"You look like shit.", I said with a smile on my face. His eyes lit up a little bit, a grin appeared on his face.
"Thanks.", he said. "You look gorgeous, as always." His words made my heart skip a beat. He seemed genuinely happy to see me, which increased the hope that he wasn't dating anyone. He sat up a little and leaned his back against the mattress, which was pushed into a more vertical position. Then his hand padded on the mattress as he scootched over a little bit to leave some space fo me. Without thinking, I followed his invitation and sat down next to him. Our eyes didn't lose contact the entire time.
"How are you?", I asked quietly as I looked down on his hands and arms. There were some scratches here and there. On his right hand, there was an aditus. I always imagined these to be painful but Lando didn't see to care about that.
"Better now.", he answered just as quietly. Max and Daniel had fallen into their own conversation. I felt Lando's hand looking for mine. I looked down once more and grabbed his hand.
"No, seriously. What did the doctors say?", I asked him with worry in my voice.
"Everything is fine. Just concussed and exhausted. I can leave tomorrow the lastest.", he told me and I nodded relieved. "What are you doing here, though? Weren't you performing in London?"
"I was.", I replied. "But then I saw your crash and needed to see you. I was just so worried about you."
"Well, you don't need to be worried anymore.", Lando ensured me. "I'm great." He brought my hand up to his face and pressed a little kiss onto the back of it. My heart beat like crazy and I felt my cheeks heaten up. I couldn't wait to tell him about my feelings. This wasn't the best moment for it, though. I wanted to wait for us to be alone. This was something not everybody needed to witness in person.
"I'm so glad you're okay.", I said once more and looked into his beautiful blue eyes.