A/N
Ok we gonna add some drama up in here but I pains me making Josh a bad guy!!!!!!!
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I was sad to see the boys leave the day after their shows but luckily I spent a few more days with Kenzi before returning back to Georgia for another theatre gig. Blake had actually recommended me for this job that was based in Atlanta but it allowed me to work home so I could be with Angie.
The guys have been playing shows across the country for the last month making their way back down to Nashville. I had taken the next week off and planned to visit Josh in Tennessee after their last show. Josh and I FaceTimed almost every night and I always got a tour of his new hotel room. We even made a drinking game to the common stuff we noticed was in a lot of the rooms. Sometimes the guys would be invited to special events and Josh would send me photos and videos of him out meeting cool people. These texts were usually paired with 'Miss you' or 'wish you were here.'
Last night was one of those nights where Josh and I did not FaceTime. Blake had taken me out to meet some other people he had worked with to expand my work pool. We occupied the big room at a restaurant downtown and talked late into the night about our past work stories. Around 9:30 I received a text from Josh as he and the others had gone out to a bar for a few drinks. I replied with a photo of Blake and I at the end of the long table where I pretend to be pouting and Blake jokingly acted stern with a text that read 'stay outta trouble.'
I woke up this morning with a slight hangover, that is what I get for switching to rum and cokes after starting off with beer. Sitting up in my bed I heard a soft knock at my door. Angie poked her head in before realizing I was up. "Great you awake." She walked over and sat down beside me "figured you would need some of these." Angie placed a couple ibuprofens in my hand.
"Thank you" I said as I placed them in my mouth and washed them down with the water that sat on my nightstand.
"Also here is your phone. You left it downstairs when you came home last night. I charged it a bit for ya." Something in the way Angie was treating me was off. This was not her normal caring type act, it almost felt like she was mothering me and avoiding something. "You have quite a few notifications, I had to silence your phone" Angie said still with a weird energy.
I looked down to see texts from all the boys and Kenzi, 23 missed calls from Josh and a ton of Instagram notifications from comments to tags. "What is going on" I asked rubbing my eyes and looking up to Angie who replied with a small awkward smile.
Jake, Sam and Danny were asking me over and over again to call Josh, Kenzi was asking me what was going on and Josh kept apologizing. None of my questions were answered until I decided to open instagram and see what all the notifications were about. My feed was flooded with photos of Josh with another girl. My heart sunk as photos throughout the night showed them making-out, dancing with each other and even leaving the bar hand in hand. "How did you know" I asked Angie while keeping my eyes on my phone.
"Josh called me around 11 am. He was a mess and was asking me if you were awake and if you saw, as he would not stop saying he was sorry" Angie answered as she moved closer to me a rubbed my back.
I closed out of instagram and noticed it was noon. With a sigh I clicked on my contacts and then Josh's name. The line only rang once before he answered. I put him on speaker as he rattled off "I am so sorry, it is not what it looks like and I will explain everything, this will never happen again." That last part enraged me the most.
"I don't need excuses and you are right it won't happen again because we will never happen again. Keep your apologies, it won't change anything, you lost my trust and if you don't have that you don't have anything. Have a good life Joshua, I hope I never see you again." And with that I hung up before giving him time to respond.
"I support you" Angie said bringing me into a hug.
"Thank you for being here with me" I said pulling out of her hug "I really am but I think I would like to be by myself right now."
Angie shook her head as she got off my bed and headed to the door. "Please let me know if you need anything" she said as she closed the door behind her.
I laid back down in my bed and stared at the ceiling. Part of me wanted to go back on Instagram and see more of the photos but I knew that was not a good idea so I just stared at my ceiling until my eyes got heavy and I fell back asleep.
A buzzing from under my pillow startled me awake as my phone was vibrating me to signal that I was getting a call. It was Kenzi and I picked up. "How are you" she said in a much softer tone than normal. I wished she sounded like her overly excited self.
"Do you wanna guess" I said more harsh than I meant especially since Kenzi was just being nice.
"Have you talked to him" she asked still being very cautious.
"I called him when I woke up this afternoon. He tried to apologize but I cut him off. We are done, I can't do this. I worked so hard to make it work... for him to do shit like that" I trailed off as I realized how angry I was.
"I feel that you should know he called me and told me everything from his point of view and he is truly sorry. You might want to hear his side of the story but if you don't want to that is justified." I felt bad putting Kenzi in the middle, I know she is close with Josh since they grew up together but at this point I never wanted to hear his voice again.
"If I tell you I will think about it, will you believe me" I asked into the phone.
"Right now, no" she answered truthfully. "I just wanted to check in girly, know that I am always a call away. Oh and I will be asking Angie to send me updates on you if I don't hear from you just as an fyi."
"Note taken... I love you, thanks for calling" I said as Kenzi made a kissing sound through the speaker before hanging up.
I threw my phone across the room and noticed that the sun had set outside, my whole day had been spent in bed. Giving into the situation, I readjusted my comforter and went back to sleep.
The next day I actually woke up at my normal 8 am and sat up in bed before turning on my tv and playing IT Crowd to distract myself. I had only watched a few episodes before Angie came into my room. She didn't barge in by any means but her extra concern she had yesterday was gone.
"You need to talk it out, I know you too well. When you get truly upset you go into shut down mode. I mean girl, I have seen you cry at the drop of a hat so for you to be emotionless, I know you are really hurting. I also know shut down mode means you are blaming yourself somehow so let me hear it" Angie said a little sternly. I gave her a look to let her know I did not want to talk. "Nope, I have known you for six years and I know that I can't leave you to dwell right now. So let me hear it, how has your brain spun this situation to be your fault?"
I sat up closer to Angie as I thought over her words. "I let a man into my life and he cheated. I somehow found a man that did to me what my father did to my mom through their whole marriage. I let myself open up to him, I 100% fell in love with this man and part of me still wants him but now all I can think is that he will do it again and that I will sit in worry for they rest of my life if I go back to him." As I spoke out my thoughts, I did start to cry.
"There we go" Angie said pulling me close "I knew that ship of emotions would set sail if the bottle was opened." I laid in her arms and wept and she stroked my hair. We stayed like this for awhile until Frank, who had been sleeping on my bed with me, got up and ran to my window. He did not bark just simply looked out wagging his tail signaling to me and Angie someone we knew was approaching the house. Angie made her way to the window to see who it was and as she saw, she picked up Frank and turned to me. "Excuse me a minute" she said making her way out of the room and down the hall.
I got up and put my head into the hallway to hear the conversation I anticipated would take place down stairs.
"What are you doing here" Angie asked as I heard our front door swing open. "You are just going to show up with no warning after pulling the shit you did. You are no better than her asshole of a father going out and not being able to keep it in your fucking pants." I now knew who was standing out front.
"Please just let me see her, I just want to to talk. "
There was a long pause before Angie answered "fine but you can talk to her through the door."
I closed the door as I heard them make their way to the stairs and hopped back into my bed.
A knock came from my door as Josh said "firefly it's me and I just want to talk." I remained quiet and stared at the door handle. I could see Josh's shadow from the crack at the bottom of the door as he sat down. There was another pause before I heard Josh start to sing softly through he door. He tapped his fingers on the floor as he sang Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters. My body was frozen and I didn't know what to do. After he was finished a small piece of purple paper was slide under my door. "I am willing to do this everyday until you talk to me" he said before getting back up. I remained on my bed until I heard the front door close. When I got to the door I picked up the piece of paper and walked into the hallway.
'I know it is not from your favorite Elton album but I loved when you would play this song and sing along during our FaceTimes' the note read.
"I think he was serious about coming back everyday" Angie said from the end of the hall.
"Let him waste his time."
Sure enough the next day Josh was back this time singing Sister Golden Hair and the note he slipped under the door read 'I remember how excited you were to tell me about this concert when you and Angie went a few months back after you bribed her into going with you.'
He did this for three more days.
Day One: Hold the Line- 'Sorry Im no Steve but I know you were planning on getting his guitar tattooed to match Gene's bass'
Day Two: Dust in the Wind- 'You always said this song reminded you of your family and the good times you guys had so I know it is one of your favorites'
Day Three: You May Be Right- 'Your collection of Billy Joel records is so impressive I can't hear one of his songs without thinking of you'
When he came back the next day I decide to throw him a bone, maybe I just wanted to give him false hope. As he sang Holly Holy, he changed the lyric to say Molly instead of Holly, I opened the door and headed down the hall to the bathroom. "No one likes Neil Dimond" I said not making eye contact as I walked.
"Your collection of his albums and the collage of his concert tickets says otherwise" Josh said as he stopped his singing and simple guitar strumming. "Wait you talked to me" he said yelling and following me down the hall. I closed the bathroom door on his face and waited for him to leave. "I knew you would talk to me, I am not giving up firefly" and with that he ran out of the house after sliding the purple note under the bathroom door. 'For the person that sings Sweet Caroline at the top of her lungs every time it comes on without fail, your love of Neil is no secret.'
The next day I did they same thing by exiting my room to the bathroom as he sang. Todays song was Dear Prudence. "The Stones are so much better than the Beatles" I said before closing the door.
"We both no you don't believe that" Josh said as a purple note was slid under the door and landed in front of my feet. 'A song from what you claim is one of the best albums of all time even though Jake would and has argued with you for hours over this statement.'
That night I received a voicemail from Jake. "First off, I want to apologize for Josh's actions, we should have made sure he didn't get that drunk. Are you doing alright? Second off, how is he doing? He has not responded to any of our texts ad we know he has been visiting you because Angie has been keeping us updated." Jake went quite for what felt like forever before talking again "we miss you Molly. We miss hearing your voice over the phone every night and getting to talk to you. Love you, have a good night" and the line clicked off. I sat on my bed thinking over the words, they made me think of when Kenzi asked me to hear Josh out.
The next morning I was awoken to singing from the hallway. I thought bak to the previous night and stood up from my bed. I stood in front of my door and listened to Josh as he sang I'm Sorry by John Denver. Tears welled up into my eyes but I knew I needed to be strong as I reached for the handle. "You got two minutes" I said walking through the doorway and sitting on the floor across from Josh. He looked at me shocked and confused. "Two minutes to tell me whatever you want and explain. Dont waste it" I reiterated looking down at my watch.
"I am so sorry" He started as he moved to be closer to me to which I put my hand out to stop him. "I really am sorry, I have no idea why I did it. I was missing you so much that the guys took me out to the bar and I just drank so much. I truly don't remember almost any of the night after we stopped texting. I would never do that to you firefly, never in my right mind. Please understand, I don't remember doing any of it and it meant absolutely nothing to me" he pleaded out as tears fell down is face. I will admit it was nice to be the one not crying for a change.
"So let me get this right, you cheated on me because you missed me so much" I said with a sigh as I crossed my arms over my chest.
"Yes" Josh said knowing it sounded ridiculous. "Baby I was so drunk."
I cut him off "ahh so you cheated on me because you missed me AND you didn't know your own limits with alcohol." I got up from my spot and turned to open my door again. Before doing so I turned back around and looked Josh right in the eyes "I am all for a good time but cheating and then blaming your choices and problems on alcohol are two thinks I told myself I would never let anyone in my life do ever again." With that I walked back into my room and slide down the back of the door. The purple letter was slide next to me. 'No one puts feelings to words like John Denver, I am sorry.'
Around 7pm Angie came into my room. She did not walk over to me immediately but instead looked around a little and noticed the purple papers I had been piling on my dresser. "He sure is putting his whole ass into this" she said picking up the papers and shuffling through them. I watched as she placed them back down and walked over to me. "You need to get out of this room. I mean can you get further than the stairs today maybe? Actually Paige is coming over and we are gettin pizza from the vegan place you like, will you join us. We can annoy her by being film bros together and talking about the details in the movie the whole time."
I looked up to meet her eyes, I could tell she was concerned for me. "You wanna know who would have loved that" I said bringing my knees to my chest.
"The hobbit that keeps singing in our hallway?" Angie said pointing towards the doorway. I laughed and hit her with one of my pillows. Just then we heard Paige's voice from downstairs announcing she had arrived with the food. "Oh yeah I gave her a key to the house" Angie said with a big smile as she extended her hand out to me.
We made out way downstairs and Paige gave me a big hug. They let me pick the movie so I forced them to watch The Good The Bad and The Ugly, my favorite Clint Eastwood movie. As the characters were being taken to the prison camp, I got a message on instagram from an account I did not know.
'I think we should talk' the message read. I accepted the chat and replied with multiple question marks. It did not take long to get a reply, 'I am the girl from the bar and I think you deserve some answers.'
I was in shock and didn't want to cause attention to myself as I glanced over at Angie and Paige who were cuddled up on the couch with their eyes glued to the tv. "I need to use the restroom" I whispered as I tip-toed out of the living room. 'I would love to hear what you have to say' messaged back as I sat up on the counter in the bathroom.
'Well first off, hi I am Sara and I am so sorry for any problems I have created. It took me a few days to kind of piece this all together and I really wanted to make sure I was telling you everything. It was overwhelming with all the tags I was getting from posts, I don't know how people found my Instagram from just photos' she texted.
'How do you think I feel🙃' I typed out.
'Ok this is gonna be long but I am just going to get it all out there! I had gone to the bar with a close friend of mine for a few drinks, we really just wanted to dance our asses off that night. I had run into Josh at the bar where he had already seemed to be rather toasted but we made polite conversation and he kept mentioning how me missed some girl. I thought he was just going through a bad breakup the way he went on and on about how he just want to be with her again and feel her next to him and how he wanted to hear her voice. I now see that this girl was you and he was missing you due distance not a breakup. It was at this time that my friend I had gone to the bar with informed me she was leaving with a guy she met so Josh became the only other person I knew at the bar, I genuinely had no idea he was this rockstar dude. He had quite a few more drinks and started to call me Molly and in my buzzed state I felt bad for him and did not stop him from doing so which I would like to apologize for as this was wrong. I was the one that pulled him onto the dance floor and initiated the whole situation, meanwhile he continued to call me Molly the entire time. As Josh was very intoxicated at this point I thought it best for us to sit down after our dancing and this is where he kissed me while proclaiming he missed me so much. Under the inference that he was going through a break-up I didn't stop this and I even played along until his hand found its way into my shirt to which I decided it had gone too far. I asked him if he knew the way back to his place as I felt he needed to no longer be in that space. After he had con firmed he knew the way back I helped him to a car out front and then made sure he got into his place safely. That was it, that was all that happened.'
My mind spun as I read over her novel she sent me. 'So he thought you were me' was all I was able to reply with.
'Yes and I am so sorry I played along with the whole thing' she messaged back instantly
'Honestly I don't know how I would have reacted if I was in your position so no hard feelings. Thank you for making sure he got back home safe.'
The little dots showed up to let me know she was typing again. 'Girl by the sounds of it he really does love you. I don't know what has gone down the past week since all of this but I felt you needed to know as I assume he did not remember much of it.'
This Sara girl actually seemed very nice and I was sad that this is how we were getting to meet. 'This has given me lots to think about but thank you for making the effort to talk to me.' Sara simply liked my reply and I shut my phone and returned to the living room to finish the movie.