Visiting the Grand Prix with my new management was amazing. Even though I had offered to do some interviews to promote my new contract with Vision Management, Stacey refused to let me do that. She promised me I was only there to support my friends and to enjoy myself. So I didn't give any interviews or speak to any of the teams. I only had some pictures taken, mostly with fans, but that was it.
I saw and spoke to Pierre, Daniel and Lando back in the hotel I was staying in. Even Max and Mick came over to check in on me. We sat in the dining hall of the restaurant and chatted for about two hours Saturday evening. At some point, I broke off the evening with them since I knew all of them had to be back at the track in the morning and I didn't want them to crash into each other just because they were tired. At first, Lando and Daniel refused to go, but I insisted that they would. They eventually gave in when I didn't let them argue with me about that.
That was the last time I had seen the two lads.
Since the last Grand Prix I attended, three months had passed. As I had told Lando before, I needed time to work on myself and that's what I did in these months. Stacey, Wyatt, Lewis and Lara helped me massively during this time. When I came clear about the eating disorder I developed under my last management, they hired a personal trainer and nutritionist for me, who was now working with me every day to get healthier and stronger. And I loved the results we already accomplished. I was much healthier, had more energy and built some muscles, which gave me a great physique in my eyes. It also helped me while shooting the movie I had signed for since it was more of an action genre than Toxic was.
Stacey and the others had also helped me find and move into a new home near London. It was a nice house, not too big for me alone, and I loved living there. It was placed in a quiet neighbourhood and was surrounded by a lot of untouched nature which allowed me to just go for a walk and clear my mind. And the best thing about the new house: my mother had no idea I lived there and had no key to my new place. It gave me an extra feeling of peace.
Besides shooting the new movie, I gained back the fun I had while shooting YouTube videos for my channel. I started uploading regularly after about one month after signing with Vision Management and got only positive reviews since then. A lot of comments were about how well recovered I looked. It was just great to have the power to decide what kind of video I was going to shoot and upload. I discovered that I loved having real-life content, so I started a series on my channel called "Tiasday", where I uploaded a weekly vlog of my life every Tuesday, so fans could have an impression of what was going on in my life.
After I had realised that I had recovered fully from the past happenings, I decided to follow my other dream and to write and do music. My management was delighted by my idea of writing and recording my songs. It also helped me deal with the last emotions that were left in me and I found inspiration in the happenings and feelings I experienced in the past months and weeks.
Getting fully into music had also helped me find new friendships. My management had dragged me to an award show at some point, where I met some of England's celebrities and musicians. Since this award show, I was getting close with Dom, aka YUNGBLUD, Anne-Marie and Little Mix. Especially the girls had been very helpful in finding back my confidence and self-worth. We met some days after the award show and spent some time together and came up with a plan for my return to the public. And today was the day we performed this plan. Of course, Stacey and the other managers knew about the plan and supported me all the way, which made me even happier.
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I waited patiently backstage for my turn. Anne-Marie stood in front of me and glanced between the red curtains onto the stage. Perrie, Leigh-Anne and Jade just finished another song of theirs and waited for the audience to quiet down.
Anne-Marie and I were invited by the girls to join their tour in the O2 Arena in London. Of course, we couldn't say no. It was an honour to be invited to such an amazing show. We decided it would be great to have me join the other girls for their collaborated song "Kiss My (Uh Oh)". I loved the song, especially because it resembled exactly what I was feeling for my ex Lucas right now. I was nervous though. It was my first time singing in front of a live audience and having to do that right in front of 20,000 people didn't help my nerves either. Anne-Marie noticed that as well as she let the curtain fall back into its place and she turned back around to me.
"Are you nervous?", she asked me rhetorically and I nodded.
"You have no idea.", I answered her. I felt my hand shaking and sweating, so I dried them on my outfit. Anne-Marie was way more relaxed than I was. No wonder, since it was her job to perform in front of thousands of people.
"You're going to be great.", she said confidently. "You killed your parts at rehearsals, so you don't need to worry."
"Thanks, Anne.", I said back and smiled at her. She smiled back.
"Alright. The next song we will perform is not just our song.", I heard Perrie starting to announce the next song on stage. This was Anne-Marie's and my clue. Stacey appeared next to me and gave me one last reassuring hug.
"Go and kill them.", she whispered in my ear and I gave her one last smile before starting to walk behind Anne-Marie up the stage. We stopped just before the fans would see us and waited for our final clue.
"Now, for this next song, we need some help in performing.", Jade joined her friend in announcing the next song and leaned on Perrie. Their outfits were stunning and matched perfectly together, but still, they all looked unique in their own ways. Leigh-Anne joined the other two on Perrie's other side and waved at some fans in the front row.
"Here we go.", Anne-Marie said next to me and gave me another smile. I smiled back as adrenaline rushed through my veins and let me forget all the nervousness I had in me.
"Please welcome our good friends, Anne-Marie and Tia!", Leigh-Ann then announced and Little Mix turned around to watch us walk onto the stage. In the background, the band started to play the intro of the song, just like we rehearsed. The fans screamed and cheered as Anne-Marie and I stopped next to the other three girls and hugged them as a greeting. I looked around the crowded arena and absorbed the energy that was in here. As nervous as I still am, this feeling, just standing here and taking in the cheering and applause was worth it. To calm my nerves, I twisted the microphone in my hand but smiled and waved to some fans. There was a command in our in-ears that we needed to start singing soon, so I focused a little more.
"This is Kiss My.", Perrie then finally announced and we all took our respective places on the stage. We had rehearsed some kind of dance choreography. Nothing big, only some steps for the refrain, but I was more than excited to finally perform it. Jade, Perrie and I started with some background lyrics. We stopped as Anne-Marie started with the actual lyrics to the song.
"Don't wanna hear one more lie; That used to work, but not tonight; That's the last time you do me wrong"
Once more, Jade, Leigh-Anne and I did the background sound and harmonised perfectly. I had a rush of excitement and happiness as I heard how well we sounded and all the nervousness was suddenly gone.
"Got my stuff, I'm out the door; Now I'm the one you're begging for; Don't know what you got until it's gone", Perrie continued the first verse.
Another part of us doing the background sounds was done. Leigh-Anne continued with the bridge.
"Already know how this goes; Give you my all, then you ghost; But when I'm gone, you do the most, yeah" A smile grew on my lips as I knew the next part would be mine. Excited, I brought up the microphone to my mouth as I sang live in front of thousands of people for the first time.
"Why you only lo-o-ove me when I'm walking away?; Only ever wa-a-ant me when I don't want to stay; Love the feeling, hitting different; I'm not ever looking back; While I'm leaving, I see you staring; Go ahead boy, you can kiss my"
The other girls joined me for the next part and we harmonised like we were a girl band that had sang together for decades.
"You can kiss my Uh oh, uh oh; You can kiss my"
Anne-Marie sang the next part together with Jade. Perrie, Leigh-Anne and I took care of the background sounds that made the song so special.
"The only time I'm in your head; Is when you're alone up in your bed; Boy, I ain't the one, you got me wrong; Yeah, you send me roses everyday; But I know the game you play; Boy, all you did was make me strong"
" 'Cause I already know how this goes; Give you my all, then you ghost; But when I'm gone, you do the most, yeah" Perrie took care of the second bridge and we all sang the refrain together while doing our little dance choreography.
"Why you only lo-o-ove me when I'm walking away?; Only ever wa-a-ant me when I don't want to stay; Love the feeling, hitting different; I'm not ever looking back; While I'm leaving, I see you staring; Go ahead boy, you can kiss my"
After the refrain was done, I let the other girls do the next part. They were way better at rapping than I was, so I used to time to wave and kneel to some fans. They were all singing and dancing, some had their phones out to record the show.
"Tell me about how you want me back; Baby, you can kiss my; Go on and on 'bout the times we had; Baby, you can kiss my; Tell me about how you want me back; Baby, you can kiss my uh oh; Go on and on 'bout the times we had; Baby, you can kiss my"
Even though the music was loud and I was wearing in-ears, I could hear one fan yell something that made me smile and laugh.
"Yes, Tia! You tell Lucas!" I pointed to her and laughed before I joined the other girls back on stage and with the singing.
"Why you only lo-o-ove me when I'm walking away?; Only ever wa-a-ant me when I don't want to stay; Love the feeling, hitting different; I'm not ever looking back; While I'm leaving, I see you staring; Go ahead boy, you can kiss my "
Anne-Marie and I danced freestyle as the girls from Little Mix repeated the refrain once more and for the first time in months, I had fun without having a single negative thought in my mind. I was excited and high from the adrenaline in my body and enjoyed the moment so much that I would never want to miss it.
When the song ended, the audience was cheering loudly and I tried to take it all in. The girls and I hugged once more and Anne-Marie and I bowed to the audience before we ran off stage again. Perrie said our names and thanked us through the speakers once more and we waved at the audience before finally getting off the stage. When I jumped down the little stairs that led to the stage, I quickly turned back around to Anne-Marie. Excited, I was giving her another hug.
"That was amazing!", I almost yelled as I let go of her. With a quick movement, I pulled the in-ears out of my ear. The adrenaline still made me so energetic and I felt like I could never calm down again. Stacey appeared by my side and smiled at me as she saw how much I liked performing on stage. I felt like her smile was somehow reserved like something else was on her mind, but I was too happy and energetic to ask her about it now.
"You were amazing.", Anne-Marie told me. She was a little calmer than I was but she was still excited and energetic. "Gives you a boost, doesn't it?"
"It really does.", I agreed and smiled at her happily.
"Well, I think you should definitely do that professionally. Your energy and confidence were amazing!", she then told me as we started to walk to the dressing rooms.
"I would love to.", I answered and thanked the crew member that handed me a water bottle.
"Well, aren't you working on recording your songs?", my friend asked me then and I nodded.
"Yes. She finished writing two songs and others are in writing as well.", Stacey answered for me. "We have an appointment to record the first songs soon."
"Tia, that is amazing! Congratulations. I would love to hear them once you have the first drafts." Anne-Marie was excited for me. Like truly and honestly. Not this fake excitement I had gotten from my family, Lucas or my management.
"You'll be the first to hear them.", I promised as I sat down on the sofa that was set at the wall of my dressing room. Stacey stood in front of the sofa and looked at Anne-Marie, who was looking at her appearance in the mirror.
"Anne-Marie, could you give us a minute, please?", Stacy asked her suddenly in a seriousness that made me alert. Something was going on and I didn't know if I liked her tone or not. The energy I had left in my body disappeared and I felt like I couldn't move. This sudden change wasn't good, from one extreme feeling into another.
"Sure.", Anne-Marie replied and walked towards the door. "If you need anything, Tia, let me know." With these words, she was gone and closed the door on her way out.
"You look worried.", I remarked as Stacey sat down next to me and I turned my body to fully face her. She did the same and rested her right arm on the backrest.
"What is it?", I asked then as she stayed silent for a moment. Nervousness reappeared in my body and made my hands shake. So I hid them in between my thighs and raised my shoulders a little bit to protect myself a little bit.
"You know how Formula One is racing in Monza this week?", he asked me and I squeezed my eyebrows together.
"Yes?", I asked more than I answered her question. I felt like I was prepared for everything that she was about to say. I was prepared to hear that Lando came in the company of a woman or what every. I was prepared that some of the team chefs had an accident or something. But when Stacey told me what was going on, I realised I wasn't prepared for everything that might have happened. Her words tore my heart into pieces and I had realised that I made a big mistake some months ago.
"This dutch guy, Max, and Lando had an accident at the beginning of the race. I'm sorry, Tia."